Is a Booty call ever acceptable in dating?

[Little Shy]

So last night I got booty called. I did not act on it because of some past relationships, I have a fear of the booty call. Unless, of course, I initiate it.

 

The background: I have been dating this guy for a month & things are going very well.

He is very sweet to me, very considerate, always calling & texting (daily) and we have been seeing each other 2-3 times a week.

I believe this rate that we have been seeing one another suits us both.

Dates are proper dates, dinner, drinks, music shows, museum etc. & he almost always pays, but sometimes he accepts when I offer, because I like to.

We hang out equally during the day & night, and all dates are initiated by him.

We did have sex early on. That has been great for sure & we are both really attracted to one another, and have a ton of fun together (as he always says) in bed & outside while we're out together.

I know he is not dating or sleeping with anyone else, as we have discussed this. Although I don't think either of us at 1 month is ready for the BIG boyfriend / girlfriend talk.

Last night he booty called me for the first time. And it was the standard booty call I'd say, he was out for drinks with friends, and asked me if I wanted to join them.

By the time I got his text, it was 45 minutes later. As it was already kind of late, (10-11ish) I asked him if he was still out with the friends, and if it might even be worth it to go across town to meet them?

Then, his texts start getting all jumbled up. I could tell he was drunk. So, I am already feeling that no, I'm not coming out there to meet him & his friends, sounds like he should be heading home!

Then, I think he missed a couple of my texts, and he got a little bummed!

He said "FIne! I'm going home without you then!"

Then, "I'll be home in a 1/2 hour, are you coming?"

I said "HUH?" We never even discussed be going to his house, we were talking about me meeting him for drinks. At this point, I just know he's drunk. So I said, something to the tune of, No, I don't really think so, this feels a little strange to me..

Then I said something like,"just a little unsure because of where we are at right now..."

He had some curt text response later when he got home like "don't trip, I just wanted to hang out"

I should point out that I have seen this guy put away a few drinks a few times we have been out together, and he has been nothing but pleasant & fun, never short tempered. I kind of felt like I was exchanging with a different person a bit..

Next day (today) he texts me, like nothing happened last night, "oh hi sweetie, what's your day like?"

It took me a while to get back to him, and we kind of went back in forth & I am beginning to get the impression he dosen't remember much of our text exchange from last night.

So, he asks me, "did I do something wrong?" And I tell him, well it's no crime, but you did booty text me last night, and I think it just didn't sit too well with me for some reason, I mean I was sober & all.

At this point, I think he reviewed his text log, and I think, seemed embarrassed. He apologized, and said that he didn't mean much except that he just wanted to share my company.

Wierd huh? Why didn't he laugh it off & just apologize for being a bit bold?

That's what I would have done if I drunk dialed someone.

Share my company? I'm no fool, he just wanted to get down.

So here's the question, is this OK since we have been dating with all going well for a month with nothing like this happening before?

I mean I guess at the end of the day, I think booty calling is appropriate when you are in more of a long term committed relationship. Then is that even a booty call? I dunno.

Let me end this by saying that I am certainly not perfect, and I have booty called people I am dating in the past (non committed) after one to many drinks out with the girls

[NuTuDating]

It's acceptable between two consenting adults. The real question is "is it acceptable to YOU?"...

[Kamille]

I am a fan of the booty call, when it is properly executed.

 

I think what happened here is that you communicated your boundaries fairly well - you did not feel like the time was right for a booty call. Congrats girl! But, having asserted your boundaries, you felt a little worried that he might have taken it the wrong way.

 

Now, it sounds to me like he was honest too. He apologized but maintained that he wanted your company.

 

I think it's all good. He knows better then to booty call again (hmmm, you will have to spur that one on him when you feel ready - fun times ahead!) and you established your boundaries.

[AussieJack]

Oh for pete's sake lady - he was out with the boys, got a little smashed and called you for a roll. You should be flattered that he called you and not his ex.

Methinks that you posted her for the attention. What right minded woman would get uppity about this stuff - it is funny and kind of cute .

[ketostix]

Wow you seem kind of uptight. So it sounds like the only time you want to get together and have sex is when there's a elaborate date planned ahead. I like spontaneous girls.

 

I found the part where you said, "we did have sex early. And everything's been great" interesting. I've been trying to explain that's why I try to do, have sex early then a relationship, but some people on here don't seem to get the idea.

[ketostix]

I am a fan of the booty call, when it is properly executed.

 

That's just creepy for a girl to say that j/k.

 

 

I think it's all good. He knows better then to booty call again (hmmm, you will have to spur that one on him when you feel ready - fun times ahead!) and you established your boundaries.

 

Yeah I think she might have scared him straight on booty calls, now it's going to be her responsibility to make them. Good job.

[Kamille]

That's just creepy for a girl to say that j/k.

 

That actually cracked me up! We can both agree, booty calls are great. There's nothing I like more then showing up at my bf's at 3 in the morning. He usually likes it too. Usually.

