Far Behind Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 Sedgwick... we've been through this. From all you've posted - more likely - he wasn't good enough for you, and realised it. A lot of blokes can't handle not being the 'best' in the relationship. I suspect your talents and successes made him insecure. Seriously - your constant downer on yourself might seem to help because it gives you a reason you can understand - but it'll hurt in the long run. And trust me - I've been doing the 'you're just not good enough' to myself too. And it's COMPLETE BOLLOCKS. If you love someone completely, and they reject it - it's their loss - and a BIG loss. This is soooo true!! You have to stop blaming yourself, and when you do, you may finally be able to move on. My situation is weird because I couldn't let go, but it turned out he didn't want to be let go of either. But I"m still so scared to death, too. And I KNOW now that what happened had NOTHING to do with me. And I'm still scared.
0hpenelope Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 Realizing what they missed? No, not always. Even when they realize what they miss. My break-up reminded me of that. Yes, there's always a possibility. My personal choice is not thinking about the "maybe, someday" kind of thoughts. The future is too uncertain for entertaining such thoughts. My break-up reminded me of that, too. Just my 2 cents. Take care of yourself, ok?
sedgwick Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 If you love someone completely, and they reject it - it's their loss - and a BIG loss. I know it would be for me. I would never reject anyone who loved me unconditionally. But I figure that he must just hear it from so many women that it doesn't mean anything to him anymore.
Walking away Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 In my case, they always come back. But what they come back OFFERING leaves alot to be desired. Best to leave dead dogs lie....
Bobby.Roy Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 In my case, they always come back. But what they come back OFFERING leaves alot to be desired. Best to leave dead dogs lie.... Please explain a little more. What do you exactly mean by "But what they come back OFFERING leaves alot to be desired" Thanks.
Walking away Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 Please explain a little more. What do you exactly mean by "But what they come back OFFERING leaves alot to be desired" Thanks. I have prided myself on leaving relationships with dignity: no drama, no begging, no self esteem shattering behavior. And I have taught my daughters to behave the same. And, without fail, with my daughters and with myself, they have always returned. Without fail. But, here's the rub: they come back but they come back with the same issues and problems. Example: I was very much in love with a man whom I found out later was married. We split and months later he came back. Told me he loved me still and couldn't live without me. Yet, he was still married. He wanted me, he missed me, but couldn't do what it took to be with me. If they come back without fixing the issues, the issues will resurface. Guaranteed. I have seen it time and time again in my life. And, for the most part, I was the one doing the dumping. Also, another note: I am friends with merely every ex in my adult life. And I love that. So, when they come back....sometimes we are just friends at that point. And that works because we both see something great in each other....just can't make it as a couple.
Bobby.Roy Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 If they come back without fixing the issues, the issues will resurface. Guaranteed. Thanks for the wonderful explanation there, i really appreciate it.. So, basically what this means is if they dont sort out the issue, in my case, if she doesn't quite call it quits with her present BF, and still comes back to me, she is going to ditch me again? But what if she finishes everything with him, and then tries to reconcile with me? Is there any chance she might do something like this in the future AGAIN? Because, personally, i dont feel SHE would've done something like this EVER, gosh, she loved ONLY ME and sooooo much..But now, that she did something like this, it has left me terribly heart-broken and that trust is all gone!! :( I know even at some point of time, in the future, IF she comes back, its gonna be hard for both of us to find that love and trust again but i can give ANYTHING to give it a shot because 8 years of relationship is just too hard for me to let go (without another try, even though i know that it MIGHT hurt again).. Damn it, why is love ALWAYS like this...
Chanke4252 Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 (edited) In my experience they often test the waters again, but it is usually for selfish reasons (as stated above). The last time this happened to me was because she was feeling lonely. I made sure to tell her that I wasn't interested in being friends or anything else given that she treats her friends like crap and is pretty much just a horrible person. If your ex wigged out and broke up with you because of HER bull, the chances are that it will just happen again unless something has really changed in her (which is a rarity at best, most people just can't make themselves change). I suppose if she wanted to get back together you could go along with it, but you should probably be ready for the exact same things to happen that happened before, because they probably will, and most likely it will happen sooner than before given that you two probably know each other pretty well and there is less to learn about one another. That's just my opinion on the topic. Edited April 1, 2008 by Chanke4252
dfreeman Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 I made sure to tell her that I wasn't interested in being friends or anything else given that she treats her friends like crap and is pretty much just a horrible person. That this is AWESOME!
Chinook Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 I would say no, they don't come back. The person who leaves you, no matter if or when they return, is not the person who walked away from you. They have changed, they were able to hurt you by doing leaving and ultimately (in my experience at least) things are never quite the same again.
0hpenelope Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 I would say no, they don't come back. The person who leaves you, no matter if or when they return, is not the person who walked away from you. They have changed, they were able to hurt you by doing leaving and ultimately (in my experience at least) things are never quite the same again. This. This is true.
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