Why Me

[stlnsmile]

Today was horrible, I saw my ex at school today, one day after finding out he's with someone new...he was driving infront of me, and all his boyz are in the car with him, havin a blast......God, I wanted to die....I was hoping he was going to wave like he always does, because I was going to give him the finger.......no wave......he's happy, and I can't stand it. I can't seem to get rid of the anger I feel. I can't seem to not care, even though I know holding on to anything with him is rediculous, I keep telling myself everything I can, to get back to the place where I was three days ago.....DONE! And I can't. I can't get back there, my self esteem is in the toilet, and I feel hopeless. I'm dying on the inside all over again over some a******that I know is not worth my time. I know he is not good for me, I know he does not have feelings for me, I know he is the worst thing in the world for me, he was a typical narcissist....and I guess thats the whole problem, people like that shine so bright....they are so fun to be with, so alive, so beautiful, then when you see the shallow inside, they are nothing.....but I can't forget the life, the beauty, he was so amazing in the relationship, I mean even at the end, when I didn't know anything, he was amazing.....and I just want to get over him.....because I do know the ugly side, the side that felt nothing except for himself, the side that never ever cared about me or what I needed, the side that selfishly took all he could from me like a sucking vampire, and when he was full and satisfied, moved on to another victum.....I know, I know, I know him......and yet.......I lost him.......I lost perfection, the other side of the narcissist......please help me.....because I feel like I'm loosing it all over again. I know I am worth more than this, I know I am worth more than his callouse self centered perfectionistic self....but in the back of my mind, I keep feeling.....its me......there is something wrong with me, and thats why he couldn't love me......and he will love her, because he probably picked someone who was everything that I wasn't. And he will love her. HELP!