Starla Posted March 29, 2008 Posted March 29, 2008 i already explained to aptly that i wasn't referring to her fiance. 15 year old children (for that is what they are) can be physically sexually mature, yes. however, that does not take away from the fact that they are still children, and their mental health can be damaged hugely by engaging in sexual relations when they are not emotionally mature, particularly with adults who should know better. if i was an older man, and a 15 year old girl attempted to seduce me, i wouldn't walk away - i would RUN!! the very fact that a 15 year old would think it was ok to be with an older man in a sexual way would leave me in NO doubt that she is extremely vulnerable. it leaves the man open to accusations of abuse, and WHY would a young girl be looking for love or affection from an older man? the only girls who would feel the need to do that are vulnerable and lacking in self worth. and WHY would an old man want to be with a child unless he was perverted? do you really believe a young girl, confident and happy and with high self esteem, would ever allow an older man to touch her in a sexual way, never mind her seeking it out?? there is NO excuse for an older man to take advantage of vulnerable children. the only ones who do, are perverts and rather evil.
Balthazar Posted March 29, 2008 Posted March 29, 2008 (edited) i already explained to aptly that i wasn't referring to her fiance. 15 year old children (for that is what they are) can be physically sexually mature, yes. however, that does not take away from the fact that they are still children, and their mental health can be damaged hugely by engaging in sexual relations when they are not emotionally mature, particularly with adults who should know better. if i was an older man, and a 15 year old girl attempted to seduce me, i wouldn't walk away - i would RUN!! the very fact that a 15 year old would think it was ok to be with an older man in a sexual way would leave me in NO doubt that she is extremely vulnerable. it leaves the man open to accusations of abuse, and WHY would a young girl be looking for love or affection from an older man? the only girls who would feel the need to do that are vulnerable and lacking in self worth. and WHY would an old man want to be with a child unless he was perverted? do you really believe a young girl, confident and happy and with high self esteem, would ever allow an older man to touch her in a sexual way, never mind her seeking it out?? there is NO excuse for an older man to take advantage of vulnerable children. the only ones who do, are perverts and rather evil. If you are not referring to her fiance, who ARE you referring to? Isn't he one of the evil, older, perverted men that you are describing? And if he isn't, why are you excluding him? To butter up Insane? Furthermore, Insane is not 15; she is 19, possibly older from what I understood. And 19 is not a child; maybe that is the case in the US, but it is not the case in Europe. You keep on referring to vulnerable, young children and this is our disagreement. This is not the case with Insane. Her repeated relationships PROVE this. You are just reiterating blanketing rhetoric without looking at the specifics of this case. You are even disregarding her personal preference as PERVERTED. I don't agree with the age difference in her current relationship, for god's sake, I presented the first post opposing it. But don't you think it is a bit fascist to call her and the guy perverted? And where does this stop? Are homosexuals perverted? how about lesbians? Interracial marriage? How about people who are not Christian? I bring these groups up, not because you referred to them(you didn't), but to illustrate that we need to be careful with prejudices. Bottom Line: If 19 year old Insane wants a relationship with a 61 year old guy, that is her right BY LAW. I cannot agree with her decision, but you bet I will support her right to do so; I will not accept others labeling her relationship a PERVERSION just because it does not fit within the media created confines of modern US society. Edited March 29, 2008 by Balthazar
Starla Posted March 29, 2008 Posted March 29, 2008 i work in a children's home - well, it's a unit for young people who went through the care system. many of these young people were taken from their homes and placed with us because they were sexually abused by adults. there is no way i will view an adult who has a sexual 'relationship' with a child as anything other than perverted. i have seen the damage it causes - eating disorders, self harm, alcohol/substance abuse...they are CHILDREN, and a man who is much older has no right to lay a fingernail on them. so when i say i wasn't referring to her fiancé, i mean i wasn't specifically referring to him. i was referring to all adults who abuse children. from the age of 18, they are adults, albeit barely. even thought the law is that at 16 (at least in the uk) they can have sexual relations, i feel for vulnerable young people, like the OP, this is still much too young. i may well be biased, because of the young people in my care - i'm not sure. i just do not see why an older man would want to be with a child, unless there was something wrong with him.
Balthazar Posted March 29, 2008 Posted March 29, 2008 Starla, you are entitled to your opinion , as I to mine. I think you we both understood each other points, if not accepted them. Cheers,
Starla Posted March 29, 2008 Posted March 29, 2008 :):) yip, i agree, and i enjoyed seeing a somewhat different point of view (although i do think there is lots we do agree on), balthazar, thank you!!!!
