bfg Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 Ok need advice. I have been married for 10 years have two kids aged 7 and 4. When i met my wife she was a size 16, over the years she has put more weight on and she is now a size 30. She does not work I have more to do with the kids than her, I hold down a full time job and still end up having to do the washing and hoovering etc. I have put up with all this thinking one day things would get better. In 2005 i went on prozac because i was really down. I am a sexual active person but my wife isn't we made love once in 2006 and 2007 and it was hard becasue of the size of her, I thought because of this and our children she would try to do something about it, but she went the other way. We talk but I am in the position that every time i see her now that i resent her. In nov 2007 I met someone, had a fling so to speak and realised the grass was greener on the other side. I told my wife in Nov 2007 that if she wasn't going to change and go down the road of self destruction that i wasn't prepare to follow and I would leave. It is now march and I am sat writing this at my mothers. I love my kids so very much, but although i know I love my wife, i cannot see a future there anymore. I needed to leave before I found myself having another fling, because that is not right. I need to be happy and I cannot carry on.... your thoughts would be apperciated
annieo Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 It sounds like you've made your decision, and I don't think anyone could fault you for it. She has also made a decision, to not take care of herself sufficiently to be able to be a partner to you, in many senses of that word. I'm not suggesting that weight gain is a reason to leave, but if someone is so overweight that they can't have sex, are too tired to do their fair share around the house ... well, you can still love her but you might not want to live with her. Concentrate on getting the kiddies through this, and good luck.
smartgirl Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 (edited) I understand how you feel and I don't believe a person should sacrifice happiness if they cannot find common ground with their spouse. However.... If you still love your wife could you at least try marriage counseling before you actually divorce. Staying separated is probably ok for the moment, so she knows you mean business. I believe your wife has some emotional problems that she is not equiped to deal with on her own and she needs help badly. If you simply divorce her, your kids are left with a broken home and a mother who will likely lapse further into the abyss. For the sake of the kids, please try counseling. Even if the result is ultimately divorce anyway, she may be able to get some help which will make the post-divorce relationship better and maybe help make her a happier person. Please. Edited March 26, 2008 by smartgirl fix mistake
Tripper Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 Well, bfg, no one can fault you for wanting her to lose weight and if not pursuing your own happiness. However, have you spoken with her about why she gained weight?? Why she doesn't attempt to lose it?? There could be a variety of physical/medical or emotional reasons and if you truly love her, you may want to insist and ensure she has be properly evaluated by health care professionals.
whichwayisup Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 Have you and your wife ever done marriage counselling? Has she attempted to lose weight? See her family Dr to get a clean bill of health? Cheating wasn't your answer. Seems maybe she was/is depressed as well - Hense the weight and not working, not doing as much as she could have been doing with the kids and the house. It's deeper than her just being overweight...There's reasons for it, and chances are, it built up over the years, each of you having resentments towards eachother, communicating less and less. Is there a possibility of you two getting back together? Doing marriage counselling and trying your best to make it work for the kids sake?
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