calstudent86 Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 Wow. There is so much miscommunication in this thread. Everyone is arguing over different points, but assuming they are arguing about the same thing.
Author Star Gazer Posted March 27, 2008 Author Posted March 27, 2008 Ignore the bad e-mails. You should be happy that you have so many to choose from. And if you had actually comprehended my post, I did NOT justify those types of angry e-mails. There's absolutely no reason to reply to someone in that manner because they didn't e-mail you. My point was, that if you go and just stop reading e-mails, you might be missing out one the one decent guy that did send you an e-mail. I don't understand what you're saying. Are you saying I should keep my profile up and continue to field and respond to emails from other guys, regardless of the fact that (1) I don't have time for it, and (2) I am not interested in anyone else?
NuTuDating Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 I think you are not quite grabbing the number of emails that a good looking woman gets and why she would stop reading her inbox.. while it is true that she might miss out on Mr. Right it is also true that there is only so much time one can dedicate to online dating.. A woman can get in upwards of 50 emails PER DAY.. lets say that it takes her one min to read each one then you have 50 mins in just reading 99% trash. that is almost one hour.. then the next day another hour for NEW emails.. Let say that she responds to 5 of those.. it can take another hour per day to have conversations with 5 people.. but remember that while 3 days go by then she has over 100 emails to go thru.. She just deletes and rightfully so...She would have to spend 24 hours a day responding to all the emails and holding convo's with each I remember when I was online dating and you get a few convo's going you just stop responding to others because there is only so much free time in my day for convo's.. The thought is they can wait a day or two till you get to them and then they get all pissy that you didn't replay fast enough WTF ?. I met my wife online dating but when we started talking after a week or so I took down my profile because I didn't have the energy or time to start up more conversations with other women.. SG.. nothing wrong with taking your profile down.. if he mentions it just say you got to busy to be doing it right now with him and all... Ergo I suggested she leave her profile down. She seemed to indicate that she didn't read her e-mails because they were all overweight jerks who watch too much porn. If she's not going to make the effort to continue to correspond with people, then she was right to take it down.
Author Star Gazer Posted March 27, 2008 Author Posted March 27, 2008 Ergo I suggested she leave her profile down. She seemed to indicate that she didn't read her e-mails because they were all overweight jerks who watch too much porn. IF YOU READ MY FIRST POST, the "nasty-gram" email correspondence was only one of THREE reasons why I chose to take my profile down.
NuTuDating Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 I don't understand what you're saying. Are you saying I should keep my profile up and continue to field and respond to emails from other guys, regardless of the fact that (1) I don't have time for it, and (2) I am not interested in anyone else? No, I stated that you SHOULD leave it down precisely for those reasons. I might could have stated that more clearly. I also took a little offense to the attitude from you and others that you don't respond to guys' e-mails because they're all overweight, porn watching jerks and wanted to point out that it makes it frustrating to try the online dating when you're NOT an overweight, porn watching ass. That's all.
Author Star Gazer Posted March 27, 2008 Author Posted March 27, 2008 No, I stated that you SHOULD leave it down precisely for those reasons. I might could have stated that more clearly. I also took a little offense to the attitude from you and others that you don't respond to guys' e-mails because they're all overweight, porn watching jerks and wanted to point out that it makes it frustrating to try the online dating when you're NOT an overweight, porn watching ass. That's all. It doesn't matter. If I don't respond to an email I have actually READ, it's usually because I'm NOT INTERESTED. This could be for a myriad of reasons, but for the most part, those who do send nasty-grams so clearly don't fall into my very clearly stated preferences that I'm amazed they had the audacity to even email me to begin with. Perhaps that makes me a b*tch, but so be it.
NuTuDating Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 It doesn't matter. If I don't respond to an email I have actually READ, it's usually because I'm NOT INTERESTED. This could be for a myriad of reasons, but for the most part, those who do send nasty-grams so clearly don't fall into my very clearly stated preferences that I'm amazed they had the audacity to even email me to begin with. Perhaps that makes me a b*tch, but so be it. I never said you should respond to every single e-mail. Just trying to give you another's point of view, which you obviously don't want. Leave it up, take it down, who cares? I clearly stated that there's no justification for nasty e-mails. Actually, I've changed my mind, I think that instead of talking to this guy about it when (and if) he brings it up, you should take it down every other day just to **** with his head a little. Then you can tell him that you'd prefer that he not see other people while you see other people and leave your profile up. That might make more sense for you, lol.
