vulcan Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 Ok me and the ex broke up she broke up with me. She started datting a guy not even 2 weeks after we broke up hell, less than that! Anyways I initiated NC and havent spoken to her in 6 days. she hasn't tried to contact me either. Well tonight she calls me asking if she could borrow some of my fishing stuff for a speech she had to give. Here is how the phone call went she calls I pick up Her: Hey whats up Me: nothing Her: What you up to? Me: Shopping Her: Hey can I ask you a question? Me: What Her: can I borrow your fishing stuff for my speech? Me: I don't know call me later Her When? Me I don't know, later Her ok Me: Bye I hang up very quickly Now this girl I would say was rather mean to me after we broke up rubbing her new Bf in my face (who turned out to be a gay BF) came over looking for just sex with me ( I refused) and just was nasty after I tried to talk so nicley to her and all that. Now I know she has a temper and what not so I can forgive all the bad things she said to me and in fact I still want her back so when she calls later tonight how do I take the call? what do I say? and do I let her use my fishing stuff? I want her back so I don't want to say things that might piss her off on the other hand I want her to know Im not pleased at the way she has been and it hurt me and all that. So any thoughts PLEASE
bleh Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 (edited) 1st off i could be wrong but in my opinion the fishing stuff is irrelevant, it looks like just an excuse to call you without looking like shes calling just to call you (crafty aren't they) but even if her speech really is on fishing... i don't think her life will collapse dramatically because you do/don't give her the fishing stuff! so stop worrying about that. Secondly she did not tell her new guy (if she is still with him) she called you and the fact that she did call you sorta shows she isn't over you nor is she too into this new guy (again if he is still around). So plus one for you. Last but not least what does this mean to you? Because she already wanted to have sex with you so you already know shes still into you, maybe not love but she still has a desire for you. so either you give her the stuff (which means you have to see her twice) and she leaves peacefully but gets it her way. or you go fishing on the day she needs the stuff, "sorry the boys organised a fishing trip that day so i can't.. sorry" which means you dont have to see her, u maintain no contact, she doesn't get it her way but you also don't piss her off by saying no. OR, just tell her no... and why, she prob wont take it too well but its not your problem anymore. Either way i know you probably wont pick the last option because she is still your problem because you love her and we are suckers! but yeh just my thoughts but goodluck! Edited March 28, 2008 by bleh
Author vulcan Posted March 28, 2008 Author Posted March 28, 2008 Hey well heres what happened. I talked to her last night. I basicly said what was on my mnd how she didn't have any respect for my feelings or talking about her new bf totaly degraded what we had in our relationship. I went off about how she made me feel ect. Well she tells me she isn't with the new guy anymore. So I tell her I just had to get that off my chest and Im cool now. She said somewhere in the conversation what do you want from me? I said I don't want anything from you. I said the question is what do you want from me? She replied I don't know. So I tell her she could call me and we could discuss what she needed and I would see if I had it. She said, well maybe one day after class I can stop by and get it seeing you are right up the street I say ok fine. So I tell her sorry for yelling earlier I was crabby and wanted to vent. So we say good night. So this morning I e-mailed her said hope you are taking it easy and feeling better. Cause she is awefully sick this week. So she calls me, tells me she is feeling sick I tell her to rest up she says are you at work I said yes she then proceeds to tell me that some guy at her work asked her to hang out and she said she did but didn't feel good and he didn't understand that she said he asked her to go to church with him and she told me she didn't even feel like going and it was all BS and she said "yeah and this guy thinks we are all buddy buddy now its all BS" So after telling her to get some rest and other small talk I asked if she wanted to come over? she said no she isn't driving anywhere so I asked if she wanted me to stop by and bring her some soup she said nooooo in a sickly almost crying way. So I said i would call her on break. I called her I asked how she was doing she said bad and said she was sleeping which she really sounded out of it so we got off the phone and thats how it stands now. So what ya think about all that? Yes I do want her back I do but I don't want to push or anything so any advice is helpfull I want her to see Im here for her but I don't want to make it seem like im pushing her in any way because thats what drover her away in the first place I think.
wonderinwhatsup Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 man you hit the nail on the head there. don't push too hard. she knows you care about her. let her make the next move.
twice_shy Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 Tell her to get fishing stuff from her new man and that she is not your problem any longer but now his.
bleh Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 (edited) I think the most important thing you said in your last post is that you got everything off your chest because from experience every few days your gonna want to get it all off your chest again and you will say more stuff that just reiterates what you have already said and brings nothing constructive to the situation. So whether or not you contact her first or she contacts you first and even if she deserves it, if your serious about trying to fix things you have to forgive her before you get back together, not forgive her because she is back together with you... if that makes sense. so just remember the next time u want to unload on her you have already told her how you feel and doing it again will only make it worse. I personally enjoy writing long emails explaining myself and then deleting them. Kinda crazy i know but its kind of satisfying to get it all out even if it never goes anywhere. Edited March 28, 2008 by bleh
Author vulcan Posted March 28, 2008 Author Posted March 28, 2008 Well yeah, she already told me she wasn't with the new guy any longer. I went 6 days NC with her and she called yesterday to ask about the fishing stuff. Bleh I completely agree with you that yes there are many things I would like to say more to "get off my chest" however, I knew that would only hurt the situation more by keep talking about them thats why when I told her last night what I wanted to tell her I was concise and to the main point just so she knew that what she did I felt was very wrong. After that being said I told her I'm done and cool with it I just needed to say that. I do forgive her and will not bring up ANYTHING about the issues we had. As far as I am concerned, I'am just going to be cool and just be the nice guy that I am and listen to her, talk to her and let her make the moves for the most part. If she wants to discuss things I'm sure she will do so in her own time when she wants to. As for me, I wont aggitate the situation by keep going over "well you did this and you did that" or anythng pertaining to, or would provoke anything that might cause a fight. Im the cool calm collected one :-) I also think Bleh you are correct. I don't think she called just to get fishing stuff. When I was giving her my little lecture she said you could have just said no and I could have got the stuff from wal-mart. So I think she was fishing but not just to get my stuff. I hope I'm not being too optimistic with her calling me. I could just be getting my hopes up for nothing but it would appear to me she does miss me or wants something other than fishing stuff from me. What that is I don't know yet. I think she misses me but is still either hurt from the whole ordeal, cofussed, or a combination of things. I honestly in my heart don't think she is done with me completely I think the time apart is helping and this is a delicate situation so if I do want her back it will have to go reall sloooow. No fighting, just trying to have a good time with her, no backlash on the past and showing her im trying to improve areas that I need work in and just being there for her and not pushing. Thats the key I have to slow myself down and don't push. Wonderingwhatup said it to Don't push. It's hard becasue if it were my way I would have her back living with me again but I know I will have to restrain myself if she doesn't want to hang out all the time and not to get mad if she does go hang out with a guy I have to let it be. Jellousy, anger, frustration being shown now will only drive her away I have to be cool and aloof but yet let her know Iam here if that makes sense? Ok well we will see I guess
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