OMG he contacted me!

[Sfbaygirl415]

I've posted on here about the guy I was dating.. it's been 2 weeks since we've broken up and haven't talked since then. He ignored all my contacts and I stopped trying to contact him after two days.

 

Anyhow.. last night was a weird night. I've never had this happen before but I was contacted by FOUR people I haven't talked to in a while! One was a guy I used to talk to a long time ago, haven't talked to him in about 3-4 months. The second guy was an acquaintance I made.. haven't talked to him in 3 months also. The 3rd guy is another acquaintance also who I haven't talked to in 3-4 months also. Lastly, I was contacted by my ex bf! Weird night..!

 

Anyhow.. he sent me two IMs.. I didn't see it until I signed back on later. He was asking how I was doing and both times wished me a good night. I was shocked that he even contacted me.. I didn't know how to react. I didn't respond to his IM's and just this morning I saw that I had another offline message with him saying "I see you're ignoring me.. I won't bother you. Have a good night." I found this to be quite ironic since he was the one who always played games with the silent treatment or with the ignoring of IM's or text messages.

 

My guess is that he's obviously feeling lonely or something. I finally responded to him this morning. I kept it very brief. I just told him I've been sick but am ok and hoped he was well. He sent me a long response telling me that he's been busy with work and hasn't been doing anything outside from work other than being with his kids. Ummm.. I'm not sure why he felt the need to add that in there? I didn't ask him what he was doing outside from work. My friend says he's probably trying to make it known to me that he hasn't been seeing anyone and hinting that on purpose to maybe try to hook up with me again.

 

Either way, I know better this time. I know not to fall into his trap and get suckered in. I never responded to that IM and just signed off. I figure I'll just keep my distance and be a bit evasive with him. Eventually I'll respond and say something.. but nothing personal or nothing related to "us". I think this is the best thing to do for my sanity ..I truly believe he's one of the guys they mention in the "men who can't love" book. I figured I'll send him an ecard for his b-day next week and leave it at that.

 

Any suggestions.. ?? A part of me wants to talk to him so bad.. I miss him so much. But I'm staying strong and doing what I need to do for ME. Then there's a small part of me who thinks.. "what if things work out this time? what if he misses me and wants more?" Then my brain kicks in and I slap myself saying.. "get yourself together girl.. reality check!" LOL

[Sfbaygirl415]

of course.. he's been contacting me through out the day today and he invited me over.. oh how convenient. Said his nights are lonely and when I said no and told him it wasn't a good idea he said we'd just get together for some laughs and have fun. Yeah right!

 

Good thing I put my foot down! It's so hard though.. I want more than anything to see him.. but I know I can't. I don't want to be heartbroken anymore.

[LuCidiTy]

ugh. this is tough. i honestly don't know what i'd do. it was pretty rude of him to have ignored you and now all of a sudden when it's lonely/convenient for him...

 

you're probably doing the right thing,

[Sfbaygirl415]

We actually talked quite a bit today and I'm so proud.. I put my foot down to him! He wanted me to come over and I stuck with my answer .."no"!!! Of course he had a hissy fit and yet claimed he's not mad. He tried to make me feel guilty for having previous plans tonight and not dropping them to come see him.

 

So tonight.. I caught him on IM again and I let it all out!! I told him how I wasn't going to put myself thru that anymore... I told him how I'm moving on and that I wasn't going over his place to have a good time only to be ignored for the next couple of weeks. I let him have it! lol.. I didn't hold anything back.. I didn't care anymore.

 

I feel so empowered right now.. Will he contact me again? who knows.. and at this point.. I really don't care! What kind of woman does he think I am? He actually expected me to jump at his contacting me, hop in my car, and drive 1 hour away to go see him! NOT..!!!

 

And.. get this.. since he's complaining he's lonely.. I told him his lonliness is the result of his actions. He HAD me..he HAD my heart for the taking.. but he chose to give that away. I could've been there during those lonely nights.. but again.. he chose to not be with me and remind me a million times on how I"m not "the one" anymore. So.. he got what he deserves.. it's called Karma! Oh yeah.. he wanted me over his place so bad.. maybe now for one minute he felt the rejection that I've felt all this time.

