I'm a cowboy on a steady horse I ride...

[Shin0bi1]

Last night I finally got a hold of her to talk to her in person before she left the house to see her "Friends" or whatever you call it.

 

I was talking about the next steps involved in regards to child custody, child support, and things like that. I told her just because we failed this marriage doesn't mean we have to fail this divorce. I told her I want it as least expensive as possible because thats money that could of been used for our son. She seemed to warm up on the idea and also I illustrated that she needs to come up with a list of things she wants when I move out and we compare notes. Basically have a solid plan so there is no

misunderstandings later when we are separated.

 

Then I showed her some tough love and told her she is financially cut off. she can not act like she is single and have marriage benefits. She freaked out on me and panicked and kept saying over and over again.. what am i suppose to do, i can't pay for my car, etc..etc.. It really dawned on me right then, that she never gave any thought of the divorce other than stating she wanted one. I am really confused because I dont want the divorce and I have done more research on how to make it painless as possible for the sake of my son. In the heat of the moment she kept saying to me to move out over and over again. I reminded her that is her father's decision since he owns the house. She glared at me and gave me the death look multiple times. lol

 

I am having a family discussion tonight and told her to be there. I am going to openly discuss everything with her family and her on where we go from here. I would like to help them to May, somehow save money, and maybe pay for my wife's car but also somehow encourage her to find a job to support her activities. I feel that if I totally withdraw finacial support, despite the blatant lack of respect she is doing to me, in the long run it is going to hurt me in legal terms and also for my son. If she loses this car, she will not be able to buy another one and it is a really safe 4 wheel suv.

My son will have some difficulties with his activities and it would be a big pain in the butt if I had to do all the driving as well.

 

She has totally lost her priorities and I have no idea how to talk to an irrational/emotional person who views me as a stranger that sledgehammered her bubble world as she knows it. I am willing to compromise something for her. The last thing I want is her to seek a lawyer and get the spousal support of 40% of my paycheck in action (coz she dont work right now) and ofcourse I would have to pay her lawyer fees as well. I figure if I can convince her that I am willing to negotiate and help her enough so she can find a job (such as paying for her car) then she will feel less threatened and have options available to her to calm her nerves. And if she works, she cant take half my money is what I understand.

 

I totally hate this crap because it is she who wanted the divorce but I am the one that is planning the coparenting and stuff. I am the one that mentioned how we should proceed and talk with my son. I am the one that suggesting ideas and encouraging her to put as much time/thought into this separation as much as possible for the benefit of my son. I also told her we dont have to go thru with this that I would take her back anytime but I need to start to move on because she has. She is so emotionally detached from me, and her family it is sickening. Her own family has commented to me many times that I dont even recognize her now and I am so disappointed!

 

/sigh

 

-Shin0bi1

[Gunny376]

So freaking called "spousal support" aka alimony is granted in only 15% of divorce cases

 

Continue making the car payment for her because its in the best interest of your DS and because its convienent for you? I can buy that? But if she's un-employed? Where is she getting the money for gas to go and hang out with her so-called friends at the bar? Where is she getting money to buy her clothes, makeup, jewelry? I wouldn't be paying for that?

 

Where is she getting the money for gas for said car? If from you? I wouldn't be putting more than $5 to $10 at a time in it? Just enough for her to run your DS where he needs to go?

 

The second reason you need to get on the Quicken program? Is so that you can present detailed reports (Which Quicken will easily generate for you) of money you've spent in support of the wife and the DS? What your financial situation is ~ so the court can make a fair judgement when it comes to CS and SP (if it comes to that)

 

Quicken can project, based upon your current situation, income, bills, debts where you will be financially 20 years from now? But it requires some self-discipline? The more data you give it, the more accurate it is?

 

Finallhy? Keep any and all receipts ~ organize them by months? To back up the reports Quicken will generate.

 

Loved the tough love ~ and the wife spazing! Absolutley loved it! Wished I could have been there, kicked back with a fine cigar, some Barclay Scotch, and the comedian Ron White at my side?

 

Hell! I'd paid good money to have seen that!

Edited April 7, 2008 by Gunny376

[Gunny376]

Part of my previous post got deleted somewhere between my writing it and posting it?

