SoComplicated Posted March 29, 2008 Posted March 29, 2008 I can't do it anymore. I am so tired of feeling like this. It is bad enough that we are having an A. What makes it worse is that it is a LDR, too. We have been doing this for over 2 years. I had plans to see him in July. Bought the tickets already. But, I just sent him an e mail telling him that I had some things I needed to return to him and wanted to know if I should have them shipped to a specific location, or if I should give them to someone when I am in town. I still plan to go to visit with friends and family. My heart is aching, but I know I need to do this. I have no idea what he is going to say/do, but I assume it won't be enough to stop me from going NC as soon as I find out what he wants me to do with his stuff.
nadiaj2727 Posted March 29, 2008 Posted March 29, 2008 Welcome SoComplicated, and good for you for realizing you had to end this because it is too hard on you and you just can't do it anymore. I wonder why you say this: I have no idea what he is going to say/do, but I assume it won't be enough to stop me from going NC as soon as I find out what he wants me to do with his stuff. Is there any chance that perhaps you wrote him the email to force him to move in one direction or another? Like, is part of you hoping that your email will make him see you won't put up with being the other woman anymore, and you want him to say he wants to be with you and only you?
Meaplus3 Posted March 29, 2008 Posted March 29, 2008 I can't do it anymore. I am so tired of feeling like this. It is bad enough that we are having an A. What makes it worse is that it is a LDR, too. We have been doing this for over 2 years. I had plans to see him in July. Bought the tickets already. But, I just sent him an e mail telling him that I had some things I needed to return to him and wanted to know if I should have them shipped to a specific location, or if I should give them to someone when I am in town. I still plan to go to visit with friends and family. My heart is aching, but I know I need to do this. I have no idea what he is going to say/do, but I assume it won't be enough to stop me from going NC as soon as I find out what he wants me to do with his stuff. I understand your heart is aching.Simply find out what he want's you to do with his stuff and do it.. that should be your last contact if you wish to get this man out of your life. No contact is the way to go if you really want to get over him. I wish you the best of luck. Stay strong. AP:)
Author SoComplicated Posted March 29, 2008 Author Posted March 29, 2008 Is there any chance that perhaps you wrote him the email to force him to move in one direction or another? Like, is part of you hoping that your email will make him see you won't put up with being the other woman anymore, and you want him to say he wants to be with you and only you? No, that is not what I was hoping for. He has said that he wants to be with me... I don't have the energy and I am so exhausted from my emotions. I will copy and paste our exchange. Read from the bottom up. ----------------------------------------------------------- Here is the response I just sent: Why can't you just tell me straight up that you don't have time or energy for me? Why must you make me wait days on end before you communicate with me. Put me in your shoes. Help me understand why it is that I can have no email from you. No phone calls.. no nothing, Not even the respect and consideration of you to tell me that you can't/won't/no longer want to continue to communicate with me right now. I wouldn't be so hurt or upset if I could just get the truth out of you. If you don't think that I have not considered your position you are entirely wrong. I know you are busy with getting your life settled, getting the kids in school, trying to find a job and a house to buy with your wife. I know all this. Again, what I don't understand is why you just can't say to me that you don't want to communitcate with me anymore. If you have decided that it is too much for you to continue on with me, then TELL me. If you have decided that you no longer want to or have hopes for us to ever have anything together outside of this fantasy we have created for ourselves, then TELL me. If you ever thought to put yourself in my shoes.... All I did was love you...and this is how you treat me. You have totally broken my heart, B. I wish you would have told me sooner. I have wasted so much time and energy loving you. I could never hate you. But, I surely could never keep any of the stuff that you have given me. I would really hate to throw out that (his fave team's) jersey. I thought you might want to keep it since it was the first one you ever bought. [FONT=times new roman, new york, times, serif][FONT=times new roman, new york, times, serif]----- Original Message ---- From: MM To: SoComplicated Sent: Saturday, March 29, 2008 12:30:46 AM Subject: Re: [FONT=times new roman, new york, times, serif]I understand what is happening. I'm sorry. I am an idiot, I have known this for a while. J, you don't have to hate me. If you do, I understand. If you care to put yourself in my shoes, I'd be happy to try to help you. I do love you, whatever happens, I always will. There is nothing you can have that I would want you to return to me. [FONT=times new roman, new york, times, serif] [FONT=times new roman, new york, times, serif]----- Original Message ---- From: SoComplicated To: MM Sent: Friday, March 28, 2008 3:59:19 PM Subject: [FONT=times new roman, new york, times, serif]MM, I have some things I would like to return to you. Would you like them shipped to a specific location or do you prefer that I bring them to (name od town) and give them to someone in July? Hope things are well. SoComplicated [/FONT] [/FONT] [/FONT] [/FONT] [/FONT] [/FONT]
mistresswchildren Posted March 30, 2008 Posted March 30, 2008 I know that somehow you will pull through this. I am at a similar place in my relationship. Do you ever find it strange that we, as the OW, pour our hearts out in e-mails, knowing that we will never receive the response we want? I think that if I were you, I would send him his belongings via mail. It would be easier on you. That way hope doesn't get involved again. Instead of hoping for a future with him (which is something I myself am still dealing with), just have hope for a future with someone who truly cherishes you. I know all of that might sound dumb, but that is all I have to get through the day.
