I'm desperate!

[Jimenea]

I'm 19 yrs old right now and I'm so desperate to move out.

Ever since I graduated from highschool my mom has been setting too many rules. She doesn't want her kids to move out, so she always has an excuse from me not to go anywhere. Once I graduated, she started replacing my friends little by little, and everytime I asked to hang out with my best friends she would always have an excuse. ALWAYS! it was always that i had to clean my room and if i did it, then i had to clean the microwave, and if i did that, i had to clean the stove and then clean the bathtub and then more and more....every time i would ask she always had something for me to do or some excuse that just didn't make sense.

my brother and i are very diff, he likes to stay at home and play video games, he doesn't hardly ever go out with his few friends except about 3 times a year. its insane, i don't know how he does it, but he is happy. he's 22. I, on the other hand, love my friends...I wan't to live a college kid life, i want to go out at least 2 to 3 times a month, but that is too much for my mom to handle i guess.

ever since i graduated from highschool i've just gotten more and more depressed. when i started college in august it was also scary and i didn't have my friends to talk about those same experiences that they were going through too...so my grades started dropping. i know, i'm an idiot right. but i had absolutely no motivation anymore, besides not wanting to be a bum. in highschool, my friends and i studied together and all that good stuff, then all of a sudden i was on my own literally. i was having no fun at all that i just stopped caring a little about school and it reflected a lot on my grades. all through highschool i kept A's except for the occasional one or two B's. then all of a sudden i made all C's my first semester in college...now i could even lose my scholarship! i'm more motivated now to do better just bc i need the scholarship for next year...but i'm also dying to move out...

i just got my permit not to long ago..

why? bc my parents always had an excuse..but i finally got it done.

then my bro let me practice driving in his car cuz he knows how badly i need to move out bc my mom and I bumped heads ALL the time...

i'm miserable at home!

i want my independence

but now all of a sudden my bro is getting more and more moody and he easily gets angry...sometimes its so scary when he is angry that its ridiculous.

and he won't let me practice in his car anymore and he won't let me get my license with his car...i asked him why and he said he didn't have to have a reason, that it was his car.

so now i'm stuck at home!

my mom also didn't let me work at all until i disobeyed when i graduated my HS and now have a job...she still holds that against me but i'm not sorry...im just said that i disrespected her. i love her so much and all my family but there comes a point where i need to start getting ready for my own life.

i don't want to just be a housewife like her...that's not my dream

i want to have a career, finish college, and not get married so soon and start having babies so soon...i want to learn and experience a lot about the world first without her holding my hand. and i want to travel and explore life before settling down...but she doesn't understand.

i've saved up enough money but i'm so scared of losing my scholarship.

if i lose it i have to pay back the money they already gave me...

plus i have to get my license and i can't do that living with my family obviously

and i have to buy a car.

ive tried to do it the smart way but i'm tooo tired nwo and growing more and more impatient.

she doesn't even let me apply to most places she has to choose for me and i want to really be a waitress while i attend college...

i think its stupid that she wants to control my life so much.

now i'm not allowed to go anywhere..only to school and to work. thats it.

no friends never. if i want to go to the movies its only iwth my bro.

if i want to go to the mall, its with my bro. we all go to the store together to eat together, we c each other everyday at home...i'm with them 24/7! i love my family but i want my privacy, i want to have a say. plus i am assigned chores, which is okay, but i HAVE to wash the dishes every day...even if i get off of work like at 1am i still have to come home to the lovely pile of dishes and get them done..by hand. she doesn't believe in the dishwasher. she doesn't work, she loves to cook but she leaves the dishes to me...which is fine...but on top of having to freedom i have chores too. it seems a bit >.<

when it comes down to it i'm scared to move out

im always thinking that i should still be strong and smart and keep saving up more money and move out later, but then again...my life is passing me by...while my friends are living up their life.

i now sleep during the day and wake up around 1am to do my hmwk in order to get some space from my family...it's quite dumb and sad i guess that i have to do that...but it makes me a bit happier...

i don't knwo what to do...

please give me advice, i'm hoping to move out tomorrow morning and packing up tonight so i'll keep checking for advice...

i don't want to make a dumb move...so stop me if you think i am...my head is hurting just on debating it myself...

plus i hope my relationship with my mom and family is better when we move out.

i'm just tired of her talking bad about me behind my back.

