stlnsmile Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 My ex dumped me, made me feel like crap about myself, made me feel like it was my fault when we were breaking up, tore my heart out threw it on the floor and stomped on it, said the worst things to me during the break up......and now, he has to rub his new girl in my face. I mean if I broke someones heart, and I knew I had, I would at least have the decency to feel bad about it, and maybe try to respect the other person enough to not rub my new guy in their face, or not do it at all for a while. I mean its not like I ever persued him, or tried to, or tried to talk to him after the break up. He had no need to feel like he had to put another nail in the coffin. He had no need to try to hurt me some more. And the thing is, I know he can't have anything really with this girl, he leaves in 5 months? Unless he's planning a really long distance relationship. I mean why......why do dumpers have to be soooooo cruel. I didn't do anything to him. And in fact the few times he said hi to me at school, the one time he sat with me on the bus.....I was nice to him, after he broke my heart? I didn't say one mean thing, or let him know I was dying inside. I mean why???? Why does he have to go one step farther and push the dagger in even further.....why do guys do that? My heart is breaking, I'm being strong, but damn it.....what the heck. I didn't persue him, he didn't need to send the message more clearly, it was taken the first time. I mean couldn't he respect me enough to wait a little bit. I don't know, maybe when you don't care beans about someone 3 months is a long time to wait to date. But he's leaving, one of the reasons he said he broke it off with me, he didn't think it would work when he went to college and of course I was here. I took that as he didn't think he was going to make it through the temptation of all those other college women....okay......so why get involved now with someone else here? God.......why can't he just make this easy on me.....why does he have to be such a bastard? I know he didn't love me, okay so fine, but can't you at least be human and have a small piece of compassion for me? Why for once in his God forsaken life can't he be the bigger person and have compassion on me......he knows he ripped out my heart......what more does he want? I'm sorry, I just don't understand? Why are dumpers so amazingly mean, when you did not persue them in anyway. I mean so many people on this site say its because they want you to know there is no chance for reconciliation......but I did not try for reconsiliation, only one time 6 days after the break up.......that was it. I mean I avoided him......and when he would come up to me, I never approached him, I was nice......so WTF? Why does he feel the need to smash my heart into a thousand more pieces.....I guess he doesn't even think of me enough to realize that it might F***in hurt me? God am I that little of a thought in his mind that he doesn't realize this would tear me apart......sh**! I'm so angry.
hopenfaith Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 [FONT="]Again, Smile, I feel like we are in the same boat. After my ex ending things in Nov. I was gone. I took everything I had at this place that night and never turned back. Did I want to call him? Yes. Did I want to see him? Yes. But I knew we needed some space to clear the air first.... now 4 months later I still haven't really heard from him--except for a "hi/bye" gchat convo in Jan. and at least I responded. For his 25th birthday I called him and left a nice MSG for him...still no response. Now I hear he is dating someone else... He was a guy that I've been friends with for 7 years, and during our last semester in college we decided to give a relationship a try (he even stayed in the city we went to school in to be with me). I was very wary of the situation because he was my best friend; I cared about him so much and didn't want timing to ruin a possible great relationship if we took the time to grow up. I know he had been in love with me for years and I loved him too but knew I was not in a place to be in a relationship. Now 3 years later everything I said would happen has happened. After being an active part of each other lives for 7 years, we haven't spoken in 4 MONTHS!!! Its like he doesn’t want ANYTHING to do with me after wanting EVERYTHING to do with me for 7 years. I'm so lost.[/FONT]
Author stlnsmile Posted March 28, 2008 Author Posted March 28, 2008 Yeah, we were friends too, and we were so close, young, but talking about marriage and kids and family. Our families were very close, traveled together etc...we knew we were young, but had planned out our whole future together, how we would handle him going to Officer canidate school etc....we never fought, the only time we really did was the few weeks before the break. Everyone thought we were the perfect couple. Everyone always said how cute we were together how in love we were how we would make it....even our parents said that. He broke with me in Dec. 16, right before Christmas and my birthday. I never chased him, he has asked for space before he broke up with me, but I didn't believe in that space cr**, so I told him either you love me or you dont. He broke up. Now I wish I had given him space, but the truth is it probably would have ended up the same anyway. After we broke up, I called 6 days later and tried to get him back, he said he would think about it, but I knew by his tone, he wouldn't. I told him if he changed his mind to let me know. Duuuuhhhhh! Anyway, I never called him again, he approached me a few times at school, but would never say anything important, so obviously I figured, he broke with me, he will say something if he wants me back. Part of me doubts that decision to not do anything, because I also know he is the type that would be very afraid to say anything to me if he thought I hated him. He's shy and cocky all at the same time. Anyway, I never said a word. I never chased him. I figured he knew where I was if he ever wanted me......he never did, and now he is with someone else. Parts of me feel......God, should I have said something, anything???? I have another post, where I talk about him touching my arm the one night I broke NC to get a pair of ski pants.......should I have spoken to him? I guess I will never know. I feel that if he wanted the relationship, he was the one who broke up, he should have been the one to say something. Now its too late. I am completely in the same boat as you are......obviously its been months, and the pain is mostly gone, most days are pretty good.....the last 4 have sucked. But I guess as I have said......I'll stop crying soon, and when I do, I have faith that it will be better than it even was before, and that I will be more ready to move on.
