Author iwish Posted March 31, 2008 Author Posted March 31, 2008 4 was the norm ... i treated her good... Yeah i'm hearing you about the neediness, i'll make a deal with you.. we can't contact them again until an agreed time.. say wednesday evening?.. it's not good to let them think that we are waiting for them to call us or make some contact.. I plan to survive tomorrow and not initiate any contact and i suggest you do the same.. and then we can plan for the next day.. One day at a time, agreed?
datingmum Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 IT'S A PLAN! You're going to Salsa, I'm going out to Birmingham with a girlfriend. AWESOME! Nothing until we speak on Wed. Now, if something crazy happens, message me on here, k? In case the thread gets lost or something. Also, my only 'free' night this week is Saturday. He doesn't know that. so when he asks, I'm gonna say "sorry, I have a date!" You know why? I do! hahahah
Author iwish Posted March 31, 2008 Author Posted March 31, 2008 ooh Birmingham, that'll be fun.. (No offence to Brummies!) Yep, we have to make it through tomorrow, just one day.. it can't be hard.. can it?! I'm already doubting if it's a good idea for me?! she might think i got lucky!! damn indecision.. what about i just text her a 'hi' tom? but defo is the way to go for you...
datingmum Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 oh my lord. I'm going to smack you! SERIOUSLY. You have to do this! If you text her babe, she will KNOW you are right there still... Seriously! I've been doing this a year now and I promise you, it is only when I fail to do it right like this and start getting needy/texting for validation etc that things grind to a terrible halt. Listen. If you don't text one day, do you think she'll stop loving you? Do you think the idea you may have 'gotten lucky' will turn her against you? Please. It's your life but I promise you it will do no good. You are only whining because you know you need to do it. Remember how you got her to have the date in the first place? That's right! NO CONTACT. For what, 4 days? I reckon 4 -5 days is the cracking point. Tried and tested. You know it's true.
datingmum Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 Ok this is what she'll see: "hi" a needy little whiny hi! "oh hi! I'm still right here for you my darling honey bunch of spring flowers. I'm right here, i'll make you come four times and take all the pain and indecision you throw my way..." All from a simple "hi" Trust me. I've been on both sides in very serious relationships. Ok, now go google Homer McDonald, How to Stop your Divorce. You want me to email you the eBook? Pure genius for getting you back to the point where they are onside for reconciliation. Problem is, I keep doing all this and when I get to the reconciliation point, like you... I get clingy/demanding/needy/angry. So DON'T
Author iwish Posted March 31, 2008 Author Posted March 31, 2008 yeah you're right, i'm gonna hit the sack now and i shall read this post tomorrow when i feel the urge to contact.. i wont contact!! and neither will you?!! It's looking good right now, it's taken me ages to get to this point and i will not blow it by being a needy, angry, rejected idiot again! If she doesn't come on the second date, it will be completely her choice and she will have to live with that without putting the blame onto me. i've done all i can.. So until wednesday they will here nothing from either of us! Enjoy birmingham...
Author iwish Posted March 31, 2008 Author Posted March 31, 2008 Ok this is what she'll see: "hi" a needy little whiny hi! "oh hi! I'm still right here for you my darling honey bunch of spring flowers. I'm right here, i'll make you come four times and take all the pain and indecision you throw my way..." that was brilliant! , very funny.. thanks!!
datingmum Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 You too! I WON'T and you won't either. Nighty night.
Author iwish Posted March 31, 2008 Author Posted March 31, 2008 Ok, now go google Homer McDonald, How to Stop your Divorce. You want me to email you the eBook? Pure genius for getting you back to the point where they are onside for reconciliation. Problem is, I keep doing all this and when I get to the reconciliation point, like you... I get clingy/demanding/needy/angry. So DON'T If it works, yes of course i want the ebook!
datingmum Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 Yeah, it works, like pretty much straight away. I've even spoken to the guy but he charges tooooooo much. and it'll keep you occupied. you'll have to private message me on here your email and i'll send it tonight.
Author iwish Posted April 1, 2008 Author Posted April 1, 2008 oh deary deary me.. I arrived into work this morning and she had sent me an email!! i was ecstatic.. yay me... and then i opened it Oh my lord, she found a flaw from Saturday night from her bloody flat mate.. when we got home to her flat, he was there with some friends.. she went to the toilet and they offered me a bit of a joint.. i said yeah sure.. one puff.. you know... Anyway she gets back and we got to her room and start messing about, she asks me 'did you have any? because if you did you can get out now!' of course i replied 'No babe' We messed around etc... Today i get the email with her berating me for lying again.. I'm sorry to say this, but I'm ****ed off. You lied. Again! And just after we had a big row about lying. Drugs???? On our "first date"?????!!!!! ****ing unbelievable. Please don't reply to this. I'm angry and feeling ill. Just leave me be for a bit. And think about all the ****ing lying you've been doing. And think about why the **** it is you'd want to have a smoke with my flat mate and his buddies on our first date, especially when you knew it'd **** me off. was i that bad? i just organised a night out, which involved a car picking her up, taking her to a posh bar, restaurant and then private night clubs (i am far from rich!) and she picks up on this.. i mean she's the stoner, not me!
