shanny Posted March 29, 2008 Posted March 29, 2008 So does anybody have any stories about breaking up with someone, being devasted and then eventually finding happiness? I could use some right now because I'm so devasted that I can't eat, sleep or function in any way. At this point I can't believe that there will ever be a light at the end of the tunnel for me. It's been tears, tears, tears and they won't go away. Somebody please share how you went through this and ended up ok.
Starla Posted March 29, 2008 Posted March 29, 2008 i got blocked with my friends.....but i'm not sure i'd recommend it. well, i would recommend the hanging-out-with-friends bit....make full use of all the supportive people in your life. it's the tough times where you need a support network, so lean on them and they'll see you through!!
datingmum Posted March 29, 2008 Posted March 29, 2008 Shanny, The best thing I can tell you is to stay away from him. If you don't do this, you won't heal. I am in same situation 1 year on, literally having recurring bouts of not being able to function properly STILL. And I have everything to be happy for otherwise and I'm jeapordising it all. For now, focus on just trying to get some food in you and sleep. ok?
Starla Posted March 29, 2008 Posted March 29, 2008 oh and shanny...i did end up ok. once i ditched the booze (i was on my way to being an alcoholic, i used it as my crutch after my break-up) and gave myself a chance to grieve, talking to my friends and trying to have some good times with them, i did get there. and you will too.
bleh Posted March 29, 2008 Posted March 29, 2008 As long as this isn't your first love you must already know it gets better because thats how you met your second love :-) honestly what your going through is normal i mean im not a big guy and i lost 10 kilos in a matter of 2 weeks and physically felt like absolute **** for ages. Now i guess its only mentally that it hurts but it is getting a little easier, step by step, but then again its only been 2 months so in the scheme of things it isn't very long. My one recommendations is don't start the anti-depressants, i think every one of us is constructed with a coping mechanism that we need to exercise at this point. I went on them way too soon and i think in a way it has ****ed up my recovery because things got better and then i came off them (with docs recomendations) and now feel like **** again. However if the physical illness does continue (the lack of sleep and lack of eating) and its continuing for longer than you expected then you may need to seek some form of help.
Portage Posted March 29, 2008 Posted March 29, 2008 I hate this one, however, time is a great healing factor. I know you KNOW YOU WILL get passed this, but those words or thoughts don't help you at the moment. Try and focus on a movie or a book. Force yourself to get involved in anything that may send your thought process anywhere else, even if only for a few moments. Go out when you would rather curl into a ball. The physical effort from just MOVING will lift your spirits. ((((hugs))))))
bleh Posted March 29, 2008 Posted March 29, 2008 i love how it seems everyone who has read this so far has posted. Atleast we all know it gets better and how to go about it :-)
vivrantflo Posted March 29, 2008 Posted March 29, 2008 Time my dear.. just trust in time. Believe me, the tears will stop eventually..allow yourself to cry and get over the break up the healthy way! There will be better days ahead! I assure you!!
Ariadne Posted March 29, 2008 Posted March 29, 2008 So does anybody have any stories about breaking up with someone, being devasted and then eventually finding happiness? Somebody please share how you went through this and ended up ok. Well, I have bad news. They say that time heals etc etc. It's been 2 years since I last heard from him and I'm still not over. In fact, I feel like I'm walking around with a hole in my heart, and that I'll never find love again. So, time and NC didn't work for me at all. I think about him all the time and I still dream with him, like last night. I dreamt that I was supposed to meet with him somewhere, so I went, all excited to see him. Well, his gf has tattoos but he doesn't have any. So, when I met him he showed me two sketches, all very happy, of some tattoos that he was going to have done in his arm. And the meeting was for me to go with him to the tattoo parlor for him to be like her. Then she showed up and I got ditched and had to act like I didn't know him and was just some other person in that place. Stupid dream.
optima90 Posted March 29, 2008 Posted March 29, 2008 I broke up with my girlfreind 2 months ago after 11 yrs, I'm still in pain ,I lost 13 kilos,and went through excactly what u r going through now, but im taking some pills and visiting my doctor and I'm doing some how fine but still not 100%. She's allways on my mind. But that's life and life goes on.... All you need is time,How long? nobody knows. Good Luck
Kman21 Posted March 29, 2008 Posted March 29, 2008 They say breaking up is like experiencing death in the family, I know its hard now, but the best thing is to keep yourself occupied, just keep telling yourself this: Why am I wasting my time grieving over someone that doesn't want to be with me? With this mentality you would make some progress. My gf broke up with me several weeks ago, and I was very devastated, it is hard at the beginning but gradually you would feel better. Life moves on and all you have to do is keep up with it, you will find happiness again. When you meet someone, I believe you just meet them by luck and chance, there are many fish in the sea, that means a high probability of you meeting someone. Hey its not like that person you were with is the only person in the world. All the best to you and good luck.
sedgwick Posted March 29, 2008 Posted March 29, 2008 I'm hurting more right now than I've ever hurt after a breakup, except for the time I was dumped by my first love. It was 14 years ago, and for five or six of those years, even though I dated other people and had other relationships, I thought I'd never get over him and had just reconciled myself to never finding another man like him. We lost touch, but I always thought about him, and then two years ago I finally saw him again. I wasn't attracted to him at all. At ALL! If I passed him on the street now, I wouldn't look twice. So you will get to that point with this one, yes, eventually. But it sure does suck in the meantime.
