Mighty Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 Seriously, can anybody tell me why? We were so close. She'd tell me I was so "special" and whatnot. She'd fall asleep in my arms, tell me all her deepest secrets and desires. I get to know her family, which loved me to death. She got to know my family. We'd spent days together, just having fun! I get the nerve, and tell her that I'd like to move forward in our relationship, that I really like her. She gets to me with "Aw, that's so sweet. But you're just confused. I really like you, but just as a friend." Sometime ago, I saw her with a known biker from town. I asked who he was. "Oh, he's her BF. They met a week ago." WTF??? This guy's dropped from High-School, does nothing all day, hangs with people who have problem with justice... I mean... This happened awhile ago, but why did this happen? I felt so sad and mad. It really wasn't any fair. I was there for her, all the time. When her grandmother needed help I was the one waking up at the middle of the night, I was the one getting out of the house to go meet her since she's stuck in the middle of the road. I mean, I was PERFECT, guys! I was there for her, I cared about her, and was straightforward with my what I felt. Why??
Lovegod Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 My friend (I had a crush on her) is now dating a biker! Seriously, can anybody tell me why? Probably because you were boring as hell and the biker is exciting. We were so close. No you weren't. She'd tell me I was so "special" and whatnot. Mr. Rogers tells me I'm special, but It doesn't mean Mr. Rogers wants to have sex with me. I get the nerve, and tell her that I'd like to move forward in our relationship, that I really like her. She gets to me with "Aw, that's so sweet. But you're just confused. I really like you, but just as a friend." That's called "rejection" and there's a slim chance she'll change her mind. This is your signal to find another woman to date. Also, if you want a lover, quit making friends with the hope of turning them into a lover. You must become lovers first, friends later. Sometime ago, I saw her with a known biker from town. I asked who he was. "Oh, he's her BF. They met a week ago." WTF??? This guy's dropped from High-School, does nothing all day, hangs with people who have problem with justice... Women want a guy who excites them. They don't want a guy they can tell their "deepest secrets" to - that's what they have girlfriends for. You became her girlfriend. I was there for her, all the time. When you spend all your time with a woman, the time spent has little value. The less time you spend with a woman, the more valuable your time together will be. A woman needs to "miss" you. I mean, I was PERFECT, guys! Women are not attracted to perfection. They are attracted to drama, excitement, confidence, and sexuality. What you need to do now is move away from this woman. She is not attracted to you. It's time to put your energy into finding a new woman. Also, you would do best to avoid investing your emotions in a woman you're not having sex with. It reduces the "hurt" when you find out she's not attracted to you. You also want to aim for a sexual relationship instead of becoming a friend. Good luck.
Author Mighty Posted March 27, 2008 Author Posted March 27, 2008 That is very interesting... But I must say I am also confused. She (and well, most girls) always says bad things about these kinds of guys... I don't get it. She complained to me about those jerks, how they are so rude and don't care and just want them for one thing. I thought that allowing her to feel comfortable enough for me to make a sexual move would be the way! I liked what you said, Lovegod.
Starla Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 hi mighty. don't think that being a friend to this girl, and loving her, isn't worth anything. regardless of the pay off you hoped for, to do all those lovely things for her was a sign of being a good friend!!! whatever you hoped for, expected, doesn't really matter. you are her friend, and so it was right that you helped her and supported her in her hour of need. you can drive yourself crazy wondering why she doesn't see you that way...practically everyone has experienced unrequited love!! you can also make yourself angry, and this anger may end up being directed towards the same friend who loves you! just keep being a friend to her, and loving her as a friend, the way she loves you. people don't become friends just because they hope for something more - they are the people who are there with a cup of tea when times get hard, with a hug and a kind word...not people who carry a whole different agenda!!!
