andrewl Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 First things first i don't get breaks?? I have always been a guy that would turn the other way if things started to sound unstable or if my partner stated they wanted out or were unsure. Now obviously things are different or at least i had thought they were. I am 29 years old been in this relationship for almost 2 years. We seemed to be pretty happy and spent allot of time together. I basically started to build what i thought would be a life together by purchasing a new home doing all of the normal family gatherings. In looking back over the past 2 years we may have had 2 bigger than normal talks or "fights of unhappiness" that she brought up. The frustrating thing about these fights a day or two later when the smoke had cleared she would apologize and say how sorry she is for getting all crazy and emotional. So about 3 weeks ago we had another falling out or I'm not happy talk she more or less was breaking up on the phone. I told her that we needed to see each other and talk about all of this nonsense. After much convincing we did meet up and we did talk but she really did not communicate what she was so unhappy about. I being a man got frustrated basically told her if your not happy and you don't want to try to make this work then i guess we are done. Upon getting home and letting of this new info sink into my thick head. I was really struggling with the fact that wow were broke up. So i picked up the phone late that night and confessed my undying love for her. yes there were tears involved and we ended it on a note we were going to try. The next day i called her in the morning as we normally would do, she was extremely shut off or cold and couldn't really talk??? I then called back later in the day and noticed some of the same coldness and basically said come on if were going to try we need to talk and we need to communicate or there is now way we can even try. She agreed we then let each other go. Now this is where it gets a bit silly. She is 24 loves her my space, i don't get to involved but happen to check her page. I noticed she already is "single" most of our pics were gone. Weird thought we were trying to work this out and the next day ___ i deleted. So again i got a bit frustrated and told her look i cant believe you would do that, what was the point other than to hurt feelings. So to make things worse i get home from the gym after work and she had already gone to my house taken her clothes and other belongings that she had left there. Wow again so i don't call i just figured she left she is gone. Wednesday i get a text email saying : sadly i was right about you... basically meaning that i didn't try?? I replied something along the lines you took all your stuff and left i am trying to cope and give you your space. So i asked her if she wanted to talk ? she said maybe later? In my efforts to ignore i broke down that night and called, she told me more or less she needs her space. I said i don't know what that means but i respect you and i will give you your space. After a week I was having a tough time with the whole not knowing. I got a card from hallmark and wrote some heart felt words that focused on what i felt and what we were doing. I left it on her window of her car. later that day she replied please stop your just making it worse. So again after a week of n.c i called and basically asked her where we are at. She wouldn't say she didn't care or did not still love me but she did say it was to late. So i told her i would not bother her i just didn't want to be strung along. I have not called her in over 2 weeks, no email, the only contact we have had was she sent me a happy easter email hope all is well. I did not reply. At this point i was hoping that maybe she would pick up a phone not text or email, that by far has been very frustrating. have we really come to a world where its OK to pretty much ruin relationships over email and text! all in all i think i am doing right by just moving on and focusing on my life and my health. but it is not easy. just needed to vent sorry for the long drawn out boring version of my little saga !
youngbuckkk Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 Stay strong dude, things only get better with time. I'm in the same situation myself, she broke up then I initiated NC, she contacted me I ignored and after I was ready I made contact with her. She was happy to hear from me at first and made it seem like she was interested in at least talking during a convo on the fone, and then all of a sudden coldness the next time. You need to totally forget about her and move on. If she comes round and you wanna give it another go so be it, but right now it seems like she was stringing you along and playing games. Show her you don't need that sh*t and move on. She will realize that she no longer has any control over you, and she may regret her decision and come back to reconcile, or not. If she doesn't you're better off without her.
stoneymirror Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 (edited) In the same boat as both you guys. She broke it off with me and I'm not going to run after her and try to convince her to rethink her decision. At the least I figure they need to sort some things out on their own. By me calling and initiating anything, it just interfers rather than help. Unfortunately I reach a breaking point where I'm no longer gonna wait. I can't be confident with getting back together with someone if it takes them a month to figure out what they really want. I'm not a pawn, and not indespensible. Nobody deserves to be left hanging to dry, it's unfair. I'm not saying it's impossible to rekindle after a month, but the odds are not in your favor as days, weeks and months go by. Take it from me, getting back together with someone after an extended period of time never works. You don't grow together, you don't work on your issues in that time, you're basically back to the day it all ended, just with less emotion and desire. If they're just stringing you along and not being honest this should be a good sign they don't respect you and don't appreciate who you are. Very selfish to say the least. It all comes down to maturity and respect. If they can't handle a serious relationship and the things you need to do to keep it going, I'd walk away for good. and never look back. You can't push people to love you, or want to be with you. Edited March 27, 2008 by stoneymirror
Towelie Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 'But a man never got a woman back by begging on his knees...' Leonard Cohen. But then Laughing Len is probably a dehumanizing generalizing misogynist to write that. andrewl, it's over, move on. She wants to be single again, or has a better offer somewhere. If you really want her back, date someone hotter than her. That works with (a lot of/some/many) women.
eagle5 Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 That's how my gf ended it -'I need space/ a break!!!' It's a cowardly way to say 'it's over!!!' I hate that, I asked her what it meant (like you), and got no definate answer. Leaving someone hanging there is the pits! It's lucky I found out she was seeing someone else, because that gave me the answer I was looking for!!! It was sh*t I had to find out on Christmas day though. It was like sticking a big knife into an already dying man. I started nc then and have pretty much been there ever since (not including her calling a couple of times to see how I was, to ease her guilt imo). Keep with it, try not to look back, it has got easier, it WILL get easier.
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