dreamergrl Posted March 29, 2008 Posted March 29, 2008 So for those who are tired of being cheated on, walked all over, used, and rejected for your "nice" personality, for those of you who suddenly feel that if you change up your demeanor to acting like an a$$, for those of you who feel you should turn into a "bad boy" to better your chances - here's a few things thing think about. Women who are attracted to the men who act like a jerk, don't usually stick with those men. Just because they have this attraction to a "bad boy" doesn't mean the relationship will be successful. Eventually they grow sick of what comes with it, and want something new... yes many times fall into the same type of relationship, but they don't tend to stick with the same "bad boy", because they are in hope of finding one "bad boy" that will treat them good. You really still don't stand a chance with this persona. Mistreated people often stay within a cycle. The cycle just moves on to the next person in their lives. People that were abused tend to find that in a relationship (not all, but many). People missing an active parent in their lives tend to try to over compensate in relationships. It's not about becoming the other extreme to find success in a relationship - it's about figuring out where you're going wrong. Is it the people you are attracted too - are you following the same patterns? Is it actions you keep repeating that aren't healthy for the relationship? It's about dealing with the root of the issue, not blaming the other gender - or excusing your issues because of the past. For all the guys who complain about being walked all over by women, there's the women who complain about being treated like crap. You can only vent about it so much - it's really time to just do something to fix it!
FormerNiceGuy Posted March 29, 2008 Posted March 29, 2008 Let's not start this argument over again. Here's the deal. Jerks will get laid more than nice guys. But a good MAN will be better than the nice guy and the jerk. The reason why the jerk succeeds is that he is confident and sexual, but he's also an absolute ass. The reason why the "nice guy" fails is that he's too scared to make a move on a girl. But the genuinely good guy who's CONFIDENT and has the balls to approach women and does not think to himself, "Does she like me?" and instead approaches what he likes..will be far more effective than the jerk and the nice guys. In other words..be nice...but have some damn self-respect.
lino Posted March 30, 2008 Posted March 30, 2008 It has worked for me. I was a guy who was never a doormat but tried to do all the things he heard women say they like but after several years found those things to be simply untrue. I now know much more about what girls want & it's all stuff that I observed happening around me, not stuff that I learned from listening to what girls say
Lucky555 Posted March 30, 2008 Posted March 30, 2008 "But the genuinely good guy who's CONFIDENT and has the balls to approach women and does not think to himself, "Does she like me?" and instead approaches what he likes..will be far more effective than the jerk and the nice guys." THIS is absolutely the truth. Now where are these men located! very well said.
TheFonz Posted March 30, 2008 Posted March 30, 2008 But the genuinely good guy who's CONFIDENT and has the balls to approach women and does not think to himself, "Does she like me?" and instead approaches what he likes..will be far more effective than the jerk and the nice guys. In other words..be nice...but have some damn self-respect. This is a good start but it takes more than approaching with confidence. If you're too nice and flattering she'll feel like you're in the bag and quickly move on to the next guy who is more challenging and mysterious, like me.
TheFonz Posted March 30, 2008 Posted March 30, 2008 It has worked for me. I was a guy who was never a doormat but tried to do all the things he heard women say they like but after several years found those things to be simply untrue. I now know much more about what girls want & it's all stuff that I observed happening around me, not stuff that I learned from listening to what girls say Being a "jerk" has worked better for me as well. But I leaned this lesson at a very young age. It was my natural persona anyway.
