Star Gazer Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 I decided to take my profile off a well-known dating site today for a few reasons. First, I was getting a little overwhelmed trying to balance several conversations and meetings with too many dudes. Second, if I don't respond to some of them (even those who I have never corresponded with), I receive nasty-grams, and I really don't like seeing those messages filling up my email inbox. Third, I'm just not really interested in meeting anyone else right now, I have enough on my plate between dating (interested in two guys, dating them both - one from the site, another from "real life"), work, friends, and other things. I just wanted to remove myself from the pool. The guy from the site... well, he hadn't been on the site in 2 weeks, so I thought today was a safe time to sneak on there and take myself off so that he wouldn't even notice. Well, I did just that. A few hours have passed, and now he's online! I don't care of he's online, still looking, etc. Totally don't care (prefer him not to, but whatever). What I'm worried about is him seeing that I have taken myself off the site and thinking it's BECAUSE of HIM. Eeeek! What can I do, if anything, to prevent this from freaking him out? Put myself back up? Pretend like it never happened?
AriaIncognito Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 You have every right to decide to go off a site, for any reason you choose. If it makes you that uncomfortable, then just say oh I didn't realize I made myself invisible or whatever. Personally, I'm considering taking all mine down too. Not like I use them. What's the point?
calstudent86 Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 What if you just randomly mention to him: "Hey, just so you know, I removed myself from the site. I'm sick of all the messages from weirdos." Or something like that? I mean, it makes sense that you'd want to let him know, right? Even if he didn't cause it? And by telling him this, isn't it obvious that it wasn't him that prompted it?
johan Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 Big mistake. Sometimes I wonder what the heck goes through your mind. You're so screwed now.
Replicant Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 What can I do, if anything, to prevent this from freaking him out? Put myself back up? Pretend like it never happened? Nah, i think people who speed date using the internet as a source almost seem desensitized towards mass quantities of rejection in the sense of just blitzing so many peoples profiles then lining up the date(s), if it doesn't work who cares.. no big deal...Next..Next..Next.. I have never had interest in such and the horror stories i've heard personally or read in my time here is enough to reaffirm that.
johan Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 You always keep the profile up. You're in a real pickle now, Star.
Author Star Gazer Posted March 27, 2008 Author Posted March 27, 2008 Big mistake. Sometimes I wonder what the heck goes through your mind. You're so screwed now. Yeah, I know.
Krytie TV Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 You're overthinking this. It sounds like you're trying to control what he's thinking. That's the big mistake. Do what you want to do and let the cards fall where they may. If he wants to think it's because of him, let him. If he freaks out over this without asking about it, it would seem you saved time that you might have wasted on a weirdo. I would recommend not doing things based on what others will think and doing things based on what you want.
Walk Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 I don't quite understand why it's such a big deal if this guy see's that your not on that dating site anymore. It was your personal decision to remove your profile. Stop worrying about what some guy thinks. You obviously have no problems getting any number of men interested in dating you, so what does one guys opinion toward a removal of a profile matter? Besides, you can drive home the point that it wasn't related to him through other ways if neither of you never discuss it. Next time you he invites you out, tell him you have plans doing something else and you need a rain check. Or if you always ask him out, then don't ask him out for a while. Most important though... it wasn't about him, so stop letting his opinion dictate how you live your life.
Author Star Gazer Posted March 27, 2008 Author Posted March 27, 2008 It sounds like you're trying to control what he's thinking. Huh? How?
CIE Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 Second, if I don't respond to some of them (even those who I have never corresponded with), I receive nasty-grams, and I really don't like seeing those messages filling up my email inbox. Ever wonder why you get nasty-grams? I will tell you why : 1) You are disrespectful - Someone walks into a bar and says hello to you, but you just ignore them like you don't even acknowledge their presence. How rude of you! 2) Dating sites cost money to communicate - So the person who said hello actually PAID to say hello just for the chance to hear you say hello back, add insult to injury. 3) Depends on what dating site you are on, but some (if not most) dating sites allow for free a reply when a message has been sent. So you can't even be bothered to respond to someone who most likely took the time to read threw all the garbage you wrote. Let me guess, you don't actually pay for anything on that site, you just have your free profile and wait for guys to message you. You check out their pic, maybe read their profile. And women want equal salary? Double standards much? So keeping that in mind, why should you care what he thinks unless you are actually interested in this guy?
Ebeleptik38 Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 I decided to take my profile off a well-known dating site today for a few reasons. First, I was getting a little overwhelmed trying to balance several conversations and meetings with too many dudes. Second, if I don't respond to some of them (even those who I have never corresponded with), I receive nasty-grams, and I really don't like seeing those messages filling up my email inbox. Third, I'm just not really interested in meeting anyone else right now, I have enough on my plate between dating (interested in two guys, dating them both - one from the site, another from "real life"), work, friends, and other things. I just wanted to remove myself from the pool. The guy from the site... well, he hadn't been on the site in 2 weeks, so I thought today was a safe time to sneak on there and take myself off so that he wouldn't even notice. Well, I did just that. A few hours have passed, and now he's online! I don't care of he's online, still looking, etc. Totally don't care (prefer him not to, but whatever). What I'm worried about is him seeing that I have taken myself off the site and thinking it's BECAUSE of HIM. Eeeek! What can I do, if anything, to prevent this from freaking him out? Put myself back up? Pretend like it never happened? Miss Gazer...with all the wonderful responses and advice you have been kind enough to give to me, don't you think your maybe over analyzing this one a little much? I mean if you already are seeing this guy from this site, then isn't there another means of getting in contact? Or have you guys not made it that far yet?
