Lizzie60 Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 My ex dumped me 2 months ago but i'm pretty much over it. She has a friend that I used to know pretty well because she used to go out with one of my good friends so we pretty much were always doubling up. That was like 2 years ago, she and my friend split up so never really hung out with me and my ex anymore. I see her at school sometimes and say the ocassional hello, how you are doing, but never really had deep conversation with this girl. I was always very attracted to her, but I would never have tried anything because I was with my GF. Fast forward to now, about a month ago I saw her at a club and she was like "where's your GF" n I told her we broke up and she said the same happened to her, a different BF whom I met maybe once or twice when we all got together. Now I was browsing myspace and she has all this sad crap on her page and i'm wondering if it would be weird for me to PM her saying something like "hey I was looking at your page, why the sad mood? I'm guessing you and I may be in the same boat right now. I know we never really spoke much, but if you want to chat sometime IM me". Would this come off as creepy or weird? BTW, her and my ex aren't really close friends and I don't think they ever hang out, if that matters. I say go for it.. you didn't sign any 'exclusivity contract for the next 10 years' with you ex.. so you don't owe her anything.. she would probably do it if it was one of your friend..
Lovegod Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 I see what you're saying but at the same time I also didn't wanna seem desperate, Desperation is when you get her to accept an invitation by petty begging or promising a returned favor. The way I phrased my invitation, it's a matter of her making the decision to come along, and I will be doing the activity regardless of her decision. Desperation has nothing to do with the timing, it has to do with the method. and I didn't wanna just approach her like every other guy probably would. And you wouldn't. You're not the one who's going to benefit from her attention, she's the one who will benefit from yours! Every other guy will wait unti the perfect timing and then practically beg her for a date. What you would be doing is jumping on the opportunity, and inviting her out on a potential date. She's a very attractive girl so i'm sure she can get it whenever she wants, but yet she is still broken over this one dude. You'd be surprised at how lonely attractive women can be. Also, if she's having lots of fun, she'll forget about her ex at least while she's with you! I wanted to try to come at her with the similarity that we both just got dumped and then use it to show her that i'm over it and show her that i'm strong and confident and that she should be the same and forget the ex and through this maybe there would be some chemistry. Chemistry doesn't just happen, it is created. The very fact that you've invited her out and her response will not phase you in the slightest shows confidence. If necessary, throw the ball in her court and leave it there. There's a good chance she'll stare at that ball for a while, think of you, pick it up and say "Hey, wait for me!"
Author youngbuckkk Posted March 28, 2008 Author Posted March 28, 2008 (edited) Desperation is when you get her to accept an invitation by petty begging or promising a returned favor. The way I phrased my invitation, it's a matter of her making the decision to come along, and I will be doing the activity regardless of her decision. Desperation has nothing to do with the timing, it has to do with the method. And you wouldn't. You're not the one who's going to benefit from her attention, she's the one who will benefit from yours! Every other guy will wait unti the perfect timing and then practically beg her for a date. What you would be doing is jumping on the opportunity, and inviting her out on a potential date. You'd be surprised at how lonely attractive women can be. Also, if she's having lots of fun, she'll forget about her ex at least while she's with you! Chemistry doesn't just happen, it is created. The very fact that you've invited her out and her response will not phase you in the slightest shows confidence. If necessary, throw the ball in her court and leave it there. There's a good chance she'll stare at that ball for a while, think of you, pick it up and say "Hey, wait for me!" I have one question. I agree with telling her i'm going somewhere and and leaving it up to her to decide if she wants to come, and this may sound stupid, but where would I say? It's like if I say i'm going to the movies out to eat or some other dating site she might ask with whom, and then when I say alone wouldn't that be coming off as desperate? Also, should I ask her this in the first conversation? Edited March 28, 2008 by youngbuckkk
Lovegod Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 It's like if I say i'm going to the movies out to eat or some other dating site she might ask with whom, and then when I say alone wouldn't that be coming off as desperate? If she asks who you're going with, just say "well, I'd be going with YOU if you agree to come!" Women don't typically ask this question, so you likely have nothing to worry about. If she prods further about who you'd be going with otherwise, just tell her "I like going by myself. Why should I wait on someone else for something I want to do?" And as a side note, I personally live by that reasoning. I go out by myself all the time, and I have fun! The only one concerned about you looking like a loser is YOU.
Author youngbuckkk Posted March 28, 2008 Author Posted March 28, 2008 If she asks who you're going with, just say "well, I'd be going with YOU if you agree to come!" Women don't typically ask this question, so you likely have nothing to worry about. If she prods further about who you'd be going with otherwise, just tell her "I like going by myself. Why should I wait on someone else for something I want to do?" And as a side note, I personally live by that reasoning. I go out by myself all the time, and I have fun! The only one concerned about you looking like a loser is YOU. That's a very good answer. Should I jump on it right away and bring this up the first time we talk? Also, if she is busy and I want to try again should I just do it that way again? Or if she says another time do I say ok, try to plan a day or say you let me kno? I'm so new to the dating scene again, so please have patience with me lol. Thanks for all the advice so far.
NuTuDating Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 the men on this board do their gender NO favours....they really make you believe the expression, 'men think with their dicks' is true!!! what is wrong, really, with the male species, that they seem to think being a real friend to a woman, is no good? what went wrong with men?? very sad!! There's nothing wrong with having a woman "friend". But there is such a thing as the "friend" zone and being a friend first (favorite woman line) is a deal killer for the guy. I've had female "friends" and they tend to only be there when they need something.
Lovegod Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 That's a very good answer. Should I jump on it right away and bring this up the first time we talk? You mean ask her out? YES! Also, if she is busy and I want to try again should I just do it that way again? Yeah, but tell her what a great time she missed out on. You have to rub it in that she missed out Or if she says another time do I say ok, try to plan a day or say you let me kno? See if she counter-offers. If just says "sorry, I'm busy, but perhaps next week", that's a counter-offer and she's probably interested. If she says "No, but I'm free on xxx" then make plans to do something on that day. However, if she just says "no, I'm busy" without a counter-offer, she's probably not interested and you'd be best to pursue another woman. If you get the counter-offer, wait a couple of days and invite her out again. If you get turned down 3 times in a row, then you're best to move on. But you will never find out if you don't go for it!
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