BlueHaiku Posted March 30, 2008 Posted March 30, 2008 I have a confession to make. I'm ignorant. I'm not sure how to "just date." It seems a lot of people on this forum are dating a couple of people at once, getting to know them, ultimately maybe going to make a decision about being "exclusive". How in the world does one do this? Whenever I've dated, it's been one guy, and it's been pretty exclusive from the start. Basically, I don't date, I have relationships that last for whatever amount of time and then I move on to a period of being single, looking, and eventually finding another relationship. Some facts about me: I'm in my upper 30s, so my dating options aren't as wide as a college student's anymore. I've worked at the same place for 13 years and will certainly be working there the rest of my life, so 1. I don't meet a lot of new people, and 2. an office romance gone bad could be a lifelong problem. I'm smart, attractive, and fit, but I've never had guys knocking down my door to go on dates with me (plus, I've been told I tend to not notice when they show subtle signs). I guess it's hard to date around if you don't get a lot of dates! LOL I'm recently thinking, though, that my strategy of dating one person at a time isn't working so well, because I get to know so few men that way - and I get all invested in one (at a time) who turns out not right for me. I'd like to "shop around" (that sounds bad, but I don't mean it that way). I'd just like to get some experience, to get to know several men - and see what's out there so I can find someone who is great for me. But I don't know how. Advice?
IndependentlyAfraid Posted March 30, 2008 Posted March 30, 2008 Try a dating site - but do a paid one... it eliminates some of the freaks. (Note, I said SOME). My advice - skim profiles, share a few emails and then set a time to meet. Go during daylight... coffee or happy hour and appetizers. Never commit to a full dinner - never commit to more than an hour. Always have something else to do afterwards so you won't be stuck. I did that for about 3 months, I probably went out with 15 guys in three months. Most of them were 1 meeting only. Two of them I dated for about 1 month each, then I met my current boyfriend in "real life". Ironic? Maybe... but the dating site made me see a lot of people, find qualities I liked and didn't, and take my mind off of meeting someone. Then, when I did that... I met someone. Try it!!
Ashbash11 Posted March 30, 2008 Posted March 30, 2008 I will admit, I do the same thing as you: I only date one man at a time and I become very invested.. This is a bad idea because if things don't work out, or if he decides that he does not want to be exclusive with you, then you are left out in the cold. My advice would be to do what you suggested: date 2 or 3 men at a time and don't put all of your eggs in one basket. If you decide that one is the right one for you, then pursue exclusivity with him and hopefully he will agree to it. Do you have girlfriends at work or elsewhere? Meeting men through friends/acquaintances/family is often a great way to do it... Otherwise, try online dating or maybe join some volunteer groups or other clubs on the weekends?
so_sad Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 I am in a similar situation as you - similar age, lifestyle, etc..., and I know how hard it can be to meet people outside of work. I agree with the advice others have mentioned about dating websites. They are a great way to meet a lot of people without investing a lot of time. However, I'm starting to think that there are some people who are better able to "just date" than others. I signed on to a dating website with the idea of "just dating", but what happened is that I realized that I either like someone quite a lot (i.e., I want to have a relationship with them) or I don't like them enough to go out with them twice. There's very little middle ground with me. Right now there is someone I like a lot, and as a result I have less than zero interest in going on dates with other men. I know that it's putting all my eggs in one basket, so to speak, but I think that's just the way I am. And it may be the way you are too, if you have always had relationships instead of "dating".
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