Ebeleptik38 Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 and anyhow I thought women love driving men crazy...?! lol
Kamille Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 I'm totally on the same page as Krytie and Walk. If all it takes for this guy to freak out is to notice you took your profile down, then he's just not cut out for relationships. You did it for your own reasons. He'll think what he wants too.
Author Star Gazer Posted March 27, 2008 Author Posted March 27, 2008 Ever wonder why you get nasty-grams? I will tell you why : 1) You are disrespectful - Someone walks into a bar and says hello to you, but you just ignore them like you don't even acknowledge their presence. How rude of you! Unless I've personally met you in a bar (which I haven't), why would you think this? I don't ignore people in bars. But then again, I don't frequent them, so... 2) Dating sites cost money to communicate - So the person who said hello actually PAID to say hello just for the chance to hear you say hello back, add insult to injury. 3) Depends on what dating site you are on, but some (if not most) dating sites allow for free a reply when a message has been sent. So you can't even be bothered to respond to someone who most likely took the time to read threw all the garbage you wrote. Most of the time I send a "Thanks, but not interested" by clicking on that link to say that...and they still message me, again, and again, and again. Or, just by getting that "Thanks, but no thanks" message, they GO OFF on me. I mean, out of control going off... Could it be that I'm not interested because you're shorter than me, 50 pounds heavier than the heaviest I'd date, live 3,000 miles away, have 6 children from 4 different mothers, are 55...the list goes on and on. And if they thought what I wrote was "garbage," why bother writing to me to begin with? Let me guess, you don't actually pay for anything on that site, you just have your free profile and wait for guys to message you. You check out their pic, maybe read their profile. Uh, yes I do. How do you think I was able to communicate with the guy I'm dating? And women want equal salary? Double standards much? How is this in any way relevant? So keeping that in mind, why should you care what he thinks unless you are actually interested in this guy? Did you even READ my opening post? I AM INTERESTED in this guy, very much so. I just don't want him thinking I'm taking certain steps or making assumptions...
Author Star Gazer Posted March 27, 2008 Author Posted March 27, 2008 Miss Gazer...with all the wonderful responses and advice you have been kind enough to give to me, don't you think your maybe over analyzing this one a little much? and anyhow I thought women love driving men crazy...?! lol LOL. Probably.
Author Star Gazer Posted March 27, 2008 Author Posted March 27, 2008 I'm totally on the same page as Krytie and Walk. If all it takes for this guy to freak out is to notice you took your profile down, then he's just not cut out for relationships. You did it for your own reasons. He'll think what he wants too. I see your point. I guess I just think that, if I were to have seen him take his down first, I would have made the (perhaps erroneous) assumption that he wasn't interested in dating anyone else. While that IS the case with me, I don't want him to know that!
Kamille Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 I see your point. I guess I just think that, if I were to have seen him take his down first, I would have made the (perhaps erroneous) assumption that he wasn't interested in dating anyone else. While that IS the case with me, I don't want him to know that! But I thought you were already also dating someone else?
Author Star Gazer Posted March 27, 2008 Author Posted March 27, 2008 But I thought you were already also dating someone else? Eh, I wouldn't go so far as to say "dating" with the other guy. I'm definitely WAY more interested in the 1st one.
NuTuDating Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 Nah, you did the right thing. Leave it down. You're not available, so why continue to advertise yourself as such? That's the reason guys get so frustrated with the online dating in the first place - girls just delete e-mails without any acknowledgement whatsoever. You've admitted to everyone that you're not available, so don't false advertise. And YOU have made yourself unavailable, regardless of who you're dating, because you admit that you don't want to deal with any e-mail right now. Leave it down is my vote.
EnigmaXOXO Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 Second, if I don't respond to some of them (even those who I have never corresponded with), I receive nasty-grams, and I really don't like seeing those messages filling up my email inbox. I think you’ll find that a good majority of females who attempted posting profiles online have experienced pretty much the same thing. Often too many responses to reply to ... and some real sickos who get their noses out of joint and send “nasty-grams” if you don’t trip over yourself to respond right away. Just makes you all the MORE thankful you had the good sense to deleted them the first time! Which is why it seems to work out better (and safer) for women if they just search the profiles and respond to the ones they’re interested in, rather than the other way around. Less headaches when you’re doing the “choosing” rather than the filtering. Especially for someone who’s attractive like you. Post a pic ... and you’ll be lucky to find one decent prospect in a flood of emails from Pornosaurs and horny married guys! What I'm worried about is him seeing that I have taken myself off the site and thinking it's BECAUSE of HIM. Eeeek! If he even bothers to ask ... you could just be honest and tell him exactly ‘why.’ I don’t think many guys have any idea the number of responses women get from their profiles and just how many of them are downright creepy. Most guys have a completely different experience with online profiles than women do. Oh, and CIE ... you sound like one of those angry, nutty dudes that we’re talking about. Thanks for adding validation to why a good many women end up having to pull their profiles off-line!
