loveratud Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 So last night after I get out of class, she tells me that she feels like her future career opportunities were being put in second place because of me, that she was spending too much time not focusing on her future, etc. Said she wasn't in love anymore. Said she didn't want to be the girl with a house with her boyfriend and friends, or with dogs. That she wants to be free to do what she needs to do. I said, it sounds like all that other stuff is more important to you than me, so that's fine, that's simple. I'll go get your stuff from my place. She says, "You don't have to do that now." I ask her what she thinks I should do now, and she says she doesn't know. So I get all of her stuff, then move all of my stuff from her place to mine (we live next door to each other.) When I opined that the dog pen wouldn't fit in my apartment she suggested I leave it there, and still keep the dogs there during the day. I told her no, she said she didn't want them, so I would take care of them (she picked out and purchased both dogs.) I started to break down the cage, and she said, "I thought you didn't have room for it." I said, "Well I'll make some room. I'll make some sacrifices. I'll make it work. Because I love him. You wouldn't know anything about that." And left. She seemed very angry that I wasn't all sad panda about everything, that I just handed over her keys and asked for mine in return. She seemed in shock, which is funny, seeing as how she brought it all on. I then went out for drinks with a friend that I had been forbidden to see during the relationship.
SeraBella Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 Do you think it just hasn't sunk in yet? Or are you good at hiding emotions? Either way, I'm sure it's going to be a little hard for you. Especially with her living next door. Great job on going out with the friend, though! Enjoy the things you missed while being in the relationship!
Author loveratud Posted March 26, 2008 Author Posted March 26, 2008 I think she did pretty much exactly the same thing in January of 2007, so it just doesn't sting as bad this time. I dated a lot more people when we were on our break last year, and I realized that she isn't the end of my world. I was more angry than anything. Such a selfish little girl. Leaving our dogs without a mommy and me without the love of my life, so that she can feel the wind in her hair and act like a kid without responsibilities.
stoneymirror Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 I'm in the same boat as you are. My gf broke up with me last Friday, and yet she never seemed like it was something she wanted to do. Ahh it's frustrating cause I feel like she just gave up on us. Some things you just can't control, and you have to let it go.
Author loveratud Posted March 26, 2008 Author Posted March 26, 2008 I'm in the same boat as you are. My gf broke up with me last Friday, and yet she never seemed like it was something she wanted to do. Ahh it's frustrating cause I feel like she just gave up on us. Some things you just can't control, and you have to let it go. Exactly. She gave up. Stopped trying, because it was hard. Like I said about, selfish, immature little girls at heart.
stoneymirror Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 I feel the exact same way. Ahh I hate it. I'm 28 and she was 23 I probably should have seen this coming
stlnsmile Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 I'm telling you from expirience, my boyfriend said the same crap, and it was all bull***! Its better to just leave it alone. It hurts like crap, but you can't change someones mind. Selfish people are always that, selfish people who think of themselves. When they don't love you enough to sacrifice anything for you, then it is not love. Love is when you put someone elses heart before your own, you can not concieve of hurting them, because.............you LOVE them, and don't want to hurt them. I learned this the hard way....I always supported his decisions, even when they were hurting me......like choosing to go away to University really far away........duhhhh......I should have seen, that if he had no desire at all to stay with me....welllll then.....that should have said everything. But I accepted it. He made excuses and I accepted them. He never cared for me, not with his whole heart......so dude, to make a long story short, take care of yourself, and do not, and a I repeat do not, take crap from anyone. If she only cares about HER life, then there is no room for you in it.
stoneymirror Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 (edited) It's unfortunate we get ourselves in these situations. Makes you wonder why you keep letting things fly right over your head, and yet you continue to move on with the relationship thinking nothing of it. I guess it takes time to get to know someone, but when you realize you're with someone who only thinks about themselves even then you forget about it. In my case she wanted everything, her expectations were really high, and impossible to meet all of them. When crap hit the fan, she'd run. I guess this is probably just a reaction to save her from getting hurt. But it makes you wonder when these individuals get enough balls to hang with it and ride it out. There could have been much worse things in my last relationship, unfortunately we fought only about our own insecurities. And that was enough for her to give up. Like I said you can't control everything or really anyone. I can't justify how she felt when we fought, I know it wasn't plesent, but at the same time I feel she was unrealistic, cause couples fight and say stupid things. I guess she just couldn't get over it, and no matter how many times I tried reassuring her that I loved her, she wouldn't have it and basically wouldn't believe things could be resolved. Ahh just venting here, I hate these times, Edited March 26, 2008 by stoneymirror
0hpenelope Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 (edited) I feel the exact same way. Ahh I hate it. I'm 28 and she was 23 I probably should have seen this coming Aaah, brother don't feel that way. We're not clairvoyant. I have this personal belief that those who advertise that they're psychics are hacks and the real psychics are the ones who keep their talents to themselves, only to be shared among very close and trusted confidants. One day at a time, ok? You have a life to live and places to go and people to meet (romantically or not). loveratud, your ex-gf and my ex-bf should become friends or something and talk about why they left when the going got tough for them. =P I'm just kidding. I forgave the ex-bf for that because I knew that people just fall out of feeling from time to time and it sucks. But I don't forgive him for how he treated me after our break up! It's a two-way street, I know, but in spite of all our talks, I deserve effort from him, too, to make our agreement work and not just have me pull in the work. And he wonders why I don't want him around as a friend. "Keep in touch"? I'm not a memo pad! Like I keep saying to myself to keep going, he wanted to be gone then he will stay gone! Looks like that's what you're doing, too. Good for you!Lord knows I should've seen that and practiced it from the get-go as well. Edited March 26, 2008 by 0hpenelope grammar
Author loveratud Posted March 26, 2008 Author Posted March 26, 2008 I was more mad than sad yesterday. But looking at our two dogs this afternoon, so happy, and innocent and oblivious to the fact that they'll never see their mommy again just breaks my heart. I have to go pick up some stuff from her later. I'm going to suggest she get real mental help. I think she has some serious chemical imbalances, because normal, healthy people simply don't act this way. And cyclically? In the meantime, I have to figure out where I'm going to live, if I'm going to keep my plan of going to grad school here, figure out who I'm going to take to the spring formal in 2 weeks, how I'm going to give the dogs enough attention.... Again, selfish, selfish girl.
