Better Days Posted March 30, 2008 Posted March 30, 2008 Our marriage has been a mess for a long time, and there are many layers......but to start, we have been married for 10 years and complicated that 4 years ago with a wonderful child........I now feel that we should divorce, and maybe that will be more healthy for the child than all the arguing and tension in the house....We have been seeing a Marriage Counselor that her regular therapist(shes on a dozen meds, Paxil, Zoloft, Adavan, Valium, Xanax, etc...)had recommended.....but it seems to have worked just the opposite, I want further away than ever........just venting about me and spewing hate and disrespect, trying to show the counselor that she is right about everything....we are both miserable, but she has it so made that I know she is gonna put up a fight.....she has been home with the baby for the last 4 years has a maid for the house and doesnt cook but maybe once a month, (since that doesnt fit whatever the latest fad diet is), and vacations about 12-14 weeks per year with my child and her family while I work...and a year ago my business dropped to about half the income and I have warned that we need to be watching our money, but the spending spree goes on.....this has caused some major tension.........I am sure that we could all be happier apart...but how to do this......I have written a letter that really says what I want to say....but is giving a letter too cold?....I know that if I try to tell her she will cut me off and end up in a big fight......or maybe a phone call where I could use the letter to keep me on track and get out what I need to say.......
BetrayedMM Posted March 30, 2008 Posted March 30, 2008 How to tell her? Tell her she's right about everything. That should quiet the harping temporarily. Then, find a decent lawyer, and tell her the real deal with divorce papers. She won't listen to anything else, too much dope and whatever the dope is suppressing for anything to get through. Besides, she's always right anyway. I mean, let's see- she's capable of spitting venom while on more drugs than Ozzy? That's an amazing capacity for evil. She shouldn't be able to walk, or even be conscious. Taking that many pills, it sounds like she's headed for an OD sometime soon. This woman is a MESS and yo u can't clean her up. Free yourself from this harpy. She will suck you dry and leave a withered husk. Sorry bout your financial situation, though. You'll have to take a pounding in the wallet, but I'd pay an awful lot to get away from the creature you described. Also, sorry to sound harsh. You probably still care for her. She'll kill that eventually.
Author Better Days Posted March 30, 2008 Author Posted March 30, 2008 I guess that I have now decided this has to happen........I was just wanting this to be the best transition possible, thats why I didnt really want to suprise her with papers.....and you might be shocked how much attitude-altering drugs can be managed by someone once they get a tolerance to it....shes not walking around in a daze from the dope.....I almost wish it had that affect....so if I just file with an attorney while shes not working (and Im not really making enough to support both households)...do I then leave and document a split of assets from the bank(luckily we are debt free except for the house)..and just expect her to get motivated to get a job and start contributing...and then give her a percentage of my income to act as child support before there is anything in writing......
THEBIGARC Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 I have felt the same about me STBXW, but I stayed because of my son and it was easy. Now, she has ended our marriage because she found someone else. I am feeling all of those rejected feelings now. Even though I was where you were years ago. Good thing you are doing this now. The longer you stay, the more attached you get to that life even it is not healthy.
Author Better Days Posted April 7, 2008 Author Posted April 7, 2008 I guess I just need to know where to start.....do I just file with an attorney, and move out........or do I move out and then file...and since she hasnt worked in a few years, do I have the right to tell her to get a job and I will kick in an appropriate ammount of child support(she has great earning potential as an RN she can instantly be making 65k)....and there is no way I make enough to float 2 seperate households for any length of time....
curiousnycgirl Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 You need to speak with an attorney first and foremost. Divorce lawyers have been through this way too often and will advise you through the process. I do not believe the alimony laws are quite as favorable for the women as they used to be - but it is likely different in various jurisdictions. Get a lawyer!
Author Better Days Posted April 8, 2008 Author Posted April 8, 2008 I have talked to a dozen lawyers........I guess I need to talk to another 20 attorneys to find the right one.....they all just seem to tell me to write a check for $3-$5K and theyll review my case and advise me....the couple of lawyers that have given me a little feedback said I can do this as a surprise or try to talk our way to an agreement(many want $250 for a first consult), but they say I can just stay put for a while in the same house, I just dont think that is gonna work.....I was kinda looking for real world feed back instead of the "give me several thousand dollars and we will talk about it routine".......what others have experienced in real situations, will be valuable to me....
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