barefoot880 Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 How often does NC work as a tool to win an ex back? How long should one do NC with their dumper? Do you think 6 months of NC is a good bare minimum?
0hpenelope Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 To directly answer your question, barefoot880, 6 months of NC is not a good amount of time to win an ex back. You can do a quick search in these threads and find that there are dumpees who are in their 9th month, one year, whatever length of time longer than 6 months who still want the ex back. To offer my opinion regarding using NC as a tool, I hope that anyone who goes into NC with this mindset will find that even though they started NC with different intentions, they'll realize that they can live and move forward without the one they yearn for. If NC is a tool that you want to use in order to reel the ex back in, good luck. The chances are more likely that the ex won't come back than the ex coming back, especially if the ex did the dumping. =T As an aside, if I knew for certain that NC would work to bring mine back, then I would've done so a long time ago. But as it is, I think I've had my heart broken enough by him - I can't break my own heart by staying in that uncertain hope loop.
Author barefoot880 Posted March 26, 2008 Author Posted March 26, 2008 (edited) Very good points. I don't think it matters what the motives are for doing NC with the ex because the means justify the end. Even if one starts doing NC with ulterior motives that's ok because at least they won't be strung along and be used as a safety net. The means justifies the end. It's better to use NC for the wrong reasons than to stay in contact and be strung along or friendzoned. Even if I have no desire to heal I have taken away all opportunites from my ex to string me along. Edited March 26, 2008 by barefoot880
Uchiha Sasuke Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 (edited) No contact isn't for HER. It's for YOU! No matter what, keep yourself busy. Go out! Ask for numbers! My God man, do some push ups! The real goal of NC shouldn't be to get back with a person, it's to realize that you can move on without a person who either didn't want you or made a really huge mistake. NC gives you time to look at the positives of yourself without having someone that placed low value on you in the picture to mess with your self esteem. And yes, doing NC for the wrong reasons is just as bad as trying to get back together. You're making what you want what she wants - and she doesn't want it. You hang on for months of NC expecting her to change when it should be YOU that changes. NC is suppose to disconnect you, not make you hang onto what could have been and what might be. You're still destroying yourself on the inside when you do this. Imagine! Wouldn't it be great to move on and be happy with someone else later on and THEN see your ex and realize they weren't right for you anyways? To have that whole weight of someone else lifted off your shoulders? Give it a try! Learn new things! Move on! Nowhere to go but up!! Edited March 26, 2008 by Uchiha Sasuke
mr_elor Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 Look mate, you're looking at this wrong. When you do things to win a woman over, you're placing her on a pedestal. When you live your life entirely for a woman, if she leaves that's effectively your life over. It's completely the wrong view to have. Say i was to get into a long term relationship, and we parted ways. I'd think it was a shame, but I'd move on. For every girl that has an awesome smile or whatever, there's another girl with the same or better qualities. You do NC because the other person didn't suit you. Often if a girl breaks up with you it's your own fault, in which case you thank her for doing so. because of something simialr happening to me I was able to see how much of a chump I was and sort it out. And now I'm such a cooler guy for it. Uchiha pretty much has the right idea.
Quiksilver ca Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 Move on with your life. You're letting this girl control your frame of mind, even without talking to her. NC = No Contact. No Contact = NO PHYSICAL, CONVERSATIONAL, VISUAL, OR MENTAL/EMOTIONAL. And yes, as some other members have stated, go do something to keep your mind off of her until you can't remember what she looks like. The best way to do that is to meet more girls. If you find that too hard, then we have found an even greater issue that should be addressed.
Author barefoot880 Posted March 28, 2008 Author Posted March 28, 2008 It's harder to move on with my life when most of the reasons she left me was because I made her feel rejected and unattractive. In my case it's hard to tell who feels more like the dumpee. Perhaps we both do. I got dumped not because I smothered her and not because I was there for her unconditionally but because my actions didn't show her that I loved her. Do females who dump guys for these reasons feel like dumpess after a breakup? If so then will NC make it easier for her to get over me?
LOVE DAISIES Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 Barefoot....IMO doing NC on someone you were ALREADY neglectful toward is NOT going to make them move toward you.It will only reinforce their decision that you never cared anyway. I know when I have ended a R ..if I still had ANY feelings for the guy, part of me wanted them to prove to me how important I was. Ignoring me does NOT show that. That said....if your ex has made it CLEAR she is done with you, then you need to do NC simply because it's respectful of HER wishes, and you don;t want to harrass her. If you TRULY want her back then being more aggressive and SHOWING her you are sincere is a better approach...ie, write her a heartfelt email telling her how much she means to you and that you sincerely are sorry. If you were a guy who smothered your ex..I would give you the opposite advice..and say give her LOTS AND LOTS of space.......so it could go either way.
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