[Bobby.Roy]

And.. get this.. since he's complaining he's lonely.. I told him his lonliness is the result of his actions. He HAD me..he HAD my heart for the taking.. but he chose to give that away. I could've been there during those lonely nights.. but again.. he chose to not be with me and remind me a million times on how I"m not "the one" anymore. So.. he got what he deserves.. it's called Karma! Oh yeah.. he wanted me over his place so bad.. maybe now for one minute he felt the rejection that I've felt all this time.

 

So true, felt real good reading these lines..Your and my situation are so same! Feels like this can happen to ME as well..

 

Good to know that you are handling all this by being so strong and confident. Good going girl..

[mishy]

Unfortunately it sounds like he just wants a booty call. And I dont think you should tell him anymore about how your feeling because it gives him the power and he will know you are still affected by him.

 

He sounds like he will just use you and then ignore you again. I would not be talking this unexpected attention as a compliment.

[mishy]

I've posted on here about the guy I was dating.. it's been 2 weeks since we've broken up and haven't talked since then. He ignored all my contacts and I stopped trying to contact him after two days.

 

What sort of break up was this? Did he break up with you? was it a dramatic breakup, like " i never want to see you again" ? or what happened? Im just asking because affects how you should be reacting to this "contact" of his.

[Sfbaygirl415]

What sort of break up was this? Did he break up with you? was it a dramatic breakup, like " i never want to see you again" ? or what happened? Im just asking because affects how you should be reacting to this "contact" of his.

 

Mishy.. well.. we never said good-bye.. it wasn't dramatic or anything. We spent the night together one day and it was great. The following 2 days he was distant and started to ignore me. I took that as my cue to go away.. figured he'd never want to talk to me again and so I set myself to invisible on IM and never spoke to him again. It's been 2 1/2 weeks.. the other day I happened to put myself back to visible on IM and sure enough he was quick to send me a message.

 

So we've been talking since yesterday.. we argued.. I told him off. I put my foot down and all and it felt great. We somehow continued the argument via text this morning. I told him I didn't appreciate his ignoring me and preferred that he'd be completely honest with me. He claims he wasn't ignoring me and felt that I was being the distant one and so he gave me my space. I don't know what to make of this!! I put my foot down and now I'm confused and afraid I'm falling into the same trap all over again.

 

We've been in contact all morning today and we've already planning on two dates. We're meeting for lunch tomorrow and we also plan on getting together next week at his place. He's such a flirt and keeps talking about how he wants to be intimate again.. so I've been playing along with his conversations. I don't know what to do! At this point I think I just need to take it for what it is... if we're just gonna have fun.. then I need to keep my options open too. Is it wrong to say that I'm just going to enjoy the time we spend together and be elusive w/him? Meaning.. I won't contact him much.. I'll keep my distance and just go with the flow? Or do u think this is his way of just using me and he'll soon be ignoring me again?

 

I figure.. I can't let his actions or words bother me. As long as I stay strong, stay positive, and not come to the table with expectations.. then I should be fine. I'm new at all this dating stuff.. it's hard to know what to after getting out of a long marriage. My girlfriend is telling me to just go with the flow and to keep my options open. In other words, I shouldn't let my emotions lead me this time around. What do u think? I'm so confused now!!!

[Walking away]

If you don't want to be a booty call, don't sleep with him.

 

If he is interested, he will stay interested WITHOUT the sex.

[Sfbaygirl415]

I don't want to be his booty call.. then again.. I already agreed to see him. Our short relationship has always been very sexual. We both enjoy spending time together just hanging out having a good time and yes most of the time we end up being intimate, It's always great.

 

So you're saying I'm better off just not seeing him at all? I know he'll be upset and he'll say that we can just hang out and have a good time.. but I know very well what it always leads to. We just can't keep our hands off eachother. Argh.. I'm having a really hard time with this one.

[Walking away]

It depends on what you want from him.

 

If you are okay with what you have, go for it.

 

But, if you want more, he needs to see you for more than a body.

 

I understand sexual attraction. But, if you want his heart, be that woman who won't settle for a mostly sexual relationship.

 

Make him respect you by your actions.

