stlnsmile Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 Well I knew he would but finding out for sure, sure hurt. I knew it, I felt it, but I guess its the final nail in the coffin.....ahhhh! It hurts so much.
youngbuckkk Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 I feel for you smile, I can imagine the pain. First love seems to be the hardest, but judging from some of your posts you seem like a strong person, and believe me you will end up growing from all of this. I was at rock bottom for a while but as they say time heals all wounds. There really are so many great people out there that I now wonder why I got so down about the one who didn't want to be with me. Sure part of me would like to have that back but I now feel so liberated by the whole expierence. I feel like I don't need to put so much on one person and I can live and be happy on my own. When you reach this point you will honestly feel better then ever about yourself, and will be better equiped for the relationships you have down the road. Take care.
0hpenelope Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 Wow youngbuckkk, definitely a nice change from your previous posts! Keep putting one foot in front of another at a sure, steady pace, ok? smile, hang in there. Be proactive in your "riding the storms out": find a new sport, volunteer, join a new activity, pet a puppy (if you're not allergic), be more active in the gym, re-connect with old friends, read a good book, pick up a new hobby, etc. Just do something that makes you feel happy, no matter how small of an action it is. Please don't be too hard on yourself when you feel sad or when you find yourself crying out of nowhere; I was like that, too, but it really is human nature to move forward. No one likes being sad. As you said, it's the final nail in the coffin. Get going, girl! Keep smiling, feel the sun, because life is really too short to be sad...
Author stlnsmile Posted March 26, 2008 Author Posted March 26, 2008 Its like you said, I cry, and I don't even know why, I know I don't want him, but I guess its just the finality of it all. IDK....it just hurts knowing that after a year and 3 months, he felt nothing when he left.....NOTHING! I know his heart is cold.....and actually I just started talking to this amazing guy and was ready to move on and try something new....but in my case it always seems he wins....I never got to do anything first while I was with him, and I don't get to even date first after he's gone. I know, I'm feeling sorry for myself......I just hated that he always thought he was better than me, and always won....I can't explain that, but believe me, it is true. And now, it seems he wins again......and I was really starting to like this other guy. He's so different than my ex. He is humble, which is something my ex never ever was, he is a musician, and appreciates the arts as much as I do, he is sensative and talks about feelings, which my ex never did.....I mean I really want to go out with this guy, he is so interesting to me......but I feel guilty for crying over the ex.....all at the same time I really want to move forward with new guy. I guess in a way, I am happy, because I know, when I am done crying about this...I will be free. I just found out last night, so today its still sinking in. I have a feeling by the time I have my date Saturday.....there will be no more tears.......ever.....these are the last ones I will ever shed for him, ever. I haven't cried over him in months, so this sucks.....I don't even want to feel hurt, he's not worth it. In truth I'm not so sure I'm even hurt as much as put down by it.....it just proves I ment nothing. Oh well.......it is what it is. Life goes on.
stoneymirror Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 SMile, I feel for you. I'm sorry about your situation. My gf broke up with me last Friday and I'm feeling awful about it. How do you know he has another person he's dating. Has he told you, I wouldn't jump to conclusions unless you know for sure. He may have just been really upset about the breakup and just wanted you to think this to save his own dignity. I know it's stupid, but guys do this sort of stuff.
Author stlnsmile Posted March 26, 2008 Author Posted March 26, 2008 His sister told me, we are friends. I haven't spoken a whole lot to her, because of the whole NC thing, I didn't want anyone to know what I was doing etc....but we spoke a little this week, and then last night she told me. I'm sorry you and your girl broke up....but again, I can't tell you how great it is to see guys on this site that have hearts, it makes me believe that there is a guy out there with a heart, for me, somewhere......he almost made me forget guys can have hearts.
stoneymirror Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 Well I'm feeling awful about my breakup, I wish I wouldn't have to go through this, but I guess there comes a point when you need to move on. Some things are out of your control, and letting your head spin about what ifs never do any good. For me it's been a daily struggle, but I know having been in previous breakups that things do pass, and new doors are opened. This could all be a sign for good things to come...
Author stlnsmile Posted March 26, 2008 Author Posted March 26, 2008 Oh yeah...almost forgot, don't forget we live on the same street, my father saw them outside together the night before, he was driving by, so he told me, I almost didn't want to believe my own dad, I mean, I was like "maybe my dads just saying that to help me get over him completely.", but I knew my dad would not do that, then his sister told me one day later........believe me, its true.
