MeloraB Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 Hey y'all, I hope everybody is doing great. Oh man, I just wanna know how you guys make yourselves feel better when you're having one of those days when you wish you could just hug or kiss the person you love. For some reason I just feel sadder than usual about my boyfriend not being here. We got off the phone a little while ago and man, I just wanna cry. Not even the fact that he might be coming back in around 6 weeks ( god I hope the consulate does renew his visa) is making me feel. I just wish he could be here with me right now to do those little things so many people take for granted, you know, like watching tv and whatnot. I wish I could tell him everything I'm feeling right now but I don't wanna ruin his day or make him sad as well. I seriously can't stand this anymore, and can't wait for this to be over. I wish I were as strong as you guys are because if he can't come back in May, I'm breaking up with him... I don't wanna be so sad anymore . Some words of encouragement? Or just plain tell me to suck it up? please?
Eilonwy Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 I know how you feel, all those things like just seeing each other, laughing about a joke or cooking and so on. But cheer up! 6 weeks really isn't that long. Perhaps you can think more positively by considering how much time is already past? (Although it might depend... how long for are you two usually apart?) Personally, I really can't understand your "break-up" decision. That seems really cruel to me (double sadness for him... first no visa, then no girlfriend...). For me, breaking up with my boyfriend would make me 1000 times sadder than not seeing him for a year or two. Where are you from? I don't know how it is for you, but for most countries it is not hard to get a visa for at least a few weeks holiday (even the USA, which tends to be extra strict lately). So he could probably come shortly after May if that wouldn't work. And if not... is there a possibility for you to visit him? However, don't get me wrong, I don't mean to condem you. I think many people would feel like you. It might be much harder for you to keep up a LDR for you, though. So perhaps it would be the right thing to do. But let's hope it all goes well and he can come!
Habibti Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 I guess first off Melora I would tell you...you do realise that breaking up with him in May will bring no resolution to your problem. You won't get to see him any sooner by breaking up with him . That being said, have you really sat yourself down and decided your entire relationship rests on a floating ultimatem? If so, I am very sad to hear you feel this way. All relationships- be it LDR or not take a lot of hard work and effort- and it is important to stay positive. If you weren't in an LDR right now chances are you'd be combatting some other issue in your relationship instead right now- perhaps you're going through a seemingly stagnet slump - or having "space" issues. Can you imagine bringing about solution to that by allowing your mind to think of you two as seperated? I'm not sure how long you've been apart or the quality of your relationship- but if you have something wonderful together and you know it- letting some odd come between you is disheartening to hear and once the damage is done chances are it will be very disheartening for you to look back on. Sometimes in life you just have to have a win attitude, why? Because someone odds are many someones have endured what you have- against greater odds with greater sorrow and conquered it- so there's no excuse for you not too. Some days I bitch about how early I have to get out of bed for this obligation or that obligation..then I realise somewhere right now,someone without legs is getting up, out of bed and going about their day- or someone with a painful arthritis condition is getting up for physical therapy and fighting their ass off just for the ability to be able to get out of bed and walk to the bathroom. In anything that you do- be it relationships or any other situation- DO NOT allow negative circumstances to enduce self pitty that limits you or causes you to put limits on things. Again, if this is a good relationship- don't let it pass you by, you will regret it. You might meet some guy 5 minutes away that you don't have half the connection,love,and joy with as when you are with that guy you have now. Start thinking of yourself as a team destined to conquer the odds and find a favorable result- not as one person climbing uphill while trying to carry the other on it's back waiting to dump the load off.
Author MeloraB Posted March 27, 2008 Author Posted March 27, 2008 First of all, thanks for the replies, guys. I guess that the whole breaking up thing could be a little harsh, but here is the thing. We never saw this whole LDR thing coming. My BF was supposed to go to China to visit his parents, renew his student visa and then return four weeks later.That was it! but instead he got the visa denied and now he's been in China for almost 4 months and his parents aren't even there, they're in Nigeria managing the restaurant and night club they own over there. I guess if he gets the visa denied again (please God, don't let it happen) he is gonna have to come here for a visit one way or another. I mean, all his life is here, he's been sending me money so I can pay his rent, car payments and I'm even taking care of his cat, while he's going out of his mind because he can't even get a job there or do anything. He's just sitting around and partying with a bunch of friends he's met during this time. He's also been having a hard time coping with the lifestyle because, although he is Chinese, he's never been in China for such a long period of time and we live in a very laid back, sort of quiet city (Baton Rouge, Louisiana), and well, you can imagine Shanghai like the Asian version of New York with even more people . On the other hand, although I would LOVE to go to Shanghai in the summer I can't. I'm originally from Venezuela and my student visa expired a while ago, but in my case I can't renew it because I'm in the process of becoming a US resident, so I can't leave the country till that happens, and as far as I know that ain't happening this year. We just weren't prepared, that's all, and I feel so alone because I don't know anyone going through the same thing and honestly, I don't think I can be committed to a person if I don't know when will I see them again (been there, done that, and was left devastated) Sorry for all the useless information but my friends are tired of listening to me going over and over again about the same thing. They don't understand the situation I'm in and I just felt like sharing all that background info with y'all.
Habibti Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 Well it sounds like you pretty much are done with this relationship. You know yourself better than any of us and if it deters you to be committed to someone whom you're unsure of when you will see them- then that is going to be a break issue for you. Nothing is ever accomplished that we call failure from the get go. Sorry for your lonliness.
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