[City_girl]

My god, just dated the same guy but in a different body. I finally realised I don't actaully want him, I did the same, the booty call and then got ignored because we wern't in the relationship anymore? This has been going on since December for me and he would have it on and off forever. He wanted a hook up, knew i wanted a relaitonship and used me any way. My boyfirend died and all of my family have died and he uses me anyway. I would say this is a man who can't love back too. Tread very carefully because he won't always come around for sex. The whole thing is on his terms and you can be dropped whenever he fancies. You will feel it more then , trust me . Walk away and when you turn the corner, run and don't look back

[Sfbaygirl415]

So since he contacted me again.. we've been talking a lot more. I had a serious conversation with him and we were both open and honest. So we both agreed to be FWB. I don't really believe in FWB and I've never done it before.. but at this point I figure.. if he can have options.. so can I. So we talked about "us" and both agreed that we have a really great time together, we both think each person is great and would like to just enjoy the present moment.. enjoy eachother and just go with the flow. We both agreed we'd let eachother know if we've "met" someone, the plan is to be honest and upfront. So since we were being honest.. I told him that I do have other guy friends and one in particular who may turn into more than a friend. He didn't say much after I told him that aside from wanting to see me as much as he can before that happens.. IF it happens.

 

So I'm not really sure what to think about all this. He can easily say he's met someone and I'll be hurt a little I admit.. and CityGirl.. I agree to some extent that he's calling the shots. Then again, I can easily say next week that I've met someone(even if it's not true) and move on. It goes both ways I guess. I think the key here is to just go about my own life and not make him a priority. If I see or talk to him.. fine.. if not.. then that's fine too. Maybe I'll be like you CityGirl, who knows.. I may just decide that I don't like him in that way anymore esp if I meet a real man who treats me well and wants a relationship. I figure this.. this guy obviously misses me.. he's telling me he's lonely.. and if I move on.. he's gonna miss me again and realize what he gave up. I'm not sure if anything ever comes out of FWB relationships.. but we'll see what happens.

[Sfbaygirl415]

Since I've told him I'm ok with this "casual" thing we have going on.. I've been more relaxed and not stressed out like I was when we were together. I think he can totally see that I'm calm.. there's no expectations or anything.. and funny enough.. I've been getting more attention from him because of it all. He talks to me all day long now.. he's nicer.. and.. he's been saying things which he usually doesn't.. for example.. we spoke on IM this morning before he left for his meeting. He was very considerate and told me he had to take off in 5 minutes.. my pc froze and booted me off IM and he quickly called me. I was surprised! Instead of saying "ciao" like he usually does.. he said.. "hugs and kisses". I found this very interesting..

 

One other thing I forgot to mention.. when we had our serious conversation the other day.. I told him I was good with seeing eachother casually but that I didn't want to be his booty call. He told me he didn't look at me in that way and would be happy just spending time w/me even if we didn't have sex. So last night.. he text me a few times.. he talked about how he was feeling a bit lonely.. and to my surprise he didn't try to get me to come over to his place or ask to see me or anything. In any other situation.. a buy would've asked for a booty call don't you think?

 

I'm kinda liking this whole thing.. I have more of his attention ..lol

[macon]

"I'm kinda liking this whole thing.. I have more of his attention ..lol"

 

Stop right there! Enjoy it, sure, but don't don't don't get suckered into seeing him or anything. You know the heartache that will follow - you know he only wants you now because you seem unavailable. Your first posts were so right on - half of you wants more than anything to be with him, but slapping yourself for your own sanity is absolutely the right thing to do. Enjoy him thinking he could get somewhere after how badly he treated you - helps you feel powerful again - but definitely leave it at that. It won't work - you know it won't - and just because he's being 'sensitive' and saying he just wants to talk/be with you 'even' (!!!!) if you don't have sex (??!!) don't fall for it! You've got to protect your heart and keep healing so you can meet that gorgeous wonderful guy who hasn't stamped all over you, and then discovered he can drag you back when he wants. If you do got back at all can you imagine what his respect level for you will be? Hey, I can dump her and then have her again if I want!

 

I know you know all this - just trying to give you a big old wake-up cause it sounds like you're wavering!