Author stlnsmile Posted March 26, 2008 Author Posted March 26, 2008 Why did you and your girl break up?
Author stlnsmile Posted March 27, 2008 Author Posted March 27, 2008 God, why do all of these thoughts keep coming into my head, about, now I know why he never spoke to me, he was keeping his mind too occupied to even think of me with new girl....talking to her on the phone etc.....I keep imadgining him on the phone at night with her, talking, and laughing like we used to late at night. I keep imadgining the conversations, and how they are getting to know each other, and know he has picked someone who he thinks is everything I am not. Its tearing me up. I don't want to care.....why do I care????? He's such a jerk. I'de never have him back in my life, yet it is killing me knowing he never had to think of me one bit. I thought up until yesterday, that maybe he thought about me sometimes.....NOPE! I'm just so angry right now. I've got to get over it, nothing has changed, its still the same as it was three days ago, I'm still single and living my life for me. It just kills me that he does not have to go through any pain. While I have sat here crying my eyes out, he's been other wise engaged. It just sucks. It has set me back so much, I have been crying today.....and just when I was so ready to move on. I'm not going to give him this power in my life I can tell you that. He deserves not one more bit of my mental time or energy. I have other things to do, places to go and people to see, and fun things on the horizon, and I am not going to let him steal that away from me by letting myself back slide into oblivion. Guys.....tell me not to cry.....tell me its okay....tell me he's an ass.....tell me anything....because I don't want to be in this place for one more day.
ashieannie Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 (edited) Last week the same thing happend to me I found out that he was seeing someone new. We broke up at the last part of Nov. We haven't talked since, even though I got the BS talk about being friends afterwards. I still think about him everyday not a lot though. The whole thing of him moving on is I know it won't work out he gets out of a relationship and then into a new one shortly after. He treats them well at first, flowers, long phone calls, holding hands, etc. Then after 6 mos. the newness wears off---which is his words. I am completely fine with the fact I care about him so all I want for him to be happy, and it isn't with me and I am fine with that fact too. And last week after I found out I had one moment I just screamed in my car crying and let everything go, and haven't cried since and feel so much better. Edited March 28, 2008 by ashieannie addition
hopenfaith Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 [FONT="]Smile, I am exactly in the same place as you. I found out earlier this week via facebook pictures (the devil) that my ex of 3 years (he ended things in Nov.) was seeing someone else. We’ve been on NC for 4 months we has been the hardest thing for me because he and I had been best friends for 7 years. So last night a friend of mine confirmed that he was dating someone else and that he was happy. I don’t know what to feel. I haven't cried yet. I think I have been mentally preparing myself for this situation for a while. The thing is I don’t want to be with him...right now, we both are leading very stressful lives and just aren’t for each other right now. We both have a lot of growing to do but I can't deny my love and feelings for him and it’s still real hard to accept that we don't have a future together anymore. It’s funny because after hearing that he was with someone else my first thought was, "well, good on him. But that doesn't mean we don't have a future together. Who says this relationship is going to last?" I've tried everything to try to get that "maybe at another time" idea out of my head but I haven't been able to. I accept the break up and the fact he is dating someone else but I still am in this mindset...am I still in denial? I do think about him everyday and at times it really hurts, but I have been moving on with my life. Even with all the progress I’ve made and knowing he is DATING SOMEONE ELSE, and clearly not thinking of me, I still have hope for the future.... WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME?!? [/FONT]
Author stlnsmile Posted March 28, 2008 Author Posted March 28, 2008 The worst for me is that we were first loves, and its hard to think it was nothing. I mean he won't see me in the future as someone really special. I wanted to be special. And this thought keeps going through my mind, okay he's with her, it might work it might not, it doesn't matter, but I want him to remember me. I want him to look back in 20 years and remember me, because I know I will remember him. And this makes me feel like he won't. We were friends too......and it just sucks that I don't think he is going to look at me the way I look at him. He does not love me, so he could never feel the way I do. I just wanted to be someone special. All the lies.......all the horrible horrible lies, and it all just floods back now. I'm okay not being with him. If thats what he wants. But I didn't want to be fogotten. And now I know I am.
