PRSun Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 What is your opinion on dating more then one person at a time? What are the lines to be drawn concerning honesty and when is it acceptable to be "seeing" more then one person simultaneously? Do you think dating more then one person at a time is positive or negative and why? Sound off kiddies!
LosingMyDreamGirl Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 I dont really know how to answer this. I was with my ex-wife first and for a long time. Now that I am dating again, I was trying to date only one woman at a time, but I started feeling like I was in a relationship (and she wanted one), so I ended it. Now I am making sure I am seeing more than one girl at a time (or trying... it just started to be like this about a week ago) and it feels great. I like knowing that the one girl I got out with is not THE one girl.... just one girl. I never thought I would be doing this, but it seems to be the only way to find the best person for you.
Lovegod Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 Most of the people here won't touch this with a 20ft pole (or they'll tell you it's wrong). I'm all for it! As long as you're not committed to any of these women, you can date as many of them as you like. When you decide to commit yourself to a serious relationship, that's when you should be eliminating your other options. There's quite a few advantages to dating multiple women. First, it's difficult as hell to find one woman to fulfill all your needs. This way, you can have one woman for sex, one for fun dates, one to cook you dinner, etc etc etc. It's also great for filtering out all the garbage women when you're looking to settle with one. When you settle with just one woman, you need to make sure she's a DAMN GOOD woman if you're considering raising kids with her and marriage. DO NOT settle when you're looking for a lifelong partner. Another benefit is you begin to discover exactly what you want and don't want in a lifelong partner. The more women you date, the more picky you'll become when you start searching for a lifelong partner. The best part about dating multiple women is you don't have to take any of them too seriously. If one pisses you off or ditches you, you've still got a couple others to keep you plenty occupied. A couple tips: - NEVER lie to the woman saying you're committed to only her. Keep yourself open by telling her you're not ready for a relationship. - If one of your women should find out that you're dating others, just tell her that if she wanted something more serious, she should have discussed it with you. - When it gets to a point when one woman wants to get serious with you but you don't want to be serious with her, then it's time to cut her loose. One potential downside to all of this is your turnover rate will be high. But hey, if you find yourself getting bored of a woman quickly, then it's a good thing! Good luck and have fun
Author PRSun Posted March 27, 2008 Author Posted March 27, 2008 So you do see benifits in dating more than one person at a time. Do you think dating around will enable you to better find out exactly what it is you're looking for in a partner or are you just enjoying playing the field for a change of pace?
L B Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 As long as you are in in a committed relationship, you can date as many people as you like. Be careful to not burn yourself out by dating too many at once. Try to keep balance in your life.
Star Gazer Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 So you do see benifits in dating more than one person at a time. Do you think dating around will enable you to better find out exactly what it is you're looking for in a partner or are you just enjoying playing the field for a change of pace? I think dating multiple people can definitely do this IF you don't already know what you're looking for in a partner. If you truly pay attention to the person you're dating and getting to know, I think you can tell pretty quickly whether or not they have the basic qualities. During this period of time, I'm all for dating multiple people. But once you establish that one of the people has the qualities you're looking for and is more special than the others, in order to really develop any semblance of a real relationship, I think it's almost necessary to focus your attention on one person at a time.
Author PRSun Posted March 27, 2008 Author Posted March 27, 2008 As long as you are not in a committed relationship, you can date as many people as you like. Be careful to not burn yourself out by dating too many at once. Try to keep balance in your life. At what point does a relatship become "committed"? If you see some one a few times, a week, a month and nothing is discussed about being exclusive does that necessarily make the relationship one on one? It seems like a slippery slope to me.
Author PRSun Posted March 27, 2008 Author Posted March 27, 2008 I think dating multiple people can definitely do this IF you don't already know what you're looking for in a partner. If you truly pay attention to the person you're dating and getting to know, I think you can tell pretty quickly whether or not they have the basic qualities. During this period of time, I'm all for dating multiple people. But once you establish that one of the people has the qualities you're looking for and is more special than the others, in order to really develop any semblance of a real relationship, I think it's almost necessary to focus your attention on one person at a time. How does one truely know with certianty what they're looking for in a partner? It's been my experience that people's taste and preferances change drastically as time progresses and they age. I've even met girls who really rubbed me the wrong way the first few times we met then i started seeing things more from their perspective and appreciated their company from then on out. I think dating is just as much about exploring yourself and your mind as it discovering likes and wants from others.
NuTuDating Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 At what point does a relatship become "committed"? If you see some one a few times, a week, a month and nothing is discussed about being exclusive does that necessarily make the relationship one on one? It seems like a slippery slope to me. When both people talk about it and agree to be exclusive. Until then, you're just dating and it's fair game.