 

I was telling you to get a program called Quicken, to track where every penny you have and spend?

 

Keep track of your pennies? And your dollars will take care of themselves?

 

This freaking lap-top is driving me crazy!

[Shin0bi1]

Part of my previous post got deleted somewhere between my writing it and posting it?

 

I was telling you to get a program called Quicken, to track where every penny you have and spend?

 

Keep track of your pennies? And your dollars will take care of themselves?

 

This freaking lap-top is driving me crazy!

 

 

Yeah when things settle down, I'm gonna have to manage my money and find out whats going on with my life. I'll look into the program but right now I got bigger problems.

 

So basically... we had the family talk. It totally went out of controll. She was hostile to me before the meeting when I approached her to let her know that I'll help her out with the car until she gets a job. She started to blame me that I said that I was dumping my financial obligations to my son on her! I told her that is not what I said, I was stating that if my son can't do activities it is her damn fault. I am behind on my bills and I can't justify paying extra activities. I told her to wait a couple of months before resume her classes and stuff, she told me that is not possible. Then she goes, "I DONT WANT YOUR MONEY! I CAN TAKE CARE OF MYSELF!" I asked are you sure? She told me to get the F$%# out of the house at the end of April. Technically it is not her house, it's my fatherinlaw's, but she is going ape shiznit there and I'll respect her wishes. I feel bad that I will not be able to help out my fatherinlaw and his family in such a tough economic bind they are facing right now. I dont know how they are going to do it especially if my wife has not put the 100% effort into finding a job.

 

It just so pisses me off that she announced that she is single to me and I responded nasty with single with marriage benefits! Yeah it got really ugly... the conversation that was suppose to lead to finance, what steps to take, I'm not going to stay here forever, what expenses to cut and get a creative collective idea with everyone that earns income in the household never took place because me and wife were going toe-to-toe in every part of the house.

 

I calmed down and apologize to her father and told him that my wife wants me out in 3 weeks. He expressed his disappointment to me and pointed out the mistakes I have made in the relationship with his daughter. I told him I was depressed and was not acting right and stuff but really did not have the answers as to what happened in the marraige. I am myself am clueless on certain behaviors I was doing and how non involved I was... like I became very distant and shutdown or something. He shook his head and sighed a lot. I felt guilty that I failed as a husband while looked at my father in law...it was really depressing actually. I respect this man greatly and think of him as my 2nd dad. After some pause of reflection of the past, I thanked him for having me there and that i told him i love my wife very much. He kept blaming himself for not getting involved sooner before it was too late... Told him it was not his fault. I felt really sad... can't explain it. I guess it didn't have to end like this... He then started to yell at his daughter and reminding her to do what is best for our son. And to get a motherfu$%# job.

 

Anyways, I urged my wife when she calmed down that we need to get past this divorce amicably for our son's sake. She told me that this divorce would not affect him, and I was shocked and reminded her that is not true.

She is only projecting her feelings into him and that yes this will affect him and we need to do right from the begining. Like I said, I can't believe I am taking the initiative on this divorce crap when I don't even want it. I am doing this for my son because my wife has lost her reasoning in the clouds from time to time. I mentioned about getting a lawyer that we both could use so it is cheaper. She told me to stay out of her affairs which I then reminded her that it is not a good idea to spend all that money on court/fees etc... that the cheapest/fairest way to do this is best for our son. Of'course she wouldn't hear this because well I'm not paying for her azz anymore... Perhaps I can have this discussion when things are calm like maybe 12 months from now.

 

So I'm like looking for apartments now, feels sickening.... changing my direct deposits... figuring out what joint custody fairness that me and wife can agree upon (every other weekends and holidays), trying to motivate myself to not lose my sanity and have some alone time, I think itemizing our things is going to be a freaking pain in the arse, and the biggest stress is wondering how my son will take the news that daddy is going away... etc..etc...

 

 

I need a bottle of Jameson I think...

 

-Shin0bi1

[Shin0bi1]

Feeling pretty bad of how things went down but it was inevitable. I thought a stupid thought that me leaving, there would be fond goodbyes and stuff... how naive. It is now going to be awkward living here...