Gwyneth Posted March 30, 2008 Posted March 30, 2008 I just told someone else this on the board, and I will tell you the same thing You need closure. Your way of seeking this closure is to return his items to him--which is perfectly fine. Understand that it takes time to heel--some needs less than others, and some need more time than others. There's no average wait time on heeling and varies from person to person, relationship to relationship. Fortunatley for you, he's far away and you don't have to worry about the risk of running into him. That's your strong position. Your weak position is that you still have his items that you feel you need to return--which is okay, and I feel that you are seeking to find closure by returning his items to him. Give your heart some time to heal. It's like a bad accident that has left you injured and you need time to heal. And you will heal--we all heal
Author SoComplicated Posted March 30, 2008 Author Posted March 30, 2008 Thanks for the responses ladies. I do need closure. I can't just leave it hanging over me. I need to do this to beging the healing process and move on.
Aquarius Rising Posted March 30, 2008 Posted March 30, 2008 If you have decided that you no longer want to or have hopes for us to ever have anything together outside of this fantasy we have created for ourselves, then TELL me. Think about what you have said here and ask your HEART for the truth. You may never get the truth from him. Your emotions are trying to tell you something now about looking after yourself, listen to them. I have just been through an incredibly painful experience of ending an affair with a MM and although it was not of your duration, the pain has been crippling at times. I am in recovery stages and I expect it will take time. What adds to that pain is if you break your NC promise, which I have done in the past and paid dearly for. I can confirm that what my MM and I created together was a spectacular fantasy of a life that would never have existed outside of the affair. I was given some excellent advice here on the forum which may also help you. My first post is on the Infidelity forum. You deserve to be happy, be kind to yourself and let this go. Be strong and find support. Best wishes to you. AR
Author SoComplicated Posted March 30, 2008 Author Posted March 30, 2008 Aquarius, you are right. I need to listen to myself and if he doesn't give me the answers I seek I will. But, for right now, I want to hear it from him. I want him to tell me there is nothing.
Aquarius Rising Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 SC, I doubt that there is nothing....but what he is offering is not enough. My MM would sit on the fence and tell me how special I was and how he's never had such a soulful connection with anyone like me before, at the same time he would tell me that he loved his wife and could never divide his family. I believe that's how he truly feels. even now. I was not prepared to settle for that. This is the dilemma for most of us in an affair. Your MM has feelings for you there's no doubt, but his focus appears to be on his family and that leaves you.....nowhere! I did 3 months of intense processing before I could understand where the affair belonged in my life (i.e. counselling, journaling, talking, art-therapy) but I am definitely getting there now. You can do it, if you value yourself enough.
nadiaj2727 Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 SC, I just want to say that I feel your pain in your email and it heartbreaking. I am sorry you are going through this. I agree with those who have said you may never get the kind of response and closure you want from him. You have to give that gift to yourself. It has to come from within, out of your love of and acceptance for you, from you. You have realized that he hasn't been treating you the way you want and deserve. So now you have to take extra good care of yourself, and treat yourself the way you want and deserve, because we can't rely on anyone else to do that for us. I am sorry for your pain. Like AR said, there is a healing process to go through and it will one day be easier. You will come out through the other end stronger. (hugs)
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