hershiibar Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 Wow, where do I began? Almost 3 yrs ago, I thought I met the man of my dreams. But doing most of those 3 yrs, I endured so much pain and heartache. I wondered why I, strong willed and independent allowed myself to suffer. In the past, I was known to kick a *butthole* to the curb quick as Hell. Some said my heart was like charcoal. Until I met "D." The man of my dreams, I THOUGHT. But I fell in love with him immediately. We did everything together, had so much in common. Then the nightmare began approx. 1 month into the relationship. Why did I ignore the red flags? I'm not sure. I loved him. We went from being 2getha all the time, to "I want to be alone." And the disappearing acts and not answering his phone. Then 2 months into the relationship, he lied about having company from outta town, when the next day I found wine glasses, broken off hair in the bed and condom wrappers. I was done. I was devestated. He cried and begged that he was sorry and he was selfish. I left I needed space, but eventually, I forgave him, and let him back in. And it neva got better. Why did I allow this man to manipulate me? I'm stronger than that. Well, further into the relationship, it neva got better. But he swore he loved me. The email, the phone calls, the lying, the ignoring, the mood swings, not wanting to be intimate with...all got worst. On top of that, I found out he had a 3rd child he never mentioned in the 3 yrs we'd been together. After finding out he cheated on me a 3rd time, that I know of..... I left. Couldn't take it anymore. I'm a secure, professional female who has been in law enforcement for 20 yrs, have 1 child, I'm confident and attractive. But this man, I don't know, has continuely hurt and disappointed me time-afta-time, and I can't seem to let go, until NOW. I started to feel like there was sumptin wrong with me. But there isn't, he's the problem. I'm tired, I'm fed up, I know I deserve better. I deserve someone who's gonna love me back. I realize now, that I wasn't in love with *D*, I was in love with the person I hoped he would become. The person he was, I hated. So why does it hurt? When its apparent he's a piece of sh*t. But he finds a way, to put the blame on me everytime. The pain It hurts really bad for now, but I know its best for me to move on, and let him go for good. He has the synptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder, and need to get some help. But right now, I need to concentrate on looking forward, and leaving *D* in my past for good. Can yall offer me some positive feedback and advice to get this 39 year-old female back on the right track? I have to stay focused.
Prosecco Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 Friends. Gather your friends around you. Tell them what you've told us. Ask them to help you stay strong. My breakup has shown me just how much my friends love me. Some have, even when coping with worse grief (Dad dying suddenly), gone completely out of their way to look after me. Arrange with one that you call them whenever you have a REALLY crappy moment, or if you get weak about contacting them. Also - if you have free time that you can just spend on yourself (might be harder with a child) - take up something you've always wanted to learn. A martial art, painting, dancing, singing, whatever. Just do something completely and utterly for yourself. And remind yourself - you have already proven yourself to be a great person. Sod him.
Recommended Posts