Mouldylocks Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 She asked you outright, and you looked her in the eye and lied to her. She's hardly going to be sh*tting rainbows now, is she?
Author iwish Posted April 1, 2008 Author Posted April 1, 2008 True i agree, but what choice did i have... tell me you did and i'll kick you out.. of course i'm going to lie.. who wouldn't? It's only a small white lie, it shouldn't be that big a deal, should it? Damn this walking on egg shells rubbish.. i don't mind a row, but she's the smoker, not me.. i was just being social with her oh so special flat mate!
datingmum Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 Hey you. Uh oh. You sounded like you arranged a WONDERFUL date. Good for you. She should be excited. Also, you were trying to 'be cool' with the 'special' flatmate and all and it's not really that big a deal when she does it herself ALL THE TIME! Why did she say you had a row about lying before? Sounds as if she has trust issues which may be exacerbated by the tiny little white lies most people tell in a relationship if they're honest. Why is this a big deal? From her perspective? why would she be freaking over this? The good news is, you are still in. That she got this upset about something seemingly so random is a clue that she's still emotionally tied up IMO. I'd recommend just telling her the truth in very short very simple terms but not 'bending over backward' to 'prove' to her or make her feel okay about it. Have you responded yet?
datingmum Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 Say "you backed me a in a corner" because you seemed so angry and upset about the possibility that I'd had a puff of a joint by saying "Tell me you did and I'll kick you out". It'd already happened and clearly if I thought it was that big a deal to you, I wouldn't have, so did it really matter that much? Say, I'm not interested in fighting over this and rehashing why I did what i did etc. The simple fact is I want to be with you and you want to be with me. That's what's important, not these surface games.
youngbuckkk Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 You should just drop this woman. She's the one who ended it with you cuz you weren't happy with her going out and getting stonded with some other dude all the time, now she gets all pissy if you wanna hit a joint. Something is wrong with her. Grab your nuts and stop letting her try to control you, better off without her cuz she sounds like a manipulative control freak who has you by the balls.
Author iwish Posted April 1, 2008 Author Posted April 1, 2008 she does have me by the balls!, i responded to her email and she replied with an even stronger one, asking for yet more time.. that i have lied too many times etc... She's just looking for excuses.. Anyway we email back and forth and i try calling her, because i really am not taking this sort of crap from her, really i'm not.. We talk, she explains why she got angry (i lied about it) i explain why i lied (she gave me no choice) and now we're back on for a second date... I think she's driving me mad, she seems to find any small excuse to blow up about.. anything.. right i shouldn't have lied, but to swear so much at me.. i even had a go at her flat mate for even telling her ( i later apologised to him).. the lies she says i've told are.. 1) i went to see my ex after we broke up (i didn't and told her) she said i lied to her.. 2) i never had the tattoo that i said i had (it was a joke!) 3) i never had a bit of a joint (yes i did!) all these lies.. bother her, apparantley she doesn't know weather to believe me anymore or not... She really is pushing me and pushing me, i like the chase but.. this is getting ridiculous.. the worst thing is, i'm going back for more! I must be mad
youngbuckkk Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 Either that or you should turn this on her. You say you arranged this whole great night for her even after all this **** she's put you through over wanting to smoke with the guy, yet she still has to try to find one thing wrong and be unappreciative of all you've put in trying to win her back. Call her out as the unappreciative bitch she is acting like. All of a sudden since she decided that you are worth the time of day she expects you to cator to her every need and desire? Even when knowing that she is still feeling you out and deciding whether she even wants to try and work things out. You don't owe her ****. She should be happy you planned a date and all, and should not be telling you wat to do and be complaining because you decided to hit a joint. If you keep letting her walk all over you any sort of relationship with her will cause you misery.