FormerNiceGuy Posted March 30, 2008 Posted March 30, 2008 This is a good start but it takes more than approaching with confidence. If you're too nice and flattering she'll feel like you're in the bag and quickly move on to the next guy who is more challenging and mysterious, like me. You're preaching to the choir. Of course it takes more than this! But I'm just trying to talk about the difference between the: Nice guy Jerk and the GENUINELY GOOD GUY. If you choose to excel in all things in life, you will get the girl of your dreams. Don't focus on getting a girl at first but FOCUS ON improving your own life. THE KEY TO WOMEN IS THIS: All you need to do is focus on succeeding in life. Forget about the women for now. Just focus on yourself. Because when you improve your life and focus on yourself, the women will come. That’s all you need to do. Just do the best that you can in life. And while you're at it improve upon the things that attract women.... Women love Confidence Women love Maturity Women love Charisma and charm. Women want a guy who doesn't give a damn about rejection. Women love a good listener...but know when to have respect for your own time. Women love a guy who's interesting to talk to. Too many guys here ask, "How do I talk to her" when they should ask, "How do I talk to regular people?" Most of these pickup lines and other tactics to get women are lame! All you need to do is talk to her as if she knows you and that you know her. Hang out with outgoing people and you'll eventually learn from them. You know this saying below, right? "Tell me who you walk with and I will tell who you are." You learn from the 5 people you spend the most time with...whether or not you want to. Choose the right people! Make those 5 people bring you up and not bring you down! Hang out with the guys who succeed with women and you'll find that their attributes will rub off you. Needlessness. ( a girl will never admit it)....but you can't follow her like a silly puppy. You have to focus on your own dreams and ambitions. "Needing" a girl is needy and you won't get any girl by being needy. If you look at most guys who are successful with women or in strong relationships you'll notice they have other passions in their lives and to them sex and love isn't really a huge deal. Women love a guy who's understanding. You need to understand women. Women want a guy who makes a move! In a survey with over 100 women, most of the women have said that they would like the guy to touch them playfully sometime within their relationship. But many women said they felt NO ATTRACTION to a man who did not initiate touch. You must have an interesting personality. In order to interest other people, you have to be interesting. Women admire a guy with AMBITION AND POWER. And financial security. Despite what any woman tells you..you MUST be financially secure. Who's she going to choose? That bum on the corner or that guy who has the means to protect and provide? Women love charm...but alas...charm cannot be taught. Courage. I'm depressed when I see these posts by guys here saying, "What do I say to her?" “Does that mean she likes me?” “What does this mean?” Just have COURAGE and approach. Stop hypothesizing. Stop analyzing. Just muster some courage, for she is human. Women also want good looks. But work with what you got..and don't bicker over what God didn't give you. Be the best with what you have. Women admire a guy with self-respect. Self-explanatory. Be a nice guy with balls. Be a good guy..but have some damn self-respect. Loyalty...a woman wants a guy who's loyal and honest...this should arguably be at the top of the list. Women want a guy with a sense of humor....a woman wants a guy who's funny as hell...AH! But let me tell you something...If you weren't funny to begin with, don't bother trying..because humor is INNATE. In other words, if you weren't normally funny to begin with, it will just come out fake. Most guys who are funny..if you've known them a while, you'll realize that they were always funny. Being funny is a talent and not a skill. You either got it or you don't. Romance and Sexuality. Self-explanatory. Add some spice into the relationship. Women like to be swept off their feet. Show them that you love them…. Women love a guy who’s secure. What do I mean by this? Stop bragging. Stop buying things to make people think you're something that you're not. Stop being jealous of what's going on with your girl. Stop basing your life on the opinions of others. Just be the best guy that you can be and if people don't like it..then ignore them because that's their opinion. In other words, don't let the opinions of others sway your life. Bah, I would write a bit more, but I think you get the point.
penkitten Posted March 30, 2008 Posted March 30, 2008 I would write a bit more, but I think you get the point. that was a wonderful post.
Trialbyfire Posted March 30, 2008 Posted March 30, 2008 Women prefer balanced men, ones who are secure in their manhood. Maybe girls prefer jerks, ones who stick to silly dating rules. I dunno...