NuTuDating Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 Enigma, Coming from the other end of the online dating wars, you might not understand how frustrating it is to send e-mails to a ton of women and get absolutely no response whatsoever. To actually sit down, read a profile, and write someone based on content from their profile. That means, at least from me, that the e-mails I sent were not blanket spam mail, but were different for each girl. Albeit, I've NEVER sent a nasty e-mail to someone who didn't respond, becuase I do know how it is for women and I imagine that hardly any of the e-mails I sent were even read. But that didn't make it any less frustrating. It just seems lazy to nuke your inbox by classifying all men who e-mail you in the bad light as you two have done. Thankfully I'm not having to do the online dating anymore. The girl I'm dating e-mailed me first, which was great. And even if it doesn't work out with her, I doubt I'd go back to online dating because of women who think they're too good to read e-mails from guys. All those e-mails seem to give women oversized egos. It seems that you and the OP tend to get into the habbit of just nuking your inbox, irrespective of whether their "pornosaurs" or Mr. Rights. On another note, the OP wants to see more than one person, but doesn't want one of them to see anyone else? What's up with that? Sounds like too much thinking and not enough maturity.
Author Star Gazer Posted March 27, 2008 Author Posted March 27, 2008 Enigma, Coming from the other end of the online dating wars, you might not understand how frustrating it is to send e-mails to a ton of women and get absolutely no response whatsoever. Albeit, I've NEVER sent a nasty e-mail to someone who didn't respond, becuase I do know how it is for women and I imagine that hardly any of the e-mails I sent were even read. It just seems lazy to nuke your inbox by classifying all men who e-mail you in the bad light as you two have done. You don't think it's appropriate to classify the men who e-mail me "nasty-grams" as not worthy of responding to? Have you ever received one of those "F*CK YOU THEN, PRINCESS!" type emails simply because you either (1) didn't respond to the first one, or (2) politely told them you weren't interested. The dudes that send those nasty-grams are pushy, rude, and demeaning, and usually send you their mean message within 24 hours of the original message... if I WAS interested and going to respond, he shoots himself in the foot for flipping out so quickly. There's no justification for it - EVER. I doubt I'd go back to online dating because of women who think they're too good to read e-mails from guys. All those e-mails seem to give women oversized egos. It seems that you and the OP tend to get into the habbit of just nuking your inbox, irrespective of whether their "pornosaurs" or Mr. Rights. What the heck are you talking about? On another note, the OP wants to see more than one person, but doesn't want one of them to see anyone else? What's up with that? Sounds like too much thinking and not enough maturity. HUH? When did I say that? I'd prefer him to only want to see me, just as I only want to see him. But I'm fairly certain we're both keeping our options open for now. Also, I'm certainly not going to set up expectations for him that I'm not willing to follow myself.
NuTuDating Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 Ignore the bad e-mails. You should be happy that you have so many to choose from. And if you had actually comprehended my post, I did NOT justify those types of angry e-mails. There's absolutely no reason to reply to someone in that manner because they didn't e-mail you. My point was, that if you go and just stop reading e-mails, you might be missing out one the one decent guy that did send you an e-mail. And yeah, it's obvious that many of the women online set their standards way too high for what they have to offer. You can read their profiles and see their pics and then read what they want and tell these things.
Art_Critic Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 (edited) My point was, that if you go and just stop reading e-mails, you might be missing out one the one decent guy that did send you an e-mail. I think you are not quite grabbing the number of emails that a good looking woman gets and why she would stop reading her inbox.. while it is true that she might miss out on Mr. Right it is also true that there is only so much time one can dedicate to online dating.. A woman can get in upwards of 50 emails PER DAY.. lets say that it takes her one min to read each one then you have 50 mins in just reading 99% trash. that is almost one hour.. then the next day another hour for NEW emails.. Let say that she responds to 5 of those.. it can take another hour per day to have conversations with 5 people.. but remember that while 3 days go by then she has over 100 emails to go thru.. She just deletes and rightfully so...She would have to spend 24 hours a day responding to all the emails and holding convo's with each I remember when I was online dating and you get a few convo's going you just stop responding to others because there is only so much free time in my day for convo's.. The thought is they can wait a day or two till you get to them and then they get all pissy that you didn't replay fast enough WTF ?. I met my wife online dating but when we started talking after a week or so I took down my profile because I didn't have the energy or time to start up more conversations with other women.. SG.. nothing wrong with taking your profile down.. if he mentions it just say you got to busy to be doing it right now with him and all... Edited March 27, 2008 by Art_Critic
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