[Little Shy]

Alright AJ, Keto & Kamille,

SO everyone thinks I sound uptight? This dosen't offend me at all, in fact I'm wondering if I'm giving him mixed messages?? That is the last thing I want to do.

I wonder if he is scratching his head right now & thinking, Geez, I thought she was a total sex fiend, what's the problem?

I do like booty calls to, it's just that last night, I don't know, maybe he seemed a little "expectant" and a little "drunk" and maybe it was that combo that kind of put me off towards it?

I am confused if my own actions were correct to be honest, I just felt a little put off.

Honestly, it's a wee bit of my stupid past factoring in, a little bit of paranoia on my part which I have ever intention OF NOT SPILLING over into my relationship with him. He is a different guy, and he has done nothing wrong.

[NuTuDating]

If you're dating, which I might have missed earlier, then yeah, you've probably lowered his attraction for you.

[Quiksilver ca]

I mean I guess at the end of the day, I think booty calling is appropriate when you are in more of a long term committed relationship. Then is that even a booty call? I dunno.

 

 

Honesty is key here. If you need a booty call, then perhaps you aren't with a suitable partner.

 

I despise cheating in closed relationships. If you specify beforehand with your partner that it's an open relationship, then it's alright.

 

But having your partner believe its an exclusive committment, while you see it otherwise, is a very dark thing to do and I wish you a terrible fate if this is the case.

[Little Shy]

If you're dating, which I might have missed earlier, then yeah, you've probably lowered his attraction for you.

WTF!!! AHHHHHH!

[Kamille]

Alright AJ, Keto & Kamille,

SO everyone thinks I sound uptight? This dosen't offend me at all, in fact I'm wondering if I'm giving him mixed messages?? That is the last thing I want to do.

I wonder if he is scratching his head right now & thinking, Geez, I thought she was a total sex fiend, what's the problem?

I do like booty calls to, it's just that last night, I don't know, maybe he seemed a little "expectant" and a little "drunk" and maybe it was that combo that kind of put me off towards it?

I am confused if my own actions were correct to be honest, I just felt a little put off.

Honestly, it's a wee bit of my stupid past factoring in, a little bit of paranoia on my part which I have ever intention OF NOT SPILLING over into my relationship with him. He is a different guy, and he has done nothing wrong.

 

na ha, I wasn't saying you were being too uptight. I was congratulating you for asserting your own boundary.

 

But you might be like me. When I stand up for what I believe, especially with a guy I like, I almost always automatically feel guilty right after and start questionning if I did the right thing.

 

He sounds to me like he got over it fairly well. Just don't worry about it. The moment for a booty call wasn't right. There's still time for more.

[ketostix]

Alright AJ, Keto & Kamille,

SO everyone thinks I sound uptight? This dosen't offend me at all, in fact I'm wondering if I'm giving him mixed messages?? That is the last thing I want to do.

I wonder if he is scratching his head right now & thinking, Geez, I thought she was a total sex fiend, what's the problem?

I do like booty calls to, it's just that last night, I don't know, maybe he seemed a little "expectant" and a little "drunk" and maybe it was that combo that kind of put me off towards it?

I am confused if my own actions were correct to be honest, I just felt a little put off.

Honestly, it's a wee bit of my stupid past factoring in, a little bit of paranoia on my part which I have ever intention OF NOT SPILLING over into my relationship with him. He is a different guy, and he has done nothing wrong.

 

Well I think you should just drop it and everything will be OK. This was just a minor slip up. After you hit him up with a botty call or whatever, it should be all good again.

[Kamille]

And today's "Dumb Advice Award " goes to Kamille for her congratulating the OP for maintaining her "boundaries" .

Yeah girls, thats great advice...keep those "boundaries" steelly strong and firmly in place, especially against the guy whom you have been screwing quite happliy for the past few months at every opportunity.

 

No wonder you chickas have relationship problems.

 

Wanted to add AJ, my dear friend from the space invasion, perhaps what you suggest is that women accept any kind of behavior from men, what with you all being the strong gender and all and women being, well, who cares what women are, really? Surely, their boundaries don't deserve to be respected.

[Phateless]

It's acceptable between two consenting adults. The real question is "is it acceptable to YOU?"...

 

Yep, that right there is the end of the thread. I don't think you need to worry about whether it is "appropriate" or not, only whether you feel like having sex or not. I made a booty call text once to a girl I was seeing casually. I straight up texted her with something along the lines of "wanna come play?" and she thought about it for a few minutes and replied "yeah i could go for that." and that was it. No big deal, really.

 

It didn't change my opinion of her and I certainly didn't make a habit out of it. If you're ok with it, don't judge yourself, just go for it. It sounds like you weren't into it the other night and there's nothing wrong with that either.

 

It's all up to you.

[zicke]

Wait, you guys are dating only a month and he's going out with his guy friends and getting drunk? Wierd. Isn't this the stage where it's all about you and your relationship?? Why weren't you invited? He picks up chicks when out? What's he doing?

 

See what happens when you overanalyze everything?

 

Let. it. go.

 

He was drunk, he was thinking of you, he wasn't taking some bar hag home. Be happy about it. Next time, either ignore his text, or go over.