underpants Posted March 30, 2008 Posted March 30, 2008 (edited) and the GENUINELY GOOD GUY. YES, YES, YES... That is the man. Some girls may cycle between the nice guy and the jerk but the smart ones (or the one's that wise up) want the Genuine Good Guy. That is the guy we want to love...long time. "Tell me who you walk with and I will tell who you are." You learn from the 5 people you spend the most time with...whether or not you want to. Choose the right people! Make those 5 people bring you up and not bring you down! I agree for men and women. Hang out with the guys who succeed with women and you'll find that their attributes will rub off you. Okay, but again, choose wisely. If you hang out with jerks you will be associated and put in that category. Women love a guy who's understanding. You need to understand women. Or at least try. Women want a guy who makes a move! Hellz yea. We do like to be pursued. If you are a GGG...bring it on. You must have an interesting personality. In order to interest other people, you have to be interesting. That might be individually specific. Best to explore your interests and find a girl that shares them. Or be open (not doormat open) to learning shared interests. Women admire a guy with AMBITION AND POWER. And financial security. Despite what any woman tells you..you MUST be financially secure. Who's she going to choose? That bum on the corner or that guy who has the means to protect and provide? Ah, not so much. Sometimes that can be off putting. Have your shat together but (for me) you don't have to be a huge success or the big boss. Actually, I have turned down men with too much of both. Women love charm...but alas...charm cannot be taught. Again, charm is in the eye of the beholder. Courage. I'm depressed when I see these posts by guys here saying, "What do I say to her?" “Does that mean she likes me?” “What does this mean?” Just have COURAGE and approach. Stop hypothesizing. Stop analyzing. Just muster some courage, for she is human. True. The worst she can say is no. Not the end of the world. Go for it and communicate without worrying. Assert your personhood. Women also want good looks. But work with what you got..and don't bicker over what God didn't give you. Be the best with what you have. Again, if you have other GGG stuff this can slide a bit. Not to say you shouldn't aspire to work with what you have and take care of yourself. Women admire a guy with self-respect. Self-explanatory. Be a nice guy with balls. Be a good guy..but have some damn self-respect. Sho nuff. Loyalty...a woman wants a guy who's loyal and honest...this should arguably be at the top of the list. That is super HAWT, and for me a deal breaker if it is not there. Women want a guy with a sense of humor....a woman wants a guy who's funny as hell...AH! But let me tell you something...If you weren't funny to begin with, don't bother trying..because humor is INNATE. In other words, if you weren't normally funny to begin with, it will just come out fake. Most guys who are funny..if you've known them a while, you'll realize that they were always funny. Being funny is a talent and not a skill. You either got it or you don't. If you can make me laugh you can make me cum. Romance and Sexuality. Self-explanatory. Add some spice into the relationship. Women like to be swept off their feet. Show them that you love them…. Yes, that is nice. Make us "feel", surprize us, spin us...randomly. Of course reassure us when we are confused. Women love a guy who’s secure. What do I mean by this? Stop bragging. Stop buying things to make people think you're something that you're not. Stop being jealous of what's going on with your girl. Stop basing your life on the opinions of others. I agree, what an utter turn off to have to be validated by things or strangers/commercial suggestions. If the girl is a GGG (genuine good girl) then you should have a great repoire and communication to avoid those nasty doubts. Just be the best guy that you can be and if people don't like it..then ignore them because that's their opinion. In other words, don't let the opinions of others sway your life. Be open to some opinions, but not negative doubt/jealous born critism. See it for what it is. Even if it may be a challenge to improve yourself. Bah, I would write a bit more, but I think you get the point. I like you. It sounds as though you have found your center. I hope you find yourself a GGG (genuine good girl). Edited March 30, 2008 by underpants
TheSilentType Posted March 30, 2008 Posted March 30, 2008 But the genuinely good guy who's CONFIDENT and has the balls to approach women and does not think to himself, "Does she like me?" and instead approaches what he likes..will be far more effective than the jerk and the nice guys. I hate this kind of garbage advice. Do an experiment. You can't be confident if you're not physically good looking or have some other attractive thing to offer (money, power). A good attractive guy can get far, but probably not an average one.
underpants Posted March 30, 2008 Posted March 30, 2008 I hate this kind of garbage advice. Do an experiment. You can't be confident if you're not physically good looking or have some other attractive thing to offer (money, power). A good attractive guy can get far, but probably not an average one. I respectfully disagree. Money, power and generic looks are way down on the list compared to the other attributes mentioned. If you have some mixed ratio (which most do) then more power in the arsenal. It does in the end come down to character, on both sides. That is why you see so many (above average?) people wonder why he/she is with ...him/her? Maybe?
TheSilentType Posted March 30, 2008 Posted March 30, 2008 That is why you see so many (above average?) people wonder why he/she is with ...him/her? Maybe? Yes, but I'm sure there's some level of desperation involved. Like other plans didn't fall through or the right situaition never presented itself. And then once they get involved, they just get comfortable and stay.
underpants Posted March 30, 2008 Posted March 30, 2008 Yes, but I'm sure there's some level of desperation involved. Like other plans didn't fall through or the right situaition never presented itself. And then once they get involved, they just get comfortable and stay. I don't know about that but whatever you have to believe. As long as you are true to yourself and open then I think it can fall into place rightly...with time.
