carhill Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 Take it from someone who's married to a "latie" and who suffered the "latie" getting lost and subsequently was late to our first IRL lunch date.....it doesn't get any better, at least for a woman. Men can be trained
Advocate's Devilette Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 If this lateness factor is that important to you, he has shown you it's not that important to him and he doesn't want to please you that much in that way. It doesn't really seem like he's doing anything to try to impress you. I will and I won't. I like him a lot, but this really bothers me. What bothers me even more is I'm not quite sure he really understands how important it is to me. Like I said, he's a little flippant about it, joking around a lot, etc. Perhaps he does that to diffuse the awkwardness of the situation for himself, but it only makes me even more irritated. We'll see.
D-Lish Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 All I can say is if being habitually late is your pet peeve... this guy probably isn't the right fit for you. He can have all the "other right" qualities... but if not being able to be on time is a quality entrenched in him.... he isn't going to change now. I guess you either have to accept that part of him and make concessions- or let him go. Someone said it well when they pointed out that we teach people how to treat us. That is so true. I am sure he means well. But only you can decide if this is a trait you can accept in him. If it's driving you this nuts this early on... I fear it will only get worse as time goes on. A couple things you can do. If you need to meet for 7... tell him 6. I had an ex who was always late and I used to do this with him. My mother is the same so I always tell her we are meeting an hour earlier... It's just a little tactic that may help to make things easier. I would also begin to leave without him when he pulls this. He needs to figure out that he either makes an effort to be on time for you- or you won't wait for him.
Noelle_eds Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 I guess all you can do it make it clear one more time how important is to you...to avoid "nagging" but if he doenst follow suit after that...cut him loose. You want a guy who's dying to see you...hehe this coming from the girl dealing w/a booty call saga
Author Star Gazer Posted March 31, 2008 Author Posted March 31, 2008 All I can say is if being habitually late is your pet peeve... this guy probably isn't the right fit for you. He can have all the "other right" qualities... but if not being able to be on time is a quality entrenched in him.... he isn't going to change now. I guess you either have to accept that part of him and make concessions- or let him go. Someone said it well when they pointed out that we teach people how to treat us. That is so true. I am sure he means well. But only you can decide if this is a trait you can accept in him. If it's driving you this nuts this early on... I fear it will only get worse as time goes on. A couple things you can do. If you need to meet for 7... tell him 6. I had an ex who was always late and I used to do this with him. My mother is the same so I always tell her we are meeting an hour earlier... It's just a little tactic that may help to make things easier. I would also begin to leave without him when he pulls this. He needs to figure out that he either makes an effort to be on time for you- or you won't wait for him. You're right on all points. He does mean well. He's not a jerk. He's just kinda ditzy when it comes to time. But I still find it rude... I refuse to do the trick where I say it's earlier than necessary though.
Krytie TV Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 I totally empathize with you. I hate when people flake on plans because I'm a planner and it's troublesome when things get messed up. I'm really just wondering why you seem so surprised or shocked at this behavior. He told you upfront he's habitually late. Did you think he was lying?
Author Star Gazer Posted March 31, 2008 Author Posted March 31, 2008 I totally empathize with you. I hate when people flake on plans because I'm a planner and it's troublesome when things get messed up. I'm really just wondering why you seem so surprised or shocked at this behavior. He told you upfront he's habitually late. Did you think he was lying? Nope. I knew it. He had already been late twice, so I knew it was an issue. I guess I was just crazy to think that at least on this occasion he'd actually be on time because (1) he knows how much I love skiing, (2) he was so excited to go, (3) knew how important it was for him to be on time today, (4) he repeated and promised several times that he would be on time. I did expect him to be 10-15 minutes late, but not an hour and a half. He called me when he woke up, which was when he was already 15 minutes late...ya know?
spookie Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 What's distressing to me is not that he's habitually late, but his take-it-or-leave-it attitude about seriously inconveniencing you and everyone in his life. It shows a lack of respect and to me can be perceived as a control tactic. I'm not the most punctual person myself and I'm pretty laid back with regards to others but I would be SERIOUSLY annoyed if someone showed up 2 hours late for a planning-intense and expensive event like a ski trip. WTF!
Krytie TV Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 Yeah, this is an obvious case of square peg and round hole. Don't be masochistic by enduring any more of this, hmm?
Advocate's Devilette Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 Yes he knew how much the day meant to you and how important it was to be on time to make you happy yet he chose not to make you happy, even though he promised. So what does this say about how much you mean to him? Nope. I knew it. He had already been late twice, so I knew it was an issue. I guess I was just crazy to think that at least on this occasion he'd actually be on time because (1) he knows how much I love skiing, (2) he was so excited to go, (3) knew how important it was for him to be on time today, (4) he repeated and promised several times that he would be on time. I did expect him to be 10-15 minutes late, but not an hour and a half. He called me when he woke up, which was when he was already 15 minutes late...ya know?
Noelle_eds Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 I'll admit...I've been know to push limits of punctuality...I'm not always late, but I'm certainly never early; however, if I'm going on a date w/ someone I'm excited about or to something very very important I'll make sure I'm on time. So even if you are a notoriously late person...which i've been labeled....you can't excuse rude behaviour...he's not a teenage boy, ditzy or not, he should have a clue about simple respect. If he's that clueless...it probably means he has a lot of growing up to do.
Little Shy Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 :lmao: I'm sorry, I just had to interject that as I do have a bit of a competitive streak, and kind of unfortunately, I can snowboard better than any guy I have dated in the last decade at least. Nothing like beating your hungover guy's ass to the bottom of the runs all day. Therefore, wasting even more of your precious ski time! At least if he showed up late, he could have had the decency to keep up!
