shadowsfall Posted March 30, 2008 Posted March 30, 2008 (edited) As of about a week ago, my ex of 2 years and I are trying to work things out. Just to recap, I left her a month ago because of a highly unacceptable amount of communication with a male friend (all hours of the night). She lied to me when I confronted her about the frequency of there contact. She says it's because I could never accept them as being 'just friends' and I was always judgmental/jealous whenever she told me anything. I do agree that I wasn't the best person to confide in because I always let my insecurities about the relationship get the best of my conversations with her. So she's conveyed that she has NO interest in keeping things from me anymore, nor does she have an interest in communicating with other guy's so often when she knows it makes me uncomfortable. I have openly expressed my commitment to her to be LESS judgmental and a lot more emotionally supportive and just an overall more opened minded person. Basically I want her to feel comfortable enough to tell me anything and trust that I can handle the truth in any situation even if it makes me a little upset. The problem I am having however is how SLOW she wants to take things. I'm having a difficult time when she labels us as "FRIENDS' right now that are taking things slow. I feel like we'll NEVER get to that relationship status again. IT took about a year when we first started dating for us to become monogamous so I'm fearing the same thing this time around. Also, she very reluctantly will say "I love you" to me anymore because that's part of taking it slow? Is this a defense mechanism because she's scared I might hurt her by leaving again? While this may seem insignificant, I even get a little mad about her myspace status being 'Single' and her not having any pictures of US in her room anymore since the breakup. I feel like things will never get back to the way they were. Should I stop jumping ahead of myself here and just go at her pace? I mean do most people when they attempt to retry things automatically reassume their roles as bf/gf right off the bat? Or does it take time? I can't help but tell her how much I wish we were bf/gf again but by doing this I know I'll just push her away from me. Edited March 30, 2008 by shadowsfall
carhill Posted March 30, 2008 Posted March 30, 2008 OP, since your now-ex and you were highly sexually active in the prime of your relationship, other issues are at work IMO. If I can assume that activity occurred prior to you two becoming monogamous (that "year"), then, from what I'm reading (your prior posts), she may have some interesting personal issues surrounding both sex and relationships. Personally, I'd give this one a pass.
Author shadowsfall Posted March 30, 2008 Author Posted March 30, 2008 (edited) SHe's just keeping you around because it makes her feel better about herself. Its OVER, she is keeping her options open with you as the "friend" meanwhile you are suffering. I do feel like a part of me is suffering because here SHE is getting attention/security from me meanwhile she gets to throw around the Single label whenever she wants for as long as she wants. Then there's this other part of me that KNOWS she will want to resume things when she is ready and understand's that we are both committed to a change in behavior. As far as ****ing the other guy goes, I've considered that in the past but have yet to see or hear anything insinuating they've ever had a phyiscal relationship. I think somewhere along the way I would of found an incriminating text or voicemail hinting at that possibility. If I can assume that activity occurred prior to you two becoming monogamous (that "year"), then, from what I'm reading (your prior posts), she may have some interesting personal issues surrounding both sex and relationships. Yes, she does in fact have some issues regarding sex. We used to be very sexually active early on in our relationship. However I'm sure as you know overtime it becomes less and less frequent. Recently we had a talk about the lack of sex and how SHE finds it NOT to be one of the most important things that make up a relationship. She told me that the reason she didn't want it so often from me was because she felt I was placing too much importance on the subject and that somehow she was only a "piece of ass" to me. The thing that freaks me out is that I KNOW she is a sexual person because I remember how often she used to want it. This is one issue we are still working on... Edited March 30, 2008 by shadowsfall
Author shadowsfall Posted April 1, 2008 Author Posted April 1, 2008 (edited) Well I noticed my thread really died down so I'm just gonna post to whoever wants to read. I'm really feeling like crap lately and not because of my ex but because of a girl I was dating after my ex and I had broken up. We dated for 3 weeks until shortly breaking up a week ago. She was absolutely gorgeous (definitely a 10) and I loved the attention I got with her when we went out. She was somewhat successful but carried a TON of baggage. She was older than me, 27 and a former divorcee. Her last ex lived 10 feet away from her in the same complex and we routinely ran into him. He used to come around her place and pretty much stalk her sometimes. Basically she came on to me VERY strong and by the second date was already spending the night at my house. She LOVED being anywhere except for her apartment because it depressed her. She was very NEEDY and CLINGY and already knew what she wanted in a relationship so I felt the pressure from her. Even though she knew I had just ended something serious she insisted on hanging out constantly. She scared the crap out of me 2 weeks into dating where she brought up future plans like traveling, meeting family etc... Not to mention she is one of those women that insist's on asking questions through a movie or a tv show we've never seen and I was really starting to become annoyed. Also, I felt like everytime I talked to her I was not getting my point across or that she was only thinking about what SHE was going to say after I was finished talking. She definitely had a listening problem and it seemed she was solely focused on herself.. OH and also we had very different views on religion as she was a hardcore Catholic an I myself am an Atheist. So you wouldn't believe how many times this girl tried to get me to believe in god within a 3 week span. She also didn't believe in evolution and we consistently argued about that. The last straw for me was when I told her I NEED MY OWN SPACE to clear my head because she was coming on too strong. She didn't get the point and instead called me an 1 hour later around 1230 at night. Not just once but about 7 times. I let my phone ring and THEN at 2a.m. she shows up at my house insisting on spending the night with me. SHE found nothing wrong with this behavior and I felt like the conversation that took place earlier was once again with a brick wall. The next day I told her that I am planning on getting back with my ex (which wasn't true) and please stop calling me. IF I would of told her that it was her behavior that freaked me out and that I need time alone she would NOT of got the point, so I had no other choice.AM I being ridiculous in actually believing that I didn't make the right decision and walk away from this psycho girl? I mean we had very few things in common besides the physical attraction, so what am I second guessing right? You know regardless of her obsessive behavior in a such a short time I can't help but think maybe I should of given her more of a chance instead of throwing in the towel so soon. I was constantly comparing her to my ex, and she simply failed to meet that expectation on so many levels. MAybe it's not fair to think that everyone In the future I date will be a perfect match for me. I mean she really is a nice person (maybe too nice) and I can tell she's loyal, and not too mention drop dead HOT. A lot of my decision to end things with her was based on me planning to get back with my ex, but now I'm scared of jumping back into things with her as well. I'm confused as all hell.... Edited April 1, 2008 by shadowsfall
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