casey001 Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 Its been 3.5 months since I was dumped The first two a half months were the hardest of my life. I wanted to die and have never been so low in my life. I really considered ending it a few times. I lost so much weight and was physically ill from all the pain. My ex was very nasty during the break up. He had a new girl b4 he had dumped me and said some very cruel things (like i had wasted two years of his life and this is all my fault etc etc). He never talked to me again and go on with life with this new gf. I loved this guy with all my heart so was utterly devastated. Anyway during the last month things have been turning round a bit. I have started to feel a bit better and started to smile and enjoy my life a bit more. I don't really have the physical pain any more and he hasn't been on my mind every second of everyday. I even found another man that I enjoyed being around! I finally felt like it might all be ok after all. I finally got to the point where I could honestly say I didn't want him back again. However during the last week I have stopped spending time with this man (he was just a friend anyway) and for some reason I am sprialing back down to rock bottom again I miss my ex sooooooooooooo much and I haven't been able to stop crying for about a week. The physical pain is unbearable, it feels like someone has gone and put a dagger back through my heart . I am so upset as I was doing so well and now I just want to die again I really cant explain how much I loved this guy and how much he hurt me. The things he said just keep going round and round in my head. I am in soooo much pain right now. What do I do? I have tried everything (seriously) and I was doing so well but now im right back where I was at the start and I don't know why:mad: Is this normal?? Where do I go from here? I really have no will to live my life, I just go from day to day. Im never really happy and I hate it. I feel like I am being punished! I would totally understand if I was but hasn't this gone on long enough? I can't keep living my life like this Please write back! Anything would be greatly appreciated!!
LoveLace Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 Yes I'd say this is very normal. Anything sad or devastating can put us on what I like to call an "emotional roller coaster" - up, down, up, down...you may not believe it right now, but your next "up" period will probably last a little longer than the previous one, and don't be surprised if you get to the "down" point again after that, but the "down" periods will shorten until they no longer exist. They say that people experience the same kind of grieving when they divorce or split up as they would if they lost a spouse to death. There are stages of grieving: denial, bargaining, anger, depression, and lastly, acceptance. We don't necessarily get to all stages and some might last longer than others, but with enough time acceptance will eventually come. You will eventually get back to how you were doing before, only it will stay that way...especially if a new person comes into your life, but that's not required to achieve acceptance. It's highly suggested that you try and get out with some friends, try to feel proud to be on the market again, and just look but don't touch. Afte a while, when your ready, start flirting with guys you think are cute but leave it at flirting. Adjust this all to your comfort and one day you'll feel good enough to start dating new people. This is just my suggestions though, everyone handles things differently. It's also helpful to get more involved with a hobby you enjoy, or to pick up a new hobby. I started hitting the gym hard core after one break-up, and I focused so much on getting into shape, and my confidence grew so much, that I wanted every guy but him after while...
aln186 Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 Spend time with friends and keep yourself occupied. Sounds too simple but imo it's the best way to get over an ex. You deserve better anyways. You have to believe that. Hang in there. /hug
sedgwick Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 At three months, I was still crying every day. I would leave my apartment and have to go back home because I couldn't make it two blocks without crying. I was absolutely non-functional. I'm now at 8 months and still cry a lot and can't imagine even looking at someone else. He is on my mind every second of every day and I still dream about him every night, and most days I still cry and just say "I miss you," out loud to nobody. I'd say you're doing great!
LuCidiTy Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 i've found that new wounds have a way of dredging up all the old ones if we never came to resolution with the old ones....more like an avalanche sometimes than a rollercoaster. i guess that's why taking your time for you and really healing is so important. i for one don't know how to do that, though i've tried very hard, i still get blasted when my guard is down.
LuCidiTy Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 ...can't imagine even looking at someone else... i know what you feel exactly. i look around...see other guys...and usually burst out crying. it scares me that it'll be this way forever.
Author casey001 Posted March 27, 2008 Author Posted March 27, 2008 Thanks everyone so much for your replies!! I do go out with friends and keep myself occupied but nothing stops the physical pain. Its like walking round with a dagger in my heart! It started to get better for a while but lately its really getting me down! Im trying so hard to move on but I just cant seem to Sedwick I am sorry for your pain! What you described is like what I went though for the first two months. Then it seemed to go and I thought it would be ok!! But it has come back again and im scared I wont be able to shake it again! Im so scared I wont be able to move on and love again! I no I need to move on as my ex will never take me back but I cant seem to! I terrified im going to be stuck on him forever!!
stlnsmile Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 I'm there now too, and don't know what to say to help. 3.5 months as well and just go knocked over when I found my ex has someone new. I've been a mess for three days, crying again, where I had not in months, the thing that stinks is the timing, cause I had my first real date, a guy who I like and really likes me, this Saturday, I am still going, but I want to be my confidant self, not this ball of jello I am right now that cries at the drop of a hat. I wish I could tell anyone what to do.....just hang in there, I know there is a horizon somewhere for us both....it can't last forever. Unless we let it.