 

I talked to a friend today and he is going thru a separation as well. However due to housing market crap, they can't sell a beautiful townhome they bought last year. No one lives in this empty house and I offered to help them with the mortgage if they let me stay there for 6 months with a possible extension of another 6+ months. My friend and his ex totally loved the idea and told me I could move in whenever I want! Here I was freaking out about where to live and stuff and I have a whole house to my self and it is very affordable in my tight budget. Even has a 2 car garage!

Can't believe some things are going my way. I have been giving great advice from friends as well who knows my pain and situation. It is really a good feeling knowing I have good friends in the worst of times. I see a glimpse of a light of hope in this gloomy darkness.

 

I came home and found a huge pile of my clothes that were in her closet sitting on the floor in my room. I laughed out loud for some reason... I guess the very sight of my clothes bothers her. She is going to have a hard reality of that if she don't want me, she certainly isn't going to get my 100% finacial support. I have to keep reminding myself it takes two to make a marriage work and that it is not all my fault things are the way there are. But I guess in the end, no matter who's fault it is, if someone you love doesn't want to do anything with you it doesn't matter. I hope I can learn from this experience and be a better husband for another girl or something.

 

I dunno, knowing I have place to go to now and my friends and family are here to support me has made it a big tension reliever.

 

You guys have been big help as well and I appreciate ya'll feedback

and advices! Keep them coming!

 

 

-Shin0bi1

[Shin0bi1]

Whassup all ya'll!! Thanks for the support been really busy but I have some time to write down things that might help the fellas reading my story.

 

So basically, my son is now accustomed in sleeping over at my crib. He was really nervous about this and it took awhile for him to want to come over more often.

 

It was really inevitable... I'm so much fun to hang out with and now that I don't have to support my STBXW (she actually found a freakin job can you believe this crap!?!? after 15+ months of "looking") anymore like I use to,

I can do all this fun stuff with my son! Oh man things we are doing is so awesome! I love him so much!

 

Well here is the dealio since it is out in the open. My STBXW has moved her boyfriend into her parents house without even telling them. Yup, some stranger all of sudden started to eat breakfast in their crib without saying one word of "Hi, I'm so-so nice to meet you!". Instead he just looked at people and retreated into my STBXW's room without even an acknowledgment. what a freaking tool!!

 

And here is the killer... guess who her new boyfriend is? Yup you are correct...it is my son's tae-kwon-do instructor!!! L O L!!!!! He is like 24 or something and has broken english and is here on a work visa. I am finding this humorous because it explains how she is acting now. She is 30 years old and reverted back to an immature mentality. It all makes sense and things are very clear now. The good thing is my son likes his tae-kwon-do instructor and he likes my son. So I know he will treat him right versus some strange guy I do not even know that might mistreat my son.

 

My STBXW is already talking about marrying him (can you say rebound?!?!). She also has confused my son by telling him it is okay to call his tae-kwon-do instructor as his 2nd father. Because of this stupid bullcrap, my son was afraid to see, talk, and be with me at times. He was confused up until this weekend when my son told me he rather be with me than "the other guy". My heart melted and then he told me that I am his only true daddy. Love this guy! But it is quiet obvious that my STBXW does not have him as her best interest or else she would not involve him in another relationship this quickly. She also accusing me of being jealous that she has found someone to be with when I am expressing my concerns the affects of my son thinking that he has a 2nd father already. Seriously she needs to get over herself coz I have no feelings for her. She killed it a long time ago.

 

There is so much more to tell but yeah... bitch has gone crazy! lol

 

My son will look back to these times and ask his mommy why she leave daddy for his tae-kwon-do instructor! what she gonna say then? You guys should of saw the look on her face when I told her that I never introduced my girlfriends to our son as their "2nd mommy", she was standing there shocked at that idea. I guess it didnt feel good knowing that I might find someone else and that there could be a 2nd mommy in the picture.

 

Peace,

 

Shin0bi1

[Seeking]

Dude, Thanks for the update... It feels good to see someone has been through this horror and survived.

 

I am in it, believe I really want to stay in it, so will fight to the end and hope it works... but for the time it may not, hoping I can view it as positive as you have.

[Chrome Barracuda]

God your soon to be ex sounds like a basket case. You sound great right now.

 

I see in your words confidence a clear direction and a good man. Your son should be living with you.

