NuTuDating Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 Typically a guy calls his booty call because there is no one else to call... Guy's don't normally have this long list of women that will sleep with him on the drop of a hat. Saying that he can just go have sex with someone else is kinda along the lines of dreaming.. So, let me get this PERFECTLY STRAIGHT.... These two are dating, and you're making fun of the guy for NOT cheating? Nice try.... but that's laughable.
NuTuDating Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 OOhhh. I got called a feminazi! Way to put me in my place! Sorry, after ruminating upon it a bit more, I am on the stance that this would not have been a good situation for her to end up in. It is ok to perhaps flirt with the guy and titilate him, but to run over to his place would have been a HUGE MISTAKE on her part. Doing so would have put her firmly in the place of a doormat...and she would stay there until he found a woman to tell him to **** off had he done that...that is the woman he pursues. So, step off your feminazi soapbox and see this situation for what it is...a man testing boundaries. We teach people how to treat us...expect for cheaters...they just suck ass. Men don't "test" women in the same way that women "test" men. You're trying to think like a man and you're failing miserably. No testing. He was horny and called this girl, who, admittedly, is DATING this guy and has ALREADY slept with him.
zicke Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 ARE you kidding me? Men test their boundaries and they ALWAYS see how much they can get away with with women. This is not news...she goes over for a bootie call, and his pursuit of her would drop dramatically. This is how the world works..I have been there btw...learner that lesson pretty early on. live and learn they say!
BigJ Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 Thinking like that is why Purina sells so much cat food.
zicke Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 Thinking like that is why Purina sells so much cat food. And you are home alone right now wondering why your last "relationship" didn't work out. Feminazi's and cat's....any other stereotypical "bitter women" responses? Oh wait, the lesbian thing hasn't been bandied about yet.... any takers? I have a dog...Irish Wolfhound, not too similar to a cat, but whatever turns you on.
Walk Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 I completely didn't see his actions while at the bar as a "booty call". Maybe my definition is skewed, but sounded more like he wanted to hang out and share the fun times with you while at the bar. You two have been dating and have incorporated sex into the relationship already, so it didn't strike me as a simple attempt to screw you. Maybe if you two weren't dating, and out of the blue he called and wanted you to meet him late at night while he's drunk... The only part I saw as "booty call" was when he asked if you were coming over to his house. That's just my opinion on the matter. Don't beat yourself up for what you said to him though. I bet he'll get over the incident quickly. And if you're not able to let it go at that, then do something nice for him.
NuTuDating Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 ARE you kidding me? Men test their boundaries and they ALWAYS see how much they can get away with with women. This is not news...she goes over for a bootie call, and his pursuit of her would drop dramatically. This is how the world works..I have been there btw...learner that lesson pretty early on. live and learn they say! BS. They're ALREADY DATING. They've ALREADY HAD SEX. If she keeps turning him down, he'll go somewhere else. You probably used sex as a weapon, and got dumped for it.
Covonia Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 I completely didn't see his actions while at the bar as a "booty call". Maybe my definition is skewed, but sounded more like he wanted to hang out and share the fun times with you while at the bar. You two have been dating and have incorporated sex into the relationship already, so it didn't strike me as a simple attempt to screw you. Maybe if you two weren't dating, and out of the blue he called and wanted you to meet him late at night while he's drunk... The only part I saw as "booty call" was when he asked if you were coming over to his house. That's just my opinion on the matter. Don't beat yourself up for what you said to him though. I bet he'll get over the incident quickly. And if you're not able to let it go at that, then do something nice for him. well said, why do people make mountains out of molehills? He just wanted your company, but I can understand why at 11pm at night you had reservations and I'm sure you didn't want to see him smashed off his rocker. You're overanalyzing things and that will land you in hot water, if you carry on, just relax and enjoy his company.
blind_otter Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 Yeah....uh....I'm with Walk. I always thought booty calls came from men that you weren't dating. When you're dating someone and they call you for sex, that's just them wanting to hang out. JMO. I remember this one guy I had sex with after a six pack when I was like 20 - a friend of mine. He was pretty awful, TBH, but I was drunk. And lord knows he must've been awful for me to remember how awful it was 8 years later. Then, for like 2 years after the event, he would call at random times and beg me to "break him off a slice". Now THAT, my friend, is a booty call. But I totally understand not wanting to be around his drunk ass. Drunk people are super annoying and stupid.