Author stlnsmile Posted March 28, 2008 Author Posted March 28, 2008 There is nothing wrong with you, I think its just the process of letting go. I'm not going to beat myself up for crying my eyes out or my crazy thoughts. I always say those same things.....well, it probably isn't anything with her, he's probably just trying to get over me......yeah, right! All the crazy crap I think......I just turn it over.....I release it....the best that I can, and don't let myself feel bad for it no matter what. I have mostly good days now.....but this.....this has sucked 4 days and still crying. Didn't go to school today.....not sleeping, crying, crying half the morning....but I know my tears will stop. I know I just have to do this right now. I will be better soon......and when I am.......I'm goin on that date I have! And you know whats funny.....I really still believe in love. I mean after everything he did to me.......I still believe that I can open my heart up to the right person. I know it all sound jumbled and crazy, thats the way it is right now....some days I'm fantastic, don't think of him at all, and look forward to all these new people I am meeting and all the cute guys I'm finally meeting, and going out with my friends. Other days.....well, like today......It hits me so hard I feel like I have been punched in the stomac all over again. I'm going to cry every one of these tears and get them out of me.....because I know, when I'm done with this, I will be done with him. And even if it comes back, it will never be this bad again (I hope). Anyway, I am sorry both of you are going through the exact same thing.....it hurts. I'm sorry your hearts are in pain.....I'm sorry my heart is in pain. We will be okay.....I know we will.
0hpenelope Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 smile, like you've said and like we've all said... it's going to be a hard journey ahead of you. But it's a journey worth taking and not because of the strength that you're going to have coming out of this, but also merely because it's a journey you have to take. It's difficult. I had my difficult night last night and I'm very blessed that I have awesome friends, too. That my friend took the time from his movie to talk to me. My ex and I are both guilty in how things disintegrated the way they did... and I'm done feeling guilty about "being mean" for going NC and ignoring his IMs. "How can you be like this, 0hpenelope. He was your best friend isn't that worth fighting for? Clearly, he should be above the heartlessness that you are capable of," is how my peptalk usually goes. No. He'll think I'm that b!tch in his life and why did he spend all of that energy trying to bring to life something that I've made clear to him so many times: "It's hopeless, Lawrence. I don't want to be your friend at all." I can live with him thinking like that. But I have to do this because I can't heal. I can't feel better with him still in my life. He wants everything, but I can't give that to him at my expense. I'll have nothing left for me. That's not the life I want to live. I'm glad you have your distractions now! Keep up with the healthy distractions ok?
Author stlnsmile Posted March 28, 2008 Author Posted March 28, 2008 Yeah, I constantly have that, maybe at another time thought......you never know, ya know? But, I think thats just my way of holding on of course. I know for sure when I don't think anymore, maybe another time anymore, ever, then I'm over it. I don't want him, and I am serious about that, not right now.......but there is this part of me that thinks, maybe when he grows up, maybe after a few years of college, maybe after he's been in the military for awhile.......why in the hell would I want to think that???? About someone who treated me so badly. But I do. For me its a double edge sword. I love the person he was.....the one I thought I knew......I hate the person he became.....or the person that he was and just found out way too late. I hate that cold heart of his, and his selfish self-centered concieted way.......I don't want that for myself for my future....but then I always think.....maybe when he grows up....maybe he'll realize what he had......what he really really had.......and maybe someday......he'll come back when he's all grown up and who knows. The truth is though, when I think about that even, it just makes me sad, because I won't know that person......that person will not be the person that I know now. So I don't like to even think about that really. Oh well.....I'm having friends over tonight....so hopefully, I won't think at all:~)
Author stlnsmile Posted March 30, 2008 Author Posted March 30, 2008 Well, I found out all I need to know, the ability of my friends to find out stuff is amazing. Lets see, She's everything that I am not. I'll just leave it at that. He met her during his last sports season, she played the same sport. He was still with me. Now I know why I never got my anniversary present. Now I know why he was such an A**hole during the last 2 months of the relationship, now I know why he wasn't even talking to me on the phone, he was talking to her.......now I know. The amazing part is how clueless I was. The amazing part is how nice he still acted towards me, even when he was talking to her. He judged me because I did not compare in his eyes to her, or to himself.....I know all I need to know. I am sick.......I trew up......but it is all I will ever need to know.
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