dreamergrl Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 As I said before, not everyone is in the mood 24-7. Certainly she's entitled to say no. All I'm saying now is that the burden is on her to do something to make up for this, otherwise, the guy should start wondering if she's just enticing him with sex which will eventually be at her whim only. No one should have to "make up" for not wanting sex. That is just ABSURD. If a guy I was just dating didn't want to sleep with me one night, I would not expect him to make it up to me another night. I don't care if they've been sleeping together or not. "Oh gee, you turned me down for sex last night, so unless you make up for it, we're over." How stupid does that sound?
Star Gazer Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 As I said before, not everyone is in the mood 24-7. Certainly she's entitled to say no. All I'm saying now is that the burden is on her to do something to make up for this, otherwise, the guy should start wondering if she's just enticing him with sex which will eventually be at her whim only. Why should SHE own the burden??? She did NOTHING wrong!!! HE is the one who just acted as though he's interested in only sex. I'm not sure either one of them need to prove anything to the other at this point. He pressed a boundary, and she set it. But if there's any burden to shoulder, it's to be carried by him to show her he's NOT just in it for the booty.
Star Gazer Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 No one should have to "make up" for not wanting sex. That is just ABSURD. If a guy I was just dating didn't want to sleep with me one night, I would not expect him to make it up to me another night. I don't care if they've been sleeping together or not. "Oh gee, you turned me down for sex last night, so unless you make up for it, we're over." How stupid does that sound? No kidding!!!
dreamergrl Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 Again, she had sex with him already, unknowing of whether he is having these relationships with other women. Still not seeing the difference. The difference is she doesn't want to become the drunken sex call - that pattern doesn't lead to a serious relationship. Besides, from the sound of the post - it didn't seem to be a problem with him that he didn't get laid that night.
NuTuDating Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 Of course not. Just know that continually denying someone will cause them to find someone else. That's not rocket science and that's all we're saying.
Kamille Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 As I said before, not everyone is in the mood 24-7. Certainly she's entitled to say no. All I'm saying now is that the burden is on her to do something to make up for this, otherwise, the guy should start wondering if she's just enticing him with sex which will eventually be at her whim only. If she was only enticing him with sex, she would have gone over! Shish! Obviously, she's saying that to her the relationship is more then just sex and she wanted to make sure there was no ambiguity about that. I think you believe women use sex to get what they want in relationships. The fact is, a lot of women have been stuck in stalemate relationships because they were being used for sex. I think she did the right thing.
dreamergrl Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 Of course not. Just know that continually denying someone will cause them to find someone else. That's not rocket science and that's all we're saying. Oh no, she turned him down once for a 3 am sack session. Life as we know it is over...
Kamille Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 Of course not. Just know that continually denying someone will cause them to find someone else. That's not rocket science and that's all we're saying. Dude, nobody is constantly denying anyone. It's not like women don't like sex. It's not like she is planning on withholding sex from him in the future to play games. It's also not like she feels like she has to be at his sexual beck and call. Only insecure women do either of the aformentioned scenario. What she did was trust her gut instinct about what she needed to remain happy and condifent in the relationship. They will both benefit from her knowing when to draw the lines to keep herself happy. She doesn't owe him sex.
Cobra_X30 Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 No, what YOU're saying is that she should have sex with him when the mood strikes him, regardless of the fact that they are NOT in a relationship and it was 1 a.m. when he made his request. Since when does having a woman having sex with a man she's simply dating automatically mean her vagina should be available to him like a 24 hr. 7-11? Ahem... course language aside. He is a guy... you can't blame him for wanting sex. It's totally within his right. Just like its her right to say no. I think when it comes to this... guys should be pushy and unapologetic. You should not try to make men feel bad for wanting sex. Just say no, and tell why. Not a big deal
Star Gazer Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 Of course not. Just know that continually denying someone will cause them to find someone else. That's not rocket science and that's all we're saying. CONTINUALLY? Where did you get that from? ONE time!! And who's the "we" you're referring to? Me thinks you're all alone in this one...
Star Gazer Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 Ahem... course language aside. He is a guy... you can't blame him for wanting sex. It's totally within his right. Just like its her right to say no. I think when it comes to this... guys should be pushy and unapologetic. You should not try to make men feel bad for wanting sex. Just say no, and tell why. Not a big deal Of course! No one is blaming a drunk dude for thinking of the chick he's dating when he gets horny. However, she shouldn't be blamed either. Her reaction was fine.
dreamergrl Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 Ahem... course language aside. He is a guy... you can't blame him for wanting sex. It's totally within his right. Just like its her right to say no. I think when it comes to this... guys should be pushy and unapologetic. You should not try to make men feel bad for wanting sex. Just say no, and tell why. Not a big deal I don't blame him for wanting sex, but I don't blame her for being uncertain about getting called up for it at bar time. And if he WERE to have an issue with her turning him down - it would show that he's just looking for fun - not for a relationship. Actions speak.
Kamille Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 Ahem... course language aside. He is a guy... you can't blame him for wanting sex. It's totally within his right. Just like its her right to say no. I think when it comes to this... guys should be pushy and unapologetic. You should not try to make men feel bad for wanting sex. Just say no, and tell why. Not a big deal I'm not sure all guys have the obligaiton to be pushy and unapologetic about sex, but I agree with you that there is no reason for her to make him feel bad about it, or for him to feel bad about it.
dreamergrl Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 CONTINUALLY? Where did you get that from? ONE time!! And who's the "we" you're referring to? Me thinks you're all alone in this one... I second that motion.