Je Ne Regrette Rien Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 A booty call is when two consenting adults aren't dating, aren't spending time together and call up expecting sex, no? I don't even think this was a booty call. You're dating, sexually active with him and enjoying his company - so where is the booty call there? It's like saying he ONLY wanted to see you for sex that night. I don't he did that.
Advocate's Devilette Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 I think you should have just told him "I can't make it, have fun" or not responded at all to his text since it was last minute. I don't think you should have talked about it but I don't like to date men who go out and get drunk really so I probably would not be seeing this guy in the first place.
dreamergrl Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 I think what alarms OP is that they haven't had the exclusive talk - they aren't "officially" exclusive. Yes he called her instead of going home with some drunk girl - which DOES show his interest in her. But I can understand fearing of becoming the booty call. I'm not saying OP's guy is this way, but there are some men who casual date - or just get comfortable in the situation where it does not put them into the serious relationship category. OP - With that, I don't think this guy is out to do that, as he did ask you to join him at the bar as well, not just come over after. I think he just wanted to spend time with you. I'm sure all is fine - and if you're feeling weird about it, just talk to him.
Star Gazer Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 A booty call to me is a call for sex from someone you're not in a relationship with. "Relationship" being the key word, NOT just "dating." IMO - it was a booty call, and she did the right thing by avoiding that interaction. Now, if they were officially a couple, a booty call would be cute, fun, and exciting.
dreamergrl Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 All very fun and entertaining theories, but for me this is a lot like the wife who doesn't want to fool around on the deserted beach and insists on "later, in the room". What message is that sending? If I were the guy I'd be thinking it over too. Is this what things will be like in the future? Can I deal with a lifetime of this? Should I? What are my options, and should I rethink a few things? Once is happenstance, twice is coincidence, three times is enemy action. Oh please, they've only been together for like a month, not officially bf/gf - I hardly think he is thinking its over. Hardly a comparison between op and a wife as well. The message OP is sending is that she doesn't want to be called up just for sex - she wasn't sure if thats all the guy wanted, had some reservations on the matter - thats it.
Kamille Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 All very fun and entertaining theories, but for me this is a lot like the wife who doesn't want to fool around on the deserted beach and insists on "later, in the room". What message is that sending? If I were the guy I'd be thinking it over too. Is this what things will be like in the future? Can I deal with a lifetime of this? Should I? What are my options, and should I rethink a few things? Once is happenstance, twice is coincidence, three times is enemy action. Just like, as a woman, I would ask myself the same question if a guy I was dating only one month called me at 1 am to ask me to come over: Is he using me for sex? Is this what things will be like in the future? Can I deal with a lifetime of late night booty calls? Should I? What are my options and should I rethink a few things? Oh look, that's what Little Shy did! She didn't feel their R was quite established enough for a 1 am call. The only issue I see is that she questions her decision, because she's already invested in this guy.
NuTuDating Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 I think what alarms OP is that they haven't had the exclusive talk - they aren't "officially" exclusive. Yes he called her instead of going home with some drunk girl - which DOES show his interest in her. But I can understand fearing of becoming the booty call. I'm not saying OP's guy is this way, but there are some men who casual date - or just get comfortable in the situation where it does not put them into the serious relationship category. OP - With that, I don't think this guy is out to do that, as he did ask you to join him at the bar as well, not just come over after. I think he just wanted to spend time with you. I'm sure all is fine - and if you're feeling weird about it, just talk to him. But OP has already slept with him. So this is like saying that everything has to be on her terms only. I don't see what exclusiveness has to do with this if she's ALREADY slept with him.
dreamergrl Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 But OP has already slept with him. So this is like saying that everything has to be on her terms only. I don't see what exclusiveness has to do with this if she's ALREADY slept with him. It has everything to do with it. Just because two people are having sex does not mean they are on the same level in the relationship. Again, not saying he is this way, but if they haven't talked about being exclusive or official, how is she suppose to know if he wants to be with her on a serious level. What if he just wants a fwb - or a casual relationship with out the total commitment?
