Cov Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 Cov, I think we agree for the most part. Me saying he is acting resentful isn't the same as saying his emotion is not valid. I was pointing it out so that Shadow had a better grasp on where he was coming from. I also said she needs to take responsibility for her actions. Other then that, I agreed with your previous post that he holds the responsibility for sticking around too long. She won't grasp where her soon to be ex-boyfriend is coming from because she is too wrapped up in her own problems, if you read her posts on this surreal event, you'll know what I mean. She won't take responsibility for her action's because I get the impression that Shadowplay won't take any responsibility of her actions because in her eyes the world evolves around her and what she wants and if she wants to sleep with her boyfriend's friend then she'll do it regardless of what he thinks and feels. And the poster feeding 'You have nothing to be guilty about' is bang off the mark. She should feel guilty and sorry for messing up someone else's life. We hear too much about her and how she feels and I'll take a guess she doesn't feel half as terrible has her boyfriend does. I reckon he'll stick around long enough to exact his revenge and then he'll be gone.
Ariadne Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 And the poster feeding 'You have nothing to be guilty about' is bang off the mark. She should feel guilty and sorry for messing up someone else's life. Nope. She started to have feelings for another man. Reason being, her relationship was crap.
Cov Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 Nope. She started to have feelings for another man. Reason being, her relationship was crap. Why didn't she break up with him in the first place then? That's the more respectable thing for her to do isn't it? If her relationship was poor and she was unhappy when not call it off and then sleep around and do the things she wants to do with other people. She dragged her own emotions through the gutter and that of someone else's and dragging someone else's through the gutter is completely unacceptable. Of course, you'd be singing a different tune if Shadowplay was a man wouldn't you?
Ariadne Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 Why didn't she break up with him in the first place then? That's the more respectable thing for her to do isn't it? If her relationship was poor and she was unhappy when not call it off and then sleep around and do the things she wants to do with other people. She did break up with him and told him that she liked the friend. It was the bf that convinced her to stick with him and have sex with both, because he was clinging and didn't leave her alone.
Cobra_X30 Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 She did break up with him and told him that she liked the friend. It was the bf that convinced her to stick with him and have sex with both, because he was clinging and didn't leave her alone. I really, really doubt that was his motivation. You realize that this changed from a relationship to a competition right?
Cov Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 She did break up with him and told him that she liked the friend. It was the bf that convinced her to stick with him and have sex with both, because he was clinging and didn't leave her alone. Yes, this is true, but then she should have been strong enough to resist his needy approach shouldn't she? I know full well if I break up with someone I'm not getting back with them. She should have gone no contact on him when she decided she wanted to screw around with her ex-boyfriend/boyfriend's friend. They both had a responsibility and a role to play in this, but telling Shadowplay she has nothing to be guilty about is allowing her to escape the wreckage without any consequences. She should be allowed to sort out her own problems and he should be able to move on and find someone who will treat him with respect and love, Shadowplay is not the right person for him and vice versa. She's seems more compatiable with the friend in all honesty.
Trialbyfire Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 How so? And if I'm truly narcassistic by nature how can I learn to love myself? ........... I just made an appointment with a therapist for next Monday afternoon. You just answered your own question. Take this really seriously, shadow, because you have no remorse about this entire situation, beyond losing a security blanket. It's appalling.
Star Gazer Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 I have a question for you guys. How can I ever respect myself after what I did or feel that I deserve better? I fear that even if I try to change myself and become a better person what I did to my bf will always prevent me from respecting myself. He basically indicated to me last night that he has no respect for me anymore. Why should I, then, have any respect for myself? How do I rub out the scarlet letter on my soul? By knowing that you're better than your behavior, because you are! Your past shapes who you become, but it doesn't define you.
Star Gazer Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 One thing I forgot to mention. The other night while we were having sex my bf called up Sean and tried to get me to moan into the phone. I was floored. Obviously I didn't want to do it but was also reluctant to say no since I was trying hard to please him. Sean's voicemail picked up, and I started laughing (but didn't moan) because of the awkwardness of the situation. (I laugh when I'm uncomfortable.) Later my bf said he was a bit annoyed that I hadn't gone along with it. Then he sent Sean a text message that read "I just had sex with your gf. Sorry, dude." Sean responded with something along the lines of "I hope you ****ing die." When we had sex again later that night he took out his cellphone and recorded my sounds. He had this creepy, aggressive expression on his face. Again, I felt extremely uncomfortable with what he was doing but was scared to say no. He was going to email the recording to Sean but luckily lost the file. The way he acted that night really disturbed me. It doesn't seem fair to me or Sean despite what we did. I know I owe a lot to my bf because of what I did. I just don't know where to draw the line between fair and unfair behavior. Nonetheless, the way he acted that night suggests he has very little respect for me, and makes me more convinced that things won't work between us. Your BF is now acting like a sicko, Shadow.
Cov Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 Your BF is now acting like a sicko, Shadow. He is, but that's because he is emotionally crushed and believes "revenge is sweet", and what he doesn't realise is that it's just as self destructive as it is "rewarding". I read it and couldn't help laughing, it's pretty funny, but ultimately if it is a regular occurrence then he needs some therapy, too.
Cobra_X30 Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 He is, but that's because he is emotionally crushed and believes "revenge is sweet", and what he doesn't realise is that it's just as self destructive as it is "rewarding". I read it and couldn't help laughing, it's pretty funny, but ultimately if it is a regular occurrence then he needs some therapy, too. Yup. He is trying to reestablish power.
Advocate's Devilette Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 My point was that shadowplay is young, and still having fun and still not knowing what real love is or what love is about. How is she messing up anyone's lives? These people are all pretty young, it's not like they're going to be messing up their lives over this. This is all really minor stuff when you think about it. Not one of them is really in love, but they're feeling they are, they're all getting sex, it appears all are attractive enough to get attractive sex partners again. She won't grasp where her soon to be ex-boyfriend is coming from because she is too wrapped up in her own problems, if you read her posts on this surreal event, you'll know what I mean. She won't take responsibility for her action's because I get the impression that Shadowplay won't take any responsibility of her actions because in her eyes the world evolves around her and what she wants and if she wants to sleep with her boyfriend's friend then she'll do it regardless of what he thinks and feels. And the poster feeding 'You have nothing to be guilty about' is bang off the mark. She should feel guilty and sorry for messing up someone else's life. We hear too much about her and how she feels and I'll take a guess she doesn't feel half as terrible has her boyfriend does. I reckon he'll stick around long enough to exact his revenge and then he'll be gone.
Ariadne Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 When we had sex again later that night he took out his cellphone and recorded my sounds. He had this creepy, aggressive expression on his face. Again, I felt extremely uncomfortable with what he was doing but was scared to say no. That guy is acting like such a loser, that soon you are not going to want him to touch you or even see him again.
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