 

This cat is not some second father, and you know what they have stipulations in the divorce decree that would make it hard for her to bring men around him and vice versa.

 

You should look into that.

 

Good luck to you shinobi, keep throwin them ninja stars. lol.

[Billy Bob]

Shin0bi1,

 

You sound like a vetran now! Yes I agree your stbxw and her BF are just temporary, no way it will last. Get that divorce finalized ASAP and realize at some point she is going to be crawling back and wanting to get back together.

 

My advice would be to move and and try not to look back. If they can go crazy once, they can go crazy twice... I'm never putting myself through that crap again!

 

I'm two years out and it feels so good not to be saddled with a nut anymore. I have dated a number of nice girls and have a great GF now that likes my kids and the future looks so promising. My crazy ex-wife has suggested we give it another try at least 3 times in the last 2 years ---- No Way!

[TrustInYourself]

Shin,

I'm happy for you. I think it's great how you've been an even more exceptional father throughout this ordeal. I admire you for that. You've ignored your wife's craziness and taken responsibility for being the best dad you can be. I have to give props, because that is hard to do when your heart is being stepped on.

 

Keep it up man. Good to hear from you as well. I hope it isn't the last!

[Shin0bi1]

Dude, Thanks for the update... It feels good to see someone has been through this horror and survived.

 

I am in it, believe I really want to stay in it, so will fight to the end and hope it works... but for the time it may not, hoping I can view it as positive as you have.

 

 

Seeking,

 

when you have a child or children there is no option for failure. The strength and mental fortitude that I have developed for myself is because my son is my inspiration in life. There are always 2 ways of looking at any situation. You can take the road of complaints and how life is unfair and how it sucks to be you at the moment... OR ... you could look at it as a challenge that will enable you to better yourself as a person.

 

My son is that challenge that is making me into a better person and those unconditional loving eyes when he looks back me just melts my heart. The hugs and kisses he gives me and telling me that I am his #1 daddy means the world to me.

 

Stay positive and do the best you can do. Never change for anyone else. Change because you feel the need to do it for yourself. It will be truly genuine and everlasting.

 

-Shin0bi1

[Shin0bi1]

God your soon to be ex sounds like a basket case. You sound great right now.

 

I see in your words confidence a clear direction and a good man. Your son should be living with you.

 

This cat is not some second father, and you know what they have stipulations in the divorce decree that would make it hard for her to bring men around him and vice versa.

 

You should look into that.

 

Good luck to you shinobi, keep throwin them ninja stars. lol.

 

 

My STBXW might be petty with me and has introduced a new guy to my son but overall my ex-partner is a loving mom. I give her props because she gives my son everything she has. I also love her enough to not only let her go but to forgive her and to move on. I also love her for giving me the most cherished lil person in my life. I can 100% say that I would go thru this divorce crap all over again with her (if I rewinded back time) if it meant that was the only way, thru trials of fire, I could have the same strong relationship I have with my son right now. Yeah amazing huh?

 

I am very forgiving person. That is probably why I am seeking inner peace all the time and that I do not hold unto grudges long. It probably also explains why I am able to move on quicker than most because my love is truly genuine. My son has completely filled the void in my heart when she had left the marriage and had an affair.

 

And plus... this is what I noticed... ladies love a loving father and I get lots of hugz and kisses from them when they find out I was cheated on! heheh it works out man. Gotta live life for myself and my son.

 

When my son gets older, he is going to come to me and tell me that despite the bull**** that happened between his mother and I. He will know that I never gave up and fought the battle to the very end with my love and dignity and respect.

 

I got ninja stars, ninja-tos, grappling hooks, flash powders, ninja rope, etc... BRING IT!!!

 

-Shin0bi1

[Shin0bi1]

Just checking with everyone. I'm starting to date now. After many failed attempts, I found someone that is really on my mind lately. I want to enjoy the conversations with this person and do dinner dates and movies and stuff. It's weird I feel like I'm dating for the first time and it feels very young like. Can't explain it. Anyways wish me luck fellas, there maybe great chemistry with this one.

 

Oh yeah, my divorce finalization probably take another 4 months. It is already in the works and stuff.