D-Lish Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 You're right on all points. He does mean well. He's not a jerk. He's just kinda ditzy when it comes to time. But I still find it rude... I refuse to do the trick where I say it's earlier than necessary though. He will always be late- that will just be a part of having a relationship with him that you will have to come to terms with. Maybe you have to try and look at it from a different perspective. I know you think it's rude- but as you say, he means well and doesn't intend to offend you by doing this. I guess it's a matter of weighing the positive and the negative. If you think he's worth sticking with, are you willing to accept tardiness as a part of who he is. Some people just have a problem with being on time. It would bug me too.
Author Star Gazer Posted March 31, 2008 Author Posted March 31, 2008 Nothing like beating your hungover guy's ass to the bottom of the runs all day. Therefore, wasting even more of your precious ski time! At least if he showed up late, he could have had the decency to keep up! We'd go up the lift, and I'd go down and wait 10-15 minutes for him to meet me at the next lift/run. Finally I got tired of waiting for him, and just took another lift up on my own...and passed him (again!) on the way back down. But to his credit, he did very well for someone with so little experience. Precious ski time! Someone finally gets it!!!
Author Star Gazer Posted March 31, 2008 Author Posted March 31, 2008 Maybe you have to try and look at it from a different perspective. I know you think it's rude- but as you say, he means well and doesn't intend to offend you by doing this. I guess it's a matter of weighing the positive and the negative. If you think he's worth sticking with, are you willing to accept tardiness as a part of who he is. Don't know yet. We don't know each other well enough yet. Right now, the scales are evenly balanced...
carhill Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 At least if he showed up late, he could have had the decency to keep up! The upside is he didn't end up in a litter being dragged behind the ski patrol
Little Shy Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 We'd go up the lift, and I'd go down and wait 10-15 minutes for him to meet me at the next lift/run. Finally I got tired of waiting for him, and just took another lift up on my own...and passed him (again!) on the way back down. waiting 10-15 minutes...passing him again on the way back down again... :lmao::lmao:
Advocate's Devilette Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 Well, yeah, we get that you are SO angry at the guy, and then he is not as experienced at skiing. Well, if you are that ANGRY with him, then you DON'T have to date him anymore! The ANGER can STOP! We'd go up the lift, and I'd go down and wait 10-15 minutes for him to meet me at the next lift/run. Finally I got tired of waiting for him, and just took another lift up on my own...and passed him (again!) on the way back down. But to his credit, he did very well for someone with so little experience. Precious ski time! Someone finally gets it!!!
spookie Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 I'm jealous that you got to go skiing. There ain't no snow in Texas. Or mountains, for that matter.
Advocate's Devilette Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 Seems like you just wanted an ego trip by showing off how good of a skier you are, that's why you were pissed when you thought he wouldn't make it. You wouldn't get a chance to show off and feed your ego to the poor guy. We'd go up the lift, and I'd go down and wait 10-15 minutes for him to meet me at the next lift/run. Finally I got tired of waiting for him, and just took another lift up on my own...and passed him (again!) on the way back down. But to his credit, he did very well for someone with so little experience. Precious ski time! Someone finally gets it!!!
Krytie TV Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 Don't know yet. We don't know each other well enough yet. Right now, the scales are evenly balanced... I'm really quite confused. Why would you, knowing this to be the case so early in the dating process, continue to even entertain dating a guy whose untimeliness is in direct conflict with your need for punctuality? I mean, given all of the problems that can come up later in a relationship, why even bother when something so contradictory is already evident? What do you think will happen, he will change? Or do you want to change yourself?
Mary3 Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 Have you considered that this chronically late guy might have ADD ? Would you be willing to look that up on Google and see if he has any of the other traits ? I once was going out with a man who said he was on his way over. Its about a 25 minute drive tops. He was 2 hours late ! I asked him what happened . He said he got distracted and ran back to his place 2 times ! He forgot the wine and then forgot something else. He was chronically late and distracted all the time. ( Not to say all late ppl are ADD ) But I'm curious if your guy has any of the other traits ? Personally I am like most here its a big pet peeve when someone does not respect your time ( your valuable time ) and is non chalent about getting somewhere with you on time. The answer : Dump . Sure you can keep seeing him and getting frustrated and miss important things because of him but you will build up resentment. You have already had many talks with him about being late. Live with this lifestyle or shout NEXT !
Walk Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 I love snowboarding, and I can understand feeling like you're being slowed down by the person you're with. But what you wanted was a warm body to go with you skiing. It doesn't sound as if you really wanted to share the experience, or day, with this guy. You were afraid of going alone. You ditched him in order to have fun doing what you wanted to do. The lateness isn't going to change. You don't seem interested in spending time with him even when when he does eventually show up. Why are you still trying to convince yourself you want this guy?
Kiss Dont Miss Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 GO there by yourself! He will join you if he wants. If he doesn't, why should you lose this wonderful chance? If you are in a serious relationship, maybe you'll have to arrange someone to be with him on your wedding day. So that he wakes up in time and gets to the church earlier than you. To tell the truth, it's no fun. Everyone has some shortcomings, but one isn't proud of them. Your BF is proud of his always being late. This seems strange.
curiousnycgirl Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 Don't know yet. We don't know each other well enough yet. Right now, the scales are evenly balanced... Wow his good stuff must be really very, very good! I too have an issue with people being late - I am the exact opposite, I am always early! My issue with his lateness of yesterday would really have been the fact that he did not really do anything to even try to be on time. He knew 7 am was going to be rough - but he got very drunk (at least enough to be very hung over in the am) the night before. If you really want to continue dating him, I would refuse to plan anything with him that is time dependent - so no shows, sporting events, etc. Dinners are fine, hiking is fine, etc. But don't set yourself up for being angry with him - don't plan anything that will stress you out if you are late.
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