stoneymirror Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 Being with someone who only looks out for their best interests is impossible. You can't win. It's unfortunate though that nice people fall for these individuals, get lied to and cheated on, and in the end everything gets dumped on your shoulders. It's so juvenille, it makes me sick. I guess the best thing to do is to find something positive out of all this. If I were you, I'd avoid her at all costs. Seeing each other is only going to bring back the hurt...
carhill Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 My first response to the OP was "good riddance". Congrats on full custody of the dogs. They need loving humans in their lives. Echo NC. Hard to do with her next door. I'd consider moving....
SeraBella Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 I was more mad than sad yesterday. But looking at our two dogs this afternoon, so happy, and innocent and oblivious to the fact that they'll never see their mommy again just breaks my heart. I have to go pick up some stuff from her later. I'm going to suggest she get real mental help. I think she has some serious chemical imbalances, because normal, healthy people simply don't act this way. And cyclically? In the meantime, I have to figure out where I'm going to live, if I'm going to keep my plan of going to grad school here, figure out who I'm going to take to the spring formal in 2 weeks, how I'm going to give the dogs enough attention.... Again, selfish, selfish girl. Ummmm, while it sounds like fun, don't tell her to seek mental help. Right now she is probably infuriated that you're acting so calm and unaffected. Keep it that way. If you tell her to seek mental help...it's doubtful she'll take that "advice" from an ex. She'll label you as the jaded *******. Just keep things the way they are. It's driving her crazy and if you do anything else you are going to give her reason to justify the breakup. And, yes, she may be acting selfishly, but do you really want someone to stay with you if they unhappy? I wouldn't want anyone to remain with me if it wasn't what they wanted. I'm sorry your dogs lost their "mommy", but if you were unhappy would you have stayed "for the dogs"? As for grad school, were you only going there for her? Why should this breakup have any effect on that decision?
Author loveratud Posted March 26, 2008 Author Posted March 26, 2008 Ummmm, while it sounds like fun, don't tell her to seek mental help. Right now she is probably infuriated that you're acting so calm and unaffected. Keep it that way. If you tell her to seek mental help...it's doubtful she'll take that "advice" from an ex. She'll label you as the jaded *******. Just keep things the way they are. It's driving her crazy and if you do anything else you are going to give her reason to justify the breakup. And, yes, she may be acting selfishly, but do you really want someone to stay with you if they unhappy? I wouldn't want anyone to remain with me if it wasn't what they wanted. I'm sorry your dogs lost their "mommy", but if you were unhappy would you have stayed "for the dogs"? As for grad school, were you only going there for her? Why should this breakup have any effect on that decision? She repeatedly said that I wasn't the reason she was unhappy. So her behavior isn't rational. Certainly if I was the cause of her unhappiness I wouldn't want her to stay with me. She's a year behind in school in relation to me. I decided I would do a fast track MBA so that we could be together. My other options were going to law school (far away) or OCS (Iraq.) We made these plans together, and she walked away. Now I'm stuck.
stlnsmile Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 I don't know, it sounds to me like your saying he should say nothing because by saying nothin that will effect her.....it never effected my ex, my silence I mean. I wish I had told that little S*** off at least once. He deserved it for being such a selfish, lying, immature, a**. I wish I had said something, anything, before now. Now he's with someone, and it would look truly pitful to do anything. I'm not going to, and truly, now, he's not worth the energy. But he has a right to be mad if he wants. I get so tired of the PC stuff.....I mean, NC is great if it is helping you get over your loss, because you have no other options. But if he wants to tell her off when he sees her so be it. It might be the last chance he has to do it:~) I will say, it probably won't matter, I mean selfish people only think of themselves, and she will never see it your way, only hers....I mean thats the whole problem. She does not care about your heart, only hers, she never felt that feeling that told her to care about you and your heart, only her life. I guess all I'm saying is, do what you want to. I might try to handle it bit more calmly so I didn't look like a desperate a**, and I might leave out the part about mental help, maybe calmer is better ya know. Anyway, good luck guy, I know it will be hard when you have to see her. Just know that someone who can only see themselves is a narcissist and only loves there own reflection.
dfreeman Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 and I realized that she isn't the end of my world. I was more angry than anything. Such a selfish little girl. Good to know I didn't have the only one of those!
Author loveratud Posted March 27, 2008 Author Posted March 27, 2008 I talked to her earlier to get some stuff and give her some of hers. She played the lost, confused poor little girl that I saw last time. I told her that when she's ready to go to actual counseling and figure out what's wrong with her, and us, she can call me, but other than that, she should never expect to see me again. I really get the feeling that she doesn't love me anymore. And I mean, it's rough when you love someone and they don't love you back, but mainly it's just because feel stupid. Plus she fooled me twice. But I've already got a new date for the spring formal, and I went out with "Conney" again tonight, and we're really getting close. The downside is that she's married (my age, 23) and the tension is almost palpable between us.
0hpenelope Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 loveratud, you have found a good distraction, as I call it. Definitely good. Good luck and enjoy your formal!
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