 

Another thing, my son can't wait to spend weekends with me. He is really enjoying our time together which is all I can ask for at this point.

 

And if I don't get on by the end of the next week, I wanna say happy fathers day to all the daddies out there living the struggle. It aint easy to deal with wayward wives, cheating spouses, etc.. stay true to yourself and stay strong for your children. Believe it or not, no matter what the end results are, you will become a better person and will seek happiness and you will find it. Just keep your head up above the freakin storm of bullcrap and not give in to despair. Life's too short! Show your finest and you will live with no regrets!

 

1 love,

 

Shin0bi1

[Gunny376]

You a true inspiration of positivity and optimisim to and for others.

 

Everytime you post, a visualize you dancing around with a big s***eating grin on your face, smiling like the Chestershire Cat, with the song, "I Get Knocked Down, I Get Up Again" playing.

 

Happy Fathers Day ~ and I'm glad your son has aclimated so well to your new place.

[Shin0bi1]

All,

 

had a blast of a 4th of July and i've been spending some time with my

new girlfriend. It is interesting to know that there is life after a divorce/separation. It is hard to think of this while going thru the ordeal

but life does indeed move on. It is just that you want that feeling while

going through the sufferring and most likely you will not have it.

 

Speaking about sufferring... most people do not know what they are made

of unless going through the fire and frying pan. It is probably one of the

best experiences in my life even though it meant a lot of hurt and sleeplessness. I believe I am a much better person than before and happy

to know I have reassessed my goals correctly and happy about being

myself, more selfish, and not having to compromise the things I want in

life for the sake of another person.

 

My son and I have a great time together and I have to get used to not feeling guilty of being happy when I am not with him. This is something I have been working on and my support of friends/family are very understanding of this.

 

My divorce is still going thru its process and I really want to speed it up.

I am looking to get an apartment soon so hopefully after I am settled and everything, I can pay off this damn lawyer to get this divorce crap finalized.

Oh yeah here is another thing to note, my STBXW has been more amicable and courteous and sending weird messages to me. I am strictly business in the sense that if whatever I talk about is only strictly related to my son. She on the other hand wants me to know how her day is going and stuff. It doesn't happen often but it is plainly obvious she still thinks about me a little bit.

 

When I see her now, I am really disgusted and I want to have minimum contact as possible. She always seems to want to start a conversation or something but whatever. I just try to avoid her like the plague and only deal with her when I need to.

 

Anyways, things are going well for me. Getting lots of overtime coz everyone at my workplace quit so I gotta work 80+ hours a week. I'll probably burn out but I need to make this money and get my life back on track. Hopefully I can start off my son's college fund and my retirement soon to where I want it since it is pitiful right now.

 

So much to do so little time...

 

-Shin0bi1

 

P.S. - Want to thank everyone that posted in my thread for the encouragement and support. You guys/gals are the best and wish the best for each and everyone of you. In the end we all have feelings and bleed the same.

[Gunny376]

To coin a phrase?

 

You ROCK!

[Shin0bi1]

To coin a phrase?

 

You ROCK!

 

 

Thanks Gunny and you deserve a medal of "big brother hero" in the sense

of all the people you have helped encourage in this forum.

U are one of the most sincerest and warmful soul I know and we havent

even met in real life!

 

I think we both are rockstars personally and we are gonna rock it to the

grave with smiles on our faces! lolz

 

-Shin0bi1

[Ladyjane14]

Good on ya, man!

 

Isn't it amazing how far a positive attitude can take a person? :bunny:

[TrustInYourself]

All,

 

had a blast of a 4th of July and i've been spending some time with my

new girlfriend. It is interesting to know that there is life after a divorce/separation. It is hard to think of this while going thru the ordeal

but life does indeed move on. It is just that you want that feeling while

going through the sufferring and most likely you will not have it.

 

Speaking about sufferring... most people do not know what they are made

of unless going through the fire and frying pan. It is probably one of the

best experiences in my life even though it meant a lot of hurt and sleeplessness. I believe I am a much better person than before and happy

to know I have reassessed my goals correctly and happy about being

myself, more selfish, and not having to compromise the things I want in

life for the sake of another person.

 

My son and I have a great time together and I have to get used to not feeling guilty of being happy when I am not with him. This is something I have been working on and my support of friends/family are very understanding of this.

