What kind of interest here?

[tree-seeking missile]

Hey,

 

I was hoping you kind people could give me a little advice. I'm in a bit of an odd situation, which makes it quite difficult to figure out what exactly is going on here and how I should proceed.

 

Cut a long story short, I was involved in a motorcycle accident six months ago that could very easily have cost me my life, but I was "lucky" to escape with a badly shattered tibia and some nerve damage/dislocation etc.

Now a neighbour of mine - we've lived in the same street for a few years, but had never really spent any time together and certainly not alone. She's very attractive, but it had just never been on the agenda...

Anyway, as soon as she heard about this, she sent me some chocolate and grapes while I was in hospital along with a really nice card, and put at the bottom PS. we should go for a drink when you come out!

 

And we did. It was just that, really, a drink - fun evening, didn't really follow it up. I wasn't in any real mood to do so, what with all the things I had to worry about at the time and my bad physical condition.

Then she came round last week to say hello, apologised for not having been in touch in the meantime (university finals at the moment) and that she'd lost her phone, could she please have my number again. I said thanks for stopping by, and I'd give her a call basically. Which I did - and we arranged to go out on Tuesday. The interesting part here is she initially said not this week, so much revision to do etc. etc. but sure after my exams, I said OK wish you all the best with that, let me know how it goes, call me when you've got time etc. Then she calls me back a short while later and says well actually my revision can wait, wanna go out for a drink tomorrow? As we did.

 

Had a great time actually, we really connected and had a real laugh. I'm starting to feel some real attraction there. And I also figured, well, a number of people I considered friends have abandoned me over the months following my injury and she's been brilliant, so she deserves appreciation for that too.

She suggested a couple of times during the course of the evening that we should go out again in the near future (eg. with reference to the "curry night" they do at the pub on a Thursday). Generally, seems very keen to keep seeing me and spending time with me. Always smiling, laughing, having a good time etc. when together.

However, other things suggest that her interest isn't romantic, odd though that would seem given the situation. Nothing I could figure out as being particularly flirty, beyond the smiling and eye contact and talking and so on. I kissed her on the cheek at the end of the night, which she seemed happy with. I said I'd see her soon.

Obviously I want to make sure I'm getting things right here because it's a little too close to home for my liking if something goes wrong. I also feel like my position as the man is being subverted a little by my injury - being on crutches etc. she picks me up in the car, gets the door etc. and of course I can't exactly use a "guiding hand" to lead her across the room or whatever when I'm on the things!

Some things would indicate she's crazy about me, others that she wants a friendship. I do think she's a bit shy - not as in quiet, she talks plenty, but she's a "nice girl". And I know she had a boyfriend back in October, but I'm 99% sure she doesn't anymore.

 

Sorry about the long-winded post - I want to give her a call over the weekend and set something up, but she's proving quite difficult to read!

 

Thanks in advance.

[TheFonz]

I think since you two have went out on a couple dates that you should make a move on her next time. You know, something like go in for the make out. If she isn't receptive to the make out, then you know she isn't romantically/sexually interested in you and you can foget about that and decide if you want to remain friends. There's a window of oportunity and if you don't act fast enough it closes. Then you will be locked into a friendship with her.

[whichwayisup]

Next time you go out with her, instead of kissing her on the cheek, kiss her on the mouth. You'll know soon enough if she is into you or not.

 

She is interested in you, her actions do show you this.

[tree-seeking missile]

I think since you two have went out on a couple dates that you should make a move on her next time. You know, something like go in for the make out. If she isn't receptive to the make out, then you know she isn't romantically/sexually interested in you and you can foget about that and decide if you want to remain friends. There's a window of oportunity and if you don't act fast enough it closes. Then you will be locked into a friendship with her.

 

Aye. I'm trying to think of something we could do that would make that progression more natural, I would usually go for something playful or fun like bowling or ice skating - hell, taking her for a ride would be ideal but that will have to wait a few months! But none of those things are at all practical for me at the moment, cinema date maybe?

