hooghie Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 I am hurting so badly right now. My husband is drunk and he just told me his ex girlfriend (who he moved to another country for) contacted him a few months ago and they have been talking through email and chat ever since. He seems to think it's ok because she is married with 2 kids. I made him show me the emails but he wouldn't let me on his computer for too long. bHe is really drunk and just keeps telling me how stupid and ridiculous I am being because he 'obviously doesn't care about her.' He just doesn't get that he broke a trust with me. We tell each other everything so by not telling something- it's hiding it in my opinion. I have an awful day at work tomorrow and it looks like I won't be getting any sleep tonight. He is in an annoying drunk state where he won't just leave me alone. I don't know what to do. I wish I could just fall sleep and forget about this until after work tomorrow.
jmargel Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 Hope you got some sleep.. What he is having is an emotional affair, which is to me, worse then a physical affair. Him also being defensive about it is not good. I believe you need to use the tough love approach, otherwise you will be in misery while you are with him. I also think this isn't the only problem you two are having. Perhaps counseling might be in order for him. Whatever you decide to choose, don't tolerate his behavior and don't let him try to talk his way out of this. I would suggest putting on a key logger to find his password so you can read his emails. This will capture his password and also the chats he has. http://www.kmint21.com/download.html It's called 'Home Keylogger' and it's free and works good. No need to be left wondering what is going on..
Scrivdog Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 (edited) She contacted him, he answered and is conversing with her via email. And then he volunteers the information, thinking it's no big deal anyway. He even let her see the emails. Evidently he thinks it's safe bcause she's married with 2 kids. This means that he hasn't seen or spoken to her in what - 3 years? Maybe more? It's not necessarily an emotional affair at all. If it was - the man would have kept his mouth shut to begin with. He could probably just still be friends with her to a degree without feeling any emotional attachments at all. It's not that unusual. Hell - I even know divorced people who still talk to eacher regularly with 0 sexual tension. Don't freak out and don't jump to any conclusions. Next time the guy won't tell you anything - even if it's innocent lest you lose it again. Go ahead and ask him to stop if it bothers you - but don't go accusing him of cheating and making a federal case out of it. Edited March 28, 2008 by Scrivdog
jmargel Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 It's not necessarily an emotional affair at all. If it was - the man would have kept his mouth shut to begin with. Only because he was drunk.. The stupid things people do when they are intoxicated. He also would not let her read the emails. If he had nothing to hide he would have told her months ago, and allowed her to read the emails.
Author hooghie Posted March 29, 2008 Author Posted March 29, 2008 I think what he did was very wrong and I think he knew that OR he would have told me. I was able to see some emails through my own sneaking and he didn't say anything too bad in any of them but it is clear that many were deleted. I also found out that she first contacted him in August. It is also clear that over the course of a few days- at least 150 emails were exchanged- short, one sentence but still. She seemed to try to cross the line a few times. I even asked him recently if he had heard from her and he said 'no.' I also found out that on at least one occasion- she chatted with him on video (just her- not him). I agree that he only told me cuz he was drunk. He says he was planning on telling me but I can't accept that right now since it started in August. The first thing he did this morning was email her and let her know I found out and that it may break up our marriage. I'm very upset about that too. He has also been very mean to me lately about how I look but my look has only improved over the last 2 years (way way better before though). Anyway, I can't help but wonder if the meaness is related. I should mention that things got really really bad last night. I have to work all weekend cuz of this and I may have some explaining to do at work on monday.
Nomad1 Posted March 30, 2008 Posted March 30, 2008 Tell him to stop and contact the OW and ask her to do the same! Had they had children, one would understand regular formal communication, but 150 emails in weeks with someone he knew very intimately sounds like an EA. She is clearly dissatisfied with her marriage and is trying to lure your husband into a PA maybe more. Tell him to either stop it or the marriage is over. EAs destroy marriages. Don't wait for that to happen. Take control of the situation before it is too late. Nomad1
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