 

My divorce is still going thru its process and I really want to speed it up.

I am looking to get an apartment soon so hopefully after I am settled and everything, I can pay off this damn lawyer to get this divorce crap finalized.

Oh yeah here is another thing to note, my STBXW has been more amicable and courteous and sending weird messages to me. I am strictly business in the sense that if whatever I talk about is only strictly related to my son. She on the other hand wants me to know how her day is going and stuff. It doesn't happen often but it is plainly obvious she still thinks about me a little bit.

 

When I see her now, I am really disgusted and I want to have minimum contact as possible. She always seems to want to start a conversation or something but whatever. I just try to avoid her like the plague and only deal with her when I need to.

 

Anyways, things are going well for me. Getting lots of overtime coz everyone at my workplace quit so I gotta work 80+ hours a week. I'll probably burn out but I need to make this money and get my life back on track. Hopefully I can start off my son's college fund and my retirement soon to where I want it since it is pitiful right now.

 

So much to do so little time...

 

-Shin0bi1

 

P.S. - Want to thank everyone that posted in my thread for the encouragement and support. You guys/gals are the best and wish the best for each and everyone of you. In the end we all have feelings and bleed the same.

 

How sweet!

[Shin0bi1]

So...

 

yes life does exist after a separation/in the process of divorce/divorce...

let me tell ya fellas and gals... I seriously did not think this was possible

but the cliche is true... there is p-l-e-n-t-y of fish in the sea. However,

there are things that must happen first which are seriously rough.

 

(i am just like rambling my thoughts to ya guys on a sunday night

while I wait for my girlfriend to sleep over ;-) Most of this stuff

wont make sense so yeah... skip it if you want hehe>

 

Here are some thoughts so far in my limited experience with a 5+ marriage gone bad with a 5 year old son.

 

I had to hit rock bottom to realize my mistakes and genuinely change to be a better person for myself and my son. In order for this to happen... I had to feel the misery/guilt/reflect on the consequences of my actions. No one is perfect and I had a big part in driving my wayward STBXW into the arms of another boy. I realize my mistakes and character flaws and changed because I was not happy with myself. I could see the pain i was causing to my wonderful son as well. I was withdrawing in a spiral depression and being distant at that time of my hectic life and my lil' boy was hurting from rejection. To this very day, he occasionally reminds me of how he likes the "new" dad better than the "old" dad even though it has been almost a year since I snapped out of my bull**** and gotten over my pathetic helpless.

I sometimes catch watery eyes knowing that my son saw me at the worst of the worst of times and when i was not a good father to him but yet my

son forgives me unconditionally and is really happy to have his superdad back. Bless his little heart...

 

<Btw, these thoughts are totally random so if this doesnt make sense i totally understand>

 

So when I changed for the better and knew that even though I wanted to fight and save the marriage for the sake of my son... it was already too late. My STBXW had already started to be more open of her 6+ months affair and did not care to be secret about it anymore. This hurt like no other but because I was at a strong point and really felt that I was changing for the better... my son grounded my thoughts and kept me from

going astray. It was rough and knowing that I would leave the house that my son lived in forever was almost unbearable.

 

I discovered... especially the 1st month was separated from my son... I had much guilt and sorry in me. I blamed myself for the situation that had happened to my marriage and my son being the victim of a divorce. At the same time... I found new strength as well. My life felt like an emotional rollercoaster because I also found an inspiration not found before. I felt like a caged animal finally breathing the free air in the wild. So finding the balance was insanely difficult and to this very day... I feel guilty for enjoying my life because I think of my son who is struggling with some issues that his mother had done without thinking about her actions such as introducing her new boyfriend as a "2nd father" to my son. I feel that I do not deserve happiness and want to punish myself but... I realize that thought is the self destructing thought that led me to drink heavily in the past. I need to be happy to make my son happy... another focal grounding point that is easily lost in the mist of emotional chaos.

 

Gotta run but will finish my thoughts tomorrow...

 

-Shin0bi1

[Ladyjane14]

Glad to hear you're doing will, Shinobi.

 

It sounds like you're a little anxious about parenting after divorce. Perhaps a trip to the library is in order. Reading and studying on the subject might make you feel a bit more secure. (????)