i've never snuck out or hit her or anything...i'm flaws are rolling my eyes, sighing and having a tone in my voice..oh and she says she can't trust me cuz i took a job without her wanting me too (my first job ever this past summer) so she says i disrespected her...which i did in a way..but i'm 19...i thought it was time fore me to start making money and learing how to manage it. then bc i was getting tired of not having freedom anyway, the last time i got to hang out with my best friend i got drunk almost intentionally and bc i was just so darned tired of her not having good excuses for keeping me locked up at home..(i got to hang out with my friends 3 times after graduating and bfore getting completely grounded)

so yeah anyway i got home drunk and she slapped me and called the police on me...but anyway those are my evil flaws taht i have that she hates so much...

i don't understand, my friends have done soooo much more bad things then i have and i'm, to her eyes, the most evilist child ever.

i'm never good enough for her, wether i won medals in track or dance team or if i took honor classes and had a higher GPA than my bro..my bro somehow always came on top and is somehow still the perfect one...even though he doesn't want to go to college anymore and I want to desperately keep going even though its emotionally a struggle right now...UGH

pls help

i'm just gonna stop writing or i'll be here all night.

-_-

[Jimenea]

even if you guys skim through it all it'll be fine, i just would appreciate some feedback pls

[Ariadne]

Hey,

 

It sounds like you are desperate.

 

Just calm down a bit.

 

You can still talk to your friends on IM, or myspace or something.

 

If I were you I'd quit working and just focus on school.

 

Work takes a lot of time and is distracting.

 

If you can, just get yourself a moped or a cheap car, so that you can go to school.

 

Good luck.

[Shellz937]

I swear our mothers are twins!!! I feel your pain just take a breath for a moment. This is going to sound cheesy but have you sat down and calmly explain to her you need to have a job for life experience so that it can help you gain a better job when you graduate.

 

She's your mom she's going to always think of you as her little baby. So here's what you do, make it seem like she's controling your life. You want a job, alright go get a few applications and ask her for her opinions on which one would be best for you. She'll think you're letting her into your life.

 

Next step to gain a somewhat normal social life. Have "study sessions", just tell her your teacher has assigned you a group project. I do not agree that lying is the best way but...it will give you some sort of a breather for a few hours. I'm not talking about going to the movies but this should give you a chance to talk to a few people on campus and regain some sort of a break. Unfortunatly I had to do something like this, so I could see my friends. I told my mom that one of my computer courses uses a program in their computer labs and that I needed to spend one day a week to get my homework done. In all reality I spent the time in the student center and I ended up making some great friends and I found some of my stress that I was feeling faded.

 

As for the driving thing you are on your own with that one. I just got my first car and I'm 20, but my parents did insist I get my license when I was 16.

 

I would sit down with her and just talk to her not shouting but just have a normal conversation. Explain to her how you feel, yes she will be hurt, most likely she'll try to tighten the reins but ask her "why was I allowed to hang out with my friends in highschool and now I can't".

 

Focus on your schooling, i'm on my forth year in college and your grades are so important. Show her you are willing to be an adult and proove to her that you have priorities that your education does come first.

 

Good luck!

[Jimenea]

well...thx that's all good advice

but the thing is....the only reason i'm desperate is because i've tried all those things.

my mother is very stubborn and unfortunately i am too..but i try and give in most of the time with her...but things just keep getting worse.

when we were younger my fam went to counsiling to fix our relationship...but my bro was fine but the relationship between me and my momma wore thin...i mean, through counsiling things got worse. to her, she is always right...the way she raises her kids to the way she thinks...and does things...EVERYTHING...i don't think she really likes change at all.

we sat down many nights to talk things out...again and again we would come to an understanding but she never kept her end of the deal...

she lies quite a bit to me...and most of the time we talk it usually escalates to yelling bc "her word is ALWAYS the last" she's the mom and she makes all the rules no matter if they are obsurd.

through all my life she has been always telling me to see her as my bestfriend and a mom...that i will never have a better friend than her...well...c i tried that over and over again too. but no matter what we talk about she always, later down the road, when we get into an argument or just something dumb and insignificant she'll bring it up and use everything against me. my real best friends don't do that.

and this is how stubborn she is...the time i went to the mall with my bro.we came back and she automatically followed me into my room to c what i bought...so i showed her and of course she shakes her head like always(which annoys me) and i just said well it's okay i'm the one who's gonna wear them...(plus i would understand if she disapproved if it was her money and if the clothes were slutty..but they were dress clothes!) and i said that i bought a cute short dress but that since i had no frineds w/ me at the mall helping pick things out that i bought home to get her opinion (so i was asking what she thought when i put it on..if she didn't like it i would take it home) she said no u don't want my opinion i don't care etc...and kept saying I am asking you for your opinion...and so yeah...she's stubborn...i mean that attitude is what is expected of an immature teen or even children...anyway

this is how strict she is

one day she let me hang out with my best friend and she was gonna get tested...my momma stayed at home with my sis....