[smoochie]

Hey girl, don't fall for this. This is a heartbreak waiting to happen. He doesn't take you seriously and never will if you agree to be his "screw buddy" or occasional movie date. You have no power in this relationship...he can see or date whoever. And he didn't all of a sudden come to some realization you were the one. He just got lonely and can kick it with you WHILE he looks for someone else...and you are ok with that? It doesn't seem like you are but willingly to take whatever crumbs he throws your way.

 

This is going to sound harsh, but you need to get some more self-respect. I, personally, am no one's FWB. Either we are dating or exclusive...there is no inbetween. My last bf knew I would not tolerate sharing any part of him. We had an absolutely fabulous sex life...he definitely will put me in the highest category a guy could come up with. But he also wasn't ready for a relationship with me or anyone else really. So he ended it. Could he have tried to keep sleeping with me or even insult me with a FWB proposal? Hell no. He knows I value myself too much to agree to be his c** bucket. He may have negative feelings for me (not sure) but he definitely respects me.

 

I feel sorry for women when we settle for so much less than what we really want, and you really want him. This is not the way to get him. Cut off the FWB aspect and just be friends. If you can't, go NC until you get over him. Don't do this to yourself!! You are worth more.

[daphne]

baygirl,

 

I think you're kidding yourself. You are really setting yourself up to get hurt. Most women cannot really do a FWB, unless they don't see the guy as long term material and aren't really into the guy. I think you believe that all of this new attention means he's really into you. This is not what a FWB thing is about. You want more than just sex and occasional company, or you wouldn't care what kind of attention he paid to you. Women tell themselves they are ok with it, but you're selling yourself waaaaaayyy short.

[Sfbaygirl415]

Ok.. so here's the deal. We had been talking all week long on the phone and via IM. Things were great since we agreed to be FWB.. I was getting all the attention and etc. Anyhow.. we met up friday during lunch time. Well, needless to say, we didn't have luch.. we were busy doing other things. After that, I didn't like the way it made me feel. Not only did I feel cheapened but the sex wasn't the same since my heart wasn't into it. It felt wrong.. I didn't like it and right then and there I knew I had to get out of it. We had planned on getting together again in the week but after this, I just couldn't go through with it.

 

So just yesterday I told him I wasn't interested in FWB anymore. I told him it didn't feel the same and that I had more respect for myself, I know I deserve more. He was furious to say the least, he told me he had been thinking about me and was going to text me to see how I was doing. He then went on to say he was sorry I thought the sex sucked and said goodbye. So I text him telling him that he misread my message. What I meant by saying things didn't feel the same way is due to the change in our situation. He text me back "ok" and that was it.

 

I had been talking to one of my best friends about the whole situation. I meant to text my friend about what was going on. In the text I criticized the ex about how his sex drive is huge and how he masturbates constantly. Well.. to my mistake.. I text it to the ex in error!! After that, the ex text me back, he was obviously furious and told me to never bother him again. I text him back with the same response he gave me earlier.. "ok". All this happened last night.. and yet I felt so empowered for putting my foot down to him again. I felt so strong and proud. So why is it that I feel like crap this morning? I'm looking for every excuse in the book to contact him. I won't do it but the thought of it is bothering me. Any other person would've respected my change of mind and left it as friends. The fact that he chose to take my messages as a hit to his ego and criticism of our sex only shows me how egotistical he is. A part of me keeps thinking he'll miss me and maybe come around. Another part of me thinks.. "yeah right.. when hell freezes over!" I'm really hurting right now.. I'm confused. I've even thought of apologizing to him for the text I sent him in error. Then at the same time I think of how he never thought about my feelings when he hurt me.

 

I can see he's online right now. I'm sure he's out there trying to fill the void by talking to other women. He'll feel lonely again.. I know it.. he's trying to distract himself again. My friend tells me this is all karma coming back to him. You'd think I'd feel happy or empowered and yet here I am being sad. His birthday is on friday and here I am debating whether or not I should even bother sending him an ecard. I don't want him to see that I'm sad about the whole thing, I need to suck it up and smile and be strong even if I have to pretend for a while. The ecard would be simple and just say.. "wishing you the best now and always". Anyhow.. I know this is the time for me to work on ME and take care of myself. It's hard thinking that I can't really move on if I hold on to the smallest bit of hope. Maybe one day I'll let it go.. who knows.