Author SameSame Posted March 29, 2008 Author Posted March 29, 2008 A lot of different opinions here. I'd like to clear up that in the relationship with my ex was on both parts, but more so on mine. He had difficulties with sex and it lasted for a long time. I went to him in desperation for someone to listen and understand me, it was an extremely difficult time in my life. I'm not using this as an excuse, but a year and a half prior to meeting him my brother had committed suicide (he was 18). I never spoke to anyone about it and not even him for a long time. I just wanted an older companion to talk with about anything. In time he opened up about a suicide in his life which he still was unable to get over and so we had loss in common. Not a good basis for a relationship, I know. It started as a close friendship and I confused things into thinking there was more to it. I am not innocent by any means, nor do I pretend to be. In the relationship with my ex I had seeked friendship with an older man and it progressed to more when it shouldn't have. Before my current relationship I wasn't looking for anyone. I had a job but with that, I developed a bit of a drinking issue, so I was drunk all the time and tipsy at work which within 5 months made me lose my job. About 2 & 1/2 months before the job loss I met my ex's friend and we just 'clicked'. Nearly 10 months in and I love him more than ever:p In society's eyes, yes, it is certainly perverted on both ends. And to be honest, if someone I knew was dating someone with such an age difference I would have the same thought. But, I would live and let live, if they're both happy then all the power to them. So I understand everyone's opinion and both Balthazar and Starla are absolutely right. You seem to agree on everything but your opinions differ. Just the type of responses I was looking for. Thank you again
Starla Posted March 29, 2008 Posted March 29, 2008 just be good to yourself, pet. whatever you do, be good to yourself!! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Author SameSame Posted March 29, 2008 Author Posted March 29, 2008 In response to Nevermind, yes, I know exactly what is involved should it come to that and I even know that it may be inevitable. We had this discussion many times and have come to the conclusion that to provide him with the care he needs I will need training (my decision). When he was sick while I was living with him, I did all I could for him. If it ever comes to a permanent and more drastic situation I would most certainly want and need to be there for him without hesitation.
Starla Posted March 29, 2008 Posted March 29, 2008 In response to Nevermind, yes, I know exactly what is involved should it come to that and I even know that it may be inevitable. We had this discussion many times and have come to the conclusion that to provide him with the care he needs I will need training (my decision). When he was sick while I was living with him, I did all I could for him. If it ever comes to a permanent and more drastic situation I would most certainly want and need to be there for him without hesitation. NOW you do..but you won't feel like that when the time comes. let me tell you...my young brother had downs syndrome and marfan's syndrome...a lethal combo. he suffered terribly...before he died...his heart was weak and in the weeks before he died (on his 16th birthday) it was killing my MUM to see him like that!!! is this what you want for yourself?? to suffer like my parents did? like i did?? really, wake up!!!!!!!!!!!
Author SameSame Posted March 29, 2008 Author Posted March 29, 2008 Starla, I love him and regardless the situation I will not leave him. If he is suffering I will do anything I can to help him or at least be with him. No, I couldn't imagine the suffering you and your parents went through, but I refuse to leave him when he needs me most. I am deeply sorry for your loss
Starla Posted March 29, 2008 Posted March 29, 2008 sweet...i just don't want you to suffer a loss like that. not when you have a choice. xxxxxxx
Curmudgeon Posted March 29, 2008 Posted March 29, 2008 A long life with a 61 year old man? Keep dreaming hon. Thanks a bunch, Coco. I'm 61. Guess I should just curl up and die right now. Get it done and over with while I can still remember how. Sheesh!
roxy_1980 Posted March 30, 2008 Posted March 30, 2008 (edited) So let me get this straight, you grew up with your grandparents and now you're dating a man 40 years old than you? Where's Freud when you need him? You don't have a daddy complex, you have a granddaddy complex. (Assuming 20 years between generations....that would be two generations, not one for those doing the math) I would speak to a psychologist about this need to date men that old. You're seeking something. Additionally, you said that you wanted a long live with the guy and then went on to explain that you meant you didn't want a cheater, but he left his wife for you? How does that make sense? Edited March 30, 2008 by roxy_1980 grammar issues
Author SameSame Posted March 30, 2008 Author Posted March 30, 2008 (edited) Starla, I hear you... I understand your point. Curmudgeon, coco's response made me chuckle a bit - unfortunately I think this is the general view of the public. I mean, c'mon... regardless how much time you have left you're never too old to be content and happy (and make someone else happy too!) BTW, coco, I know what you're saying - perhaps my life with him won't be as long as we'd like but it's certainly worth it to make the best of the time we have. roxy, it's not like I sought out a man so much older. I met him by luck, I have no complex, I've been through therapy and the therapist never mentioned such things. Grandaddy complex? Freud? Oh please, Freud contradicts himself - although he did acknowledge and further study the unconscious mind and the act of repression most of his other work was proven false. About the cheating - He was only with his wife as long as he was for financial reasons - they slept in seperate rooms, not only did he tell me but I know because I spent nights there while I was visiting the ex. So yes, still it is legally adultery but considering they were practically seperated for a long time before me, logically and morally I don't consider this cheating. Edited March 30, 2008 by AptlyInsane spelling
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