bleh Posted March 29, 2008 Posted March 29, 2008 "They say breaking up is like experiencing death in the family, I know its hard now, but the best thing is to keep yourself occupied, just keep telling yourself this: Why am I wasting my time grieving over someone that doesn't want to be with me?" So far noone has died on account of not wanting to be with me but i'm sure ill get there in the end! but its true it is a lot like death, the person who loves you has died and isn't there for you anymore... right when you need them most, its like rain on your wedding day a little too ironic, dont you think? yeh bet your gonna go and die on me now arn't you;)
Riz Posted March 29, 2008 Posted March 29, 2008 Going through a break up right now my friend, been with my girlfriend for 2 years almost and we were so in love and strong. She went away studying for a year kept in touch said she loved me every day. She even wished me a happy valentines day last month, then few days later she said she dont love me anymore and she dont want to be with me. So can you imagine how I felt? confused more than anything but hurt inside. I am finding it difficult because she is in another country we cant talk face to face about the problem and she wont give me any reasons. Because of this I am not eating at all, seriously I go for the whole day without meals, infact I cant eat at all and I feel sick if I try. I have lost a lot of weight, and always feeling weak. I also cant listen to music or watch TV or movies or do anything that reminds me of my girlfriend. I was in a super market (mall) with my brother and some music was being played in the background and it got me all upset and I could not wait to leave the place. Its as though the break up is taking over my life, I know I need to move on and I am trying to, I keep busy but when I am doing nothing my mind thinks about her and I feel sad again and depressed. I have to say though that the hurting is less now than it was a month ago so it does get easier. In my case my GF gets back in a months time so I will see her and talk about it all. If she does not want to make ago of it and work things out or do whatever it takes then there is nothing I can do. But my hurting inside is becoming less and less. I will look at it as her loss should she decide to walk away for good. She will be left with regret. I know talking about problems with friends and family helps alot, you get advice and usually leave feeling more positive. My friends and family have been there for me, they are understanding. I also can tell you from my experience that something good always comes from something bad. My relationship with my dad is stronger now, before we never hardly spoke, but now we are so much more closer and we can talk about anything and are more open. Anyway I wish you luck, your not alone
LadyInsanity Posted March 29, 2008 Posted March 29, 2008 I'm sure there are those who will weep and whine over someone forever... but for us strong people.....time does heal, and it leaves you saying..."What the hell was I thinking?"
paladin1 Posted March 29, 2008 Posted March 29, 2008 Shanny; now 7 weeks since end of a 4.5 year relationship. First week? Horrible; no eating, sleeping a lot, walking around like a zombie the rest of the time. Now? Getting back to normal. Now no longer think of her constantly; have gone out with friends and laughed, had a good time, and had her not enter my mind once. She will always be there, in my memories, and I will love the woman she was forever...but the woman she is now, I cannot love or respect. Still there are moments when I see something in passing, hear a song on the radio, drive by somewhere we have gone together; and the pain is nearly blinding for a moment. But I am now at the point where I realize that I WILL be happy again in the future. I will find love again. Now? I am in no hurry to find love. I am not capable at this moment of giving love to someone in the way they would deserve, and so may casually date but for now I am going to be alone. There will be happiness again, for all of us. It may be different that what we found before, and I will always greive for the loss of the woman I loved so very deeply...but it is out there. The truth is, if we were meant to be; if we were "soulmates" then nothing would have torn us apart. Either that or we will find each other again, when the time is right for both of us. Just because I believed her to be the person to fully complete/complement my life, doesn't mean she was...it just perhaps means my perception was off. Am I truly happy now? No; not after only 7 weeks. But I see the possibility and certainty of happiness in my future. And I know I'll get there, and so will everyone else on this forum. I have read posts that have torn my heart open, that I have identified with on so many levels...but I have not yet found one person on here that I have thought was in any way unloveable and who I do not firmly believe will find another love someday that equals or surpasses the ones we lost. Yes, sedgwick and ariadne that includes the two of you.
MalachiX Posted March 30, 2008 Posted March 30, 2008 As long as this isn't your first love you must already know it gets better because thats how you met your second love :-) What if it is your first love? I'd dated a tad before but I'd never been for someone anywhere close to as long as my EX and I'd never said "I love you." I thought I was doing OK until I saw she was back with her old BF from 4 years ago last night and since then I've been having trouble breathing. I know logically that she's not the only one in the world for me and I'll find love again but that just seems SO far away now. I'm in a place with hardly any friends and one I'm not very fond of. She was one of the few things keeping me going.
Prosecco Posted March 30, 2008 Posted March 30, 2008 What if it is your first love? I'd dated a tad before but I'd never been for someone anywhere close to as long as my EX and I'd never said "I love you." I thought I was doing OK until I saw she was back with her old BF from 4 years ago last night and since then I've been having trouble breathing. I know logically that she's not the only one in the world for me and I'll find love again but that just seems SO far away now. I'm in a place with hardly any friends and one I'm not very fond of. She was one of the few things keeping me going. Then you have to take it on trust. I thought my first love broke my heart. Turns out, in comparison, this current guy... anilhilated it. And this one didn't even love me back... Loves can be better and greater than your first love. And even with second and third love, it still feels at time like there is no hope. There is hope. You love again. It's just that endless period where your heart's been ripped out of your body (like in Alien)... and yet somehow you keep on living. Keep on living. One day at a time. Find positives to look forward to. Heck- if you don't like where you are - maybe set a long term goal of moving, or finding new actvities through which you can get new friends. It's one day at a time. It gets easier. There are always relapses. But it gets better. Eventually.
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