[Art_Critic]

I think a booty call early on in the relationship defines the relationship as not serious and that definition is a toughie to overcome..

 

So once a booty call always a booty call...

 

If a relationship has already been a sexual one and a breakup ensues then a booty call redefines the previous relationship.. but this kind of booty call can be turned back around into a relationship if enough time goes by and the twp people work towards fixing the issues that broke them up in the beginning

[Phateless]

It sounds like the guy has been a perfect gentleman so far. What's wrong with a booty call? I'd be stoked if my gf (if I had one) texted me at 11 pm with "booty call?"

[NuTuDating]

You're dating. You've now rejected him for sex. Now you would need to initiate it next time you decide you're "in the mood".... continue this rejection and he will lose interest.

[zicke]

Ok pretty princess men! Next time you call us drunk and ready for some loving, we'll come RIGHT OVER. And when we wonder why you stopped calling, we will AGAIN blame it on ourselves for being too forward too early in the relationship!

 

Or we have the option of ignoring your drunken call, or being justifiably offended, and still be in the same place.

 

HMMMM..choices....

 

They say women are confusing and play games...RIGHT.

[NuTuDating]

Ok pretty princess men! Next time you call us drunk and ready for some loving, we'll come RIGHT OVER. And when we wonder why you stopped calling, we will AGAIN blame it on ourselves for being too forward too early in the relationship!

 

Or we have the option of ignoring your drunken call, or being justifiably offended, and still be in the same place.

 

HMMMM..choices....

 

They say women are confusing and play games...RIGHT.

 

Who's playing the games? They guy is dating the girl. Guy goes out, has drinks, gets horny, and instead of porking some other girl, he calls HIS girl and asks for sex.

 

On her side, she processes about 100 different questions in the matter of about 10 seconds, confusing herself (she came here to talk about it, right?) and ended up denying him. Obviously this guy is not the "he didn't call me back" type. He called her and was straightforward. She's comfortable having sex when it's not late at night, but not when he wants it?

 

Who's playing the games? Seriously, even unintentionally? Why over -analyze this? He's attracted to her and wants to have sex. No games there.

[zicke]

Sorry- if a guy calls me after a night out with the boys, and wants me to come over, I will absolutely not-might say it nicely, but no way in hell I am going to go over to his place after he's "had his fun"!

 

Are you kidding me? This man is testing your boundaries and what he can get away with. What kind of relationship do you want with him? One where he respects you or one where he thinks he can make a phone call after he has had his fun and now you "run" to him.

 

I have changed my stance on this matter....before, I thought not a big deal, but now, oh hells no! The only way he would get some is if I am already there. And believe me, I do want it, but not only on his drunken terms.

 

See? I can change my stance, I apologize for leading you stray tooshy! No booty call ever...you are not some prostitute to be called upon when he decides he wants to see you!

 

It is ok to flirt back, but that is it, flirt...do not get all indignant, unless, that is the only time he calls you, when he drinks, then let him go.

[NuTuDating]

Sorry- if a guy calls me after a night out with the boys, and wants me to come over, I will absolutely not-might say it nicely, but no way in hell I am going to go over to his place after he's "had his fun"!

 

Are you kidding me? This man is testing your boundaries and what he can get away with. What kind of relationship do you want with him? One where he respects you or one where he thinks he can make a phone call after he has had his fun and now you "run" to him.

 

I have changed my stance on this matter....before, I thought not a big deal, but now, oh hells no! The only way he would get some is if I am already there. And believe me, I do want it, but not only on his drunken terms.

 

See? I can change my stance, I apologize for leading you stray tooshy! No booty call ever...you are not some prostitute to be called upon when he decides he wants to see you!

 

It is ok to flirt back, but that is it, flirt...do not get all indignant, unless, that is the only time he calls you, when he drinks, then let him go.

 

Typical feminazi response. If he wanted to test how much he can get away with, he would have slept with someone else. He wasn't testing her, he was horny. Guys aren't that complicated, no matter how hard you try to make us seem that way. He got drunk, got horny, and called his girl. So you can "ration" sex or use it as punishment when he goes out with the guys, but in the end, he'll find someone else.

[Art_Critic]

but in the end, he'll find someone else.

 

Typically a guy calls his booty call because there is no one else to call...

 

Guy's don't normally have this long list of women that will sleep with him on the drop of a hat.

 

Saying that he can just go have sex with someone else is kinda along the lines of dreaming..

[zicke]

OOhhh. I got called a feminazi! Way to put me in my place!

 

Sorry, after ruminating upon it a bit more, I am on the stance that this would not have been a good situation for her to end up in. It is ok to perhaps flirt with the guy and titilate him, but to run over to his place would have been a HUGE MISTAKE on her part.

 

Doing so would have put her firmly in the place of a doormat...and she would stay there until he found a woman to tell him to **** off had he done that...that is the woman he pursues.

 

So, step off your feminazi soapbox and see this situation for what it is...a man testing boundaries. We teach people how to treat us...expect for cheaters...they just suck ass.