Starla Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 That is very interesting... But I must say I am also confused. She (and well, most girls) always says bad things about these kinds of guys... I don't get it. She complained to me about those jerks, how they are so rude and don't care and just want them for one thing. I thought that allowing her to feel comfortable enough for me to make a sexual move would be the way! I liked what you said, Lovegod. if she thought for one second you were being an untrue friend, using her tough times to wheedle your way into her bed, i don't think she would have too many good things to say about YOU!! i'm sorry, but you seem to think you are a good guy...anyone who abuses friendship and someone's heart, just to get into their bed, is not good in my book...you sound like one of the jerks she was complaining about in fact.
Author Mighty Posted March 27, 2008 Author Posted March 27, 2008 if she thought for one second you were being an untrue friend, using her tough times to wheedle your way into her bed, i don't think she would have too many good things to say about YOU!! i'm sorry, but you seem to think you are a good guy...anyone who abuses friendship and someone's heart, just to get into their bed, is not good in my book...you sound like one of the jerks she was complaining about in fact. No, it's not what I meant. When I started developing some feelings for her, I made myself sure of them, and then told her I was starting to like her more. I was pretty honest with it. I mean, I told her I liked her so that she could become comfortable with me being sexual! But it didn't work. So, am I supposed to not say a thing? Doesn't that make one of those jerks? I don't get it. :/
Lovegod Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 She (and well, most girls) always says bad things about these kinds of guys... I don't get it. It's not supposed to be logical, it's all emotional. Women will make their ultimate decisions based on how they feel. The point of revelation for me was when I was talking to one woman, and we were discussing a known player. She told me "Yeah, that guys is such a player, how disgusting." Believe it or not, she started dating him and they eventually married. When you want to know what a woman is saying, listen to her actions instead of her words. It will often give you a good idea of what's going on.
BladeSteel Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 Mighty, I think what happens a lot with women, is that they place guys into certain "roles", ie friend role, lover, fix-it guy, etc. Once you have placed into a role, it can be very hard to break out of it. My guess is that you got stuck in the friend role, and even though you may have done everything for this woman, she needed someone to fill the lover role. This is where the biker comes it. So, this woman really has the best of both worlds. A lot of excitement from the biker guy, and you as loyal friend to be there as a shoulder to cry on if needed.
Starla Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 well, i would say to her that you will always be a friend to her, whatever happens. you were open about how you felt, but the ball is in her court, and even if she decides she's happy with the status quo, and simply being real good friends, then that's ok...you can't force her to like you that way!! it would be wonderful if we could make people fall for us, but we can't. all we can do is nurture our relationships and be the best kind of person in their lives that we can be - as friend, lover, acquaintance...whatever!!!
Starla Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 Mighty, I think what happens a lot with women, is that they place guys into certain "roles", ie friend role, lover, fix-it guy, etc. Once you have placed into a role, it can be very hard to break out of it. My guess is that you got stuck in the friend role, and even though you may have done everything for this woman, she needed someone to fill the lover role. This is where the biker comes it. So, this woman really has the best of both worlds. A lot of excitement from the biker guy, and you as loyal friend to be there as a shoulder to cry on if needed. a few of my boyfriends were my friends first....women DO realise that relationships evolve you know!!! this girl would be condemned if she went out with the OP, despite not having feelings for him that way. she did the right thing...
BladeSteel Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 a few of my boyfriends were my friends first....women DO realise that relationships evolve you know!!! this girl would be condemned if she went out with the OP, despite not having feelings for him that way. she did the right thing... How would she be condemned? If she keeps dating this biker guy, who hangs out with people who have "problems with justice", she could be heading down a path of no return. My guess, is that she will get pregnant from the biker, the biker will run off, and then she will beg Mighty to step up and save her, ie..provide for her and her baby. But that's just my prediction.
