MalachiX Posted March 30, 2008 Posted March 30, 2008 Brief recap: My GF of 2 1/2 years split up about a month an a half ago. We were doing the long distance relationship thing and she was frustrated that we still hadn't talked about plans to be together in the future. This hadn't happened because I was really at a low point in my life and felt bad asking her to come down and live with me when i was doing so poorly. She was in grad school and I didn't want her to sacrifice her career for mine which wasn't even working very well. She dumped me rather harshly then, three days after she called me and was clearly ready to make up. I was so incredibly low at that point that I kind of talked her out of it. I told her that all the bad stuff she ever thought about me was true and that she was better of without me (I was the most miserable I'd ever been and I'm a pretty melodramatic person). Anyway, the conversation didn't go well but a few days later she started calling me again and it was almost like we'd never broken up. We didn't say I love you but we still talked like boyfriend and girlfriend and awknowladged we missed each other. She was sweet and called me on my birthday and continued to be supportive. Then, on her birthday no less, she totally cut contact. It was frustrating because I was trying hard to do something nice for her but she wouldn't return my calls. We didn't talk for a month. I continued to try to send her e-mails but didn't get much of a response. I'd written out a long e-mail, apologizing for everything and telling her I loved her but I knew she had some major exams coming up and didn't want to give her more drama when she was studying. I just sent encouraging stuff. Finally, I saw on Facebook that she was done with her exams and sent the mail. Immediatly afterwards, I looked on her Facebook page and saw that she's now listed back with her old boyfriend. The ******* one who she'd gone on about how sexist and most-likely-gay he was (and who lives far away as well). I don't know if this is real or not (I repeat, she was rather sure he was gay when we were dating) but I'm totally at a loss now. I feel horrible. I avoided any attempt at dating since the break-up because I knew I still loved her. Seeing her move on so quickly is just killing me. I think more than that, it makes me feel like the relationship meant nothing. When I'd hear here go on about her previous two boyfriends and learned how quickly she started dating me after break-up with her last one, I would get worried I just got her on the rebound. Now, seeing her go back to this guy that she complained about so much only seems to confirm it all. It's like I was just a two and a half year breather for this other guy. I thought I was coping OK until this. I'm sure you guys here this a lot but I need something to help me deal with this and fast. I always thought in the back of my mind that things would somehow work out.
sigma Posted March 30, 2008 Posted March 30, 2008 (edited) Well coming fresh off a breakup I can give you some advice. While it may not be the easiest thing to swallow, you need to move on. Seeing an ex with someone else (even if she's bluffing), is tough emotionally. But don't let yourself dwell on that stuff. Man up and move on. While it doesn't' sound easy, you need to do it. Occupy yourself with some hobbies. Sounds like you need a bit of a moral booster. Hit the gym, do some other activities that keep your mind off her. Make this HER loss. While this may be hard to do, don't contact her. You're just driving her away by acting desperate. Honestly though, what's so good about this girl that no one else could possibly come close to? Likely nothing. She sounds like she rebounds to guys to make her feel better. As they say, time heals all wounds. Start working on other things and keep occupied. In time, you will find someone else and wonder why you ever dwelled on this in the first place. It's not easy to see right now, but it will happen. Don't think about the fun you used to have, or how things could be so much better. You have to ask yourself this, would you want her back anyway? While your instinctive answer may be yes, think about it for a second. She's obviously has issue sticking around if she's jumping all over the place, you don't need that drama. You're the better person here, so pull up the bootstraps and before long you'll have a far better girl around your arm and an ear to ear grin Edited March 30, 2008 by sigma
Author MalachiX Posted March 30, 2008 Author Posted March 30, 2008 Thanks. Appreciate having someone listen during a panick attack. I've been trying to get back to hobbies and work out. The latter is kind of hard because the break-up caused me to start smoking heavily again. Any tips for trying to get passed an addiction during a break-up?
Trialbyfire Posted March 30, 2008 Posted March 30, 2008 Thanks. Appreciate having someone listen during a panick attack. I've been trying to get back to hobbies and work out. The latter is kind of hard because the break-up caused me to start smoking heavily again. Any tips for trying to get passed an addiction during a break-up? One way that some friends of mine have used, was to take up running. If and when you get a nic fit, go for a run, if at all possible. You'll be able to get the rush, while cleaning out your lungs. During times where running isn't possible, a quick set of jumping jacks or something else, cardio-based, also helps.
Author MalachiX Posted March 30, 2008 Author Posted March 30, 2008 Thanks. I actually tried that recently (I used to run) but sadly run into a smoker friend of mine half way through the jog and relapsed. I guess persistence is the key. Just wish this stuff was easier.
Trialbyfire Posted March 30, 2008 Posted March 30, 2008 I know. You're feeling really low from the break up and having to kick an addiction that's supposedly more difficult than heroin, isn't a good place to be. Hey, running can't hurt. If anything it will be good for your mind and body. Come on, I know you can do it!
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