Author iwish Posted April 1, 2008 Author Posted April 1, 2008 you're so right youngbuckkk, it's getting ridiculous, really ridiculous.. and it is driving me crazy... we have a date on Saturday (during the day), i have to arrange yet another super plan (i'm nearly broke ).. i have no idea what we are going to do, but it will be something special.. any ideas? and it's my last shot, my last go of making a go of it with her.. i love her to bits, and think she is the most gorgeous creature on the planet.. but i can't have another morning like this morning, it just hurts too much.. and she always seems to blame me, yet she is the one over reacting.. and putting us back to this rubbish place.. so i'm going on Saturday.. i have to.. even though i'll probably be crying again next week... On the bright side, i had my Salsa night and kissed girl no.2... maybe she will take my heart one day.. because the ex is proving more and more, she just doesn't want it.
datingmum Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 AMEN youngbukkk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She is pushing out the boundaries iwish! hold on
Author iwish Posted April 1, 2008 Author Posted April 1, 2008 hold on to what? my sanity? that i'm trying to do.. she's making it too hard!!
datingmum Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 Now hold on there! Well done on kissing girl 2, but come one...we both know it's a time filler. Back to the issue at hand. This girl sounds alot like me hahahha A princess! Ok, listen, you CAN be around her and refuse to bite. You can read that letter and just laugh at her ridiculous hyprocrisy. Imagine an old married couple who each annoy each other severely in some ways, but learn how to laugh at it and ignore it and cope. See, the truth is, she thinks she has you jumping through hoops, but what she's really done is: Get a date with you on Saturday on her terms, i.e. 'you' are on the back foot trying to prove yourself. Now you and I know that's not true, but for the moment, let her believe it and get close.# You pulled your date out of the fire, man! You're a god! I'm loving it! She is so on the hook. When she tries to get all close to you, sexy etc on Sat, imagine saying... you know, i'm not sure how i feel about being with you in that way, I mean I need to trust that you're not going to 'fly off the handle' and be a princess and unappreciative of what I do...I don't feel being with you physically is 'right' under those conditions" he heee Point is, if she keeps up with this behaviour, you are going to have to get her to listen to you on this, so you'll need to be clever. My poor ex has been taking a looooooong time getting to the stage where he can stand up to my demanding, controlling nature and say "hey, I want to feel loved and supported and will only commit to someone who appreciates the MULTITUDE of wonderful things I do (which, believe me, I miss like hell) instead of picking out one thing to blow up over, wiping out all the rest of teh great things". He told me this tonight! And I can't deny the truth in what he says. Basically, I'm going to have to do a lot more work I think.
youngbuckkk Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 you're so right youngbuckkk, it's getting ridiculous, really ridiculous.. and it is driving me crazy... we have a date on Saturday (during the day), i have to arrange yet another super plan (i'm nearly broke ).. i have no idea what we are going to do, but it will be something special.. any ideas? and it's my last shot, my last go of making a go of it with her.. i love her to bits, and think she is the most gorgeous creature on the planet.. but i can't have another morning like this morning, it just hurts too much.. and she always seems to blame me, yet she is the one over reacting.. and putting us back to this rubbish place.. so i'm going on Saturday.. i have to.. even though i'll probably be crying again next week... On the bright side, i had my Salsa night and kissed girl no.2... maybe she will take my heart one day.. because the ex is proving more and more, she just doesn't want it. How do you have a date when she says she needs time and space? I don't think you should take her out again. Tell her that you're sick of being treated like **** and that she's really not worth the trouble you once thought. Tell her why should you control your actions with her when she doesn't even know if she wants to be with you? Let her know you are not her doormat, and you are your own man, and a single one right now. You put the effort in, but your not her bitch. One of two things will happen, she gets mad and you guys go your seperate ways (which will be good in the long run) or she sees that you aren't going to play her games and take her **** anymore and she rethinks the way she has been acting and apoligizes. You keep letting her know this behavior is allright, so what do you expect from her?
datingmum Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 Her behaviour indicates many things to me: 1. She is going through your behaviour with a fine tooth comb because she loves you and is very very scared about getting close and hurt again BECAUSE her feelings are so strong. 2. She may have some issues from her past with trust (blowing up over small white lies, things like that) 3. She's spoiled. That's not necessarily a bad thing. You want a strong woman who knows what she wants and how to get it. She just needs to make sure that you get your needs met too to your satisfaction. It is NOT all about her, remember that!!! As for a cheap date, why don't you make a lovely warm picnic, can buy a thermal backpack/cooler, bring a bottle of wine, maybe a gas lamp (cheap) like for camping and take her to a safe, pretty park in town. Take her out on an adventure, a historic walk through London, something exciting, out into nature, to a hilltop or riverside. That way, it's just you and her and you get to show off your 'manly' side - navigation, leading, surprise, romance without the pretense, and it is naturally a spiritual experience to be outside like that. The weather is better! Ok edit: I see you said during the day. go to some galleries! Bone up on some art movements! That's if it's raining. But if it's beautiful, GET OUTSIDE!
Recommended Posts