Phateless Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 But when they've only been together for a short time, how is she suppose to know that he wanted his girl? That's a valid concern and should be taken on a case by case basis. She should use her intuition in the moment and decide what to do. If she gets the sense that that's what's going on, she should politely deny him. If not, go have sex!
dreamergrl Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 That's a valid concern and should be taken on a case by case basis. She should use her intuition in the moment and decide what to do. If she gets the sense that that's what's going on, she should politely deny him. If not, go have sex! And she didn't feel comfortable with having sex for those reasons. And great sex doesn't always happen with one drunk person and one sober person errr where does it go :lmao:
Cobra_X30 Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 Of course! No one is blaming a drunk dude for thinking of the chick he's dating when he gets horny. However, she shouldn't be blamed either. Her reaction was fine. Exactly! Be pushy with no expectations! Thats my motto! I don't blame him for wanting sex, but I don't blame her for being uncertain about getting called up for it at bar time. And if he WERE to have an issue with her turning him down - it would show that he's just looking for fun - not for a relationship. Actions speak. It sounded from her story that he was kind of embarrassed, which I don't think he should be. I would suggest that she encourage that behavior in general... but with less alcohol involved. Not every guy handles rejection the same way. I'm not sure all guys have the obligaiton to be pushy and unapologetic about sex, but I agree with you that there is no reason for her to make him feel bad about it, or for him to feel bad about it. Well, if they want to have sex then they better learn to not feel bad for wanting it.
dreamergrl Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 Exactly! Be pushy with no expectations! Thats my motto! It sounded from her story that he was kind of embarrassed, which I don't think he should be. I would suggest that she encourage that behavior in general... but with less alcohol involved. Not every guy handles rejection the same way. And not every girl handles being called upon for sex at bar time the same way. As always - it works both ways. I don't think any of it is a big deal, for him wanting it, and for her denying it. It doesn't sound like he expects her to MAKE UP for it either.
Star Gazer Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 And not every girl handles being called upon for sex at bar time the same way. Very true. I would be flattered and offended at the same time, and would deny the request. My roommate, on the other hand, would drive over or welcome him in, and think it was no big deal. To each their own....
dreamergrl Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 Very true. I would be flattered and offended at the same time, and would deny the request. Same here (unless I know that the guy is with me and me only and there's been some established time between us). While its great to be thought of - it's also kinda like oooo you want me now.. but will you want me sober
NuTuDating Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 And not every girl handles being called upon for sex at bar time the same way. As always - it works both ways. I don't think any of it is a big deal, for him wanting it, and for her denying it. It doesn't sound like he expects her to MAKE UP for it either. She should want to, though, eventually. It's sounds like, based on the way you guys are talking, that she shouldn't have had sex with him in the first place. She's now worried that's all he wants? If she feels that way about it at 2:00AM, why not the last time they did it? I'm still not seeing that much of a difference. She slept with him the first time without such hefty considerations (or at least without posting about them here)... I don't see anything wrong with what he did. I don't see anything wrong with what she did. I do see something wrong with this concept of people assuming the worst about this guy because he called her up after being out with the guys. You seem like you're jumping to a conclusion that has no foundation.
dreamergrl Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 She should want to, though, eventually. It's sounds like, based on the way you guys are talking, that she shouldn't have had sex with him in the first place. She's now worried that's all he wants? If she feels that way about it at 2:00AM, why not the last time they did it? I'm still not seeing that much of a difference. She slept with him the first time without such hefty considerations (or at least without posting about them here)... I don't see anything wrong with what he did. I don't see anything wrong with what she did. I do see something wrong with this concept of people assuming the worst about this guy because he called her up after being out with the guys. You seem like you're jumping to a conclusion that has no foundation. It's being called up after many many many drinks. When you first sleep with someone, and it's sober, it's more clear headed. If you start to become the person that's called up just after drinking - you wonder if that's all they want. It's the variables that came with the call. Not the call itself.
Star Gazer Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 I don't see anything wrong with what he did. I don't see anything wrong with what she did. I do see something wrong with this concept of people assuming the worst about this guy because he called her up after being out with the guys. You seem like you're jumping to a conclusion that has no foundation. Ah ha! No one is saying that! We're saying that he MAY have had the wrong intentions (they've only been dating a month, she couldn't possibly know otherwise), and it was totally OKAY for her to question his intentions given the circumstances and say NO. That's all.
Kamille Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 I don't see anything wrong with what he did. I don't see anything wrong with what she did. I do see something wrong with this concept of people assuming the worst about this guy because he called her up after being out with the guys. You seem like you're jumping to a conclusion that has no foundation. I'm not sure I'm seeing where dreamergl is saying there is something wrong with what he did. In fact, we all agreed (SG, Cobra, Dreamer and I) that there was nothing wrong with what he did. In her last comments, she adresses the difference between why the op wanted sex at certain moments, but not when she was called at the wee hours of the morning. She isn't saying there is anything wrong with trying.
Kamille Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 Ah ha! No one is saying that! We're saying that he MAY have had the wrong intentions (they've only been dating a month, she couldn't possibly know otherwise), and it was totally OKAY for her to question his intentions given the circumstances and say NO. That's all. yeah that's what I was trying to say. No wonder you're an attorney - such way with words.
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