Author Star Gazer Posted March 27, 2008 Author Posted March 27, 2008 I never said you should respond to every single e-mail. Just trying to give you another's point of view, which you obviously don't want. The point of view you were offering - whether to respond to emails - was irrelevant to my original question (how to prevent my guy from freaking out at the fact I had decided to take my profile down). That's why I wasn't interested in hearing it.
CIE Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 Unless I've personally met you in a bar (which I haven't), why would you think this? I don't ignore people in bars. But then again, I don't frequent them, so... Most of the time I send a "Thanks, but not interested" by clicking on that link to say that...and they still message me, again, and again, and again. Or, just by getting that "Thanks, but no thanks" message, they GO OFF on me. I mean, out of control going off... Could it be that I'm not interested because you're shorter than me, 50 pounds heavier than the heaviest I'd date, live 3,000 miles away, have 6 children from 4 different mothers, are 55...the list goes on and on. I was giving an example of how not answering to someone who took the time to write to you is rude and was not saying that I'd never met you. Congrats to you if you actually take the time to respond "Not Interested". All too often women don't even bother for that common curtsy. Now, if you actually sent responses to these people, and they still sent you nasty-grams, then I apologize, and you have every right to be angry. But put yourself in the guy's shoes for a second and step out of your world. I'm not talking about the kind of guy you mention above, but the regular Joe you just aren't interested in for reason X-Y-Z. If you sent out a message to a guy you liked, and you knew he read it, looked at your profile, but didn't bother to respond. Wouldn't you feel a little insulted? What if that happened to 100 guys. Wouldn't you wonder why people have lost all manners? Uh, yes I do. How do you think I was able to communicate with the guy I'm dating? Did you even READ my opening post? I AM INTERESTED in this guy, very much so. I just don't want him thinking I'm taking certain steps or making assumptions... Actually yes I did. And from the impression I got, you were sneaking in to remove it because of him. Sneak in to remove it so he wouldn't notice while he was offline? I just though you started feeling bad once you realized he might think it was because of him. Oh, and CIE ... you sound like one of those angry, nutty dudes that we’re talking about. Thanks for adding validation to why a good many women end up having to pull their profiles off-line! Actually, I never sent angry messages when women don't respond. But it does get to me when they wonder why they get those kind of messages when they don't have any savoir-vivre. I just though I'd let all the nice and perfect women out there who just like to ignore people like they don't exist how much men appreciate it. Oh, and in my defense, I'm usually a pretty nice and easy-going guy. But it has come to my attention that being nice doesn't work (It hasn't for me), so I thought I'd give being a jerk a try. I know, its on the net, but baby steps right? I kind of need to break in my inner jerk.
NuTuDating Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 The point of view you were offering - whether to respond to emails - was irrelevant to my original question (how to prevent my guy from freaking out at the fact I had decided to take my profile down). That's why I wasn't interested in hearing it. No, because you're only thinking of yourself. If you're not interested in meeting someone further from online, why leave yourself as available? Ahh, why am I even bothering?
CIE Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 Ill do something nice and actually give you a little advice on your original question. Just tell him the truth. Say you took your profile down for whatever reasons and say you still want to communicate with him. It's not like he's going to be upset about it if you still talk to him... (wanted to edit my post and add that but wont let me)
Nevermind Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 Star Gazer: I don't think he will freak out. There are many reasons why people take their profiles off dating sites. SO, if he does seem nervous about it and asks you why you did it...just be cool and tell him (jokingly) that the world doesn't evolve around him and that you just wanted to take it down. But I doubt he will see it as a problem. More likely he'll be nervous about the fact that he still checks it and doesn't know how ok you are with this. It will be fine.
Lishy Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 Star I really cannot see what the problem is here You did not want your profile up for various reasons so you took it down! It is no one else's business!!!!! If you are worried about the guy you are dating, I may be wrong here but shouldnt he just be pleased that you are not on there looking for other guys? Why dont you just tell him why you did it? You way over think things girl!
Krytie TV Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 If I'm a guy sending an email to a woman (which I don't do anymore), I just assume get no response at all than have her waste time thinking of ways to tell me she's not interested. After all, being ignored is rather status quo in online dating so you get used to it.