FormerNiceGuy Posted March 30, 2008 Posted March 30, 2008 I hate this kind of garbage advice. Do an experiment. You can't be confident if you're not physically good looking or have some other attractive thing to offer (money, power). A good attractive guy can get far, but probably not an average one. That is the saddest comment I've ever read. Go ahead and believe that and you'll always fail.
directx Posted March 30, 2008 Posted March 30, 2008 I my experience, i have to agree with unders. During college, i got so frustrated in trying to be something (i started out as the nice guy, then tried the jerk, etc) once i stopped trying and just enjoyed being myself (as corny and cliche that may be ) thats when things started rolling. Because if you 'act' like someone or something else, its like a new mental prison, and you can't keep that up until you die.
FormerNiceGuy Posted March 30, 2008 Posted March 30, 2008 I hate this kind of garbage advice. Do an experiment. You can't be confident if you're not physically good looking or have some other attractive thing to offer (money, power). A good attractive guy can get far, but probably not an average one. The worst thing a guy can do is use his money to attract a girl. Using status does get your foot in the door but it has two large drawbacks: (1) It prevents you from building a proper foundation to consistently get and keep girls, and (2) It attracts the wrong type of girl. When you get girls through money, you are using good fortune. You will land some easy bait, but you have used a lure that many other men have. Not only is your hold on the woman tenuous, but your ability to get other women depends on external factors such as your bank account. Your real power is weak, and you are under constant pressure to maintain the image of success even when your financial house is in disorder. Money attracts people who like money. Status attracts women who want this money; the shallow kind of woman that still has trouble searching for a deeper meaning in life besides collecting overpriced purses. Using personality (”game”) to get women allows you to weather any storm. The only thing that would stop you from meeting that hot girl in the dairy section of the supermarket is yourself, not your wallet. And the sad part is..YOU DOUBT YOUR ABILITIES. you have already told yourself that you aren't good enough. anytime you try to use THINGS to get a woman's attention or affection, you've lost.
FormerNiceGuy Posted March 30, 2008 Posted March 30, 2008 The point I'm trying to get across is this. When you try to win the game with women..there are two factors. 1. The cards. 2. The game. The cards is your appearance. That's what you were born with. That's were you were dealt with. Some guys got lucky and got good cards. Some guys got unlucky and got bad cards. Now, if you've got bad cards, you can still win if you have major "game". If you've got good cards, you don't need so much "game". Obviously that guy with the good cards and good "game" is going to have that upper advantage..but there's not a lot of guys like that. IN other words, learn to play the game. Many guys know the rules. Few know how to really play. And don't complain when you get bad cards, just learn to fix that can be fixed and to accept that which cannot be fixed.
TheSilentType Posted March 30, 2008 Posted March 30, 2008 Money attracts people who like money. Status attracts women who want this money; the shallow kind of woman that still has trouble searching for a deeper meaning in life besides collecting overpriced purses. Again, this is just the type of kitschy advice that constantly gets dispensed on this message board. People that listen to this advice never get anywhere and they remain stuck in their difficult situation. Money does matter. No woman will date a 30 year old making minimum wage unless she has some issues her self or herself doesn't have much to offer or is defective in some way (the one with a million tattoos smoking pot and has 2 children by 23 with a guy who's no longer in the picture) Second, have you seen otherwise average people (without money or power) be able to attract gorgeous women? It just doesn't happen. It just never happens that a person can just be a nice guy and act confident and get girls. He can be an attractive nice guy who acts confident and will get girls.
directx Posted March 30, 2008 Posted March 30, 2008 Ok, so only follow the stated rules if you are poor and/or ugly?
