London Girl Posted March 30, 2008 Posted March 30, 2008 I have been dating this guy for just over 2 weeks, we met via internet dating. He has literally spent every night round mine and we seem to get on. However, I'm in such a dilemma over him. Why? 1. He's 35 years old, is in debt by around GBP 12K, has no savings and currently shares a house with 5 other room mates. 2. He comes across immature in his outlook in life and lacks responsibility. 3. I found out he has been logging onto his dating site and when I spoke to him about it he became defensive and thinks I am nagging him. He said he is just checking who has winked and/or emailed him and its just curosity. I feel upset as he has been staying with me more or less every day and then to find him logging on caught me by surprise. 4. I've been stressed recently with work and told him so but he thinks I'm being grumpy and miserable. 5. He drinks alot whereas I am more of a social drinker. 6. He leaves the toilet unflushed to save water and when I told him that it is not nice for me to see, he tells me I am being miserable again. He's nice in the respect that he has bought me flowers and a CD but I am 33 years old and want a responsible guy that I can see having a future with. He is down to earth and easy to get along with but I am not sure what to do about him. Am I being to heavy on him since we have only been dating for just over 2 weeks? Any advice appreciated. Thanks.
justpassingthrough Posted March 30, 2008 Posted March 30, 2008 I don't see anything in what you've written to support your statement that he's easy to get along with.
xpaperxcutx Posted March 30, 2008 Posted March 30, 2008 Let's put your situation in another perspective: You're 33, single, employed, and successful. Why are you putting yourself into a situation where you're actually babysitting this guy? Remember how when we're little, our parents used to tell us not to settle for anything less? You're doing exactly that. He lacks direction to better himself, take on any responsibility, is in debt, and most likely an alcoholic. If I was in your position, I'd would've ran out long ago after finding out his faults. There's nothing you can do to help him because you're not responsible for his well- being. You're only responsible for yourself. There's clearly much better men out there who are more likeable candidates than this guy.
jumping jellybean Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 This guy sounds really awful...I say you should get rid of him as soon as possible ! You can do much better, I'm sure.
lovestruck818 Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 I have been dating this guy for just over 2 weeks, we met via internet dating. He has literally spent every night round mine and we seem to get on. However, I'm in such a dilemma over him. Why? 1. He's 35 years old, is in debt by around GBP 12K, has no savings and currently shares a house with 5 other room mates. 2. He comes across immature in his outlook in life and lacks responsibility. 3. I found out he has been logging onto his dating site and when I spoke to him about it he became defensive and thinks I am nagging him. He said he is just checking who has winked and/or emailed him and its just curosity. I feel upset as he has been staying with me more or less every day and then to find him logging on caught me by surprise. 4. I've been stressed recently with work and told him so but he thinks I'm being grumpy and miserable. 5. He drinks alot whereas I am more of a social drinker. 6. He leaves the toilet unflushed to save water and when I told him that it is not nice for me to see, he tells me I am being miserable again. He's nice in the respect that he has bought me flowers and a CD but I am 33 years old and want a responsible guy that I can see having a future with. He is down to earth and easy to get along with but I am not sure what to do about him. Am I being to heavy on him since we have only been dating for just over 2 weeks? Any advice appreciated. Thanks. Not every guy is going to be 100% what you want...but I would say if the goods outweigh the bads, he's def. a keeper. Plus, 2 weeks is the beginning...beginnings can be very awkward. I didn't like a lot of things in the beginning about my guy and he changed them. I didn't ask him to change or try to change him but he saw how they aggravated me and changed his ways a bit. The others grew on me and I have come to love all his imperfections. Time is really the only way to know for sure what will come of it. I woud say that for now since it's so new, just go with the flow for a bit. Mention something to him maybe in a few weeks or so if he still acting this way. If he sees it is upsetting you and he genuinely cares about you, he will change.
jerbear Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 I have been dating this guy for just over 2 weeks, we met via internet dating. He has literally spent every night round mine and we seem to get on. However, I'm in such a dilemma over him. Why? 1. He's 35 years old, is in debt by around GBP 12K, has no savings and currently shares a house with 5 other room mates. 2. He comes across immature in his outlook in life and lacks responsibility. 3. I found out he has been logging onto his dating site and when I spoke to him about it he became defensive and thinks I am nagging him. He said he is just checking who has winked and/or emailed him and its just curosity. I feel upset as he has been staying with me more or less every day and then to find him logging on caught me by surprise. 4. I've been stressed recently with work and told him so but he thinks I'm being grumpy and miserable. 5. He drinks alot whereas I am more of a social drinker. 6. He leaves the toilet unflushed to save water and when I told him that it is not nice for me to see, he tells me I am being miserable again. He's nice in the respect that he has bought me flowers and a CD but I am 33 years old and want a responsible guy that I can see having a future with. He is down to earth and easy to get along with but I am not sure what to do about him. Am I being to heavy on him since we have only been dating for just over 2 weeks? Any advice appreciated. Thanks. Two weeks is short for any dating but drinking to much, being in debt, unflushed and saying you are miserable probably means you are not happy with those listed items. Behaviors are hard to change but what does his actions say? Is he working on reducing the debt or flushing more often? Flowers and CD's are not really respect, it is part of courting. I think you have answered your own question in what to do about him.
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