Ofleg7 Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 I'm at the 3.5 month mark too, and I'm a guy and.. yeah it hurts. I'm not going to admit that I cry now and then. Things get better though.. I can't say when because obviously it's different for everyone.. but we'll all be happy again someday
Author casey001 Posted March 28, 2008 Author Posted March 28, 2008 Thanks Im really scared it is going to be forever and there is no horizon 4 me Its been 3.5 months and he is away happy with a new girl and im still misrable with a broken heart unable to shake it If things were fair it would be the other way round!! I wonder how long it will take for things to turn around!? I am so down at the moment! I have exams coming up and im really not understanding the stuff covered I cant concerntrate in lectures as hes always on my mind and I know im going to fail and It will just add to my misery Im trying soo hard (trust me) but its just not working for me anymore Also today, another man that I had a slight interest in and had become close to just told me he has a gf :mad: ahh is everything always going to be this bad I want to show my ex I dont miss him and my life is so much better without him! I want to have all this success and for him to hear about it but how on earth do I do that when things are all so bad for me O well back to studying! Again thanks every one for replying!!
mas21 Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 I cannot imagine how you feel but i know that with time it will get better. You just have to find yourself again and get confidence back in yourself. Try working out, because it will release endorphins which will naturally make you feel better. Go get your hair and manicure, do things that will relax you and make you feel good. No guy that makes you cry is worth it and you are truly better off because he will continue his negative behavior.
stlnsmile Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 I know what you are saying, believe me....there was a guy I liked around the 2.5 month mark, he ended up having a father that was so crazy strict, he wasn't allowed to see me or even speak to me, I met him on New Years, and I thought there is hope, I really like this guy.....his dad ended up making him enlist. Then my grades started dropping, failed to make honor roll, and my family....well lets just say, it wasn't great, and I felt like all the things that he always thought were so bad about me were true. I still feel like that a little bit. I still feel like he wins and I loose and his life is stellar and mine is sh**! Its like you said, how can you show someone your life is great and your fine, when your not and life is not. But this is what I believe, and I really believe this, his happiness, even if it lasts for a year or more, is temporary. Mine will be the long term kind. He is going to crash and burn at some point. At some point 20 yrs. from now, he's going to realize what I was, and know what an ass he was. He's going to keep running and running and running, and nothing is going to be real or substantial in his life. My life, will be real. Based on real feelings, real love, real life......his will be based on lies and bullSh** people don't change. They stay who they are. I do not believe that people go through their lives with out being taught by the Universe how to be what they are supposed to be. Now as for the imimidiate situation that you and I are both in.......and believe me, I saw my ex with all his buds yesterday, laughing and having a great time, piled in his car, driving to practice and I can tell you, his life is great, really great, he does not have to think about me one bit, he's got someone else on his mind for sure, he doesn't hurt at all........it sucks.......it sucks thinking about him with her, it sucks thinking about how he will woo her the way he did me, how much fun they are having in the newness of their relationship.....all of it sucks, but I tell you, I am not going to waste one day, not one more day on this guy. No matter what I thought we had, no matter what I thought it was......it wasn't. No matter what I thought he was......he wasn't. And my life, no matter what is more important. I'm hurting, its breaks my heart......I cry......but at the same time, there is a finality to it that is helping me to move on. I've cried everyday since I found out four days ago. But maybe, this is just Gods way of helping me to move on. To put this in my face so clearly, that there is no denying it, or wishing anymore. The wish is gone, the hope is gone, and I am not going to give myself excuses to resurect that hope. He gone......he's done.....he's no longer mine......forever and ever......I am me.....and nothing else......and whatever I have to offer to the world......I do it on my own......with myself......for myself. I hold no hope anymore......and ya know....thats good......because what I have now is a chance......a chance to not live my life based on his impressions of it.....he's not going to worry about what I am doing. He's busy......he's not going to know jack sh** about my life, because he does not care. So I am free to mess up, Fu** up, do as I want, with no need to impress anyone......because it doesn't matter. If my grades suck right now....oh well, I'll work on it the best I can, if my life is dateless, soooo what.......I'll find one eventually......if my family sucks......oh well.......it won't always......its life, its messy and its not perfect, and I'm not perfect. I tried to be perfect when I was with him and it got me no where.......I don't want to be perfect any more. Do you find you tried to be everything to him, to be so perfect, to work so hard.......that you did everything......yeah....me too.......he did squat. I wasn't me in the relationship. I lost me....and I'm going to find her. Thats my only job right now......not worrying about him. Easier said than done I know.......I think of him always......but I have to let go now. He has made his choice clear, he has made his life choice and what he wants clear by his actions, as I have said before it was not some temporary moment of insanity...he knew what he was doing, he knows what he is doing now, and he knows what he wants, he's not an idiot. And what he wants is not me. I know its harsh, I know it hurts, but the truth makes it easier for me to move on. All love goes your way, because girllllll I am exactly where you are. If your anything like me....you are sooooo better than him:~) Don't let him drag you down, or be your demise......he's not worth it.....no man is. He's a human being, not God........he doesn't deserve a life time of loyalty or anything. He's not perfect, he's probably not even who you made him up to be, or what you thought he was.......you probably put him on a pedistool like I do with my ex....all the darn time. I keep finding myself thinking, he was soooo great, he was this, he was that........no.....ya know what......he was a human being.....nothing more nothing less......and way less than perfect and way less than good to me. So why do I want him ya know? Chin up girl, we'll be okay.......and life is gonna be great!
Recommended Posts