Dolorian Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 Hi everyone, I read many of your stories and I thought I could share mine so you can tell me your opinion or give me some advice. I start off with introducing me. I'm 20 years old and still have my whole life ahead of me. I'm currently going to college. After two relationships and two messy break-ups I thought I know how to deal with women. But, as I find out each day, I never did. The reason why I start this thread I will explain in a little bit. Ever since I could think right, I had a dream girl and I suppose many guys can sympathize with me here. Now, I found here. She is everything I every imagined. Perfect character and perfect body. She is absolutely gorgeous. I never thought I'd find someone like her. We started out with just being friends for a month or so, but then I popped the question if she wants to be my girlfriend. She just got over a relationship a year ago, so she (in my opinion) had enough time to heal her wounds and forget about her ex. As of right now, we have been dating for almost 6 months. We had a few minor ups and downs but never anything drastic. But lately, we started to have more serious talks. Although she knows that I'm more than devoted to her, she can't see us together in the future (in the long run that is). Now, many would think: Hey, that's a sign. Stop dating her because it will get only worse. I had those thoughts myself but I can't stand losing her. It's like I lose part of myself. I know being so attached this early is not good at all and I might pamper or smother her but I just can't help it. I want to be everything for her. And it's not like I feel like I have to, it's because I want to. I enjoy making her life easier and more comfortable. If she wants to talk, I listen. If I want to talk, she listens. So it was really good relationship. The first months felt like a honeymoon (well, at least that's how I picture a honeymoon). Two days ago, she sat down on my couch and I know something was up. I had to drag it out of her (because she never just says her opinion out loud) and she said that she's stuck in the middle. She knows, she shouldn't, but she still is. Some days she wants me, some days she doesn't. Some days she's the cutest and most lovable person on this planet, others she won't talk to me and just sit on my couch. Every time I ask if something is wrong she says stuff like "Nothing." I told her where I stand. For a short time she talked about being just friends, but she doesn't want to lose me as her partner (notice: not friend/lover). She is also somewhat concerned with the reaction of all her peeps, because all of her friends love me (sounds cocky, but I think they really like me). Even her dad, who pretty much hates everyone. Basically, I wondered what you people think about my situation. Should I just take the step for her and break it off? Or do you have a better solution? If you have any questions at all, feel free to ask and I'll try to explain it better. Thank you in advance!
loveralone Posted March 29, 2008 Posted March 29, 2008 It sort of sounds like she's already told you what she wants....I don't want to sound too harsh, but in this type of situation, the person who is having those "back and forth" feelings is really just being selfish. It's easy to stay in a relationship that you KNOW is not right simply because NOT being in a relationship can seem scary, or hurting the person you're with makes you feel "guilty"...I've been on both sides of that type of relationship, and neither is very fun. I think the best thing you could do for not only yourself, but for the girl that you care about so much, would be to sit down and have a calm, mature talk about it all. Make it a "safe" situation where she is free to express her feelings without fear of you getting angry. Ask her point blank questions so that she can't give the "nothing's wrong" answer (I'm a woman, I give that ALL THE TIME, and I'm not really sure why!). It might not end quite how you think it should, but isn't it better to have this talk now when you're only 6 months into it rather than waiting until you have developed even stronger feelings over the length of time? And, on the flip side, it may bring you both closer to one another, and your relationship will only become stronger and more secure! Communication is key.
Author Dolorian Posted April 4, 2008 Author Posted April 4, 2008 It sort of sounds like she's already told you what she wants....I don't want to sound too harsh, but in this type of situation, the person who is having those "back and forth" feelings is really just being selfish. It's easy to stay in a relationship that you KNOW is not right simply because NOT being in a relationship can seem scary, or hurting the person you're with makes you feel "guilty"...I've been on both sides of that type of relationship, and neither is very fun. I think the best thing you could do for not only yourself, but for the girl that you care about so much, would be to sit down and have a calm, mature talk about it all. Make it a "safe" situation where she is free to express her feelings without fear of you getting angry. Ask her point blank questions so that she can't give the "nothing's wrong" answer (I'm a woman, I give that ALL THE TIME, and I'm not really sure why!). It might not end quite how you think it should, but isn't it better to have this talk now when you're only 6 months into it rather than waiting until you have developed even stronger feelings over the length of time? And, on the flip side, it may bring you both closer to one another, and your relationship will only become stronger and more secure! Communication is key. Thank you for responding. I needed some advice. To get you up-to-date, we talked about our situation and decided to stay best friends for a while. She wants to figure herself out (emotionally and spiritually). She's VERY busy with work right now and it seems like she can't let go of her past (her best friend just said goodbye to her over a text). Her whole family pretty much loves me (which is rare, trust me, her dad is one tough nut to crack) and doesn't understand her decision. But I think I do. She kept saying she was stuck in the middle and instead of dragging this out any longer I just told her that we should stop dating and have minimal contact until I (the dumpee) healed. Because I was all over her and she told me that she truly thinks I'm the sweetest genuine guy she's ever met and that she thanked me for treating and respecting her like a princess. I understand that some would think about NC, but I just don't believe in it. I guess I have to deal with the fact right now that she wants time for herself and give her room. I do have a really hard time right now though. I want her friendship but I also want her love. Something deeper than friendship. But I don't want to chase after her and force it. I think I just decided to talk to her in a month again. She is going to move to her own apartment and will be free of her "protective" family (also her job is closer). Also I hope that this helps her to forget of her past and start a new period in her life. I'll still plan on being a good deal in her life, but I realize that I can only do so much for her. It's kinda an awkward question but do you think I act mature? As a woman yourself, do you think she might give me a second chance once she's settled?
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