Author stlnsmile Posted March 28, 2008 Author Posted March 28, 2008 So can anyone, men, tell us why they have to be so cruel after the break up? Expecially when you did not chase them???????????
sedgwick Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 In your case it almost sounds like there's a misunderstanding going on that's making him so mad at you. Do you know for certain that he didn't hear an untrue rumor or something?
Author stlnsmile Posted March 28, 2008 Author Posted March 28, 2008 Well, I mean its possible he's heard something about me from someone that is not true, but at the same time, I mean he did say he didn't love me anymore and he had not "been feelin it" for about four months before he broke up with me, and that he had been trying to figure out for four months how to break it off with me. Please remember he's 18 and stupid! Most guys my age are stupid:~) But when I tried to get him back, he said no, I think I've made the right decision.....so he didn't leave me a lot of wiggle room. He didn't want me....period. So I moved on the best I could. About six weeks later, I really did need my ski pants, I was leaving the next day for a ski trip and my mom was not going to buy me another pair. So I called him and asked him if I could come and get them from him, if you look at my other posts from that night.....the whole story is there, any way he was looking at me and touched me and staring at me as I left.......and I wondered.......and wondered and wondered. But he never called? I wasn't mean to him. I've never treated him rejectfully.....I've always been nice......even after he broke my heart.....he came up to me probably about 5 times all together at school....the first 2 times he talked to me about what he had been doing how things were going bla bla bla......then the last few times were just waves. But seriously, shy or not, scared or not....if a man wants something, he knows how to go about getting it. He knows I love him.....I told him that the last time we spoke, that I wanted him, to get back together. I mean its possible rumors have been going around, but then again, if he wanted to know??? Wouldn't he just ask? Or call, or write a letter.....or something? I mean come on. Now he's with someone, he could have done anything else, even gone on some dates.....and I could have accepted that.....but to really be with her...invite her to his home....to hang with his family etc....no, I can't go there again. He could have had a friend talk to me if he was too scared. Noooo I think he just does not love me and I better accept that. Also, when I say we did not fight, that does not mean there were not issues, because there were issues. He never wanted to come back and try later to work them out.....and they were stupid when I really think about them. And mostly his issues, I mean I had an issue about how much time he wanted to spend with me, which was very little, probably 5 hrs. week total, and not at one time 1 hr. here 1 hr. there. But he was doing that because he didn't want to be with me anymore. So I was getting upset about that, him never wanting to see me...never feeling the urge to just be with me. And I had a problem with the fact that I knew his mom was trying to keep us apart on purpose.....long story there.... in other posts. But seriously, I would have walked through fire for him, mom or not. I didn't care. I think he just had an issue with who I was as a person, he did not approve of me or my life. He judged me, and my family. If he had told me what he wanted, what he needed, what he felt at any time, seriously, I would have done whatever he needed me to do. I loved him, that was it for me.......actually talking about this though now....is just bringing up too much. He's been gone a really long time, he's moved on with another, and I guess if he ever gets his head out of his a** he knows where I am, we do live on the same damn street. I love him and he knows it, but I can live with out him and I can love another. I will always carry a place for him in my heart.....he's tatood on my heart. But that does not mean it is ment to be. At the same time, the person that I thought he was, I don't think exsists anymore. The person that I loved.....isn't there. I don't know who this is.
Author stlnsmile Posted March 28, 2008 Author Posted March 28, 2008 Guys, can you please help me, can you say something....I know he doesn't care about me at all, but he knows he's leaving in 5 months, why does he have to do this, when he knows it would hurt me? I need to know what guys think....I know he doesn't care for me in "that way" anymore, but he also knows how bad he hurt me, he also knows I left him alone. He also knows he's leaving....far away from here.....in 5 months, why is he doing this.....is this just so he can get a piece for prom night? GOD.......!!!!!!!! Ya know thats another one of my messed up fantasies, that he was going to wait until before prom and then ask me to go as his friend, and maybe I would get to talk to him.......I knew it wouldn't happen.....as I said, one of those random fantasies.....but really, I just don't understand why he couldn't just wait until he went off to college, and find some girl he's friends with to go to prom with.....why does he have to go and start a relationship? I guess I really mean nothing, and I mean nothing to him at all, not even as, thats a girl I cared for a little bit and I don't want to be a sh** to her kinda way. Guys please say something..........
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