xfess Posted March 30, 2008 Posted March 30, 2008 I know I’m not the 1st person to post this thread for help about a SO who is too busy and I probably wont be the last. I’ve read some of them prior to writing this post so it wouldn’t seem repetitive but most of them have been in longer relationships than me and I’m just in the early stages with this girl….so… I’ve been dating this girl for about 3 weeks, and we've gone on 4 dates. I like her because we have a lot of things in common and I believe she may feel the same, she did invite me to a comedy club last week with her sister, brother-in-law, her best friend and her best friends boyfriend as like a couples night, she even paid for me which I thought was real nice. The problem has been that she's real busy lately. She works 12+ hours on Monday & Tuesday, Wednesday-Friday she works and goes to school in the evening, which means homework, studying, and reports, and Saturday she goes to school in the morning. Our last date was last Friday, this weekend she's busy with work, a friend visiting from out of state and, her ritual family dinner. Next week she's going to a friends house for the weekend, and then coming home Sunday. I would at least like to see her that evening and give her, her birthday gift and perhaps make plans for the next week, because the week after I will be out of state. She hasn’t really been in contact with me at all since our date to either say "Hi" or "how’s everything". I called her last Saturday to thank her inviting me out, she didn’t answer so I left a voicemail, I texted her once a few days later, IM'd, and emailed her a day later(to make plans for this weekend). but still no response until this Thursday when she texted me "sorry I didn’t get back to you, my other phone broke and I just got a new one, Ill call you later", I did some things and expected a call soon but no response so I called her, about 5 hours after the text she sent but she didn’t answer. About 90 minutes later, she did call me back saying she just got home and we talked for 10 minutes. Now I can understand her situation. She's been busy with school and she’s got some term papers due soon, she'll be done with class in mid may. I respect her for working and going to school at the same time and I’m trying to give her space to get her school work done, but it kind of drives me nuts that she doesn’t at least send a simple text message or IM saying "Hi". I’m stuck in this predicament and I don’t know what to do. I know her education is going to come first over me in this early stage of dating. I dated a girl a few months ago (just one date) who was working and going to school at the same time and she told me a few days later that she was too busy with her masters program and work and wasn’t ready to have a BF, and I worry that the same thing could happen here. I’m just thinking about going with the flow until next Sunday when I may be able to see her & give her, her B-day gift, and make plans for the following week to do something. I’d appreciate any advice on this situation - thanks
Lizzie60 Posted March 30, 2008 Posted March 30, 2008 I’m stuck in this predicament and I don’t know what to do. I know her education is going to come first over me in this early stage of dating. I dated a girl a few months ago (just one date) who was working and going to school at the same time and she told me a few days later that she was too busy with her masters program and work and wasn’t ready to have a BF, and I worry that the same thing could happen here. I’m just thinking about going with the flow until next Sunday when I may be able to see her & give her, her B-day gift, and make plans for the following week to do something. Going on ONE date is not dating someone.. With this girl.. I say give her space.. a lot of space.. cause you're definitely not her priority right now.. You might come across as being dependant and needy.. wait for her to contact you.. she will resent you if you are too clingy..
BlueHaiku Posted March 30, 2008 Posted March 30, 2008 I agree with the previous poster. Slow down! When she says she's going to call you later, you need to wait a day or two at least before contacting her. Calling her 5 hours later is pretty quick. If she says she's going to call, back off and let her call or you might come across as overly needy. You haven't been seeing her for very long at all. You and she still don't really know if you like each other or not. 3 weeks is nothing. Things seem to be proceeding fine in terms of number of dates over length of time. At this point, she is either going to like you or not. If she isn't going to like you, there's nothing you can do about it. If she is going to like you, you can certainly harm that by being too pushy when you know she is busy. I know you're eager and I know it hurts not to hear from her! But fill your life with friends and activities so you don't think and worry so much about whether or not she has called.
Author xfess Posted April 2, 2008 Author Posted April 2, 2008 At this point, she is either going to like you or not. If she isn't going to like you, there's nothing you can do about it. If she is going to like you, you can certainly harm that by being too pushy when you know she is busy. Well I have taken the slow down and "go with the flow" approach and Ive kept myself busy the whole week by working different shifts on my job to make the week fly by and I got things going on for the weekend. Last Thusday was the last time I heard from her. I did IM her on Sunday with a simple "Hi", this was prior to reading these thread replies, but I have stayed off contact with her since then. She's going out of town Friday and coming back home Sunday which will be her Birthday, the only thing Im going to do is either text or call her in Suday evening wishing her a happy B-day. But Im not sure what to do, when I call/text her, should I see if she wants to make plans to do something during the week or saturday, or wait till later in the week and see if she wants to go out Saturday night. I dont mind being patient until shes done with her school work, but I would like to know that she is still interested in dating me. Doesnt really seem fair for someone to be wating for someone to 'not' be busy only find out they are not looking for a relationship
D-Jam Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 xfess, let her go. Let me ask you...what has she done lately to make you believe she wants something with you? What effort has she made to make you two happen? Seems like you're chasing, chasing, chasing, and she's just making one excuse after the next to avoid you. I'll bet money if some other guy came along that she's into, she would be making tons of time to see him. Sorry to be harsh...but I've been there and learned. If she won't even call to say hi or something, then she's not interested in you and has no guts to tell you. She's more hoping you get fed up and go away.
Chinook Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 Personally, I agree with D-Jam. Even in the early stages of a relationship where it's hard to make space in your lives for each other, it's still easy to return a call and I'm sorry but TWO DAYS for a guy you're into..? Are you guys kidding me..? This isn't high school. Sorry but if she's into you, she's gonna show it and let you know. She's not doing that and sorry but what she's doing is called a 'fade' and it sucks. I wouldn't even bother trying to talk to her. Just let her go. You don't need people to treat you this way.
Author xfess Posted April 3, 2008 Author Posted April 3, 2008 D-Jam, Chinook, thank you. The past few days its been running through my head about this. I thought we hit it off real good, we had a lot of things in common and I thought something good could come of it. oh well, fall off the horse, get back on and ride again. thanks again
whichwayisup Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 Just relax and see where it goes. If she calls you, and asks you out, then go out again. But, don't call her or email her. Let her contact you. It does sound like she has a very busy life, she isn't lying about that, and throw in the few dates you've had, well - give it time. If she is still acting like this in afew more weeks, then rethink things and maybe give up, but until then, go on with your life, do what you like to do, hang with your friends, family, and if she calls, great! If not, HER loss.
Author xfess Posted April 3, 2008 Author Posted April 3, 2008 I can understand if shes busy, thats not the problem. but how can you be "too busy" to just even call/text even on you lunch break at work or school. My ex-GF worked a crazy schedule while we were dating, she'd sometimes work double shifts from 8am to midnight, but took at least 5 minutes out of her time to text me to say "hi". I was accepting the fact that she was busy, but know find it hard to believe you cant spend 1 minute to pull out your phone and text the guy your dating to at least say "sorry ive been busy but I still would like to go out soon when Im done with this crazy schedule...Ill get back to you soon"
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