EbonyMermaid Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]I met a man who is from Nigeria. We were introduced by a mutual friend. He is the Pastor of my friend's church and my friend told me he was married with children. When I saw him, I was very attracted to him. He is a very handsome Nigerian male from the Ibo tribe. He invited us to his church for a New Year's celebration, where I was able to see him in the light, because we were introduced at night time. I still felt that he was very attractive, but I didn't think much more of him because he is married with children.[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]My friend used my cell phone to call him a couple of times. He would sometimes call to check in on us and he and I would have interesting conversations. A couple of times I accidentally called him, because his number is similar to my schools telephone number. I would try to hang up immediately, but he would call back and one day invited me out for lunch since our schools are near by.[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]He is a very hard worker, he works two jobs, he is a student, and an outreach pastor in the community. Because of immigration laws, he hasn't seen his wife or family in 7 years. He has been very honest about his struggle to be with his family and I respect his wishes to be with his family. He explained that he gets lonely and would like to sometimes spend time with others, which I understood... because 7 years is a long time to go without family by your side. [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]So we went out to lunch a couple of times... and out to dinner. He wanted me to cook dinner for him one day, so I was happy to cook for him. He never made any advances towards me. Only touching my arm in a respectable manner while driving, but on the day that I cooked dinner for him, he touched me little more. Just brushing by... and touching my neck and arms.[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]After we at dinner, he gave me a big hug and held me a little longer. I pushed him away and he wanted to know why I was pushing him away. I told him that I needed to know why he felt the need to touch me. And he explained that he thinks I'm a caring person, that he was attracted to me, and felt like he was falling in love... [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]I was happy to know that he was falling for me, because I was attracted to him from day one. Not in love, but he is the kind of man that I want. Very hard-worker and a man who looks out for his woman. So we were intimate for the first time last week. And being a woman, my feelings for him are growing. I am not in love with him, because I know that he is married. So I am holding my feelings back. But it has been frustrating for me to meet an ambitious man, one who is smart and easy to talk to. He just has a lot of qualities that I like.[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]It hurts because I would like for the relationship to grow, but he has a wife in Nigeria and 3 children. He works very hard to send them money so that they are well taken care off. He can not return to Nigeria to visit. If he does, he can not return to America. And I do not really understand why his family is not allowed here, but it has been a touch ordeal for him and his family. [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]I am understanding, I do not want to interfere. But I am falling for him and wish that he was mines and mines only. Maybe I sound stupid for wishing for such. But it is very rare for me to meet a man with the qualities that I look for, and I found those qualities in a married man.[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]~~Ebony Mermaid.[/FONT][/COLOR]
BetrayedMM Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 a man who looks out for his woman This is exactly what he is NOT. His woman is his wife. What you aren't seeing is the fact that you would be treated the same. And, he's supposedly a PASTOR! That implies a strong faith in God, yet he spits in God's eye by committing adultery. He is neither faithful to his wife nor his religion. Unless it's a religion that condones adultery, but other than Satanism I don't know of any. Hey, do what you want, but be aware that this guy is not what he has convinced you he is. You will be hurt.
whichwayisup Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 He isn't yours, he's married with children, that's the bottomline. If his family WERE to come to the US, sorry to say this but he wouldn't choose you over them. Right now he's lonely and missing intimacy..You fill in a need for him. That isn't love. Maybe for you it is, but for him it isn't.
Lovelybird Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 (edited) If he is the quality man as you think, one day he will look down on himself AND you after the passion subdue (everyone wish the passion in the beginning never go away, but the reality is not the case). He is very lonely, his feeling for you now could be a temporary desperate medicine for his loneliness. As a leader of a church, he is in danger of his reputation, his career, his integrity, most important his faith. and you are in the middle of it, you are one element that contribute this danger. It is a test of faith for him. He just betrayed his God he claimed that he would love and obey Him in his whole life. What kind of good can come out of this serious betral? unless he seriously deny himself, deny his integrity. In the long term sense, you will only lose, probably he will hate you If you really love him, please stop the affair with him, and wait. If he divorce his wife, then you are free to love him. But God will fight for his wife and three children who are waiting for his money to support them, who believe in him and love him, whose hope that one day their dady will welcome them into his home and then they can stay together with him, this pastor is their hope. If you begin to think about all these, I doubt you will have peace in heart by staying with him. your love doesn't have a good foundation, doesn't have a good start. If you are a believer, then you know God has a good plan for you as well, listen to Him. Nobody know if your love is the destiny or not, is God's purpose or not, BUT an affair IS very wrong, have sexual relationship with a married man is wrong. It is like a beautiful fruit, look good but taste nasty. I hope you find strength and wisdom to resolve this matter. Edited March 27, 2008 by Lovelybird
TechDude Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 [He is the Pastor of my friend's church and my friend told me he was married with children. So we were intimate for the first time last week. If word of this gets out, he will more than likely lose his job as a Pastor. He must also be terribly conflicted inside himself about this.
tombraidergirl Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 wow , im not judging you in any sense im a christian and tend to fall by the way side too much my knees are wore out for asking for forgivness is this crazzy world but one thing i do know is the truth no matter if we abide by it or not , which is Gods Word will not lie and stand no matter if we burn or what... fleash does many things... and one of them is go against what God would want for us... speaking from experiance , spare your Heart and the pain.... you will def get in a mess , and he being a pastor thats a dubble wammy.... you are going to get your heart broken one way or another.. and im a married women feeling as if my husband is having an affair.. i wouldnt want to find out that my husband if pastor could ever hurt me like this guy is doing to his wife. what a jerk.
Mrmojorisin Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 Regardless of his position in the Church, he is a married man. Which means he is off limits. You should stop all contact with him NOW!! Just put yourself in his wifes shoes.
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 I doubt anyone could talk you out of it, so at the very least understand that you will never be more than what you are now: a surrogate sexual partner for a man who cannot be with his family.
Mrmojorisin Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 LucreziaBorgia boiled all down to the right point..Listen
Princess10 Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 I was just in the same type of situation. I just posted a thread so you can read my story in this same section it's called "The Other Woman isn't always a homewrecker" to see you are not the only. Anyway I've come to realize by my situation and every man that has given me advice is that more than likely a married man will not leave his wife/family. He may care about you too but why be his second best. I know from experience that you will not leave until you get ready despite what anyone has to say or how much you know it's wrong. However, you'll only get hurt more the longer you stay because the deeper the feelings will get. I know it's hard because you are getting all of his time and attention. In the end you'll be emotionally wounded and he'll be happy with his family. I think it's best to start off with someone who's lifestyle fits more closer to yours (age, kids, marital status) and someday you could possibly be their wife.
Recommended Posts