so me and my friend got there and it was closed so we went back to her house and exercised (crunches, pushups etc) it only took about 30 mins then she drove me home...my mom asked me how it went and i said it was closed...so she asked y it took me then 30 mins to come back home..and i said cuz we exercised a bit at her house(completely harmless i think) and then she dropped me off. then she started getting mad and she asked me if i boss myself around and that she has the word in everything and that i have to live by her rules and that i have to ask her permission first and blah blah....

i mean if i woulda just said yeah it went okay and lied...it would of been okay..

how ridiculous is that?

and like 4 or 5 years or so ago...she always had me help her cook...so i was cutting up tomatoes for american hot dogs and apperantly they were too big of squares that she hit me and told me i was stupid and worthless and that they should be way smaller...so yeah...

does that give you a bit more insight to my situation...

here's more..

i ran track in middle school adn bc she always put me down and never really complimented me i couldn't wear tank tops or shorts...so i would run in pants during the hot season...in middle school we were allowed to wear sweats to run in (silly i know) it wasn't until highschool that i stopped hanging on her words as if they were godly and i opened my eyes...i joined dance team and track and little by little i started wearing tank tops and shorts (not skimpy)

also in middle school we had an argument about me rolling my eyes and this is when i had made it in cheerleading...so we fought and she was pissed as always and then she told me i couldn't cheer...i mean taking a activity away that is school related! to this day i'm still upset about it...

and she also grounded me from church cuz she said i was being a slut...okay first of all i was in the choir...second of all there were guys in the choir and third of all I'm sorry for making guy friends in the choir...! seriously what...they talked to me and sorry if i didn't ignore them...but i thought that was silly. so i haven't been to church since i was 15. and still don't go...oh and yeah...still a virgin...

its insane!

but no..i've cooled down since last night and i'm gonna try and stick to my plans and move out during the summer if i don't lose my scholarship b/c honestly i think i'll do better with my grades if i have friends around (physcially) not just by phone or myspace etc...

oh and i did end up getting a job last summer and she still hangs that over my head...i dont regret it. that's the best thing i've ever done for myself and i was proud that i stood up for what i wanted.

i've tried to choose jobs with her so that she could have a say but that's the thing w/ her, she says yes and then when it comes time to apply or take action she always has an excuse to delay them...(tht's only when it comes to me)

don't get me wrong though..i love my mom and my bro and sis....but i seriously do think that we would get along better if we didn't live underthe same roof.

and she is also great...i mean there are ups to her of course...many...but my happiness in this house is declining as i get older...and seriously i'm not looking forward to lving in this house till im finished with college which will be when i'm about 25 or older...cuz i know her and i know that if i stay here my life will only consist of working and going to school and never hanging out with friends , wether if its just to go to the park and play tennis or to go to the library to meet up with them or to the mall...

she doesn't let me even go to their bday parties...

and i'm proud i've stayed as long as i have...but i'm a fool to keep thinking that things WILL get better...over and over i've been proven wrong yet i've been so hopeful that things will get better...I'm still a little hopefully but then if i think about it..who am i kidding...things won't get better until i move out...then we won't bunt heads...

idk...i'm still scared outta my whitts to move out...but i'm trying to built up my courage by summer.

hopefully this is better info

[Shellz937]

It is better info and I think you are right. Perhaps moving out is a better solution, just remember since I have a mother just like yours that when you do it, she's going to see it as a form of betrayal. Also when you do move out take into consideration about how much things are going to cost such as food, living expenses and so on and so forth. But I agree with you, sometimes the cost of being on your own is way worth the price of keeping your sanity.

 

Also talk to a friend that you truly trust and see if they wouldn't mind moving in with you that way living expenses are cut. Don't go more than one room mate it always ends in disaster. It's going to be scary, all new things are but remember what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

 

If you want to chat ever my AIM sn is BlueEyesAngel4e

[Jimenea]

I would love to chat...but I don't have an AIM anymore...it won't install in this laptop..so i don't bother with it. lol.

yeah i know..i'm moving out in two weeks hopefully..i'm gonna c how the new job goes and i think my friend will let me stay with him and his roommate till i can surely afford getting an apartment. i'm so excited and nervous! lol

thx for all the advice, it was great

I have a myspace however...if u have one then we can chat there sometimes

take care!

[Shellz937]

Try using a site called www.meebo.com It keeps you from having to install anything. I'm an Info Tech major so it doesn't install anything weird on your laptop.

 

My myspace is Shellz937 hit me up sometime. Good luck and think of it this way you are expanding your comfort zone. Just remember keep your grades up.