blind_otter Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 No, it's not what I meant. When I started developing some feelings for her, I made myself sure of them, and then told her I was starting to like her more. I was pretty honest with it. I mean, I told her I liked her so that she could become comfortable with me being sexual! But it didn't work. So, am I supposed to not say a thing? Doesn't that make one of those jerks? I don't get it. :/ Google "the ladder theory"
Little Shy Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 This is very much a 2 part Thread. Why she is not dating you, and why she is dating a biker. 2 separate issues. why she is not dating you, seems to be that she just thinks of you as a friend. It is very tough to make it out of that category once you are stuck there. You seem like a pretty sensitive guy. She wants to date a biker, she likely has the bad boy appeal, which honestly, dose'nt seem to be you. A girl that develops a taste for bikers may develop a life long habit of that. They are addictive. I am dating one know. I have always been attracted to them. If you can find one that is not a criminal, they can be a wonderful blend of tough exterior, and really gentle & loving on the inside. I have a couple friends that married bikers, they fit the above description. When I used to cocktail waitress back in college, I had a regular groups of bikers coming in all the time. They were by far my best group of customers, sweet & respectful, and always tipped me well. Plus, if you like riding bikes, (I do) well bonus there. There can be bad ones too that fit the stereotype in every way. Maybe it is time to invest in a bike of your own. You could develop a great new leisure activity, and pick up some cute girls on the side! Double bonus. I am sorry that you are so hurt by this, but you should try to move on. She will have to run her course with this Biker, there is not much you can do to stop her. It's her taste of the moment, perhaps for a lifetime.
Elemental Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 Hey, folks, I think the OP is a troll post. Look at the join date for the guy. Also, this is 100% stereotype. Girl ditches Nice Guy for Biker? C'mon! I'd be willing to bet this is another SoSuave thing.
lonelybuthappy Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 That is very interesting... But I must say I am also confused. She (and well, most girls) always says bad things about these kinds of guys... I don't get it. She complained to me about those jerks, how they are so rude and don't care and just want them for one thing. I thought that allowing her to feel comfortable enough for me to make a sexual move would be the way! I liked what you said, Lovegod. She isn't worth of your time. She is very immature, one day she will regret what she missed. It's her loss, and oneday you'll find "the ideal one" , just be patient. Don't listen advice "lovers first,friends second"-this is unhealthy... It's better to know her first, and wait her to fall in love. Your ex doesn't love herself. Let her be with jerk, you'll find better girl, who will appreciate you.. Just wait, there are millions of free women Good luck
NuTuDating Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 Don't listen advice "lovers first,friends second"-this is unhealthy... Not really unhealthy. It's important to know from the beginning if there is interest beyond being friends, and words are pretty much meaningless in a relationship if the actions don't follow. This doesn't mean you have to have sex right off the bat, but you need to know where you stand from the get-go. Any time I read an online profile that said "friends first".... huge red flag.
lonelybuthappy Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 Not really unhealthy. It's important to know from the beginning if there is interest beyond being friends, and words are pretty much meaningless in a relationship if the actions don't follow. This doesn't mean you have to have sex right off the bat, but you need to know where you stand from the get-go. Any time I read an online profile that said "friends first".... huge red flag. We are speaking of real love, which is very rare these days.... I suppose you will not go out with somebody to a date if initial spark isn't there (but that's me ) If spark is here, I wouldn't mind if I just talk, walk and just have fun. Sex will follow , and if she can't wait, who cares.. At the beginning it's passion not love, love needs time to develop.
guy.lepage Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 In my experience, close friends rarely evolve into lovers. People of opposite sex are close friends for a number of reasons and that normally includes lack of attraction from either party involved in the relationship. Of course there are exceptions to this rule but they remain exceptions. Casual friends who occasionally get together and catch up are different. Attraction can be there but oftentimes the timing isn't good. It is a common mistake for younger guys to become a friend in hopes of a better tomorrow. These are usually good guys who aren't assertive enough to express their actual intentions. When they are tired of wasting their time, these guys will change their approach and hopefully be more successful in dating. In short, I sympathize with the OP but will tell him that he should know better next time. Good luck.
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