mint_tea Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 (edited) We're one of those couples you never hear about again in "Second Chances" because we got back together. But my boyfriend and I came to the decision to go on a break tonight. I transferred to his school and moved into his dorm this semester and things changed a lot. At first things were great, but then I smothered him, was too clingy and dependent on him. We've been having a lot of issues lately and things came to a head. I told him I didn't feel like his girlfriend, just his booty call. He's just very emotionally unavailable. He said he was sorry I felt that way, that I'm the main thing in his life, and he'll try to change. We hardly talked at all since that conversation, until tonight when we were talking on the phone and he asked what I was thinking. I asked if I could come to his room for privacy...I told him I just hope things work out between us. He said he just doesn't see things working, and he whispered that "we don't have what we used to." (I feel the same way). I asked if we could take a break, and he said ok and asked how long I was thinking of. I said until after finals (about 5 weeks) and he agreed. There were some long silences after that and he got choked up and said he was sorry for hurting me. I blankly stared a few times, and he said "It'll be ok." Does that mean this break isn't permanent? He also said he still has feelings for me. But he also said that "even if we don't get back together, we'll always be friends." We talked about boundaries, and I said I was concerned about him seeing other people. He said he hasn't been looking and isn't going to. When it came to me, he said he definitely won't be happy if he hears about me seeing other people, but admitted that I can't help it if I find someone else. Our relationship has never been easy. He doesn't want to be attached, he wants to live the college life that is free of commitments, (he made a point to say that that doesn't mean sleeping with other people) whereas I do want to be attached. The infatuation fizzled out pretty quickly for him. But when he thought he lost me for good about 5 months ago, that appreciation and affection was back again. After this break, I'm willing to take things less seriously and live the "college life" too (I now have friends, feel more independent). I'm also hoping this break will make him realize what he's got and make him miss me again. He makes me happy like no one else can, even though those moments haven't occurred a lot lately. When we split up 5 months ago, I saw 4 people and never felt that initial spark I felt with him (I told him this tonight, it was news to him that I had been seeing other people!). I'm willing to wait for him to want a serious relationship (but not for too long, I'm not that desperate), or at least want to spend time with me more. Do you think this break will end well? Do you think our relationship is salvageable if I change my mindset to be less serious? Edited March 26, 2008 by mint_tea
The Studmuffin Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 interesting post. especially for me, i'm in a similar situation. i talked with my girl last night and we almost broke up/went on a break, because things are really hard now. we don't see each other a lot. what i find most interesting in this, is when you say you both feel you don't have what you used to have. i feel very much the same as well... i think the feelings fade, or become weak when we face rough periods. they need to be fuelled by hope, dreams and intimate, relaxed time together. i don't think i can tell whether this break will end well, but i'll be following intensely so please keep me updated on what happens! have you been on a break before? do you think breaks in general work? i don't have experience of it, don't know how it all works...
Amy22 Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 If I am reading correctly you two have been on a break for 5 months now? Are you guys actively trying to change things? I think 5 months is a long time to be on a break. I would think by now you both have had a chance to think about things and what you want. I don't think there is anything wrong with giving him sometime and waiting around like you said, as long as it is a reasonable amount of time. It all depends on what you think is a reasonable amount of time. For me it would be a few months. If after a few months you don't know what you want what makes me think you will after a few more and then a few more after that. If it was me after 5 months I would need to re-evaluate where we stand. Have any resolutions been made or questions been answered? There was a problem and it will take work to fix. Have you guys been working on the issues? My opionon is that a longer a break is it lessens the chances of getting back together. I think when you talk about changing your mindset that is something only you can decide. Will you be happy if you are less serious? Or is it going to cause problems and fights. For me I want to be in a serious relationship and I want someone who wants the samething. Good Luck Amy
Author mint_tea Posted March 28, 2008 Author Posted March 28, 2008 No, we broke up for a month 5 months ago. Two nights ago we decided to go on a break. If you have any advice, I'd appreciate it!!!
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