youngbuckkk Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 What do you expect? Dude, you still haven't learned yet? One day you say you're 100% indifferent about it either way and you are just giving it your last effort and not putting the pressure on and then you go right back into needy mode and try to have a conversation with her the next day and get stressed when she is cold. That's what Sheena was getting at.
Author iwish Posted April 2, 2008 Author Posted April 2, 2008 so i'm in the wrong here? i was just trying to sort out Saturday.. that's all.. I'm not indifferent about it at all, i'm trying to be... but i'm just starting to think that it isn't worth it.. do you agree?
Mouldylocks Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 Yes, you're wrong. Take what you're offered and be damned grateful - and don't push for more. If you don't think it's worth it, drop it now and walk away. If you do think it's worth it you'll take her lead.
datingmum Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 sSheena, thanks for your input. I think if you read what I said above, you will see that I was saying that I heard and respected what he had to see about his needs for the first time in this process. I heard ALOT of bs over the last year and he would always go back on the 'reasons' for us not working. He said it has taken him ages to understand and verbalise in a confident way. I was not trying to give the impression that I am taking on ALL the issues, but that I own some of the responsibility for the breakdown as well. I know you've been reading my and iwish's story for a while now, but remember, people often come on here and a picture of their 'evil' ex etc. At the least, the portraits painted are merely ONE perspective. But the posts are trapped in time. so it is inevitable that as we grow/accept/learn/understand our partners, these ideas/thoughts will change. And that is not 'enabling', that is simply understanding and trying to work with someone you love. But thank you for your input. iwish! Youngbukkk is so right here. One day you're gonna WAIT until friday (and I know you maybe needed to find out re: hotels etc) then you're contacting. But hey, don't cry over spilt milk. It's fine. She is a bit hostile, I must say. But I think it is because she is wary of you! The s-e-x thing is why she is not staying overnight. She thinks she gave in too easy last time and was overwhelmed by your mastery of her body. Seriously. I think that it's a very positive sign that she's saying she'll spend day and see how night goes. She may be a bad communicator, not giving you enough reassurance, etc. but remember YOU BROKE UP WITH HER! She will be a little stand offish. Unless you're saying this is how she's always been. Just chill. Laugh it off. YOu seem to do better face-to-face with her than your thoughts on here, so I'm sure you'll be great. Secondly, can you spend some time telling me a bit about her background/history etc? Ok, so just chill. Don't contact her till Fri to let her know times/etc. Remember to txt her only if you can to build anticipation and just txt as well if she'll need a change of clothes/warm stuff/walking stuff. Be BRIEF, MYSTERIOUS! you should have never said you were stressed! Gimme a break! *slap* You are Mr. Big, Mr Cool!
Ofleg7 Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 Yeah dude, you gotta chill out a bit and not be so compulsive. You're in a tough place right now and, although you may not think so, so is she. You've got the rabbit sniffing the carrot so all you gotta do is relax a little and find out if A/ the rabbit takes the carrot by itself and B/ if the rabbit is worth catching. Sorry for the bad analogy
datingmum Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 sSheena, thanks for your input. I think if you read what I said above, you will see that I was saying that I heard and respected what he had to say about his needs for the first time in this process. I heard ALOT of bs over the last year about why we were breaking up this lasty year and he would always go back on the 'reasons' for us not working - that's because they were just 'excuses'. He said it has taken him ages to understand and verbalise in a confident way and I believe him. I met him at 28, not many men or women have learned to communicate on a deep emotional level about their needs, if they've even gotten as far as being able to rationally identify their needs at all. I was not trying to give the impression that I am taking on ALL the issues, but that I own some of the responsibility for the breakdown as well. I know you've been reading my and iwish's story for a while now, but remember, people often come on here and paint a picture of their 'evil' ex etc. At the least, the portraits painted are merely ONE perspective. But the posts are trapped in time. So it is inevitable that as we grow/accept/learn/understand our partners, these ideas/thoughts will change. And that is not 'enabling', that is simply understanding and trying to work with someone you love. Also, we have partners who want to and are willing to go through this process with us, so is that something to begrudge? In my situation, there are also children involved so there is NO WAY I am walking away until I am 100% certain that it will not work and he will not work. iwish and I are trying to discern that at the moment. But thank you for your input. [/b]iwish![/b] Youngbukkk is so right here. One day you're gonna WAIT until friday (and I know you maybe needed to find out re: hotels etc) then you're contacting. But hey, don't cry over spilt milk. It's fine. She is a bit hostile, I must say. But I think it is because she is wary of you! The s-e-x thing is why she is not staying overnight. She thinks she gave in too easy last time and was overwhelmed by your mastery of her body. Seriously. I think that it's a very positive sign that she's saying she'll spend day and see how night goes. She may be a bad communicator, not giving you enough reassurance, etc. but remember YOU BROKE UP WITH HER! She will be a little stand offish. Unless you're saying this is how she's always been. Just chill. Laugh it off. YOu seem to do better face-to-face with her than your thoughts on here, so I'm sure you'll be great. Secondly, can you spend some time telling me a bit about her background/history etc? Ok, so just chill. Don't contact her till Fri to let her know times/etc. Remember to txt her only if you can to build anticipation and just txt as well if she'll need a change of clothes/warm stuff/walking stuff. Be BRIEF, MYSTERIOUS! you should have never said you were stressed! Gimme a break! *slap* You are Mr. Big, Mr Cool!
smainla Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 datingmum, I could sure use that ebook from Homer. Wish it weren't so expensive.
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