annie.g Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 Can a man and a woman go out for dinner and then go dancing every now and then? Is that acceptable?
John Who Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 If you are married and the man is married also.does your husband and does his wife know of these dates. If you are questioning it then obviously you know there is something wrong with it. You should ask your husband if he is ok with you going out to dinner and dancing with another man.
John Who Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 Oh yes and t is possible a friendship can turn into a emotional affair,thatis how mine started.
Author annie.g Posted March 27, 2008 Author Posted March 27, 2008 I'm actually single. I brought up the question because my sister in law, who is married to my younger brother and have a child with him, has gone out with this guy that she calls her friend. They've seen each other three times, each time in a fancy restaurant. She has put me in a tough spot by admitting that she has been telling my brother that it was a group activity. She assures me that nothing is happening between them and even invited me to tag along. She and I have been best friends forever and I believe her when she says that there is nothing between them. She sees him less than once a month and tells me there's nothing to be worried about. Should I worry for my brother?
Cobra_X30 Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 She has put me in a tough spot by admitting that she has been telling my brother that it was a group activity. She assures me that nothing is happening between them and even invited me to tag along. Should I worry for my brother? No harm in tagging along. Keep your eyes open and know that your presence will make things different. Personally, while I don't think she is up to no good... it's not appropriate and she is not being truthful with your brother.
John Who Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 Yes you should be worried for your brother,you know something my sister was put in the same position with our sister in-law. Sis in law told my younger sis of some friend she had been hanging out with,told her not to worry its just a friend. Sister found out much later that the friendship turned into a physical affair,my sis came to me for advice and because she wanted me to be the one to tell our bro,for some reason she did not want to ruin her relationship with sis in law,I could give a crap so yeah I told my bro. The thing is my sis feels so guilty because she feels if only she told my brother when this first started before the affair got physical then she could have saved our bro the heartach. Mention it to your brother casually,you don't know for sure if they are having a affair,but your sister in law is lying to him thats for sure,so obviously something is fishy.
Author annie.g Posted March 27, 2008 Author Posted March 27, 2008 No harm in tagging along. Keep your eyes open and know that your presence will make things different. Personally, while I don't think she is up to no good... it's not appropriate and she is not being truthful with your brother. Thanks. I appreciate your neutral perspective on this. She was very outgoing before she had her baby. It almost seems like she is in her post-depression period and trying to catch up for the 18 months she had to stay home. I know for a fact that my brother sometimes goes out with female friends and slightly changes the facts as well - so they are both semi guilty on this. I was just wondering if once a month might be too much for "friends"?
Author annie.g Posted March 27, 2008 Author Posted March 27, 2008 Yes you should be worried for your brother,you know something my sister was put in the same position with our sister in-law. Sis in law told my younger sis of some friend she had been hanging out with,told her not to worry its just a friend. Sister found out much later that the friendship turned into a physical affair,my sis came to me for advice and because she wanted me to be the one to tell our bro,for some reason she did not want to ruin her relationship with sis in law,I could give a crap so yeah I told my bro. The thing is my sis feels so guilty because she feels if only she told my brother when this first started before the affair got physical then she could have saved our bro the heartach. Mention it to your brother casually,you don't know for sure if they are having a affair,but your sister in law is lying to him thats for sure,so obviously something is fishy. Thanks for sharing. Do you know how they met and how often they saw eachother?
John Who Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 They met through mutual friends,they did not hang out much at first,my sis would go along with them at times. As months went by they just got closer,I guess thats when the physical affair started. What is the reason why she won't tell your brother of her friend?
Author annie.g Posted March 27, 2008 Author Posted March 27, 2008 Actually she did mention him but she wasn't entirely truthful about the context. For example... WHAT SHE TELLS HIM: I'm going for dinner and drinks with a bunch of people from work. WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENS: She goes for drinks with people from work, leaves early and then joins the guy for a one-on-one dinner. They would then go bar hopping and get drunk. She tells me they have a lot to talk about and could not do so in a group setting. She's not telling my brother because that would make him suspicious for no reason. Is it me?
John Who Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 I kept my "friend" a secret from my wife because I knew she would not aaprove of it. I knew it was wrong for me to be getting involved with another women,even though we were just talking and hanging out. I kept telling myself shes just a friend no harm in that ,I was wrong what started off as a friendship ended up in a EA,which ended my marriage If her husband found out about her friendand asked her to stop spending time with him,will she give him up?
John Who Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 No I don't think it's just you obviously you have a great relationship with sis in law,you know her,and her whole friendship with this dude seems strange to you. I agree with cobra maybe you should go out with both of them and see how they act towards each other.
Author annie.g Posted March 27, 2008 Author Posted March 27, 2008 I kept my "friend" a secret from my wife because I knew she would not aaprove of it. I knew it was wrong for me to be getting involved with another women,even though we were just talking and hanging out. I kept telling myself shes just a friend no harm in that ,I was wrong what started off as a friendship ended up in a EA,which ended my marriage If her husband found out about her friendand asked her to stop spending time with him,will she give him up? How long did you remain friends with that woman? My sister in law (and best friend) first met with the guy last November. Not sure how she would react if she was asked to stop "seeing" him. She would probably argue that there is nothing between them.
AussieJack Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 . She assures me that nothing is happening between them and even invited me to tag along. She and I have been best friends forever and I believe her when she says that there is nothing between them. She sees him less than once a month and tells me there's nothing to be worried about. Should I worry for my brother? "Cheating " starts when one person turns outside their primary relationship for emotional or physical initimacy. AN affair starts long before the motel room. Your sis- in- law is therefor cheating on her husband, and she knows it because she is lying about the true nature of the event to her husband. She is also an idiot by telling you - blood is thicker than water, OH and don't buy that crap about post partum depression -that old crock.
MisterSir Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 "Cheating " starts when one person turns outside their primary relationship for emotional or physical initimacy. AN affair starts long before the motel room. Your sis- in- law is therefor cheating on her husband, and she knows it because she is lying about the true nature of the event to her husband. She is also an idiot by telling you - blood is thicker than water, OH and don't buy that crap about post partum depression -that old crock. Very well said.
NuTuDating Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 The sister-in-law is cheating. That much is clear. Does her husband know where she goes and what she does? Would he approve? Doubtful. Your brother needs to know what she's up to.
NuTuDating Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 Actually she did mention him but she wasn't entirely truthful about the context. For example... WHAT SHE TELLS HIM: I'm going for dinner and drinks with a bunch of people from work. WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENS: She goes for drinks with people from work, leaves early and then joins the guy for a one-on-one dinner. They would then go bar hopping and get drunk. She tells me they have a lot to talk about and could not do so in a group setting. She's not telling my brother because that would make him suspicious for no reason. Is it me? No, that would make him suspicious with a GOOD reason.
BlueHaiku Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 The issue here is not what is or isn't happening when they go out to dinner. I don't think tagging along will make any difference. The issue is that she is lying to him about what she's doing. Plus you pointed out that he is lying to her about what he's doing. The both of them need to be honest or yeah, it is "cheating." It's also a sign of trouble in the relationship that they don't feel they can be honest about where they are spending their time. If I were you, I would tell her that she needs to be honest to him out of respect for their marriage. Tell her that if he is suspiscious about her seeing this guy as a friend then she needs to resassure him sincerely of their love and keep repeating it until he believes it - or invite HIM to tag along on one of their outings. Then I would go to him and tell him he needs to be honest to her... etc [repeat above].
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