wonderinwhatsup Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 Most of yall know about my situation but the simplified version: my ex broke up with me and now has a new boyfriend. She had been contacting me regularly even though I didnt respond (NC) now its been over a week since she last said anything. I do still love her, but I wonder if she is thinking about me at all anymore. Also guys any tricks yall have used to stop thinking about her would be highly appreciated. I saw on one of my friend's facebook profile that she would be home for the weekend starting tonight (aka seeing him). My mine wanders and I have the horrible knowledge that they are together and having sex. This hurts tremendously, how have you guys been able to stop yourselves from thinking about the ex on lonely nights. Thanks for the help yall!
Fluffybunny7 Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 Short answer, find something to keep your mind occupied. Focus on a hobby or something. Good luck, I know it's rough.
Prosecco Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 I've booked a motorbike direct access course. I'm pretty certain I'll fail, worried I wont even pass the eyesight test! But - it helps, as instead of thinking about how I've lost the only bloke I've met who I thought I had a long term chance with... I can think about a) how awesome I'll look in bike leathers or b) how utterly terrified of dying I am. I know it's a short term fix - but... short term is a good start. Is there anything you've ever wanted to learn to do? Do it!
Kman21 Posted March 29, 2008 Posted March 29, 2008 Hey as you know I have the same problem as you, I try not to think about it, just have no contact at all from her, try not to hear what she is doing by your friends, just cut off all contact is my advice. Keep yourself is occupied, focus on a particular goal, or start on a new hobby. Just do anything to keep your mind occupied. Every morning I wake up, I start missing her like crazy. Its hard every morning for me but I try to stay strong and so can you.
bleh Posted March 29, 2008 Posted March 29, 2008 iv been toying with the idea of some charity work, like helping struggling kids at school or something (yes it sounds sappy) but as a uni student with a part time job i have a little bit of downtime... and when you think about it yes relationships are probably the most important thing in life, so what are we gonna do when we don't have a relationship?? and helping somebody else out seems pretty meaningful (probably why a lot of us enjoy it here)
Prosecco Posted March 29, 2008 Posted March 29, 2008 I've also planned my first Jiu Jitsu class tomorrow. It's not entirely 'him' free - because one of the instructors is a friend I met through him - his ex flatmate.
Food4Thought Posted March 30, 2008 Posted March 30, 2008 I'm with you, buddy!! I'm on my second day and have been delivered an indirect, unexpected additional blow today. The knowledge of finality has finally sunk in and I'm starting to freak out a little. I too am thinking about my ex girl....constantly. Everything from the "I coulda, shoulda woulda's" to the "if, if, if's" to finally "how could she? why me? I suck!" I've found comfort here, on this site, learning from all of you. However, when this doesn't cut it, I try...try really hard, to engage in a hobby, talk to friends, or go out somewhere (as reluctant as you may feel). It really helps. Also consider making a list of things that you would like to do, places you'd like to go, or new proficiencies that you are interested in attaining. You will still think of her. But, setting some goals, engaging in activities, and spending time with friends will really put you in a great spot to get moving with this new unexplored road ahead. It's hard, I know. I'm struggling with that now too and it's hard right now to pick yourself up to get going. But, keep at it...we all have your back here and believe in your recovery Peace!
motive2002 Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 ex broke up with me and now has a new boyfriend. She had been contacting me regularly even though I didnt respond Why was she contacting you? She want her cake and eat it too? Step 1) Understand how that alone makes her unworthy of your thoughts. Step 2) Figure out whatever it was you were neglecting about your life when you were together and get back to it fast. Old hobbies. Old friends etc.
Author wonderinwhatsup Posted March 31, 2008 Author Posted March 31, 2008 I don't know why she had been contacting me so much after she got a new boyfriend. I really wish I did. I know I shouldn't hurt for her, but I can't help it. Its actually been 2 weeks since she has last tried to contact me ( I knew eventually she would stop). i don't care if she ever comes back anymore, I just wish she would apologize for being so careless for my feelings. Man I miss this girl so much.
motive2002 Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 I don't know why she had been contacting me so much after she got a new boyfriend. I really wish I did. I know I shouldn't hurt for her, but I can't help it. Its actually been 2 weeks since she has last tried to contact me ( I knew eventually she would stop). i don't care if she ever comes back anymore, I just wish she would apologize for being so careless for my feelings. Man I miss this girl so much. I know it seems a little harsh, but she's not going to apologize, unless she changes her mind and wants you back... but let me tell you.. you don't want her back if she left you for someone else. Why let someone get another chance to hurt you so bad? I know it all sounds cliche, but you are better off without her, trust me. I understand your pain.. I'm right there with you. but she made her decision and it's her loss, really. You can and will find better.
Author wonderinwhatsup Posted March 31, 2008 Author Posted March 31, 2008 Well we broke up last August and then through mid January we were still very close. So she didnt really leave me for him. We had been fighting a lot and I can completely understand her need for space. It wasnt until she got a new bf about a month ago that I decided to start NC. That was when she started trying to contact me. I don't feel that because she has a bf now that there is no hope for us in the future, because to the best of my knowledge she had been very loving and faithful throughout our year and a half relationship. I wish I had tried harder, because she did try very hard to save our relationship from a breakup. I guess it's true that you really don't know what you have til its gone. It just sucks because she was my first love.
motive2002 Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 Mid January and about a month ago aren't too far apart. You broke up but were still close? So she was contacting you as a friend before the boyfriend.. and now still contacting you? I dunno, if I were you I'd go back to NC. If she broke up with you that's her decision. I find it all too often that once that decision is made it's final. Any reconciliation after that is only filled with more uncertainty. Let her live with that decision. Finding someone else seems like such a better option for you. Don't let her string you along.
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