CIE Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 If I'm a guy sending an email to a woman (which I don't do anymore), I just assume get no response at all than have her waste time thinking of ways to tell me she's not interested. After all, being ignored is rather status quo in online dating so you get used to it. Well yeah, now I assume no response. 99% of the women on dating sites think it is acceptable. Boohoo, they are getting 50 messages a day. Poor them! I do not know HOW they will ever go on, they might as well just give up the search now! I took the time to read threw 50 profiles, write personalized messages for each one, quit whining. Ah, I suppose I can be nice again, so I will do the work for you, ladies. Cut and paste below, without quotes, and fill in the blanks : "Hello, Thank you for your message. I read your profile but unfortunately I am not interested. <you can add a reason if you like, be creative!> I wish you good luck with your search, <initials or nickname>" Took me about 15 seconds. What is your excuse? Now you will still get your share of guys who won't take the hint. Ignore them. But at least you won't make the rest of us feel like crap and you won't be propagating a new trend of female stereotype.
Krytie TV Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 It's not just women, you know. I am guilty of the same thing. It's a reality of online dating not exclusive to gender. It's just that women get exponentially more messages, so they therefore do it more often.
CIE Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 It's not just women, you know. I am guilty of the same thing. It's a reality of online dating not exclusive to gender. It's just that women get exponentially more messages, so they therefore do it more often. I wouldn't know, never sent messages to a guy, and I have always replied to women who took the time to send me a message. That aside, I can concede that this is probably not a one sided phenomenon. Still, its not an excuse now is it?
Winfield Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 As others have said, you're over-analyzing, IMO... Surely, if he's that bothered about you taking your profile down, he'll bring the subject up next time you both meet... I don't care of he's online, still looking, etc. Totally don't care (prefer him not to, but whatever). ^^ So, it doesn't bother you in the slightest that he's online (and possibly still looking)? It's just that the text I've emboldened from your original post makes me think otherwise...
NuTuDating Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 I have enough on my plate between dating (interested in two guys, dating them both - one from the site, another from "real life")... Uh yeah, she'd prefer him not to look while she's dating two guys. That's reasonable.
Author Star Gazer Posted March 28, 2008 Author Posted March 28, 2008 ^^ So, it doesn't bother you in the slightest that he's online (and possibly still looking)? It's just that the text I've emboldened from your original post makes me think otherwise... It's hard to explain, but yes. I really don't care if he's still looking and dating other people, but I'd prefer him to take the profile down. I EXPECT him to keep his options open, I EXPECT him to still date around. Perhaps I just don't like the fact that he's still doing it in an obvious manner? I'm not sure how to explain it. Uh yeah, she'd prefer him not to look while she's dating two guys. That's reasonable. I didn't say I wanted him to only date me though, now did I?
NuTuDating Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 It's hard to explain, but yes. I really don't care if he's still looking and dating other people, but I'd prefer him to take the profile down. I EXPECT him to keep his options open, I EXPECT him to still date around. Perhaps I just don't like the fact that he's still doing it in an obvious manner? I'm not sure how to explain it. I didn't say I wanted him to only date me though, now did I? Oh wait, no, you said you'd "prefer" it. So much different... carry on.
Starla Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 i'm a bit confused!! it's up to him what he thinks gazer - you have every right to do what you want with your profile and if he thinks it's because of him that's his lookout!!! he's responsible for how he thinks, and the assumptions he makes, not you, so don't worry!!!! if he thinks the worst, that's his problem!!
Jilly Bean Posted March 30, 2008 Posted March 30, 2008 Have you ever received one of those "F*CK YOU THEN, PRINCESS!" type emails No, but I have received the, "wow - you must really think your sh*t doesn't think, don't you? I guess you're too good to even bother to write someone that you're not interested? Now I know why you're still single! Later Beeyotch!". I've gotten those, SG. As far as taking your profile down - you had your own reasons for it, separate from this guy, and that hasn't changed. If he took his down, would you asssume it was because of you? No. For all he thinks, and I am sure he won't give it thought, really, your membership could have ended. Simple as that. I wouldn't give it more thought. He's a dude - chances are it hasn't even floated through his transom...
carhill Posted March 30, 2008 Posted March 30, 2008 No, but I have received the, "wow - you must really think your sh*t doesn't think, don't you? Well, see, that guy was an intellectual
Jilly Bean Posted March 30, 2008 Posted March 30, 2008 Well, see, that guy was an intellectual Ha ha ha! Talk about a fun typo... I rather like thinking my doodie is capable of conscious thought, but that's another thread - lol. Point remains, I have gotten some NASTY emails from guys who I never responded to. Back when I did the OLD thing, if I responded thanks, but no thanks, more often than not I would get blasted, so you get in the habit of not bothering. You can't win for losing in the world of online dating...
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