 

Next time you go out with her, instead of kissing her on the cheek, kiss her on the mouth. You'll know soon enough if she is into you or not.

 

She is interested in you, her actions do show you this.

 

I just want it to feel natural, rather than forceful. Just seems like it would be a little "too much" considering the lack of physical contact so far, which is why I went for the cheek.

 

Thanks for the replies!

[Krytie TV]

I know it's difficult man, but you're hardly ever going to be sure. If we reserved making a move on someone until we were sure, it could be a lonely life.

 

Bottom line is she has initiated on you twice. It's now your turn to step it up and do some work if you want it to go anywhere. You likely aren't sure because she's not sure because, as you describe it, you've been "playing it cool". Now it's time to be a little more assertive.

 

Ask her out and make sure by the end of the night you define where you're at with her. Have you told her anything to suggest you like her romantically? You need to if not. Give her a real kiss at the end. Whatever, just, as they say, sh*t or get off the pot. Know what I mean?

[compassion42]

I think a cinema date would be perfect. It sounds like she really likes you and that she is just waiting for you to initiate something a little bit romantic.

[tree-seeking missile]

I know it's difficult man, but you're hardly ever going to be sure. If we reserved making a move on someone until we were sure, it could be a lonely life.

 

Bottom line is she has initiated on you twice.

 

Good point.

 

It's now your turn to step it up and do some work if you want it to go anywhere. You likely aren't sure because she's not sure because, as you describe it, you've been "playing it cool". Now it's time to be a little more assertive.

 

Ask her out and make sure by the end of the night you define where you're at with her. Have you told her anything to suggest you like her romantically? You need to if not. Give her a real kiss at the end. Whatever, just, as they say, sh*t or get off the pot. Know what I mean?

 

I get what you're saying. Thanks.

 

I'm liking the cinema idea more by the minute...

[tree-seeking missile]

I think a cinema date would be perfect. It sounds like she really likes you and that she is just waiting for you to initiate something a little bit romantic.

 

Aha, well that's settled then. Cinema it is!

 

I almost feel like a moron now for not seeing the obvious.

[tree-seeking missile]

OK, I know this really shouldn't be bothering me too much, but I feel some external perspective would be helpful.

I called her on Saturday (which would make it...four days after we went out), she didn't pick up. Hasn't returned my call. No biggie. Out of character for her though, she usually returns my calls instantly.

 

So I dropped by to say hello a few hours ago (she is a neighbour, after all) but she hadn't got home from uni yet. Her mother (family friend) said that she'd get her to give me a call.

 

Under normal circumstances this wouldn't bother me, but so far she's made all the moves and dropped all the hints. I really don't like being thrown a curveball! I just get this feeling that she's either decided that playing games with me is a Good Idea , which I really can't be arsed with - never have, never will, or it's something I said or did (which I doubt very much).

I was initially going to let her call me whenever because I know she's busy with uni work at the moment, but with recent events in mind I thought she might take that as a sign of disinterest. Maybe she is genuinely busy with revision, but even so it wouldn't be a big deal to take two minutes to return my call.

 

Am I expecting too much?

[Krytie TV]

Walk away and let her come to you. It sounds like she's playing games or has something else going on. Don't keep pressing, it'll come off as pathetic.

[Jilly Bean]

What's curry night all about?

[tree-seeking missile]

Aye, I intend to. In fact I kind of regret bothering to go over today - seemed like a good idea at the time.

 

This game-playing nonsense does my head in though, it just pisses me off and makes me see them in a more negative light. Now I remember why I usually stick with bikes.

 

It's the absolute last thing I would have expected from such a genuinely nice person aswell. You have to wonder if some clown told her it would be a good idea.

[tree-seeking missile]

What's curry night all about?

 

We have a large chain of pubs in the UK which are well-priced (as far as rip-off Britain goes, anyway) and very popular. They do a curry night, a grill night and err...Sunday roasts, so they serve those particular foods on those days at discount prices. I pointed it out on the menu and she said we should do that some time soon.