Author PRSun Posted March 27, 2008 Author Posted March 27, 2008 Most of the people here won't touch this with a 20ft pole (or they'll tell you it's wrong). There's quite a few advantages to dating multiple women. First, it's difficult as hell to find one woman to fulfill all your needs. This way, you can have one woman for sex, one for fun dates, one to cook you dinner, etc etc etc. It's also great for filtering out all the garbage women when you're looking to settle with one. When you settle with just one woman, you need to make sure she's a DAMN GOOD woman if you're considering raising kids with her and marriage. DO NOT settle when you're looking for a lifelong partner. Another benefit is you begin to discover exactly what you want and don't want in a lifelong partner. The more women you date, the more picky you'll become when you start searching for a lifelong partner. The best part about dating multiple women is you don't have to take any of them too seriously. If one pisses you off or ditches you, you've still got a couple others to keep you plenty occupied. A couple tips: - NEVER lie to the woman saying you're committed to only her. Keep yourself open by telling her you're not ready for a relationship. - If one of your women should find out that you're dating others, just tell her that if she wanted something more serious, she should have discussed it with you. - When it gets to a point when one woman wants to get serious with you but you don't want to be serious with her, then it's time to cut her loose. One potential downside to all of this is your turnover rate will be high. But hey, if you find yourself getting bored of a woman quickly, then it's a good thing! Good luck and have fun It's sad that alot of people are so narrow minded when it comes to dating. From where I sit though this advice is pretty spot on. It keeps everyone honest and has difinative goals. Cheers!
Author PRSun Posted March 27, 2008 Author Posted March 27, 2008 When both people talk about it and agree to be exclusive. Until then, you're just dating and it's fair game. So exclusivity MUST be addressed and cannot be assumed. Interesting, Is it possible in anyway to just fall into a relationship and not know it? One of my friends from out of town had a girl FLIP on him because he was seeing more then one girl at a time even though they had not stated even once that they were in a relationship. She told him "You KNEW what this was!" I'm assuming she though they had an implied relationship. Is such a thing common?
Porn Man Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 What is your opinion on dating more then one person at a time? What are the lines to be drawn concerning honesty and when is it acceptable to be "seeing" more then one person simultaneously? Do you think dating more then one person at a time is positive or negative and why? Sound off kiddies! You can never have too many options when in the dating world, so more power to you sir. You just want to make sure that the women you are dating are on the same page as you. If you hear that any of the women you are dating thinks that you are exclusively dating her, you should tell her the truth.
Mag Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 I had a couple of friends who decided to date the same guy at the same time. long story short, it didnt end well between the 3 of them and 1 of my friends ended up pregnant. But the 1 friend had gotten out of it just before that happened. Although, I have to admit i never saw it coming but the other 2 ended up married
Lovegod Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 I'm assuming she though they had an implied relationship. Is such a thing common? That's why you draw out the guidelines at the beginning of ANY relationship. If you fail to do this, the woman will jump to conclusions based on your actions and you'll eventually find your balls in her hand. Also, if you want to move things to a more serious level, the guidelines can be modified. Oh yeah, and ALWAYS use a condom even if she says she's on birth control, had her tubes tied, etc. It's really sad how many women will lie about birth control. If I didn't wrap it up, I would have had multiple kids with women who weren't able to get pregnant
Author PRSun Posted March 27, 2008 Author Posted March 27, 2008 That's why you draw out the guidelines at the beginning of ANY relationship. If you fail to do this, the woman will jump to conclusions based on your actions and you'll eventually find your balls in her hand. Also, if you want to move things to a more serious level, the guidelines can be modified. Oh yeah, and ALWAYS use a condom even if she says she's on birth control, had her tubes tied, etc. It's really sad how many women will lie about birth control. If I didn't wrap it up, I would have had multiple kids with women who weren't able to get pregnant Wait wait wait. So if I'm just seeing someone casually I MUST set guidelines from the word go? That seems like a lot of foot work just for the purpose of exploration. Can you expand on how exactly she gets the upper hand if no terms are made from the beginning. Condoms are a must. It's not just pregnacy but STDs. If you're going to have casual sex protecting yourself is priority one. Alot of people don't even know they have and are spreading an STD and that's scary. Condoms and bi annual blood test (As provided by my employer) are essential. I can't emphisize this enough.
MimiMe Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 What is your opinion on dating more then one person at a time? What are the lines to be drawn concerning honesty and when is it acceptable to be "seeing" more then one person simultaneously? Do you think dating more then one person at a time is positive or negative and why? Sound off kiddies! I guess as long as everyone that you are dating understand that you are not "exclusively" dating them its fair. At least by letting them, you give them the opportunity to decide if this is the kind of way that they want to date. There are people that like the freedom and there are some that cant stand the thought of being with someone that is not only into them. I hope this is a principal that I teach my son to learn how to handle. There are tons of chicks out there that dont mind!!! but dont hurt the ones that do!!! Negative- in the sense that you can loose yourself in the translation... and catch yourself feeling for more than one person. Positive - in the sense that you can meet wornderful people that just were not so much dating material and this could create friendships that last a life time.
Lovegod Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 So if I'm just seeing someone casually I MUST set guidelines from the word go? That seems like a lot of foot work just for the purpose of exploration. Can you expand on how exactly she gets the upper hand if no terms are made from the beginning. It's actually not that hard. All you have to say is "I'm not looking for anything serious right now". You don't have to say it on the first date either. Maybe the second or third after you realize that she's interested in you and things are somewhat progressing. I also believe that a man should set guidelines at the beginning of a serious relationship. I told my woman that I would have absolutely NO TOLERANCE for lying. Needless to say, she's been good. If you don't draw out major guidelines like this in the beginning, they will come around and bite you in the ass. It's basically doing preventative maintenance, and it saves a lot of trouble down the road. If you don't lay down these guidelines, she will hate you for "leading her on" (even if it WAS her wild imagination that created these ideas in the first place. Women will rarely admit to being wrong.)
