lovenorak Posted March 30, 2008 Posted March 30, 2008 I'm a male, 23 years old. I'm a newbie at relationships and know just about nothing. I've spent all my life studying and now I've graduated. I want to know whether I should just be myself and wait for someone to like me for who I am or whether I should strive to be someone better? One on hand people tell me to be myself, which means I accept my laziness and shyness, but on the other hand people tell me to be ambitious and confident, which is completely contrary to my natural state. I'm also worried that if I'm too confident I will become reckless. For example, if I become too confident in my driving and start driving with one hand with a girl to show off to her I might crash the car and send both of us to hospital. However, if I am a careful driver I might signal to her that I have no confidence and therefore she won't like me. So confusing. What should I do?
Trialbyfire Posted March 30, 2008 Posted March 30, 2008 Being yourself doesn't mean being in a shy, nervous state. You must be different when you're with your longtime buddies or family members, aren't you?
Author lovenorak Posted March 30, 2008 Author Posted March 30, 2008 Being yourself doesn't mean being in a shy, nervous state. You must be different when you're with your longtime buddies or family members, aren't you?I'm always lazy around everyone. I like to call it "effort minimization" and I like to talk about my hypothesis that laziness drives innovation in human civilization, e.g. the car would never be invented if men were never lazy. I don't know whether it's attractive to talk about this stuff. Anyway, I'm not shy around family and people I know well. However, around girls and especially young girls I freeze like ice and I can't even look at them.
Trialbyfire Posted March 30, 2008 Posted March 30, 2008 I'm always lazy around everyone. I like to call it "effort minimization" and I like to talk about my hypothesis that laziness drives innovation in human civilization, e.g. the car would never be invented if men were never lazy. I don't know whether it's attractive to talk about this stuff. Anyway, I'm not shy around family and people I know well. However, around girls and especially young girls I freeze like ice and I can't even look at them. The bolded portion is what people mean by being yourself. Find ways to overcome your nervousness by talking to more girls, for no other reason besides being friendly. Sooner or later, you'll find that your shyness will dissolve and you'll be comfortable enough to approach a girl, who you do want to go out with. Do yourself a favour though. Never act like someone you're not.
FormerNiceGuy Posted March 30, 2008 Posted March 30, 2008 I'm a male, 23 years old. I'm a newbie at relationships and know just about nothing. I've spent all my life studying and now I've graduated. I want to know whether I should just be myself and wait for someone to like me for who I am or whether I should strive to be someone better? One on hand people tell me to be myself, which means I accept my laziness and shyness, but on the other hand people tell me to be ambitious and confident, which is completely contrary to my natural state. I'm also worried that if I'm too confident I will become reckless. For example, if I become too confident in my driving and start driving with one hand with a girl to show off to her I might crash the car and send both of us to hospital. However, if I am a careful driver I might signal to her that I have no confidence and therefore she won't like me. So confusing. What should I do? Don't be yourself. Be your best self. Let's face it... There a lot of people out there who have been "themselves" and they're not getting anywhere with a woman. And then the advice they hear is "Just be yourself." If you tell a loser to just be himself, he'll still remain a loser. But if you work at being the best that you can be, complete with confidence, goals, and a real life --and STILL be yourself, then you'll succeed. Most people just say to the caterpillar. "Just be yourself". But if he stays that way, he'll just be a pathetic creature that crawls on the ground. But when he grows and changes and becomes the best, he's no longer what he used to be...but he is STILL him. Don't copy nobody. Be the best in your own way.
Trialbyfire Posted March 30, 2008 Posted March 30, 2008 I won't disagree that if you feel you need to change, do it. If you're changing only to get the chicks, it won't be real change. We women hate fake men and can smell it a mile away.
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