[Shin0bi1]

Glad to hear you're doing will, Shinobi.

 

It sounds like you're a little anxious about parenting after divorce. Perhaps a trip to the library is in order. Reading and studying on the subject might make you feel a bit more secure. (????)

 

 

OMG i posted something and loveshack.org didnt post it arggh! Got work to do but in a brief summary... my STBXW is starting to communicate with me more and not be so damn controlling. She is in a financial state of disarray and I feel like at times that she should ask her new boyfriend to bail her out but I remind myself that half of the money is going to my son...

 

My divorce should be finalized before mid September.

 

I havent made a trip to the library/book store yet but I've done some research online in regards to children and divorces.

 

Still here and kicking it live... met a nice girl and have some relationship challenges but overall things are looking good on my end of things.

 

Oh yeah, people that I havent seen inawhile tell me I look great and happy even though sometimes i dont really notice it. But I guess that is a positive progress and yes there is life after a divorce. :-)

 

Gotta run, will continue my post later when I have time... freakin work! argh!

 

 

-Shin0bi1

[TrustInYourself]

Cut that monkey out of those freaking tree branches homie!

 

Good to hear from you. Post pics so I can judge if you are really looking good, tee hee.

[Shin0bi1]

Cut that monkey out of those freaking tree branches homie!

 

Good to hear from you. Post pics so I can judge if you are really looking good, tee hee.

 

TIY,

I'm months from what I want to look like but hey if I notice (I'm totally a dunce and oblivious to certain things btw) girls checking me out which like never happened before than I say something positive is coming out from the workouts! lol

 

I'm gonna post pictures or something after my divorce just to be safe. I don't need no freaking STBXW getting petty on me at the last moment. I know it sounds paranoid but at this point she is capable of doing anything.

 

Oh yeah wanted to add that since me and my STBXW are amicable enough... that we are seeing a joint lawyer to keep costs down. I have to pay for everything but if things goes right, my child support payments and lawyer/court fees will be within my means. Pray for me guys because I have heard stories of other men that go through the ringers and are totally screwed for life.

 

Oh yeah another thing, my lil boy starts kindergarden in 2 weeks! lol! he's all grown up!

 

-Shin0bi1

[Shin0bi1]

I am not sure if you guys/gals remember me but I been really busy lately and wanted to drop by in my thread I created awhile back to say hi.

 

I just wanted to give you guys/gals the latest news.. you ready for this?

 

I found out around 2 months ago that my soon to be ex-wife is pregnant with another man's child! Yup its the tae-kwon-do instructor... I must say i was really angered by this betrayal and she was pregnant while we were still living together. I felt humiliated and a sudden rush of bad memories overwhelmed me when I found out. This would explain why she was acting irrationally and made it really difficult for me to see my son when she kicked me out of the house. I was really disappointed with her family as well for not telling me the truth. I don't expect them to take my side or anything but I did help them out financially and was a big brother to many of her younger siblings. I don't hold them personally responsible but their lack of decency towards me as made me think of her family in a different light.

 

However at the same time, this put closure on my relationship with her and it was a bit of a relief. There is no fantasy of getting back together whatsoever.... i missed the marriage and what could of been but not my soon to be ex.

 

My son really likes this guy btw and this guy treats my son right since they are living together. I really hope that my STBXW gets married with him and they are stable together for the sake of my son. He's been through enough already...

 

So anyways where am I now? I'm looking for another job and dealing with the finances. The child support payment that is going to be coming up when the divorce is finalized is going to hurt my situation quite a bit. i also have a girlfriend right now and the relationship is rocky. She is depressive and has high-anxiety right now and is seeking professional help. I do not know that I have the energy to deal with her so I am confused in what to do because I have feelings for her.

 

My friends say I am moving on to soon and that I am not ready for another relationship. Perhaps they are right and perhaps they are not.

 

Well thats my update and there is light at the end of the tunnel for all those in the struggle. Believe me, I was doubtful and turned ugly about things out of my control. Just hang in there and live day-to-day and just know that you are the better person. You will look back, in time, and be amazed at your integrity in the worst of times and realize you did the best you could and will have no regrets about it.

 

Peace,

 

Shin0bi1