Storyrider Posted March 30, 2008 Posted March 30, 2008 The most lasting connection will be if you attract someone because of who you are at the core. Playing the game well is kind of like having a good cover letter and resume. But once you have your foot in the door, it is mutually beneficial to make sure you're the right person and the match is a true fit. The only way to do that is to be yourself. Also, you should use your distinctive gifts and talents even while you play the game of attracting someone initially. That makes it less superficial and more "real".
norajane Posted March 30, 2008 Posted March 30, 2008 Again, this is just the type of kitschy advice that constantly gets dispensed on this message board. People that listen to this advice never get anywhere and they remain stuck in their difficult situation. Money does matter. No woman will date a 30 year old making minimum wage unless she has some issues her self or herself doesn't have much to offer or is defective in some way (the one with a million tattoos smoking pot and has 2 children by 23 with a guy who's no longer in the picture) Second, have you seen otherwise average people (without money or power) be able to attract gorgeous women? It just doesn't happen. It just never happens that a person can just be a nice guy and act confident and get girls. He can be an attractive nice guy who acts confident and will get girls. So all those male teachers, cops, fireman, office workers, airline clerks, construction workers, mechanics, waiters, hotel clerks, telemarketers, and whatnot are single and have no women at all, ever? Or only have unattractive women? Surely you see that women are attracted to quality men and that not all women are interested in money or looks, or only in men with money or looks? If that were the case, only the top 20% of wage earners would be married or have dates. And that is certainly not the case. If you have that belief, find another social circle, because all women are not like that.
FormerNiceGuy Posted March 30, 2008 Posted March 30, 2008 Second, have you seen otherwise average people (without money or power) be able to attract gorgeous women? It just doesn't happen. It just never happens that a person can just be a nice guy and act confident and get girls. He can be an attractive nice guy who acts confident and will get girls. You're only seeing what you want to see. I've seen a lot of average-looking guys with gorgeous women. Most of my friends are players. They're not Brad Pitt, but they get some of the hottest women around because they're confident and know how to make women laugh. Yes, money helps. But you took my words and took it to the extreme. Too little of ANYTHING is bad. Of course, money helps. But if you got game, you can still get women. You want a girl to like you as a person and not to like your presents or your money. If her interest drops because of this, she wasn’t worth your time or your money and at least now you know what kind of girl she really is. Let's go to the topic at hand. A "nice guy" is a male who is scared of his testosterone and seeks to sterilize himself with his niceness. A jerk is a male who merely acts male. He is controlled by his testosterone. This is why he gets into trouble. A GENUINELY GOOD guy is one who can CONTROL his sexuality and acts male WITHOUT getting into trouble. Nice guys can do great with women as soon as they learn to put themselves first, learn to say no, and stop living their lives to please everyone but themselves. If a nice guy falls into the rut of ignoring his own needs in favor of everyone else's he becomes boring. Why? Because he is too damn busy bending over backwards to please everyone that he has NO life of his own. The "Nice Guy" doesn't have to stop being nice and become a total pr*ck to succeed. He just has to learn to put himself first, not feel guilty about saying no, and live for himself...and do that while not stomping on every person he comes in contact with in the process. No woman ever left a man or found a man unattractive because he was "nice". She leaves and isn't attracted to a guy that act likes a woman. A nice guy would be miles ahead of the jerks if he just grew some balls and stopped being so needy.
FormerNiceGuy Posted March 30, 2008 Posted March 30, 2008 Again, this is just the type of kitschy advice that constantly gets dispensed on this message board. People that listen to this advice never get anywhere and they remain stuck in their difficult situation. Money does matter. No woman will date a 30 year old making minimum wage unless she has some issues her self or herself doesn't have much to offer or is defective in some way (the one with a million tattoos smoking pot and has 2 children by 23 with a guy who's no longer in the picture) Second, have you seen otherwise average people (without money or power) be able to attract gorgeous women? It just doesn't happen. It just never happens that a person can just be a nice guy and act confident and get girls. He can be an attractive nice guy who acts confident and will get girls. I don't even know you..and I can already tell you're not a confident guy.
Trialbyfire Posted March 30, 2008 Posted March 30, 2008 A jerk is a male who merely acts male. He is controlled by his testosterone. This is why he gets into trouble.Wrong, a jerk is someone who is very selfish and has no self-control. He lives for himself and today and NOW! A GENUINELY GOOD guy is one who can CONTROL his sexuality and acts male WITHOUT getting into trouble. Once again, wrong. A genuinely good guy is someone who is a strong and caring person but doesn't roll over like a doormat, asking to be stepped on. He can be strongly sexual and be as much a man, as he is. Being a man isn't threatening to women. Being a prick or doormat, is repugnant.
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