whereisthelight Posted March 30, 2008 Posted March 30, 2008 (edited) So I hear many people are seperated for a while before they actually get divorced. I've been seperated for 2 years. Papers have actually been ready for a 1 1/2 years! I've asked why he hasn't signed he keeps telling me he hasn't gotten around to it. what? He was the one that wanted the divorce! Mixed signals one: I haven't signed the papers. Mixed signal number two: I am still with my girlfriend. What the concensus out there? Am i crazy? It just seems that i keep getting mixed signals from him. Sometimes he is really nice and helpful and other times it seems he is distant. The only thing i know for sure is that he doesn't seem to be spending as much time with his girlfriend of 2 years. UGH!! I find myself looking for answers everywhere. Edited March 30, 2008 by whereisthelight didn't want it to seem i was seeking legal advice
Findingme Posted March 30, 2008 Posted March 30, 2008 So I hear many people are seperated for a while before they actually get divorced. I've been seperated for 2 years. Papers have actually been ready for a 1 1/2 years! I've asked why he hasn't signed he keeps telling me he hasn't gotten around to it. what? He was the one that wanted the divorce! Mixed signals one: I haven't signed the papers. Mixed signal number two: I am still with my girlfriend. What the concensus out there? Am i crazy? It just seems that i keep getting mixed signals from him. Sometimes he is really nice and helpful and other times it seems he is distant. The only thing i know for sure is that he doesn't seem to be spending as much time with his girlfriend of 2 years. UGH!! I find myself looking for answers everywhere. I could be way off here but sounds to me like as long as he is still "married" he's safe from having to truely commit to his girlfriend. Maybe she wants to get married but he uses the excuse that he can't because he's still married. Or he could still have feelings for you.
Author whereisthelight Posted April 1, 2008 Author Posted April 1, 2008 thanks for the comment. You're not the first person to tell me this. I have thought about this before. I thought maybe it was me infactuating things that were not there. She is a younger GF and I know for a fact that she wants her own children and she wants to get married. Sometimes i feel sorry for her. Just sometimes..rarely. But I often wonder why she puts up for it so long. She knew from the beginning that he was married but she pursued the relationship anyway. Sometimes i get so upset with my ownself for putting up with not knowing and just forced to wait and wait.
LuCidiTy Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 i spent about $18,000 in 5 years (from 2001-2006) trying to get mine (who also alledgedly wanted the divorce, though I did too, and apparently far more) to sign. i really never figured out why he wouldn't. it was always one thing or another...child support issues, custody issues, financial issues, deaths in the family, general postponements, non-response, what have you. at times, i went on hiatus too, to either save up more money or just because i was mentally exhausted. i finally went broke and gave up. then there was an incidence of violence and it was over just like that.
Lookingforward Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 i spent about $18,000 in 5 years (from 2001-2006) trying to get mine (who also alledgedly wanted the divorce, though I did too, and apparently far more) to sign. i really never figured out why he wouldn't. it was always one thing or another...child support issues, custody issues, financial issues, deaths in the family, general postponements, non-response, what have you. at times, i went on hiatus too, to either save up more money or just because i was mentally exhausted. i finally went broke and gave up. then there was an incidence of violence and it was over just like that. WOW - and I thought I'd had it bad trying to get the ex to sign the agreement (we did the mail in divorce thing - no custody issues) but mine only cost me about $250 in filing fees (I did it all myself) and the waiting on him for nearly 3 years.
Tyra Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 I could be way off here but sounds to me like as long as he is still "married" he's safe from having to truely commit to his girlfriend. Maybe she wants to get married but he uses the excuse that he can't because he's still married. Or he could still have feelings for you. I would have to agree with this.
Author whereisthelight Posted April 2, 2008 Author Posted April 2, 2008 i spent about $18,000 in 5 years (from 2001-2006) trying to get mine (who also alledgedly wanted the divorce, though I did too, and apparently far more) to sign. i really never figured out why he wouldn't. it was always one thing or another...child support issues, custody issues, financial issues, deaths in the family, general postponements, non-response, what have you. at times, i went on hiatus too, to either save up more money or just because i was mentally exhausted. i finally went broke and gave up. then there was an incidence of violence and it was over just like that. My Gosh! 18,000! and it took 5 years?! Did you still have feelings for him all that time? Did the two of you get along during those 5 years? I'm not sure if I could wait 5 years.
LuCidiTy Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 two of those years he lived outside our home. and no...my feelings for him died a long, long time ago, about 3 years into the marriage. at this point i'm not even sure i ever really had any. long story. i wish i knew what to advise you...but all i can do is empathize. it leaves your entire life in limbo.i wonder if there are legal remedies we don't know about?
Author whereisthelight Posted April 4, 2008 Author Posted April 4, 2008 I have to tell you that I sometimes wish I didn't have feelings for him either. If i didn't have feelings for him then i would not care what he would say to me or wonder if he wants to see me. And when he does wierd things like hug me hello or kiss me on the check good bye i would not interpret anything of it. i don't know what a normal relationship is when you are divorcing. How are you supposed to act towards one another. Is it normal to spend time talking calmly. Is it normal for him to show me he cares by taking care of things around the house. Does he do it for our child or does he do it because he still cares? These are the questions i wish I would stop asking myself. But it always thunders in my head.
Marin Posted April 6, 2008 Posted April 6, 2008 Power/control issues. He's a jerk. He knows you want him to sign and he he enjoys having the "power" of not doing what you want. Or they have friends telling them "Make sure you make sure she doesn't screw you over before you sign the dotted line." It's all BS. I'm pretty sure you can get a divorce without his signing. If you want a divorce, you can get one, whether they want it or not. I would look into it since he's being a jerk about it.
sally4sara Posted April 6, 2008 Posted April 6, 2008 It might vary from state to state, but I was told that I could move forward whether he signed or not. A court date would be given and if he didn't show the court would take his failure to show as him not contesting and grant the divorce.
Author whereisthelight Posted April 8, 2008 Author Posted April 8, 2008 two lawyers told me that i would have to start all over again and give them another three gran. I have to check with another lawyer. Truth is as being a single mother i haven't made the time to look into it again. He came by the house today again unannounced. GRR...took me by surprise. He came to finish fixing something. Stayed for about 30 mins or so fixing it then he talked to our child for a while then left. I am always pretty assertive with everyone EXCEPT him. I'm not sure what it is. One of my friends said I should be thankful that he is coming over to fix things and be attentive that way. I don't know. He is always offering to help out. I wonder what his girlfriend (OW) thinks? Why do I consume myself with this!! I need a life. NO, i need to confront him and ask him why he's being so helpful, why he's talking to me instead of his girlfriend, and why he hasn't signed the papers. I need B****! I think i'm going to go insane.
MoonlightLover Posted April 8, 2008 Posted April 8, 2008 So I hear many people are seperated for a while before they actually get divorced. I've been seperated for 2 years. Papers have actually been ready for a 1 1/2 years! I've asked why he hasn't signed he keeps telling me he hasn't gotten around to it. what? He was the one that wanted the divorce! Mixed signals one: I haven't signed the papers. Mixed signal number two: I am still with my girlfriend. What the concensus out there? Am i crazy? It just seems that i keep getting mixed signals from him. Sometimes he is really nice and helpful and other times it seems he is distant. The only thing i know for sure is that he doesn't seem to be spending as much time with his girlfriend of 2 years. UGH!! I find myself looking for answers everywhere. What an absolute tosser, i really wish i could sort him out for you hun.
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