Galexia Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 I tried positing this in second chances but haven't got a response. My ex, who i was totally in love with, broke up with me because I wanted a "future" and commitmment. He told me that was not his style, and so we broke up. I was crushed as i really thought he was the one. He told me i put too much pressure on him and he just couldn't handle it. About 2 weeks later, he found someone else, who he eventually married 2 years later. Fast forward to today, and she is leaving him, moving on and is ready for a divorce. I hadn't been in contact with him for about 5-6 years because at one point, before they were married, he cheated on her with me. I just wanted my man back, so i did what i had to. She made him agree to no contact with me. Now he is coming back to me, not for a relationship, but for validation, i think, although we talk about sex and flirt alot. My emotions are all about him right now and i would do anything to get him back. I know now is not the right time because everything is so fresh for him and he is hurting. I am trying to just be there as a friend for him, be an ear, a shoulder, whatever he needs, but I am not having sex with him. I'm wondering if there is any chance he will ever come back to me. Will he ever view me as someone worth comitting to, or am i just the rebound chick? Is there anything i can do (or not do) to give myself a better chance for a future with him? whats the best thing to do?
curiousnycgirl Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 Don't know enough about you guys to really know, but I would think you are the safe rebound girl. I doubt he's likely to pursue more with you - but I could be totally wrong.
Amy22 Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 Don't know enough about you guys to really know, but I would think you are the safe rebound girl. I doubt he's likely to pursue more with you - but I could be totally wrong. I agree that I think he could be using you as a rebound girl. I don't see anything wrong with being friends and talking to him as long as it won't hurt you in the end when that is all he wants is a friendship. I think you need to think about yourself and if you would be okay with just being friends. Don't let him hurt you again. I think he needs to spend some time getting over her before he should jump into another relationship with you or anyone else. Good Luck
AussieJack Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 (edited) whats the best thing to do? Let me get this straight - *He met you while he was with another woman and he cheated on her by getting with you. *You wanted a permanent future with him and he did not want one with you so he dumped you. *He married another woman for two years and she dumped him. * Now he is headed your way again and you want him back..you still have "feelings" for him. This sounds like one of those 'chick flicks' where the woman and the man "find" each other and realise how much they are "soulmates" after stumbling and blundering around with others for many years. They each have an 'epiphany" and walk off into the sunset together. Romantic but not realistic. Here is the blunt truth - You want him back because you have " unfinished business" with him - not because you love him. He wants you back for EGO repair and validation. He knows that he WILL get that from you. That is what 'rebound' people want most. If you get back together, each of you will seek from the other the fulfilment of these needs - and then you will break up again . Oh and BTW - you will sleep with him in the first week in spite of your "decision" not to. Edited March 26, 2008 by AussieJack
Author Galexia Posted March 27, 2008 Author Posted March 27, 2008 Let me get this straight - *He met you while he was with another woman and he cheated on her by getting with you. *You wanted a permanent future with him and he did not want one with you so he dumped you. *He married another woman for two years and she dumped him. * Now he is headed your way again and you want him back..you still have "feelings" for him. This sounds like one of those 'chick flicks' where the woman and the man "find" each other and realise how much they are "soulmates" after stumbling and blundering around with others for many years. They each have an 'epiphany" and walk off into the sunset together. Romantic but not realistic. Here is the blunt truth - You want him back because you have " unfinished business" with him - not because you love him. He wants you back for EGO repair and validation. He knows that he WILL get that from you. That is what 'rebound' people want most. If you get back together, each of you will seek from the other the fulfilment of these needs - and then you will break up again . Oh and BTW - you will sleep with him in the first week in spite of your "decision" not to. Hey, no you got the story wrong. 1. He and i were together at one point in time. 2. i wanted a future, he did not. 3. He broke up with me 4. Met another woman 5.Cheated on her w/ me 6.married other woman and agreed to no contact with me 7. 5-6 years goes by 8. trouble in my ex's lovelife 9. he contacts me 10. she wants divorce, and he contacts me again. But I get what y'all are saying. I know i dont want to be the rebound girl, but am i just supposed to ignore him? I dont know what he thinks i want. Does he know i want to try again, but he is using me anyway, with no plans or thoughts of ever reconciling? If i become a trusitng friend, then in time would i ever have a chance? What i do know is that NOW is not the right time. Am i a total fu!#ing idiot for getting re-involved? And you're totes right about sleeping with him during the first week...that i truly know would happen.