Lizzie60 Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 more than one man.. I like it.. it works for me.. I want no commitment, no 'serious' relationships.. they all know I see other people.. do they have a choice? no.. If they don't like it.. they can go to ...
Author PRSun Posted March 27, 2008 Author Posted March 27, 2008 It's actually not that hard. All you have to say is "I'm not looking for anything serious right now". You don't have to say it on the first date either. Maybe the second or third after you realize that she's interested in you and things are somewhat progressing. I also believe that a man should set guidelines at the beginning of a serious relationship. I told my woman that I would have absolutely NO TOLERANCE for lying. Needless to say, she's been good. If you don't draw out major guidelines like this in the beginning, they will come around and bite you in the ass. It's basically doing preventative maintenance, and it saves a lot of trouble down the road. If you don't lay down these guidelines, she will hate you for "leading her on" (even if it WAS her wild imagination that created these ideas in the first place. Women will rarely admit to being wrong.) Sounds fair. What if however I'm looking to start something "serious" but I'm not sure with who at that time. Is there some kind of disclosure that should be made then? I mean lets say I'm trying to start a dating circle and I tell them all that I'm looking for a relationship. that automatically sets the mind set for whatever number of people I'm seeing. Obvioiusly if I tell them I'm going to be seeing other people at the same time, they're going to get mixed signals. It seems like a paradox in that pre conditioning the minds of the people you relate to will alter their mindset from the word go. Wouldn't it be better for them to act as they would normally with no strings attached behind regular dating?
Author PRSun Posted March 27, 2008 Author Posted March 27, 2008 I guess as long as everyone that you are dating understand that you are not "exclusively" dating them its fair. At least by letting them, you give them the opportunity to decide if this is the kind of way that they want to date. There are people that like the freedom and there are some that cant stand the thought of being with someone that is not only into them. I hope this is a principal that I teach my son to learn how to handle. There are tons of chicks out there that dont mind!!! but dont hurt the ones that do!!! Negative- in the sense that you can loose yourself in the translation... and catch yourself feeling for more than one person. Positive - in the sense that you can meet wornderful people that just were not so much dating material and this could create friendships that last a life time. I think losing yourself is a GOOD thing. The journey towards rediscovery and expansion is an awesome thing. I also think however the chances of finding people you can be "just friends" with post dating process is low. Often lines have been crossed and while reconciliation is possible, it's better to just cut losses and go seperate ways.
Lovegod Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 What if however I'm looking to start something "serious" but I'm not sure with who at that time. Is there some kind of disclosure that should be made then? That's when you sit down and make a list for each woman listing their good qualities and their bad ones. Be specific. Then look over the lists and base your decision on that. It seems like a paradox in that pre conditioning the minds of the people you relate to will alter their mindset from the word go. Wouldn't it be better for them to act as they would normally with no strings attached behind regular dating? I'm guessing that you mean it would be better to say nothing to keep them from being on their best behavior... Women don't normally think this way, at least not for long. In fact, telling them that you don't want anything serious may actually bring out their worst behavior. I ended up being stalked by a woman I dated for three days. The women who are to be avoided will resort to desperation to make you fall in love with them. They will lie, stalk, threaten, buy you lots of gifts, beg, use guilt trips, and the list goes on. The ones that can be considered as quality women worth your time will respect your decision and remain patient with you... but remember, every woman has limits to how long they will wait. I've found that a woman is usually willing to wait 1 1/2 - 2 months before giving up on being committed to you. If you decide to get involved with a woman for the long term, that's when you should let her know your decision to keep her, and lay down your guidelines for the relationship (what you will and will not tolerate). Then, take her out to celebrate!
Saxis Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 That's when you sit down and make a list for each woman listing their good qualities and their bad ones. Be specific. Then look over the lists and base your decision on that. And make sure you destroy that list when you figure it out! I can't imagine any woman being pleased to see that lying on your desk or in your computer....
BigJ Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 And make sure you destroy that list when you figure it out! I can't imagine any woman being pleased to see that lying on your desk or in your computer.... If she's digging around in my computer I don't care what she thinks anyway. Wow.
Lovegod Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 If she finds the list, then you take a pen and write "snooping" under her bad qualities - right in front of her.
BladeSteel Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 If you decide to get involved with a woman for the long term, that's when you should let her know your decision to keep her, and lay down your guidelines for the relationship (what you will and will not tolerate). Then, take her out to celebrate! Lovegod, a lot of great advise!! My question is this, I'm currently dating two different women, just casually. So far, I've been open with both of them, and everything's going well and I'm having fun. One of them however I am considering for a monogomous relationship, well, I should say she has qualities that I would like in a monogomous relationship. what sort of relationship guidelines would you recommend?
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