 

Thanks for listening...

[Sfbaygirl415]

I want to contact him so bad and know I shouldn't!!!

[datingmum]

Hi hone,

 

DO NOT contact him, unless to simply say "reeeeeeeeally sorry about sending you that...but I DO talk to my friends....oops!"

 

Do not be overly sad and upset if you do decide to say that though, you just made a mistake and that's the way you truly felt! I think it's pretty funny, especially considering he'd already taken the sex thing poorly Think of it as his come-uppance. He's probably fuming. But I'd place my bets on him coming back when he calms down to 'prove' his prowess. That's when you need to be nonchalant, happy and play hard to get.

[datingmum]

and no ecard either! Unless you want him to read it as

 

"oh, i'm still so totally in love with you and I'm right here waiting baby, i love you"

[XxBacktoBlackXx]

OMG, I am sorry to laugh but I did when I read the thing about sending him that text on accident, if only because it is something he truly deserves! Hahaha! Do NOT send him an E-Card!!

[Sfbaygirl415]

Datingmum and Black.. it's ok to laugh about my text error.. I laughed about it too.

 

So it's ok to send one text or email saying "oops.. sent u that in error.. didn't mean to" but it's not cool to send the birthday ecard? I'm confused. I thought the ecard would be a very platonic guesture vs the text.. the error text would only be resurfacing the argument we had.

 

Funny enough I've signed onto IM briefly and have seen him online. I'm surprised he hasn't set me to invisible or anything. Hmm.. oh well.

 

Do you really think he'd come back trying to "prove" himself and then I'd have to play hard to get?? (I forgot which one of u said this)

[breakup]

I am not sure where you stand right now but I don't see anything wrong with an E-card. Is a nice gesture to wish him a happy bday and then some where in there state that is best if we move on and start on NC. Unless you want to get back with him....

[Mary3]

Hey girl, don't fall for this. This is a heartbreak waiting to happen. He doesn't take you seriously and never will if you agree to be his "screw buddy" or occasional movie date. You have no power in this relationship...he can see or date whoever. And he didn't all of a sudden come to some realization you were the one. He just got lonely and can kick it with you WHILE he looks for someone else...and you are ok with that? It doesn't seem like you are but willingly to take whatever crumbs he throws your way.

 

This is going to sound harsh, but you need to get some more self-respect. I, personally, am no one's FWB. Either we are dating or exclusive...there is no inbetween. My last bf knew I would not tolerate sharing any part of him. We had an absolutely fabulous sex life...he definitely will put me in the highest category a guy could come up with. But he also wasn't ready for a relationship with me or anyone else really. So he ended it. Could he have tried to keep sleeping with me or even insult me with a FWB proposal? Hell no. He knows I value myself too much to agree to be his c** bucket. He may have negative feelings for me (not sure) but he definitely respects me.

 

I feel sorry for women when we settle for so much less than what we really want, and you really want him. This is not the way to get him. Cut off the FWB aspect and just be friends. If you can't, go NC until you get over him. Don't do this to yourself!! You are worth more.

 

Beautifully Spoken ! Please this is a HUGE mistake that you be making if you do agree to be FWB

 

Women need to take back the * dating and courting *. Men have created this FWB and women have ( as I have in the past ) agreed to this garbage. We want them but they give us table scraps of them on nights when its convienant for them to CALL us or SEE us .

 

DO NOT agree ever again to FWB. Break the cycle.

 

Let me guess you and your bf had sex real fast ? You talked about it too before you did it right ?

 

He is bootycalll central. If you wont give it up he's back on line getting someone else who WILL.

 

Do you want some encrusted nasty ***** after its been in someone else ?

 

Please realize from this day forward that : " I want to come over / or you come over " means : I want to have sex with you , make it easy for me and say yes, we don't need to bother with the dinner I promised you because my intention is to ***** your brains out and not much more.

 

Have self respect and say NO ! I don't care how good the sex is ( and it usually is good with them ).....please respect yourself . I love the above posters response. Please LIVE it !