Star Gazer Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 You're safe and comfortable to him. He knows you'll boost his ego, make him feel good once again. As soon as you do, he'll be gone. Am i a total fu!#ing idiot for getting re-involved? Yes. Absolutely nothing good can come of this. He LEFT YOU. He told you that you were not his type. He LEFT YOU. You were crushed, heartbroken. So much so that you made yourself be the "other woman" - the most disrespectful place a woman can allow herself to be. You were miserable, and you know it. Getting back involved with him again would only lead you right back to that miserable place, and you know it - otherwise you wouldn't be asking.
AussieJack Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 Hey, 5.Cheated on her w/ me But I get what y'all are saying. I know i dont want to be the rebound girl, but am i just supposed to ignore him? If he will do "it" with you he will do it TO you ,and I mean cheating. You may not "WANT" to be rebound chick, but if you get back with him that is what you will be. Unless that man has changed his entire character, this is what will happen- he will enter you life all bruised and distressed and you will "rescue " him by seeing yourself as his emotional nurse and hope that he will see how great of a woman you really are and he will start talking about a future together with yoiu ..and so on.. WEll, you are welcome to try, and I think that you will, in spite of what any of us say here. When it all falls apart again in 3-6 months we are here for you, honey... no charge for the service.
Author Galexia Posted March 27, 2008 Author Posted March 27, 2008 If he will do "it" with you he will do it TO you ,and I mean cheating. You may not "WANT" to be rebound chick, but if you get back with him that is what you will be. Unless that man has changed his entire character, this is what will happen- he will enter you life all bruised and distressed and you will "rescue " him by seeing yourself as his emotional nurse and hope that he will see how great of a woman you really are and he will start talking about a future together with yoiu ..and so on.. WEll, you are welcome to try, and I think that you will, in spite of what any of us say here. When it all falls apart again in 3-6 months we are here for you, honey... no charge for the service. Ha, ha... Thanks for the free advice. No really, I do hear what is being said. and the truth is, I know what is good for me and what isn't. I know what i should do. Good thing is, we live 300 miles away, so theres no going back any time soon. I'm just thinking for the long term....in like a 6 months year or however long it takes...i would really like to be with him again, when the time is right. I'm not going to get into too much trouble with him. i know he's totally looking for emotional support right now. I know i can find myself in deep emotional turmoil if i decided to get any closer. Right now, i'm feeling good and strong. I know he knows i'm a good thing. So much truth is being said with us and its been very healing to at least say what needed to be said. I feel like I have the upper hand right now, and i just want to be his friend....for now. 300 miles makes it easy to stay apart.
AussieJack Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 Ha, ha... I'm not going to get into too much trouble with him. i know he's totally looking for emotional support right now. I know i can find myself in deep emotional turmoil if i decided to get any closer. . Read this again- SO are you telling us that you are willing to "nurse" him though his heartache and that you are going to stay emotionally detached thru all this ? Yet in a reply to my first post, you admit that you will sleep with him in the first few days that you meet with him.. and after the sex and the re-awakened emotions that sex will arouse and the 'rescuing' of him from his pain and the new closeness from the reunion with a "lost love"...and so on... what are you thinking? Do you still believe that after all this, you and he will be "just friends"' ,and you will "be strong" and not be drowning in your emotions??? You women are just not wired that way.
Recommended Posts