blind_otter Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 I posted about this friend of mine before - she was on/off with her H for 7 years. He treated her in a pretty sh*teous manner for that entire time, and she just sorta took it. Now they are getting a divorce and of course she jumped into a relationship less than 2 weeks after she and her H decided to split. The H hasn't even seen the D papers yet. To be fair, they were separated for 3 months prior to that, but were trying to work things out. Now this new guy is a self-proclaimed alcoholic. He has a job (sort of) - he works 3 nights a week as a bus boy. The thing that really shocked me though is that she caught him in two outright lies, and keeps seeing him. Well the other thing that shocked me and kind of pissed me off is that she immediately had unprotected sex with him. According to her, "he looks clean." The first - that he didn't do cocaine. He said he didn't touch the stuff. Then she found a plate with a razor and white powder on it in his house. Of course she tasted the powder to be sure and yes it did make her tongue numb. The second - shortly after the cocaine revelation, he went AWOL. According to him he was sick at home and turned his phone off...but my crazy friend went over to his house (twice) and his car was gone, as was his dog, and he didn't answer the door when she knocked. She even went so far as to hang out with his neighbor for a while to see if he would come back. Anyway, as usual when she was all upset that he had disappeared, she spent the day moping at my house. I like to be there for my friends, but honestly - not when they do it to themselves. In my opinion, if a guy lies to me right in the beginning of a R there is no reason to continue associating with him. And during that day she went on and on about how it was "over" between them. I said, good for you. Stand your ground. You deserve to be with someone who is honest, at the very least. She was mad at him for a coupla days and then went back to gushing about him to me. She sent me a long email detailing how great he was to her last night and I just responded with a short email: "good luck with that!" What I really wanted to say was "You've been overtly lied to twice within a month of dating this guy. Please don't come crying to me when something else goes wrong because as they say, fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me." But I didn't. I really have to restrain myself from just telling her that she is acting plain stupid about this. I really feel the urge to completely disengage myself from her. Am I being selfish? Friends should be there for each other through thick and thin - but what if they make choices that hurt themselves, over and over again?
EnigmasMuse Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 What I really wanted to say was "You've been overtly lied to twice within a month of dating this guy. Please don't come crying to me when something else goes wrong because as they say, fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me." But I didn't. I really have to restrain myself from just telling her that she is acting plain stupid about this. I really feel the urge to completely disengage myself from her. Am I being selfish? Friends should be there for each other through thick and thin - but what if they make choices that hurt themselves, over and over again? **This is kind of a tough one for me because I have been there. Its good to want to be there for a friend, and have someone to lean on or vent to or to listen etc. BUT, in my situation it went on long enough. Don't get me wrong, I bit my tongue for a really long time, but you know what? It got old and I got drained from continuly watching my friend make IMO, crazy choices about things that could really do her more harm than good. **There are times I say keep the mouth shut and let people make their own mistakes, but there are also times I feel someone needs to intervene. Not to be mean or ugly but to maybe (hopefullY) wake them up. In my case, since I had bit my tongue long enough, I finally told her how I felt. I wasn't ugly about it, but firm and got my point across. Unfortunatly, it ended the friendship. But you know what? I did NOT regret telling her how I felt one bit. It needed to be said. I knew if I didn't, it wouldn't get said by anyone more than likely because I was the closest to her. Maybe that friendship coming to an end was the best thing for me. I didn't have to deal with the stress or drama of it all. To my knowledge what I told her fell on def ears. It doesn't mean it will for you though blind. And if it does, you can't say you didn't try.
Recommended Posts