phoenixrising Posted March 29, 2008 Posted March 29, 2008 Someone posed a question in another thread, which prompted me to ask within this new thread: Would most OW/OM drop their MM/MW if they discovered they were with a serial cheater?
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 29, 2008 Posted March 29, 2008 I would think it would depend on how much they had emotionally invested in the MM/MW. The larger the investment, the more likely they are to overlook it, excuse it or simply go into denial and think that the pattern of serial cheating will stop with them.
Starla Posted March 29, 2008 Posted March 29, 2008 well, when i was with my MM, i was aware he had a reputation as a player. i loved him so much, and wanted to believe in the fantasy that he loved me, that i blocked my ears to all the stories. now i wouldn't....but you live and learn. at the time, when i was in the middle of it, i didn't face up to the truth, that he was a player, and i lived to regret it.
phoenixgirl Posted March 30, 2008 Posted March 30, 2008 As hypocritical and naive as it may sound, yes, I would make every attempt to leave him alone. But as previously stated, a lot of it would depend on my level of emotional investment at that point. I was in a severely, emotionally abusive relationship for a year and a half and didn't even realize it in that length of time - it took a violent situation to wake me up. But that guy was my "first true love" and I had blinders on. I think the same principle could apply for OWs in R's/in love with serial cheaters. ETA: love your username, BTW.
Classy Lady Posted March 30, 2008 Posted March 30, 2008 Myth...Yes! Fact...NO! Because cheaters do not advertise, and when you come to learn the truth, your so deep into the realationship, you just can't let go!
Gwyneth Posted March 30, 2008 Posted March 30, 2008 Someone posed a question in another thread, which prompted me to ask within this new thread: Would most OW/OM drop their MM/MW if they discovered they were with a serial cheater? I have a hard time taking into consideration that a man will cheat on me as he did to others--I think that's normal? It depends, really. The MM I was with told me he has cheated on his past girlfriends and his wife, but I didn't seem to take that into consideration. I was head over heels for this guy the moment I laid my eyes on him. But as the OW, I wasn't worried about him cheating on me--I was more concerned about him being honest with me, or not giving himself reasons to have to lie to me (like currently). Lesson Learned: Once a cheater, always a cheater? No. Because I know adults whom have cheated on past spouses / partners, and didn't do that again--that's because they learned their lesson. But someone who seems to be Proud of the fact that he or she has cheated and tells you straight out they will probably always be a cheater--stay away from them. They feel they deserve some kind of Oscar for being unfaithful.
nadiaj2727 Posted March 30, 2008 Posted March 30, 2008 I would have left. I was under the illusion that he was a good man who had fallen for me a bit too early, right before his divorce instead of after. After too long a time, I realized I was wrong about that. There was no divorce going on. So I left because I realized he was just cheating, and I was silly to think I was so special that it was real love and he'd never do to me what he was doing to his wife. I think sometimes the OW feels that she's protected because he's cheating on someone else with *her*, therefore, he won't feel the need to cheat with someone else on her. But they don't realize that *often* (not always but usually) he is the type of man who needs to cheat, so he could be cheating with other OWs or he would get a new OW as soon as she was out of the picture... either after she left or if she became his primary relationship. I began to realize I was just filling a need for xMM. Yuck. So yes I almost wish I would have found out he was a serial cheater so I could have realized all of this earlier and left earlier.
LOVE DAISIES Posted March 30, 2008 Posted March 30, 2008 Hmmmm...I never really thought about this.... but what makes someone a "serial cheater?" Is that someone who has cheated more than once in their life? You know....I think ALL OW/OM would like to think they (we) are the exception, and that somehow WE were special enough for the MM/MW to stray from their comfort zone. MY xMM told me he had NEVER had an A and I believe him, ONLY because we had never been intimate..BUT... I still felt special because I felt like I "had" him emotionally, which to ME is the important part. I also think it depends on the duration of his M....If someone cheated on his W after 2 years of marriage more than once....as opposed to a man who had an A after 20 years of M.....well, I guess I could see how someone WOULD be tempted...though is NOT excusable...just changes the dymamics a bit.
OWoman Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 None of the MMs I've been involved with had had As before. Would it have made a difference if they were serial adulterers? I'd like to think no, that had they shared that happy news after I'd pounced, I'd have shrugged and continued blithely, but part of me does wonder whether I only ever made the moves on "good boys" because only good boys interested me?
Lookingforward Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 Yes, I think there's a vast difference between someone who leaves ( or doesn't leave) their M , or has an A because they're totally miserable (whether before or after an A) and someone who blithely continues having EMAs while doing nothing about their M.
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