tikster Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 k well i met a guy about 2 months ago. we have had 4 dates and hang out at his apt and i have even slept over once. well it he doesn't seem to get in contact with me. like maybe once a week and that is to ask me to hang out. i see that he does go on facebook and even talks or says hi to other people. he even made plans to hang out with some girl that he's known this weekend. i realize that he had friends before me, but during that time he was online he couldn't even write a hello or call me. my mom, a few friends and even myself believe that he just doesn't seem that into me and i don't want to get used by him. a few days ago i responded to a short text after i slept over his apt by saying hi miss you and no response. he does that all the time like i try to put some hint that i am interested in him and he doesn't seem to respond like a person who likes someone, know what i mean?? my roommate thinks i shouldn't give up on him, but this keeps happening and i feel like if a guy likes you it shouldn't be so hard. and if he really isn;t into me how do i break things off? any advice??
BlueHaiku Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 I'm confused... are you two actually dating? You said you had 4 dates. Did you and he agree that they were dates, or did you just have 4 times you went out and did stuff together? Have you guys made out? had sex? What happened when you slept over? It's hard to give advice without knowing these things, but from what you posted, I'm not even sure he thinks of you as a girlfriend. From what you said, it sounds like he might just think you are friends. If that's the case you don't need to break up with him. Can you clarify?
Author tikster Posted March 26, 2008 Author Posted March 26, 2008 i'm sorry. i'll clarify. well we've made out and when i slept over we got very intimate, not all the way sex though. i know we are not exclusive, but the way that he treats it, it seems like we are in the process of developing a relationship. we did the date thing where he asked me a million questions about myself and relationships and all that jazz, so i know what we are doing is not about just friendship. i even told him that i thought he only liked me as a friend and he said "no". although the whole process seems as if to develope a relationship, he doesn't seem to be putting any effort into it, like you would assume a guy who was even just infatuated would be doing.
BlueHaiku Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 Hmm... yeah, I agree it doesn't sound like he is all that into you. Two months and pretty cool about you. If you want to try to keep him, I'd just tell him very clearly that you want him to call / hang out with you more often - and if he doesn't want to see you that often maybe you aren't the girl for him. Men aren't always that good at understanding subtle hints. If you want to break up with him, then next time he calls to "hang out" you should simply say that you're looking for someone who has more time for you.
xpaperxcutx Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 You can't dump a guy you're not actually dating "exclusively". Regarding his behavior, I say he does alot of the push/pull tactic. He doesn't know what he truly wants from you, but because you keeping saying yes to him, he just takes things as they are. I can see why you're confused. If you want to date him, then you have to make it clear to him that you want to date him exclusively. Don't sleep over at his place anymore. It'll only strength the fact that you're willing to be easy for him without him putting the emotional effort into anything.
carhill Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 A different twist on FWB? Easy solution. Just avoid him, enjoy other people and, if/when he asks you out properly (no more sleepovers), consider it if he still interests you and you don't have any firm commitments.
Blue Eyed Brain Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 It may seem to him that you are very casual and he hooks up with you when it's convenient for him. You do not have anything with this guy. Very easy to break it off now. Let some other loser, fret about him.
curiousnycgirl Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 Depends, are you enjoying yourself? are you dating others? If the answer to either one or both of those questions is yes, then what's the big deal? Generally it takes men longer to get attached than women. My b/f used to be the same way, in the beginning he rarely if ever called. Only when he wanted to make plans. Today - 3.5 years into it, he calls or texts or im's throughout the day. He almost always initiates contact, etc. However if you are looking to be in a relationship already and are therefore unahppy - I agree walk away
Lovegod Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 What do you have to offer him? Why should his time spent with you be considered "valuable"? I've dated women this very same way. Women who were cute but boring usually got this kind of treatment. If you're not interesting, he won't want to spend a lot of time with you. If you're exciting, interesting, and show interest in him, you may get his full attention. And if you define showing interest in him as "giving subtle hints", you're wasting your time. Men usually don't pick up on subtle hints. You basically have to come right out and say "I think you're f:bunny:cking sexy!"
Author tikster Posted March 26, 2008 Author Posted March 26, 2008 well in response to what i offer him. when we are together i am affectionate and i come out and tell him that i think he's cute and sexy and all that jazz. we have fun, but recently it's been finals week and internship interviews so it's hard been chaotic in a sense and hard to find real chill time. all i was saying is that a hi how are you during the day to show interest amongst chaos would be nice. the fact that he facebooks other friends doesn't help much. we both go to college in the middle of nowhere and he likes to be outdoors as do i, i wanna invite him to kayak w me or hike but it would require a long trip and wasn't sure if it was too early in the game to do that. you see what im saying. i was tryin to do things right and pace things. the sleep over, at least for me was not planned at all. just feel really confused. i think i'll just leave it alone and if he calls me at some point i'll tell him that i don't wanna be just some hook-up and see how he feels.
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