NuTuDating Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 So basically, sex only happens when she's in the mood. That's basically what you're saying since they've already slept together (and they weren't "exclusive" then). If I were the guy, I'd be thinking about it, too. No two people are in the mood 24/7, I'm just saying...
dreamergrl Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 So basically, sex only happens when she's in the mood. That's basically what you're saying since they've already slept together (and they weren't "exclusive" then). If I were the guy, I'd be thinking about it, too. No two people are in the mood 24/7, I'm just saying... No I'm saying she wasn't wanting drunken sex with him. No where does she imply that if he was in the mood SOBER she denied him sex. It's the actual situation that had her alarmed. The variables - he was drunk, asked her to come over, she wasn't out with him, she took that as a booty call. I don't feel she should be alarmed from what she posted, but I feel her reason for not wanting to have sex then is justified.
Star Gazer Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 So basically, sex only happens when she's in the mood. That's basically what you're saying since they've already slept together (and they weren't "exclusive" then). If I were the guy, I'd be thinking about it, too. No two people are in the mood 24/7, I'm just saying... No, what YOU're saying is that she should have sex with him when the mood strikes him, regardless of the fact that they are NOT in a relationship and it was 1 a.m. when he made his request. Since when does having a woman having sex with a man she's simply dating automatically mean her vagina should be available to him like a 24 hr. 7-11?
dreamergrl Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 No, what YOU're saying is that she should have sex with him when the mood strikes him, regardless of the fact that they are NOT in a relationship and it was 1 a.m. when he made his request. Since when does having a woman having sex with a man she's simply dating automatically mean her vagina should be available to him like a 24 hr. 7-11? Well put! Thank you.
Phateless Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 I'm siding with NuTuDating on this one, although Star Gazer is also right. What I mean by that is: Denying him because it was late and he called after his night out is the wrong answer and qualifies as game-playing. She got defensive and is trying to retain power when there's no need to. Now, that does NOT mean that I think she should have gone over there. It should have been as simple as this: how tired am I? do i feel like driving over there? do i want to have sex? That's it! All this other nonsense about "what does this say about me and our relationship" etc does not even factor into a man's thinking. He was out with the boys. He got drunk. He was horny and wanted his girl. Simple. zicke, I genuinely believe you are over reacting and playing games here. This was not a test, this did not show anything about how he perceives their relationship or how he wants to structure it. Simple as that. If she wanted to have sex, she should have gone over. If she didn't, she should say "no thanks i'm not in the mood/i'm going to sleep. call me tomorrow."
dreamergrl Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 But when they've only been together for a short time, how is she suppose to know that he wanted his girl? I dated this guy a few years back who I was seeing for about a month... no talk on being exclusive, but we still had a lot of contact, spent quite a bit of time together, he made the bar time call. I went. I found out that he'd also been having the same type of "relationship" with 2 other girls. With out that talk, it leaves a lot to the imagination.
NuTuDating Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 No, what YOU're saying is that she should have sex with him when the mood strikes him, regardless of the fact that they are NOT in a relationship and it was 1 a.m. when he made his request. Since when does having a woman having sex with a man she's simply dating automatically mean her vagina should be available to him like a 24 hr. 7-11? As I said before, not everyone is in the mood 24-7. Certainly she's entitled to say no. All I'm saying now is that the burden is on her to do something to make up for this, otherwise, the guy should start wondering if she's just enticing him with sex which will eventually be at her whim only.
NuTuDating Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 Again, she had sex with him already, unknowing of whether he is having these relationships with other women. Still not seeing the difference.
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